“We do not remember days, we remember moments." ~Cesare Pavese
My mom never had a diamond in her wedding band—just a simple gold band on her slightly crooked ring finger that I have watched grow leaner over the years. What used to be plump, unlined skin is now delicately thin—exposing veins like twisting rivers along the back of her hand.
Yet, the gold band remains unchanged.
As a child, I can remember being bothered by the fact there was no diamond in my mother’s wedding ring. Throughout my middle school and high school years, I remember repeatedly suggesting to my family that we all pitch in and buy her a diamond. But my mother’s response was always the same: “That is not what is important to me.”
And it wasn’t. My mom would rather spend money on making memories rather than on material items. In fact, “diamond money” became funds for a pop-up camper that housed our family over a decade of summer vacations. Together we explored picturesque canyons in the Southwest and majestic mountains in Canada.
More than a luxury car, an extravagant home, or a closet full of clothes, my mom loved to see new sights with her family.
One sight that we never quite made—probably because pop-up campers don’t fair well in Alaska—was to see gray whales meandering in shallow coastal waters.
Well, I am thrilled to report that in a few days, my mom’s dream of seeing a whale in its natural habitat will come true. And she will not be alone. Beside my mom will be her husband of 50 years, her two daughters, and her two granddaughters.
The most important people in my mother’s life will be standing beside her when she sees this magnificent sight—one that an inquisitive little girl from a small Midwestern town never thought she would see.
After we see the whales, we will seek warmth and shelter and begin our celebration. Along with a cake that reads “Happy 50th Wedding Anniversary,” there will be this special album.
Contained within its pages is a collection of heartfelt messages about the impact of my parents’ love on a multitude of lives. It’s the kind of words people hear at a funeral—the kind of sentiments people wish they had said while their loved one was alive. But this will be no funeral; this will be a celebration of the most wondrous kind.
I can’t be certain how my parents will react to seeing the whales or to hearing the tributes in the memory album, but I soon will … I will. Because I will be there … fully there … soaking in every expression, every emotion, every momentous detail.
And I am certain of this because I am leaving behind my distractions for this one.
That’s right. Seven days.
No laptop, no phone, no blog postings, no “Hands Free Revolution” updates, no article submissions, no interviews, no comments on the blog, no email responses … not for those seven days that I am with my family in the place my mom has dreamed of seeing her whole life.
I feel silly even admitting this—but since it is you, I will.
A few months ago, I worried about these seven days. I wondered if this lull in my communications to my “Hands Free” companions would somehow alter or disturb this beautiful community that has evolved.
But as I watched this community explode over the past few weeks and have read message after message about the changes you are making to let go of distraction, I remembered exactly who I am talking to when I share my journey. I remembered exactly who it is that comes here each week to read my struggles and my triumphs with daily distraction.
And you, my friends, come here because you want to be inspired to let go of distraction to grasp what really matters. If I can’t do that for seven days, then I really shouldn’t be the one writing these posts. I also realized that if anyone would understand why things are quiet around here next week, it is you. And I thank you for that.
But then something else happened—a revelation that confirmed my choice to be fully present, distraction-free for seven days. It happened as I prepared the anniversary album for my parents.
As I organized the collection of stories from childhood friends, close family members, and long-time friends, one particular entry stood out. This note came from a woman who had met my parents only a handful of times—which hardly qualifies someone to submit a tribute to a 50th wedding anniversary album. But after joining my family on a trip to the Northwest, this woman had something to say about my parents.
And as I read her note over and over, marveling at the fact that she chose this particular memory and these particular words, I was certain of one thing: This message may have been written for my parents, but it was actually meant for me—and also for you. This is what is said:
“Your parents made me feel incredibly comfortable and welcomed me as though they had known me for years. It can be hard traveling with people sometimes, but I honestly felt like I just was an addition to the family for the days we were together — not a guest or a visitor — more like a long-time friend they were ready to spend time with.
I have one strong visual memory, no words to go with it, but just a picture in my mind. We were on a hike on a typical Pacific Northwest trail … old-growth trees, moss, chilly enough for a jacket even though it was summer … and I looked back to take a photo of a particularly lovely tree, and there they were standing side by side, staring at something beautiful, one of them pointing, just sharing a moment. Not having grown up with parents that shared many tender moments, this played my heartstrings, and I was touched. I think I actually took a photo of them enjoying this peaceful moment together rather than the tree.”
