“Perhaps we have been misguided into taking too much responsibility from our children, leaving them too little room for discovery” -Helen Hays
A few months ago one of my blog readers sent me the link to the widely-circulated article entitled, “Spoiled Rotten” and asked me my thoughts on it.
The article looks at how parents in different cultures train young people to assume adult responsibilities. The article compared the self-reliant behaviors of American children living in Los Angeles to the children of the Matsigenka, a tribe in the Peruvian Amazon.
The American children in the study did not perform household chores without being instructed. In contrast, a six-year-old child in the Matsigenka tribe cooked, cleaned, and assisted in other important tribe duties without being asked. Furthermore, some American children in the study had to be begged to attempt the simplest tasks and often still refused.
After reading the article several times, I responded to the reader by briefly describing how my children are given responsibilities at home and how I encourage them to think outside of themselves. But for some reason, that was not the end of it. Certain sections of the article kept popping into my head—particularly two questions mentioned in the piece: “Why do Matsigenka children help their families at home more than L.A. children? And ‘Why do L.A. adult family members help their children at home more than do Matsigenka?’ ”
For days, my children’s autonomous behavior went under a microscope. Whenever there was a complaint over a request to do a household task, I became panic-stricken. Was I raising spoiled children? Whenever I found myself bending over to pick up shoes left in the hallway and dirty clothes scattered across bedroom floors, I wondered where was this leading. I envisioned my children as grown adults sitting in side-by-side La-Z-Boy recliners watching “Wheel of Fortune” with dirty dishes and soiled clothes piled up around them—and not a stitch of clean underwear in sight.
To add to my growing concern was this interview with Debbie Phelps. One way she instilled responsibility in Michael was by having him pack and carry his swim bag every day. When Michael forgot his goggles in a competition and looked to his mother, she raised her empty hands and he swam without. (Consequently, he never forgot to pack goggles again.)
GULP.
Deep down, I knew such a situation would never happen to my little swimmers. They merely had to reach into the swim bag to find their favorite pair of goggles because the magic Goggle Fairy (me) always packed them.
That was it.
I knew it was time to stop evaluating the responsibility development going on in my house and start kicking it up a notch. As the scope of my investigation zeroed in on my two children, fate had a way of telling me I was looking at the wrong offender.
As fate would have it, I got sick. And let me just say, I do not get sick. It is simply not an option. If I feel the least bit congested or slightly off my game, I take some extra vitamins and power through.
But not this time … this time I was rendered helpless.
It began late one Monday evening. I was doubled over in pain thinking my appendix was surely about to burst or an emergency gallbladder operation was in my near future. I could not lie down; I could not sit. The pain was only bearable if I paced slowly back and forth in a hunched-over position. I dubbed myself “The Crying Cavewoman,” but I was in no mood to laugh at my own joke.
As soon as I saw the light of day, I put the doctor’s office on speed-dial and called repeatedly until someone answered. As I waited to be connected, I pondered which unhealthy habit from my past was coming back to haunt me. I decided it was the large quantities of Boone’s Farm I drank in college.
But after thorough examination, the doctor informed me I was suffering from a violently painful stomach virus. I barely had time to expel a sigh of relief when she added that this particular strain was known to last for several days.
“Do you have anyone to take care of you? Is there someone to take care of your children?” she gently inquired.
With my husband traveling for work and my family out of state, the answer was no—but I assured her I could manage.
Truth be told, I felt so poorly I didn’t care if my kids ate Captain Crunch cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and played on animaljam.com for 24 hours straight. I would not be unclamping my arms from my stomach for anyone or anything.
That’s when the unexpected happened.
We had just gotten home from the pharmacy. I had popped my anti-nausea medication and gingerly lowered myself to the couch.
I heard my 9-year-old daughter announce in a cafeteria lady-like tone that it was lunchtime. She instructed her little sister to go wash her hands.
Approximately five minutes later she walked by with a very gooey PB&J sandwich (cut nicely in half), a cup of haphazardly chopped cantaloupe, and a side of Goldfish crackers. Lunch was being carried in her capable hands on a metal cookie sheet. I was told they were going to go upstairs so they wouldn’t bother me.
Despite the effects of the Phenergan beginning to kick in, I noticed two beaming smiles just above the cookie sheet.
“Thank you,” I croaked appreciatively to the proud waitresses. I knew full well that the tray could have contained a stack of S’mores Poptarts with a six-pack of Mountain Dew to wash it down, and I would have been deliriously grateful that my children were not going to go hungry—and I wouldn’t have to get up from the couch.
A few hours later I awoke from my medication-induced stupor. I was in the middle of estimating how far along the kids were in a Shrek movie-marathon when a little face appeared.
“Hi Mom. We watched one movie. But we thought that was enough TV so now we are making bracelets. But don’t worry, we will clean up the mess.”
And just when I thought my jaw couldn’t drop any lower, my six-year-old presented me with a large ice water in my favorite plastic cup.
“Drink it all, Mama,” she ordered with a serious expression that I swore looked an awful lot like my mother’s “bug-eyed” look that I used to get a lot as a teenager.
