“Holding on to anything is like holding on to your breath. You will suffocate. The only way to get anything in the physical universe is by letting go of it. Let go and it will be yours forever.” ― Deepak Chopra
My daughter recently celebrated her ninth birthday. As she prepared to blow out her candles, I marveled at the way her sun-kissed hair managed to find the perfect part, sweeping lazily across her forehead despite the rambunctious activities of the day.
As she deliciously considered her ultimate wish, peering right at me with those big brown eyes, I wanted to freeze her—just as she was in that moment—forever.
She tasted the icing on her cookie cake with her pointer finger and then wiped it on her shirt reminding me she is still a child. Thank God, she is still a child.
Did I mention I wanted to freeze her?
Oh yes, I openly admit wanting to keep my children small. I openly admit asking them to ignore their birthdays and stay little … stay little forever.
And I have been chastised for it.
I remember the first time I expressed this desire in a public forum. I was corrected—or scolded, rather—by a well-meaning parent who had children much older than mine. She vehemently disagreed with my longing to keep them young, sternly reminding me that a child’s growth far outweighed the tragic alternative.
Although I knew the reality of her words first-hand through a dear friend’s loss of her child, this woman’s “words of wisdom” ticked me off. I decided then and there I would not allow anyone to tell me how I should or shouldn’t feel about the growth of my children.
I didn’t defend my stance to the woman at the time but over the years I have figured out exactly what I would have said. I call it: “Holding My Children in Time.”
Holding My Children in Time
I vividly remember the first time I felt the desire to “freeze” my child—preserve her JUST as she was in that moment.
She was 15 months old. She walked out to the kitchen to greet me, just like she did every morning. She shuffled along in pajamas with built-in feet—the only kind she wore despite the fact we lived in balmy Florida. And her diaper (which we coolly called a “diap” for short) protruded in the back, tempting my hand to give it a loving pat.
She had a ridiculous amount of jet-black hair that stood up in random directions yet always seemed have the right amount of “puff” when she awoke. My child was happy—always such a happy little morning person that I couldn’t help but be happy, too. And although I was new to this mom gig, I had an unsettling feeling, knowing full well THIS wouldn’t last. She would change. And although my rational mind knew I would love the older version of my beautiful child just as much as this pocket-sized one, my heart hurt knowing I would never see her JUST like this again.
I experienced the same longing again on the eve of her third Halloween. I wanted to freeze her as she swirled proudly in her Snow White costume … how she danced to “Thriller” in our neighbor’s driveway and how we later rolled on the floor laughing uncontrollably from too many Reese’s peanut butter cups and staying up past bedtime. I kissed her chocolate face and swore I never wanted her to outgrow that costume or my arms … ever.
I wanted to freeze her on the first day of kindergarten … the way she let go of my hand at the entrance of the school … how her confident brown eyes looked directly in my eyes as she said, “I will be fine, Mama.” And how she turned and looked back only once before walking into the big, uncharted world without me.
Later, I wanted to freeze her at age seven when she was challenged to a race by older boys from the neighborhood. She flew past the boys on the playground … hair flying and determination etched into her gorgeous face. Suddenly the realization that she possessed the strength and determination to do anything she wanted in life was as clear as her feet were steady.
I have a similar “freeze” list for my younger daughter which includes the first time I heard her sing with the voice of an angel—strumming her tiny ukulele in perfect rhythm with my heart. And that day at the beach when we were unexpectedly knocked over by a playful wave. I literally fought back the tears as she pursed her exquisite pink lips tightly together then happily declared, “Salt water tastes an awful lot like wasabi.”
Yes, I openly admit, I have wanted to freeze my children in time.
But please don’t chastise me.
And please don’t condemn me.
As their parent, this is my right. And in my mind, this is the greatest compliment to Father Time, who I too often fail to appreciate, neglect to cherish—who I too often waste worrying about things that DON’T matter.
In that moment when I take pause and think: “I want to freeze her,” I feel like I am almost stopping time. It is as close as I can get to memorizing a sacred moment like music notes to play over and over again. It is as close as I can get to taking a permanent snapshot with my mind as my eyes well with tears and I say, “Don’t grow up. Be my little one forever.”