THIS is exactly what I don’t want to miss. THIS is why I don’t want to be distracted for seven sacred days. Because I know with certainty that if I am thinking about my next blog post, editing the draft of an article submission, attempting to respond to a text, or preoccupied by an email message … there is one thing that will slip right through my fingers: moments that matter—like the one this woman witnessed on the Pacific Northwest trail and so eloquently described.
I don’t want to miss these moments. And a phone, a distracted mind, and pressure to produce can steal them—steal them right from my precious memory bank. And believe me, I know all too well how easily priceless moments can be missed.
I have come to terms with the fact that I can’t do anything about the moments I’ve lost, but I CAN do something about the ones that are going to take place.
Because here is the simple, powerful truth—and this truth, when I stop and really think about it, rocks me to my core:
My parents are alive.
My children are alive.
And I am alive.
I.Am.Alive.
By the grace of God, I have come to understand this nothing-less-than-miraculous fact before my distraction almost cost me everything I hold dear.
And believe me when I say I now know when it is time to pay attention, open my eyes, and let the other “stuff” go; I now know when I am about to get the chance to gain something priceless …
You can’t admire them on your hand, but you can replay them in your mind until your dying day.
You can’t buff them until they shine, but their radiance shines brightly even when your body has grown old.
You can’t touch them, but you can feel them deep down in your soul where they heal you, comfort you, and save you from your darkest days.
MOMENTS
The moments that matter …
And they are worth more than diamonds, gold, and all the money in the world.
And I am not willing to trade these moments that matter—not even for a blog post that goes viral, a coveted TV interview, or that celebratory phone call from a publishing house. Unlike these “things,” which will still be there when I return in seven days, the precious moments will be gone. Forever.
My eyes have been opened to what I couldn’t see when I was a young girl who thought the diamond was so important.
My eyes have been opened to the fragility of life.
The people I love are alive.
I am alive.
So please excuse me while I enjoy this miraculous fact. I’ve got some moments to collect—seven days worth, in fact.
And they will shine like diamonds on my soul.
*******************************************
Whether you are about to begin your summer vacation or whether vacation is merely a dream …
Whether you have a really busy work month ahead or whether your load is light …
Whether your family situation restricts your freedom or whether it is just you and no one else …
Despite the circumstances of your life, you have something going for you—and it is quite remarkable if you stop to really think about it:
You are alive.
You are alive.
So I am giving you a 7 day challenge: BE alive.
- Say the things you’ve been wanting to say—even if it is only a whisper
- Do the things you want to do—even if it is in your own backyard
- Take one step toward your dream—even if it noticeable to no one but you
- Hug the people that mean the most—even if your children give you weird looks
- Let go of that which has been holding you back—even if it might seem scary
- Disconnect from that which keeps you from truly connecting—even if you think can’t live without it
Because you can.
You ARE alive.
And this, my friend, is nothing less than miraculous.
While I am off grasping what matters next week, my hope is that you will, too, in the place that you are. Because beautiful moments can be found right in front of your face, right where you are, every time you let go of distraction.
If there was ever a time to pay attention, open your eyes, and let go, it is now.
*I find it comforting that in the last week, I have received several messages that read: “Please don’t stop writing, but don’t stop being ‘Hands Free.’” I am taking those words to heart. Thank you for being my companions on this “Hands Free” journey.
** If you are interested in learning more about the memory album mentioned in this post or wish to create a meaningful celebration for a loved one, you can read about the gift I gave my spouse for his 40th birthday entitled, “The Gift of a Moment.”
The The Value of a Moment by Hands Free Mama, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
there are no words to describe how much i love this! have so much with your family and have so much fun being “disconnected.” please bring back photos! =)
<3 http://dlezr.blogspot.com
Thank you, Lindsay, for your kind sentiments and well wishes! xo
What a moving, powerful, and true post! Brought tears to my eyes. I wish I would have read this when my parents were still alive. I would have created so many more memories. You have a true gift….the gift of words, the truth, and of opening people’s eyes. Thank you!
This is beautiful. I will read this over and over again because we all need to be reminded again and again of the joy of being alive.
Thank you and enjoy your time away!
That makes my day, Jen! “The joy of being alive” — you captured it perfectly!
Enjoy your time away with your family. After all, that’s what really is important. We will wait patiently for your return.
Thank you, Shelley! That makes me feel so good!
One of the things I read a long time ago that helps me better enjoy moments like the ones you are about to experience: a photo will never capture it the same way it looks in real life. Even a camera can be a distraction from those precious moments. Spend your moments soaking it all in, not worried about capturing it with a camera. And then buy some postcards before you leave!
Great thoughts, Beverly! You are so right … the camera CAN be as much of as a distraction as an electronic device. I will be mindful of your wise insight! I do want to SOAK every precious moment up!