I sipped as instructed, and she took the back of her hand and held against my forehead.
Whatever she felt must not have been good.
“Just keep resting, Mom,” said my no-nonsense nurse.
A bit later, I peered over the couch and watched as the scavengers dug through the depths of the freezer to find dinner. It may be the only time in history that two “Lean Cuisine” meals created a crowd-roaring reaction. (Apparently it is cause for celebration when one can have both Mexican and Chinese cuisine all in one meal.)
When it neared bedtime, I began psyching myself up to get off the couch. By the looks on my kids’ faces, I must have resembled a roly poly bug when it gets helplessly turned over on to its back. For the life of me, I could not get up. The girls quickly assured me they could put themselves to bed. Minutes later they returned with clean pajamas and freshly brushed teeth.
Blowing me kisses from afar, the little one optimistically called out, “You will be okay, Mama. You will feel better tomorrow.”
The next morning, I stumbled out of my bedroom. They had graciously let me sleep in. I braced myself for what the early risers may have done to keep themselves busy for the past several hours.
Folded piles of clean laundry?
Not what I was expecting.
My six-year-old proudly showed me her stack of towels and smallish, easy-to-fold items (which, much to my delight, included clean underwear). She had clearly dressed herself—an athletic tank top paired with a long, flowy skirt. If Anthropologie had an athletic line, she would rock it. I noticed she managed to comb the front of her hair, yet the back resembled a mound of dryer lint. But who was I to judge? I was sporting permanent pillow marks on my face and three-day old pajamas.
My older child, also donned in a creative ensemble, stood in the kitchen with every ingredient known to man on the counter.
“We’re trying a new recipe,” she called out. “Lemon Poppy Seed Bread. It’ll make you feel better.”
At our house, baking equals love, so I refrained from telling them how nauseating that sounded and resumed my position on the couch.
And then I listened.
Listened as they substituted vanilla yogurt when they didn’t have enough milk.
Listened as they scooped out the egg shells that accidently got in the batter.
Listened as they mixed that batter until it could practically stand on its own two feet.
About an hour later, the mini loaves came out of the oven. I struggled to raise my head only to spy a misshapen block that looked more pathetic than I felt. Yet, the children stood there admiring it like they had produced a bar of gold.
“Doesn’t it look good?” they remarked in unison.
Within minutes they congregated at the kitchen table with thick slices of steamy bread slathered in butter. Engaged in critical baking evaluation, they quickly forgot about the sickly patient balled up in fetal position on the couch.
“It is not as sweet as the bread Mama makes, but I think it is better this way,” said one.
“Yeah, definitely better. We should take over the baking in this house. What should we try next time?” said the other.
As I listened to them collaborate, problem-solve, and plan future baking pursuits, two fat tears slid down my cheeks. It had been a rough couple of days, but that is not why I cried.
I was thinking about the self-sufficient children of the Matsigenka tribe. And that maybe my children had more in common with them than I had originally thought.
And maybe what I perceived as lack of independence in my children was instead lack of opportunity.
And maybe in my haste to get things done quickly with the least amount of mess, in my effort to avoid conflict and exert control, I was hindering my children from revealing their full potential.
After all, how can children show what they are truly capable of if someone is always doing it for them?
I have since recovered from that dreadful illness, but I am forever changed. And so are the ways things get done around the house.
There is less reminding and more natural consequences.
There is less someone-else-will-take-care-of-it and more do-it-yourself.
There is less comfort and more challenge.
There is less doing it perfectly and more learning from our mistakes.
And when I stand back and refrain from commenting or instructing while the children make their own lunches, pack their own swim team bag, pick out their own clothes, fold their own laundry, and pick up their own personal belongings, I think of the lopsided lemon bread.
I think about how good it tasted to the little bakers–not because it was the most delicious bread in the world–but because they made it themselves.
Isn’t that true of life’s successes?
The most rewarding achievements are the ones we accomplish with our own two hands.
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Is there any task you do for the young person in your life that he or she could do for his or herself? Would you be willing to let go and watch him or her take some steps toward autonomy regardless of mistakes made along the way? Regardless of the consequences that may result? And if you already do this or did this when you were a child, please share your experiences. We can learn so much from each other.
Thank you for being a part of “The Hands Free Revolution.” I cherish your comments, experiences, and perspectives. We may have different ways of grasping what matters in this one precious life—but the point is, we’re trying.
The With Our Own Two Hands by Hands Free Mama, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
As we start the school year, this post is so timely. I taught the girls how to use chopping knives. Why can’t they chop their own veggies for lunch the night before school? They’ll probably want them more this way! No more chop and rush at 7:00 am. You’re a genius.
Yes. Oh, Yes. There are way too many things that I do for my kids that I really should stop. I struggle with this often and DH and I butt heads over it too. However, when left to their own devices my kids almost always rise up and get things done. I know that the problem is not them, it’s me. It’s the things I don’t want to let go of, because I don’t want them to grow up.