So please don’t criticize me for wanting to hold my children in time.
As her parent, this is my right.
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So there it is—this is my “defense,” the reasoning behind my desire to freeze my children in time. Although I respect the logical, opposing view, I have always been steadfast in my belief. I have always believed that no one is going to tell me how I can and can’t feel about my babies growing up.
But I was wrong.
Actually there is someone who can—actually there are two people in my life who have the right to tell me how I should (or shouldn’t) feel about my children’s growth. And just the other day, one of those people did.
The subject came up during a one-on-one lunch date between my 5 year old and my mother. In the midst of discussing her upcoming 6th birthday, my child divulged this little bombshell: “My mom doesn’t want me to grow.”
Although my mother gently pointed out that her granddaughter was not traumatized when she spoke these words, nor was she upset, my 5 year old did clearly say, “My mom doesn’t want me to grow up … but I DO want to grow up.”
To say my heart stopped would be an understatement. As my mother relayed this enlightening conversation to me, my hand flew to my gaping mouth and my mind raced with the possible implications of my past actions.
In my staunch belief that I was doing my children a favor by loving them so much I wanted to freeze them in time, I have laid a mighty large burden on their shoulders.
Although my daughter laughed every year when I teasingly said, “Please stay three” or “Let’s just skip birthday #5,” there was conflict in her heart. After all, what child doesn’t want to please her parent? Even at a young age, my child realized that out of anything in the world, she could not give me this. She did not have the ability to stop growing … nor did she want to stop growing.
That evening at our nightly “talk time,” I had some important things say to my child.
I started with, “I am so sorry I have asked you not to grow, to stay little forever. That is not fair of me to ask of you.”
“Why?” she asked with a mixture of surprise and skepticism based on this sudden change of heart from her mother.
I assured her that although it is difficult for me to watch her grow bigger and do more and more things without my help, nothing makes me happier than to watch her get taller, smarter, stronger, and be more independent.
I assured her I would love her at every age: I would love her when she was a 16 year old teenager driving a car; I would love her on the day she got married; and I would love her on the day she got her first gray hair!
And then remembering the power of six simple words, I concluded with: “I love to watch you grow.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck and heaved an enormous sigh in what I felt was a combination of relief and hope for the future. Although my eyes filled with tears, I fought them back and told myself, “She wants to grow. This is okay … in fact, this is GOOD.”
And as if fate knew the Hands Free Mama’s newfound outlook needed to be put to the test, my older daughter asked if she could start a daily exercise regime just like the one I had with my sister when I was in grade school. Instantly, I regretted telling my children (whenever they whined about chores) that one of my summer duties as a child was to walk several times around the block each day.
So as my 9 year old stood there asking if she could start exercising around the block and perhaps take her little sister around the small loop, I mentally practiced my new mantra.
My children want to grow; my children need to grow.
I then swallowed the lump in my throat and agreed. We discussed exactly where they would jog—and although no one seemed to care what I would be doing, I informed them that I would wait in the yard.
As the two ran off together, my palms instantly became sweaty. I reminded myself they were 9 and almost 6 years old. It was time.
Then I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Within a few minutes, my younger daughter came bounding around the corner. Despite the reddish hue from exertion, her face donned a glorious smile that accentuated her achievement.
After describing the details of her “jog,” she reminded me that Big Sister was going do the larger loop and would be back in a few minutes.
So together we waited.
After counting every mosquito bite on my child’s legs and investigating a massive anthill next to the mailbox, I began to wonder why her sister was not back. I watched nervously as a dark cloud edged closer to our vicinity. I alternated glances between the threatening cloud and the street corner, praying I would see a blonde ponytail flying in the wind before the sky opened up.
No such luck.
It began to pour.
I raced inside to get my car keys and assured my now terrified looking 5 year old that we would find her sister.
As I was carefully inching my car from the garage, my older daughter sprinted through the grass and found refuge on the porch. Unfortunately, I did not see her huddled against the door because I was already searching the street with frantic eyes.
Her little sister and I made the full loop and saw no sign of her. I remained calm, assuring myself that she had already made her way back, yet thoughts of pedophiles, distracted drivers, and frantic calls to 9-1-1 began fighting their way in.