Go. Go and be free. Blogcations are necessary to refuel the writing tanks anyway. Enjoy!
Thank you, sweet friend! “Blogcation” ha ha! Love that term. Oh yes, I will be refueled with lots of great “Hands Free” writing material!
Wow. I started following your posts through Facebook about a week ago. Truthfully, I haven’t taken the time to stop and read it until today. I am a 6th grade teacher and I am going to share your post with them tomorrow. It really spoke to me and touched my heart. Even if the message reaches a few of my kids, maybe they too will pass it on to others. Thank you so much for this.
As a former special education teacher, I thank you, Kristen, not only for doing what you do every day, but for being the kind of teacher who would share this message with her students. When I write, my goal is just to touch one life … if I can touch one, I consider that success. So I am grateful this has touched you–and because of you, it may even touch another life. Thank you so much for letting me know you were here.
What a wonderful reminder that memories are more important than things. I think that so many people today put an emphasis on all of those material things that won’t matter a few years down the road. Thank your for inspiring me to fully present in those important moments as they come. Oh, and I also love the idea of putting together such a special memory book!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Gina, and also for your kind words. I am so excited to give the album of memories to my parents. I honestly don’t think there is a better gift a person can receive than to know how he/she touched someone’s life. I am so glad you took a moment to leave a comment. THANK YOU!
Looking forward to hearing about all of the amazing moments you did not miss. Thank you so much for these posts. They are changing my life and my 2 year old daughters life! I look forward to having an unplugged week sometime soon!!
Oh wow! Amy, thank you for letting me know the impact my messages are having on your life and on your child’s life. This brings me great joy! Thank you also for the well wishes for my trip!
Rachel,
I have felt for a while that I should be a blogging mom. So many times after reading your posts, I felt a heavy responsibility and I have come to realize why. I wanted to be a blogging mom, but I didn’t really want more responsibility to perform for others because I am already so hands on with my family. So, I have taken all of the letters that I write to my children, and typed them into my computer. I write several letters a week to them, some just a few words at the time, but it is what it is. I will bundle the hand written ones and deliver them to them the night before they marry. Well, maybe not the night before…but you know. I thought of making the letters to my babies my blog, but the letters are theirs to share when and if they are ever ready. I’m glad you are taking this journey and have so many wonderful stories to share. I am also thankful that in your truth of learning how to unplug, it restrains me from plugging in again and again and again. Many Blessing to you and yours!
Connie, your message brings tears to my eyes. Just imagining you sitting there typing up these letters to your children — to give to them when they are grown — is one of the most beautiful gifts a child could ever receive. I can only imagine the beautiful words contained on those pages and how they will come to mean so much to your children when they are grown. Being a writer is a gift … but knowing what to DO with that gift can be conflicting. In my eyes, you are using your gift as a writer in the most powerful way … to chronicle and articulate the day-to-day blessings that occur in your life for your children–who ARE your greatest blessings. I think you are pretty amazing, my friend. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your life here. xo
You are incredibly fortunate to have your parents around. They are incredibly blessed to have such a thoughtful family to put this together for them!
I wish I could have made some more of my mom’s dreams come true, but unfortunately health and wealth were just not plentiful enough to make some of them happen. Before the age of 30, I’m facing life, and being a first time mom, without her. And I know exactly what you mean when you say to BE alive.
There is no greater treasure than the time spent with the ones you love. I’m so glad you will be enjoying those treasures very soon.
Thank you so much for your blog.
I am learning to check my fb and emails in the morning and at night, not during the day, and arou d my kids.
One of thing that I think about that relates and have heard said in the past.. ” people before things.”
I just wish my husband would spend less time on it.
I enjoy my iPhone , but don’t like the habits it’s brought into the house.
Rachel, I can’t wait to hear about your adventure trip! What a beautiful thing. I agree… celebrating being alive and the life of your loved ones is worth putting everything else aside for. Your Revolution is not going to go anywhere in 7 days… enjoy and bless you, my friend! xoxo
This is beautiful!
It brought tears to my eyes. I can’t say enough…
I also live my life like that, around my kids, grandson and husband.
Vacations are a “family thing” in our family, we all go together, I feel it’s what I’m gonna take and its the memories the’ll have some day when I’m gone.
I’ve learned to take time for myself when I’m not with the family. But I don’t take time away from them, to do things that are not important, like be on the computer or FB, checking e-mails or doing payments, house work or laundry, I do that in the mornings, when no one is home.
