“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” ― Angela Schwindt
A few months ago, my husband hung a canopy over my five-year-old daughter’s bed. That night she slept peacefully for the first time in a long time, as if the silk drapes created an invisible shield from fitful dreams and creepy shadows.
Naturally, I love this new canopy. What parent wouldn’t love something that instantly improved the sleep situation?
But there is more to the canopy than that—actually, there is much more to it than that.
Each time I part the curtains and crawl into the airy cocoon, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. With my child nestled in close, she begins to talk. I never know what she’s going to say, but I know it’s going to be good.
I close my eyes and relish this feeling … this temporary induction into Five-Year-Old World.
And I am grateful because I came painfully close to missing it.
You see, I missed the World of Two and Three. My highly distracted life came at a mighty high price.
Unlike the translucent drapes of her canopy, my distractions created a permanent metal shield—separating me from my youngest child’s beautiful expressions, clever thoughts, and tender words. For two years, my phone, my computer, my overscheduled agenda, and façade of perfection acted as a barrier that prevented me from truly knowing her.
But through the grace of God, I started my “Hands Free” journey; I did not miss age four and especially not five. Oh yes, I had a front row seat to age five … taking in every moment with my child like a priceless gift.
So in honor of my daughter’s recent 6th birthday, I feel compelled to share the world of five. My hope is that this message inspires someone to enter a child’s world … whether it is the world of a baby, toddler, child, teen, or young adult, our children have so much to teach us about living a joy-filled, meaningful life.
So here it is—what I learned from my child during her fifth year of life that will undoubtedly benefit my own life forever.
In five-year-old world …
There is freedom.
Freedom to tell it like it is.
Freedom to wear raspberries on your fingers—no matter what anyone else thinks.
Freedom to make up the words to the song that plays within your heart.
In five-year-old world …
There is time.
Time to stop and admire mystic clouds and find the beauty in a dandelion.
Time to give your waitress a hug.
Time to do it yourself … even if it takes longer … even if it’s not perfect.
In five-year-old world …
There is confidence.
Confidence to celebrate bathing suit season.
Confidence to pair unusual style combinations and wear them in public.
Confidence to dance when everyone is watching.
In five-year-old world …
There is safety.
Safety in the familiar glow of a bedroom night-light.
Safety in Daddy’s arms.
Safety in homemade forts built with your sister as rain beats against the windowpane.
In five-year-old world …
There is beauty.
Beauty in freckle-kissed noses and grass-stained feet.
Beauty in mispronounced words like “liberry” and “funder storm.”
Beauty in open-mouth laughter and disobedient curls on a warm summer night.
In five-year-old world …
There is comfort.
Comfort in mother’s scent.
Comfort in that certain pair of worn pajamas despite being two sizes too small.
Comfort in magical pink bunnies that sleep under your breath.
In five-year-old world …
The gaps between the teeth are wide.
Individual differences are noticed, but openly accepted.
Laughter between friends cures all ills.
Apple seeds can become trees if planted with love.
In five year old world …
Forgiveness is an abundant commodity.
Flaws and shortcomings are easily overlooked.
Bad breath and unruly hair are signs of good sleep.
There’s no such thing as having too many stuffed animals in your bed.
In five-year-old world …
There is no need to hurry.
Time is our friend.
We are loved.
And the world looks beautiful from down here.
It’s tempting to stay in the delightful World of Five forever, but the enchanting World of Six awaits. I can only imagine the meaningful lessons of life my precious child will reveal to me there. And I don’t intend to miss a single one.
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I believe that the greatest detriment of modern day distraction is that it creates a barrier that prevents us from knowing, really knowing, our children (and loved ones). I wrote an entire piece on this concept. Here is an excerpt:
“In the jam-packed, over-scheduled, constantly beeping, buzzing, media-saturated, technology-obsessed, warp speed rat race that we call life, something is getting lost.
Personal connection is getting lost.
Human touch is getting lost.
Private conversation is getting lost.
While we are fully aware of what our children like to do, (insert mile long list of extracurricular activities here), do we really know who our children are as people?”
Friends, I’ve been on both sides of the curtain. It is painful to realize how much of my children’s world I missed as a distracted parent. But I’ve come to find that stepping into a child’s world –even for a few minutes each day – is a feasible way to KNOW, really know, our children.