As we neared home, I spotted her there on the porch. Other than having a bit of worry in her eyes and being completely soaked, she was fine.
Before my five year old and I could reach her, she was already explaining the rationale for her actions with adult-like maturity.
“I saw you leave to go find me, so I knew it would be best to stay her and not try to run after you.”
And then she turned to her little sister.
That is when I faded into the background.
I watched as the two sisters hugged and shared a moment.
“I was thinking I wouldn’t have a sister anymore … and that made me cry,” whimpered the small one.
Her big sister hugged her and smiled.
“It’s OK. Everything is fine,” she said gulping down any remaining bits of fear in her voice.
She continued enthusiastically with a brief pep talk.
“You did great. I watched you run all the way home. And then I made it all the way around … even in the rain! We’ll do it again tomorrow. Next time we’ll check the weather radar before we go, OK?”
It was one of the most precious sights I had ever laid eyes on in my nine years of being a mother.
But this time I did not think to myself, “I want to freeze them.”
Instead I thought:
I want to let go—a little at a time. I want to let go and watch my children grow
and run
and dream
and create
and console
and wonder
and discover
and contemplate
and celebrate achievements big and small.
I want to let go and watch my children grow with joy on my face, gratitude in my heart, and hope in my eyes.
Although unexpected tears may still spring up as I realize with bittersweet emotion that another beautiful stage of her life has passed, I intend to open my hands to the blessings of growth.
I will call it: Letting go of my children in time… in their time.
Because after all, my children want to grow … they need to grow … and I am finding that I am have some growing yet to do, too.
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How do you find the balance between holding on and letting go of your children? And what about letting go in other areas of your life? By letting go of the need to control all variables, we provide ourselves with the opportunity to grow in ways we never imagined.
Every day, I am inspired, enlightened, and encouraged by you, the lovely people of ”The Hands Free Revolution“ who graciously come to read my posts. I cherish each and every comment you leave. I’d love to hear your thoughts today!
The Letting Go to Grow by Hands Free Mama, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
this is just beautiful…I sit here with tears streaming down my face. All of these feelings are so true and you expressed them perfectly.
I work at a university helping students to plan their semesters abroad. I run into so many students that say their parents won’t let them go abroad, even though they ask and ask all through all 4 years. As a student I know the desire to travel and explore, but now as a mother I know the desire to keep my babies close to me. My daughters are 3 and 21 months old and while I love watching their accomplishments I just want to keep them this way a little bit longer. Thank you for sharing this.
Alanna, thank you so much for sharing this insight about the students’ desire to go abroad. I have a feeling I will remember this when my children (in high school and college) want to explore the world and my insides quiver in fear of the unknown. Thank you for the comment and wisdom.
Perfectly stated and illustrated with the example
Thanks for the honesty!
Thank you for the loving support of my message, Ruthann!
I LOVE your posts. If I could turn back the clock 25 years, we would be soul sisters. I am now a grandmother of 2 (ages 5 and 7) and I too want them to stay little. I recently bought a book that addresses this (I will post the title tonight, if I remember). It is comforting and the author tells the the child why she wants her to stay little, but then explains what she would miss out on if the child stayed that small. It is delightful and so comforting to both parent (grandparent) and child. I have shared your blog with many people. Please keep it up!
If I Could Keep You Little, by Marianne Richmond…….”If I could keep you little, I’d keep you close to me. But then I’d miss you growing into who you’re meant to be!” Great book, I read it to my littlest one and she loves it. A great way to show her how much I love the little one she is now and how excited I am to see her grow into who she will become.
Thank you, Jennifer. That is a beautiful sentiment. I will order this book for my younger daughter’s 6th birthday!
Hi Diana, that makes me smile to know I have “soul sister” out there. (BTW, that is one of my favorite terms and I even wrote a poem with that title once!)
I would love the title of the book, if you have a chance to post it. Thank you for taking a moment to comment and for sharing the Hands Free message with others. That means the world!
You are beautiful!
Thank you, Namrata. What an incredibly generous compliment.
I don’t think I’m the typical reader of your blog. I’m a single guy, no children, no plans to have children, but a friend who’s a mom linked here and I subscribed and can’t stop reading. Your posts make me cry every single time. Why is that? …And thank you.