But after 3:00 pm, I dedicate my 100% to my grandson, I pick him up at school every day except for Fridays that it belongs to his other “Grammy” as he call her. After he’s been picked up by his father or my daughter, then my time is for my husband of 23 years.
Thank you again.
Bon Voyage, Rachel.
One of your most impressive qualities is your tenacious devotion to living the life you so inspire others to live. You walk the walk!
You have no idea how your beautifully written words have impacted me. I just finished a 30 minute, mommy reflection/bible study time. God is tugging hard at some heart strings that I have been ignoring in fear. Then I come here, and read these words. There is that validation God always provides for me. I AM ALIVE!
God bless you and your family on this special journey and adventure. May you all be overfilled with joy and peace.
Thank you.
Enjoy reading your blog…it is so refreshing and fills my heart with joy! Makes me realize…I am ALIVE and that alone is terms for a celebration!
Just had to share something funny with you- I had applied to run a major phone networks ads on my site via Google Affiliate program and got a decline notice. I was perplexed. Then, I noticed one of my most popular posts featured prominently in the margin of my blog was: Downgrading My Phone To Upgrade My Life: Why I Gave Up My Smartphone. A ha! Makes sense. haha!
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. (with tears running down my face)
You state things that a lot of us “consider” but never “do.” I am engrossed by Eckhart Tolle’s books about “The Power of Now.” I think that is the essence of what you are describing on your journey. I have forwarded your blog to many. Thanks.
You guys are going to have the best time! I strive to create a family like that. They were excellent examples to follow. Happy Anniversary!
Rachel I love this post for so many reasons but found it especially touching because my parents are preparing to celebrate 45 years of marriage. My parents definitely demonstrated how to live with less. My dad was a hard working mason and my mother stayed home with her five children. They sacrificed so much for us and it was very natural to them…for this I am truly grateful. They connected us to nature and the simple things so very often and i do not believe it was because we couldnt afford much. I’m not even sure they were aware of the values they were instilling in us at the time. (funny thing about being a parent) my siblings and i are all so very different but we share one thing in common, we love each other very much and we are always PRESENT when we are in each others company. just last night my parents came to dinner, they actually brought dinner to make it easier for us and then they cleaned the kitchen so we could play a family game of baseball with our children ;0) Thank you for the beautiful reminder to continue live intentionally and without distraction, and also the reminder to thank those who have inspired us. I will be thanking my parents this weekend at the small cabin they have owned for thirty two years many of those years we didn’t even have plumbing ;0) just a pump and an an out house…my children love going there knowing I played in the same creek and swang on the same swings as a young girl…life was not always perfect but the love was …..typing on my iPad quickly but I hope I made sense looking fwd to completing your 7 day challenge sometime this summer
I thought I loved the Six Little Words post and then I read this….I am a puddle. Thank you so much for your blog, you really are making a difference in so many people’s lives – including mine and my children’s. Have a wonderful time on your amazing trip enjoying every. single. moment.
Aside from wanting you to know that you are my freakin’ hero!!!! I also want to wish you a beautiful and memory filled trip!!
I’m not completely blind to what you’ve shared.. what I mean is, after I lost my beloved brother, ALL of us were changed forever and we learned to value the “moments” given to us, as well. I’ve tried to make so many memories with my family (parents, siblings, children) and loved ones, but it will never be enough. Never.
As you so eloquently and beautifully put it, we are all still alive. Those of us that are. *I* am still alive and I want to create as many memories as my life will allow. For myself.. as well as for my children.. and everyone that I love so dearly.
Thank you. Thank you for being you and for what you write. You are awesome.. and my hero.
What an awesome gift for your parents & your family! I just love your writing & hope that someday you will turn your journey into a book to inspire other
This is so precious! Rachel, you are doing EXACTLY what you are supposed to be doing. ENJOY this seven day priceless time with your family…celebrate life and each other. Can’t wait to hear what God reveals to you. I bet your next piece will be a “diamond” as well. Thank you for your passion and commitment! You are admired, respected, and appreciated. Love you!
Love this! So in line with my thoughts these days. In fact, a few nights ago I began a Pinterest board to collect the experiences I hope to share with my daughter: http://pinterest.com/travelswithmeg/ailigh-bucket-list/
I’ve only just gotten started!
Beautiful post! I love how you incorporated your mother’s objections to a diamond on her finger to the last image: “And they will shine like diamonds on my soul.” Moments with loved ones are the true precious gems. You are one of my favorite writers for that reason.
Have a beautiful week!