And the best news of all? The invitation to step into a child’s world is open to any adult willing to put aside distraction and offer the gift of time and presence.
Go there today. Just imagine what life lesson you’ll learn from the best “Hands Free” teachers on earth.
*For those of you with older children in your life, know that preteens/teens want the same thing from their parents as young children do. This article entitled “Surprise! Teens Want Time With Parents” brings the point home quite powerfully.
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The Step Into a Child’s World by Hands Free Mama, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Love this piece. Really, really made me realize that I don’t want to lose the two’s and that I need to pay more attention to the ten’s with my oldest as well. Thank you!
I love the way you celebrate your children, as always! May we all be so thankful, so grateful, and so filled with love with our families. xo
Thank you for these sweet words. I am reminded again what is at stake: my children and my have to know them. I wish I didn’t need these constant reminders but am grateful to have them from you. Thank you thank you thank you!
As always, a beautiful, heartfelt piece. I often hope that your followers can get through your wonderful and imperative “Hands Free” message, just briefly enough to see how very good you are at blogging. The style and form of the above is just outstanding.
In your capable, imaginative hands blogging is truly an Art form.
(My boys have bunk- pirate ship- race car- zoo cage- post office- retreat house- tree-house- dream beds. Six is a riot.)
What a beautiful sentiment, Bill! Another “keeper” comment written by you to pull out and read on my down days. Thank you for making my day, yet again!
I loved this! I write a blog post each year on my son’s birthday that talks about what he was like at that particular age, and it so much fun to read back over them. He will turn six in November, and I have to say that so far, I think five has been my favorite. What a magical, fun time! I just finished my “Before 40″ adventures, and I think it has also helped me be more present this year, (in all areas). It is here, if you are interested… http://jen-rantsraves.blogspot.com/2012/08/before-40-summary.html
What a beautiful way to document your son’s growth. All too often I forget little things my kids said or did at certain ages that tend to fade with time.
I really enjoyed reading your “Before 40″ adventures. Such beautiful and inspiring thoughts and actions! Thank you for sharing that with me, Jen!
Beautiful reminder. It seems that your posts come at times I need them the most. I read this as I was wrapping up work, but think I will shut things down a little early today and take my children to the pool. The sounds of their laughter and joy are better than the blinking of this screen any day…
Oh this makes me so happy, Farrah. When someone tells me that one of my messages inspired them to take action to connect with a loved one, it is really my greatest gift. Thank you for telling me!
wonderful! my daughter turns 5 in 3 weeks. from what we see at the end of 4, it’s a magical age, indeed! ( 4 is pretty awesome too). thanks for your frequent reminders to lose the distractions and focus on the child!
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Love this post. Since shark week has been on animal planet we have been having major fun playtime. The living room is the ocean and the couches are our boats. My husband, son and I are anything from Pirates to Shark Doctors. Our fun is only limited by how far our imagination can go. This is the most precious time we spend together. I love three and I am not going to miss a second of it! Thanks for sharing your special moments it inspires so many!
Thank you once again for the thoughtful reminders! You are do gifted and bless many people with your blog!!!!
Oops, I meant to say “so gifted” gotta love new phones…
Thanks for this lovely post. It’s such a sweet tribute to your daughter. The way you describe this magical age makes ME want to be 5 again!
I will pass this along to my daughter who has two sons: 6 months and almost 4 years old. She’s a full time working mother yet also makes plenty of “hands free” time for her husband and boys. I am very proud of her!
And when you are a Grandma as I am, you get a second chance to never let an opportunity pass by to be free to jump in puddles with your 2 year old grandson, let your 6 year old grandaughter make you beautiful with her new makeup set, finger paint funny pictures, read stories, watch The Loin King and giggle louder than the grandkids…but most of all, tell them you love them, hug them at every opportunity and never, ever let a chance go by in being with them!
God bless you! I enjoy your beautiful sharings!
I love your words. They make my heart beat faster and stronger to be a better more aware mother to my 2 children. My son is 5; this hits home with me big time and opens my eyes even wider. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
Beautifully written, Rachel; simply lovely!! You are spot on regarding all those moments. Personally, I love the visual that you create, about the 2 sizes too small pajamas….. a 5 year knows what they like, right?!