You will make a great father one day!
Erik,
You cry because you have a mother, or had one, or someone who cared for you like a mother does. You cry because you can now have some idea what it was like for her, and because it gives words to the feelings and memories you had as her child. Maybe you can tell her about the feelings this blog raises?
Hi Erik,
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this comment and let me know you are here. You have so beautifully confirmed my desired hope for this blog when I began publishing “Hands Free Mama” 18 months ago.
When I sit down and write a post, I write to one person … it is not necessarily a woman, a mother, a father, or a grandparent … it is simply one person who needs to read that message that day. Therefore, it thrills me to know that my messages speak to people from all walks of life, from all different backgrounds. Because the fact of the matter is this: Regardless of what demographic category we fall into, we all want to grasp what really matters in this precious life … and when we see clearly what matters to us … whether it is a past memory, a person, an experience, a connection, or a hope, it has the power to stop us in our tracks and bring tears to our eyes.
Thank you for being a part of this life changing “Hands Free” journey.
thank you for sharing this. it is so beautiful and so true. i too have wished to keep my daughter little. but you are right… she needs to grow and she needs to know that i want her to grow. <3
Thank you for your honesty. I find it difficult, but so important, to move beyond my fears as I mother my kids. There is so much to be afraid of as I watch them grow up, but I try to seek and create safe spaces for them to test their wings while swallowing the “what ifs”.
I’m so glad you can put into words what I’m feeling too. I have 3 daughters, ages 9, 6 and 4. I want to hold on to each day and not let it slip through my fingers like time so easily does. Thanks for your words and open honesty.
What a perfect story. I have a 5 year old who is getting so independent and I am struggling with the idea of him growing up so fast, especially as he is an only child. This story gives me a great new perspective, thank you for sharing
Wow.
You have outdone yourself on this one, Hands Free Mama:). I have a 15 month old son, and since his birth, I have wanted to stop time. I so fully and deeply feel these emotions you have so eloquently expressed. And I so appreciate the opposite stance and reflection on your own emotion. I’m sure I will recall this post countless times in the life of my boy.
Being a photographer, I feel I can somewhat preserve the little moments we share, but nothing can REALLY get it. Nothing captures his little grimaces, giggles, ooo’s and ahh’s at tasting something brand new, or his bright smile as we draw back the bedroom curtain and he shouts “NEW DAY!!!”.
I think about these feelings a lot, of yearning to slow time down. I was thinking they were popping up so much because, being a slightly older mom, time is marching faster in general, and I feel that too. But, now I know it’s normal to want to eat, breathe, taste and devour these moments, so as to preserve them inside ourselves, and the only way to do that is to let go.
Thank you.
This is really beautiful. I read the first half thinking YES!, then you reversed course and at first I didn’t know, but by the end, I again thought “YES”! Thank you for sharing.
Yes, this was exactly my sentiments. When the post started going in the other direction I was all like “Hmmph! You won’t convince ME otherwise!” and then at the end I was like “OK you win, damn!”.
Awesome post!
this very completely describes my feelings and my experiences with my 23 year old daughter…now I have a five year old. I will have a new way of looking at things…I will have gratitude in my heart watching him grow…”I will love you at any age” instead of please stay little…again many thanks for the impact you make in the lives of mothers and children.
Just beautiful. We always ask our daughters where their “stop growing” buttons are. I think that will have to stop and we need to enjoy watching them grow every day. Thank you for a wonderful eye opener!
Oh, how I needed your writings when my son, now 32, was young! However, I can make amends with his daughter, my granddaughter, now 6. Thank you and God bless you!