How perfect that your mother’s wedding ring becomes the symbol for a blog post focusing on encircling and gracing your parents’ 50th (aka “golden”) anniversary. I delight in your family facets well beyond that of mere diamonds, and I wish you a treasured anniversary celebration. (I did think about playing with the practices/terminology of diamond grading. Placing your parents under 10X magnification, surely they would rate flawless-internally flawless; free of clouds, knots, cavities, internal graining, etc., with only small blemishes on the surface from all life’s requisite scratches, nicks, chips, breaks.) Such clarity; a legacy clearly living on in their daughters and granddaughters. Bravo!
ENJOY!
I am new to your blog but you are right on with how things should be.
For the last 7 years, about every three months or so my husband and I (and now toddler) spend 4-14 days away from what some people call “civilization”. No phones, computers, TV, stores, cars. We call it connecting by disconnecting by backpacking, camping, rafting and enjoying our beautiful world. It is so much more enriching now that we have the experience to share with our little one.
Also, the more we go away, the easier it is to disconnect. All that stuff is right there when you get back, and you can live without it. =)
Enjoy your trip, AK is beautiful!
I was driving down the road the other day and the song by Stephen Curtis Chapman – “Cinderella” came on and I realized that this short dance, that will “soon be gone” is not just about how fast childhood passes, but how fast life is in general. My Mom went to be with Jesus over a year ago and listening to that song made me wish for the dances that I had shunned, not really realizing how they would be gone, nor how much they mattered. I wept for all the times that I should have…. But thank the Lord for opened eyes that I can move forward embracing what I didn’t miss, and what I no longer have to miss because of that revelation. Thanks for writing, and including the message that it’s not just our kids that our being distracted can cause us to miss, but everyone.
GREAT blog.
Love it.
Look forward to more posts.
tears in my eyes as i read this, mourning the fact that my parents are gone and wishing i could spend just one more day with them. tears in my eyes as i read this because i CAN put this into practice with my kids and grandkids. i’m SO grateful to be alive right now and enjoying this beautiful world with those i love. God has certainly given you a gift with words…thank you for sharing with us!
Rachel
I absolutely LOVE this one… Enjoy every moment of your time and what a legacy your parents are creating-one of savoring every moment, knowing what really counts, and putting family first! Thats what its all about… Enjoy your time away my friend and eat some yummy salmon for me!
I am very new to this site, not yet realizing how powerful these written words can be. I made the mistake of reading this blog while sitting at my work desk surrounded by co-workers. I had to fight back the tears through out the entire blog. What wonderful memories to share with us. Thank you so much and enjoy your time with loved one’s!
This is so beautiful and I love that you are taking those 7 days. Enjoy them. Make more memories.
Have a beautiful seven days! I’m sure you will! Thanks for keeping us all inspired and aware of those moments!
Since I have given my daughter permission to nag me, or rather, permission to ask me “Mama, is that important?” when I am using any electronic device… I have realized how addicted I am, and how much my children need me (ME. present with eyes and hearts focused on them!!)
Thanks for the inspiration!!!
http://www.weakandloved.com/2012/05/mama-can-that-wait-thoughts-on.html
Wow, this website is awesome. And, I love reading the posts. Thanks for a great wake up call. It just reaffirms my decision over 3 years ago now to let go of my cell phone. I have lived very happily without a cell phone since.
Hello! I find your blog incredibly inspiring!
I have a new blog party called {living the width} and it’s focused on intentional living. I would love it if you linked up a post or two. Thanks!
http://theterpblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/new-living-width-volume-i.html
I have seen whales twice and I do hope you and all of yours enjoy it every bit as much as I have. There is just something so very majestic and breathtaking about them. I love to watch them so much. I applaud your hands free mentality and have myself (even before finding your blog) been practicing just shutting the computer down for a few days at a time and it has been wonderful. I especially think leaving technology at home for trips is a wonderful thing. Kelly
Thank you, Kelly! It was an experience of a lifetime! I am so happy I chose to leave behind the distractions and be fully in the moment. I know how pictures in my mind of moments that I will cherish forever. I am so glad you, too, see the value in a “Hands Free” lifestyle.
Praying special blessings on this time away with your family. God has been speaking to me as well about distractions. Just last week I deactivated my facebook account for the whole summer vacation to truly soak in moments with my family and not worry about what everyone else is doing. I will never get this summer back, I plan to enjoy every single moment. I love hearing about your story. Every time I visit your blog, I am changed and challenged. Thank you. Hugs! Shelly
Thank you for your lovely comment, Shelly. What a nice way to come home after my trip! And I am so inspired by your changes in order to be more “Hands Free” this summer!