Lessons learned from our little ones ~
Love as usual! I believe each blog is better than the one before. And each one, more importantly, reminds me yet again to dig deeper into the imaginative world of my child with him, and to stay there longer. I’m having difficulty returning to childhood for him, but I know he needs me to be there with him. Each of your blogs helps bring me closer to his world. Thank you.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate this loving and encouraging feedback, especially this week. Let me just say, your timing is perfect and gave me a much needed lift. I am grateful you took a moment to say these things to me.
Oh, and the photos here are spectacular! A very talented photographer…
THANK YOU for the Awesome reminder. I still have time -today thank you
It is so beautiful!!!! I have a 5 year old boy and a stay at home home. I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for the reminder to spend time with our kids!!
Your past few blog entries have touched me beyond words. I’ve been sharing them with my husband and both of us are making much, much more of a effort to “connect” with our 4yo and 20mo. We both work FT and my heart just aches with the feeling that I am missing SO much of their precious childhood. This morning my son begged me to play Army Men with him instead of getting ready for work. We comprised with me putting my makeup on while sitting on his floor while he play. Our early morning conversation was delightful and I can’t imagine a better way to start my Friday. Thank you, thank you!
Oh Stacy, you just made my day! I just love your beautiful example of going “Hands Free” with you son. You have confirmed exactly what it is that I love about this Hands Free journey. There is no “right” or “wrong” way–we must do what works for our schedule, our personal circumstances, and our situation. The point is, we are trying to connect with small efforts that make HUGE impact!
I truly believe that meaningful connection and lasting memories can happen in short increments of time when we let go of our distraction and be with the people we love. Furthermore, I believe that even small changes we make to be more “Hands Free” in our daily lives can make a big difference in our relationships and emotional well-being. Your story confirms my beliefs and truly inspires me!
Thank you taking a moment to share your experience and also for letting me know how much the past few posts have meant to you and your family.
I will be smiling all day because of you, my friend. THANK YOU!
i love this!
Do you mind if I link to your site on a blog post I recently wrote about the invasion of technology in my everyday?
Thank you, Sara! I’d be honored!
I love this. I’m so happy I found your blog. It reminds me how I need to make time for my own children.
I also wanted to let you know that I’ve nominated you for two blog awards!
http://livingwell20102.blogspot.com/2012/08/one-lovely-blog-award.html
http://livingwell20102.blogspot.com/2012/08/very-inspiring-blogger-award.html
Truly a great article Rachel!
I’m working for a company called Thankaday which is trying to provide people with an easy and interactive way to keep a gratitude journal. While doing research on gratitude, I came across your blog and just wanted to reach out and say that although I’m 24 and in a bit of a different place than some of your readers, I totally connected with your desire to take some time each day and live in other peoples shoes.
Anyway, I definitely look forward to coming back to get more insights, and if you get a second, we’d love to hear your thoughts on what you think of http://www.thankaday.com and how it could be better for those interested in Gratitude.
Much love,
Sean Goldfaden (Community Manager at Thankaday.com)
Thank you, Sean! I requested an invitation via your website. I look forward to reading more. It looks like a beautiful concept!
This was an absolutely beautiful post. As the mom of a 5 year old daughter, I could definitely relate to many things.
I love this! And appreciate the idea of REALLY getting to know your kids. I wrote about the value of one on one time for my blog in April. If you are interested in reading, here’s the link. Enjoy!
http://thesimplystated.blogspot.com/2012/04/one-on-one.html
Wow. That was a stunning piece, Susan. Such an eloquent description of that sacred time with your children, one on one. I, too, cherish bedtime. With each girl, the experience is different, but equally rewarding and restorative. I love the point you made about making this investment now, when they are young, so it will hopefully lead to an open line of communication when they are older. I think about that all the time. I think daily rituals of connection like this one are invaluable to fostering strong relationships with our children that will endure through the the challenges of life.
I really appreciate you taking time to share your beautiful work with me.
Thank you! You are too sweet! I just love connecting with other mamas that share in what matters most! So glad I found your blog! xxoo