That was very difficult for me to read as I lost my daughter last year but I know she is in heaven! Many times I had those moments with her when I would watch her and it felt as thou time was standing still and she would just melt my heart and make me smile or laugh its those special moments that I treasure and re-visit oftern! I do however face difficulties allowing her brother who is neally five to do things and realised how it actually took him back! I had to then put a huge amount of pressure on him to catch up which he has thankfully and now understand that he is capable of doing certain things without me having to do them! He is so clever and now baths himself dresses himself helps cleanup and feeds himself etc It has given him confidence and independence! Simple baby steps for me! Thanks loved your story! My son now says mom when I get bigs can I drive that car (laughing)!
i can’t believe anyone would criticize or chastise you for saying you wanted to freeze your kids in time. the fact of the matter is, we all say it when we realize that we’re having an especially memorable moment, but do we really mean it in the literal sense? of course not, of course we want to see our children grow and have new wonderful experiences, experiences where we once again, wish that we could freeze time. without allowing time to go on we wouldn’t get to see all of those new amazing experiences. so the idea that anyone would take such a thing to heart is just ridiculous. saying you wish you could freeze time doesn’t mean you don’t want your children to grow and learn and become the people they are destined to be, it just means you want to hold onto those memories forever.
Feeling as though these words were spoken directly to my heart. My girls are so big– I was so distraught when I realized carrying them was not so easy; showing me again time is moving on.
Thankfully with new consciousness of my surroundings and an awareness of what’s important I choose to try to embrace what I have right now. And agreeing with katery about others’ opinions. If someone criticizes me for loving my kids too hard, I will smile. That’s the point.
Smiling through tears… thank you for this beautiful reminder to gently let go as my children grow. I too have so desperately wanted them to stay little.
So, so true! I have the same felling when I’m looking to my 5 months baby boy!
Great post! I am also guilty of wanting to freeze time! Just like you, it has happened at many stages of my children’s lives. They are just so precious when they are young. I do look forward to seeing them mature, learn, and grow, but for now, I will focus on loving every minute of today.
Rachel,
I love Deepak Chopra. I’m sorry you have been chastised by people for having this desire. It is totally normal to have this desire. It comes with the territory of being a mother! Sheesh. Some people need to have more tact. I had this wish with my first, my second, and finally and unfortunately it came true with my third. I learned to cherish the beautiful moments as my children grew, but I really learned it when my baby quit growing. And then his heart started failing. And before I knew it he needed open heart surgery. And then he started growing! And then he lost weight and needed another open heart surgery. We spent a good 6 months in and out of the hospital. He had two surgeries by the time he was 5 months old and he only weighed 12 pounds for quite some time. He is 18 months now and growing so big and strong. My small baby wish coming true has been the mechanism to get me thinking and thanking God for all the small moments I have with my kids. I am thankful for your insight and found it a few weeks ago when needing inspiration. Everyone has to learn in their own way and time. But we need each other to lift us along the way.
Lovely post. I would freeze my child at two, happily. She is perfect. But then I wouldn’t see her become nine like your beautiful daughter. Part of me is so excited to see her grow up and who she’ll be but I love her so much as she is… Zannix
Oh dear this made me teary. I have a 13 and 16 year old who just got their license three weeks ago. I’ve only let him take the car twice by himself for short little jaunts. Maybe it’s time to let go a bit and perhaps my biggest fear is letting go of where I am in time at this moment. Thanks for making me reflect.
These words you wrote came right out of my mouth, and heart. I am the proud (and guilty) Mama of 3 “little” ones, including a precious little boy who cried on his 4th birthday because he, like his Mama, wanted himself to still be 3 years old. What a lovely piece you’ve written. I’ll wipe my tears now.
I just loved this post. You had me with both points of view and I have had similar feelings with my own children. I would watch them sleep in my arms of hold my hand and smile at me and I would try to take a picture of it in my mind. Each age has had such amazing gifts. But I also understand the need to give our children the freedom to grow. I loved your story. I remember letting my oldest run around the block for the first time when he was 9 too. I held my breath till he came back and felt a mix of emotions. I was glad I gave him the freedom, I loved how proud he was of himself, and that he knew he could do it, but it is all a little bittersweet. Each time I gain something with my child, I also loose something. Thank you for capturing those feelings so beautifully!
WOW! Beautiful and poignant and true and as I sit here crying reading it I see my girls in your story. thank you
Beautiful! Tears.
This is the second post of yours that has made me cry! My thoughts are that you somehow found a way to reach into my soul and write down the thoughts that I have had myself many, many times. You are a beautiful mother and writer! I wish you lived near me and we could help each other in the “letting go” process. Thank you for this post.
We ought never apologize for the way we cherish a moment.
Thank you, Amanda. I like the way you think.
so beautiful, and so true!
Your posts are always so beautiful and so inspiring, thank you for taking the time to write and share your thoughts.
Seriously, every single time I read your blog, I weep.
Thank you for always reminding me to be the kind of mom I want to be.
Rachel – I am SO blessed to be a mother – and like you, cherish every day and every moment; the good, bad and GREAT. My son and husband are my “high” every day, and leaving to go to work is always my “low”. So many moms complain about the little things; so many friends wonder why anyone would want children when they see the bags under my eyes; but few people see what I see – and what you see – that our children and family make our lives worth living. And one day – the imprint of our lives will be left with them. Your posts inspire me to continue to live with bags under my eyes – but the fullest heart and soul a momma could have. I wish everyone could be as blessed as me. Thanks for communicating the joy so many momma’s feel… or at least… SHOULD feel
I was thinking this same thing this week when my 6 month old began laughing uncontrolably at her 3 year old brother playing with her toys. I wanted to freeze it and keep it forever. I know these precious memories will flood my head at graduations, weddings, birth of grandchildren etc.
I have a greater understand my mother now that I am a mom. Times when I though my mother was just being silly, when in fact she was just showing us how much she loved and treasured our special moments together!
I read your blog when it pops up in my inbox. You have a beautiful gift in the way you express your thoughts in the written word. I moved my life 3 weeks ago from central TX back to New Orleans to be geographically closer to my only child, a daughter. My daughter, married for two years now, is, at 34 expecting her first child(ren), twin girls…needless to say I must be here for her, if and when she wants me to help…and of course to bond with my granddaughters from the beginning! So, in reality, it’s for me and the kind of mother/gram I dreamed of getting to be.
My eyes fill as I read each of your posts, because you are writing for me, to me! Having an only child, the feeling vacillates between I’m so proud of the woman she’s become to…”wait, let mom help you with that.”…needing to still be needed. I feel such calm after reading your work…THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
Diane
Wow, I am so touched by your words, Diane. Thank you for taking the time to tell me what my messages mean to you. I can only imagine the amazing moments that are in store for you as you help your daughter and granddaughters! They are all very blessed to have you in their lives. Many blessings to you and your daughter.
so first things first… this is an absolutely precious post! It definitely made me tear up with the thought of your daugthers losing each other… thanks for sharing.
and secondly I had my first hands free moment today… although I am not a mother yet I am always around children. This week I have been involved with VBS and today I found myself on the phone during a part of the singing/dancing… and all I could think about was how I was missing a hands free moment in the making… I quickly put my phone away and enjoyed the rest of the singing and dancing… thanks for teaching me even now how to be hands free!!!
I love this, Terri! What a beautiful example of how living “Hands Free” enables you to become more aware of those precious moments to connect to what matters! I am inspired by the choice you made! Thank you so much for being here and taking time to share.
It is a beautiful and true post. I think every mother goes through those feelings, but it is really necessary to let the child go and discover the world on their own. There achievements make you proud. I hope every family is blessed with happiness!!!!!
Thank you for this loving sentiment, Nilofar!
You know as a mom there are days that feel like years and years that feel like days. I keep thinking about the hands free movement you have started in my life and I am really trying to get to know my children better. I have a son Grayson who is 7 and my baby Sarah is 5 and starting kinder in the fall. I enjoy seeing them become independant people but I get the bittersweetness of it. I just think the older they get the more chances they have to make us proud of the people they are becoming. Thanks for writing what all our hearts are feeling, we just don’t know how to really express ourselves.
Thank you for this lovely comment, Michael. What a beautiful perspective you have of our children’s growth: “… the older they get the more chances they have to make us proud of the people they are becoming.” That is so true. Thank you for being part of this community.
I have felt your conflict numerous times with our daughter (now 13) and our son (now 7). While hugging them, watching them, amazed by them, I want to “freeze the moments”, and I do, I cherish those moments and try to freeze as many as I can with my camera. Here lately, my son has become more aware of Peter Pan and the idea of not growing up. He has toyed with the idea of not growing up, and while part of the idea selfishly thrills me, the grown up parent in me reminds him that there is so much more in life to be experienced that he can’t do as a little boy.
Thank you for your beautiful words and sharing this moment with us.
Thank you for this heartfelt comment, Tim. I love what you told your son about growing up. I will remember that. Thank you for taking time to leave this thoughtful comment.
My daughter is ‘grown’ now but I still freeze moments in time with every one of her new achievements in her life as an adult. She finds ways to enchant me every day. I can still see her in my minds eye in each stage of her growing up years. And am so glad for all those memories. Keep ‘freezing’ and letting go each and every day.
How beautiful, Linda! What meaningful insight you have offered. I will remember your lovely words: “Keep ‘freezing’ and letting go each and every day.” Thank you!
Thank you. Thank you.
i set aside 15 minutes each week to quietly read your blog. i am a former journalist so i love it for the writing, of course. but i am MOM of boys, a 15-year-old and 7-year-old so there are a million more reasons why i LOVE it. ohhhh myyyy goshhhh. yesterday my older son earned his driving permit. my younger one was in the back seat today as seth maneuvered thru the church parking lot near our home. little bret: yay! we survived!!
big seth: yeah kid. just you wait; you’ll be big soon enough.
Thank you for the kind words, Rebecca! How nice of you to tell me that you aside a few moments of your precious time to read my blog each week! Between that and the wonderful driving permit story, you made my day! Thanks so much for commenting!
I love the way you write when you recall the memories. It takes me right there, and makes me cry with the emotion that you are expressing. Beautiful.
I know exactly what you are trying to say. While we want our children to experience life, grow, learn, enjoy, create memories, and every moment is a blessing… there are moments that we feel we could live in forever. Those moments go by so quickly, and if we are too distracted, we miss them.
It really sounds like you are managing to soak them in, and keep those moments alive in your heart. Something I strive to do. x
I stumbled upon your blog about a month ago after my mother-in-law sent me one of your posts. She said it reminded her of me. Anyway, I read it and subscribed that very night. Now I read all of the posts and find myself relating to most of them. However, this one specifically feels as if I am literally in your shoes. My son just had his 11th birthday last week and my daughter will be 9 in August. I have always told them I do not want them to grow up or that I wish we could all stay “this age” (whatever age it was at the time). After reading this I have decided to choose my words more carefully as I realized I too have requested much from my kids and given them a large task that is impossible to fulfill. I intend to speak gently with them about this and use your “six words” often. I appreciate your openness and applaud your devotion to your kids with your “hands free” approach.
Blessings to us all! You have managed to capture several moments in time by being present and eloquently writing your beautiful memories and experiences. I cried while reading because I too understand. We are growing just like our children and others we love. May we grow with our hearts wide open! Namaste.
Thank you for your loving and honest thoughts on your beautiful children. I was so touched and cried while reading. I cried because I understood and loved your conviction to hold on to your own thoughts…..I loved also experiencing your growth as time passed and you decided how to frame your own thoughts and Motherhood.
I love you….This may seem corny or weird…but I too say whats on my mind and in my heart…I too am known for being loving and filled with the longing to freeze time…In fact I have done this and advised others to do this so that we can rememer our little ones as they grow…time did not seem to go so fast.. thank you thank you thank you for your truthfullness…
Kobie
How beautiful, Kobie. I am inspired and touched by the way you express your feelings. Thank you for your love and kindness. I will pass it on to someone else today in your honor.
i have this feeling all the time with my little ones (my oldest turning nine soon as well!). it is such a bittersweet journey of letting go.
I loved reading this. I read every single word! I am someone who is constantly /neglecting Father Time rather than appreciating him. My daughter is 4 now, and it is so painful sometimes that she is not “pocket sized” anymore. There are some days where I swear I would do just about anything to have a day or so to be allowed to go back in time and hold her and play with her at that age. This post made so much sense, and provided a sense of relief that my feelings are, in fact, normal, but as you realized, I shouldn’t want to freeze time, I should want my baby to continue growing. Love this blog!
This is so beautifully written! This “freezing time” topic really hits home with me. I am guilty of feeling that way a lot of the time, but have realized that I am going to miss SO much dwelling on how big my kids are getting and “why, oh why” can’t they still be tiny, that I am going to MISS THE NOW that’s happening right in front of my eyes. I know that if I’m not careful, time will continue to race by, and I’ll find myself wishing I had this very moment back, but was too busy mourning the earlier days that I missed it! I refuse to do that anymore. It is so important that our kids know we love and enjoy them at any and every age. Mine have at times made comments when looking at baby pictures, “Mom, wasn’t I so cute?”, and while I agree, I try to remember to remind them that they’re just as cute now and I love them just as much now. Thank you so much for pointing out the burden we’re placing on our kids if they think they were only cute and wonderful when they were smaller. They shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for growing. One of my all-time favorite people was my Grandma that went to heaven a year ago at the age of 97……..she commented one time that “don’t we Mommies worry about our little ones growing up, but oh, wouldn’t we worry if they didn’t”! She was a very wise woman and I miss her very much!
I absolutely love your blog and have shared it with a group of moms I meet with once a week…..they love it, too! Thank you for your honesty and for pouring out your feelings that so many of us also feel, and now know we’re not alone. Bless you! Shannon
I can relate so much to this. Your post made me teary. As I read the words, I kept seeing my 3 year old in the background jumping and twirling and dancing and replying to me when I say, “Stop growing!”, “But I can’t, mumma.” Oh, they pull at our heartstrings in so many ways! Beautiful, thoughtful, challenging and enlightening post. Thank you for putting your heart on your sleeves for us to learn something important.
As I saw others write, I also have tears streaming down my own face.
This is a beautiful post – as are so many on this site. I have just found this blog, and I am in love with it already. Thank you for sharing your deep insights into parenting. While I see Parenthood as a beautiful journey…one that I personally enjoy each and every day…it can be difficult at times. Knowing that there are others out there feeling the same things that I have felt helps me.
You are an absolutely brilliant writer. I hope that one day soon someone discovers you and gets your published. Your messages are all SO important for parents to hear today, and you convey your feelings and thoughts beautifully.
Thanks again. Have a lovely weekend with your family.
Oh wow. Raechel, how can I thank you? You message came at the perfect moment … words that I really needed to hear today. What a gift. Thank you for joining this journey with me. I love your beautiful authenticity.
You have a gift – for your insight into your kids’ wants and needs…into their lives. You also (as I already said) have a gift for sharing that insight through your writing. Thank YOU for sharing those gifts with us. Whatever your goals are with this blog, don’t give up. I have a feeling that you’re helping more people than you know.
God Bless! Have a great week!
Oh Raechel, just the words I needed today! I so badly want to have one book published. That is my goal … my dream since I was a little girl. Thank you for the encouragement.
My Mom always told me growing up that she was “raising me to let me go”. As a Mother myself now of a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 week old, I realize now how painful and hard that must have been for her. But she always said that in doing so, it gave us the freedom to leave, and it meant she had done her job and accomplished her goal when we did leave. I know she savored the priceless moments too, but I can honestly say that on my graduation day and my wedding day, she never let me see her tears of sadness if she did shed them. She let me see her tears of joy for me, and those gave me freedom. It was still hard to become my own adult, but I never once had to question if it was “okay”. My Mom let it be okay, from the time I was small. I’ll always be grateful for that. And I seek to raise my children the same way. With freedom to leave, but knowing I’ll love them “forever and always” and be here when they need me. And I’m hoping by giving them wings and not chains, that it will hurt a little less when they fly away, and bring all the more glory to the God we serve.
That is very beautiful, Bethany. Your mother truly gave you a gift … thank you for taking the time to share it here so that we can be inspired to give our children such an incredible gift.
I didn’t read all the comments above, so forgive me if someone already mentioned it, but the book “Free-Range Kids” really helped me to encourage my kids (ages 6 and 9) to be more independent. I highly recommend it!
I have read a lot of your posts and this one, like many of them, brought tears to my eyes. This is very timely for me as my oldest, age 6, told me the other day that kisses are yucky and I’m not allowed to kiss him anymore. I kiss him probably 10 times a day, but I know that he’s growing and I have to be okay with that. I’m glad I read the entire post – I was agreeing so much with your comments on wanting to freeze them in time, but I really needed to hear your words on letting them grow. Thank you.
This just brings tears to my eyes.