We’re all still growing. It’s amazing how often I feel like I’m still just a kid, even after having three of my own.
Another beautiful post, I’m glad you had your nurses to take care of you.
This is not the first time that I have cried over something that you wrote…and I am not generally an emotional person. Thank you for writing. My daughter is just 16 months old, but I love that I can learn to be a great mom as I go along. Such a simple lesson. I can’t say thank you enough for your thoughtful posts.
Great blog post! When my husband was sent to Iraq and my kids were 1, 5, & 8…I tried to do it all!! A friend finally told me that I needed to make my 2 older girls start doing chores…and not follow behind them “fixing” it. So I did! I researched what chores were appropriate for their age…I mean, I was cleaning my whole house by the time I was 9, surely there were things they should be learning by now! So, my house didn’t always look perfect, but they learned much. Now I have 4 kids that are 3, 6, 10, and 13. My 13 year old babysits and takes care of all kitchen and bathroom cleaning, my 10 year old does all the laundry and vacuuming and picking up, my 6 year old does all the disinfecting of every touchable object and keeps the yard cleaned up, and my 3 year old is learning from all of them! A month or so ago, my husband was gone with the Navy again and I had hurt my back. I was in bed for a couple of days and my girls took care of everything! I’m so glad I got that advice long ago! I still pack all the swim bags, lol, but I do it in love, not because they can’t do it themselves!
You are my hero, Heather!!! I am so inspired by the independence and compassion you have taught your children!!! Thank you for pointing out that in order to let little people do chores, you let go of perfection! Thank you for sharing what each child does to assist around the home. This is so helpful! Thanks for taking time to share!
My children are adults and I now have four grandchildren but I wish I had read this when they were at home and growing up. I did everything for them because I did not want “messes”. Obsessive, compulsive was me and I did not learn better until it was too late for my own children but I do better with the grandchildren. Anyone else I know who is obsessive? Let it go and just be happy and a little messy – I found out it does not hurt and is actually fun!
Thanks for the realness you share, Patricia. I love that you share “what you wish you knew then” and how things are now. Each day offers us a new chance to learn from our mistakes and start again.
How I love this post! Life with children must be all about ‘balance’. We want to be present in our children’s lives, live “hands free”; yet, we must be very careful that we do not do too much for them and stifle their God given abilities. We want to raise children with initiative who will take risks and know how to live with ‘good enough’, not perfection. We don’t want our children to think a good fairy or magic elf lives in our homes to handle all the behind the scenes tasks for that breeds entitlement and the expectation that in life things will always be taken care of for them rather than the understanding that they are capable and powerful and that they are able to take care of themselves AND OTHERS.
I raised my children on natural consequences and with Love and Logic. We traveled often and my children of all ages packed their own suitcases and ‘activity’ backpacks for the car or plane. On one trip 4 yo daughter Grace discovered she had neglected to
pack her underwear. A quick trip to Walmart solved the problem and a life lesson was the result.
Same child, 6 years old, would frequently delay the car pool to school while she tracked down her
school shoes. One day we went to school without shoes. I explained to her teacher that I was letting ‘natural consequences’ instruct her that day and asked for their support in not allowing recess or gym class. They fully supported me and said they so wished that all parents would use consequences rather than rescue their children! One day of missed recess and inconvenience for this child and our lost shoe problem was solved.
Of course, as parents, we want to assist and help our children with life’s little difficulties that come up from time to time. However, when one sees a pattern of behavior developing it is time to let natural consequences resolve the issue rather than rescue or berate the child. We need to remember our job as a parent is to prepare our children for LIFE, not to solve the problem of the moment.
My children are 20-30 somethings now and starting to raise their own children. I come to this blog for insights on how to grandparent in this highly technological world. Thank you for all your amazing posts that help me to be present for those I love.
Oh Cindy, I am grateful for your wisdom and experience! You sound like the mother I am striving to be! I loved the examples you shared of natural consequences and this powerful gem: “Our job as a parent is to prepare our children for LIFE, not to solve the problem of the moment.” I am honored to know that you find inspiration here on my blog! Thank you so much!
I am the mom a of a 3 1/2 yr old boy. I am so used to doing things for him that I forget he is growing up and can do more and more for himself. The other day I was getting him dressed and he said “Stop mom, I can do it myself!” I responded with ” Sorry, it’s hard for me because that’s what mommy’s do.” To this he replied “It’s ok, just try not to this time.” I was grateful for his reminder to me to let him do things for himself, even if it takes twice as long.
What a beautiful exchange with your son, Abby! I commend you for your response to his request, and I adore his way of expressing such love and understanding to his mother. Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful reminder to us all!
As always, Rachel, thanks for your transparency. You’re such a great voice for so many who believe they are alone in their journey of being intentional about their parenting.
I totally love your blogs! They motivate me to be the best mom I can be! I too, read this same article and wondered some of the same questions! I discovered a book called “Duct Tape Parenting” by Vicki Hoefe ( I think thats her name), and it is geared to this way of parenting! I realized that I did waaay too much for my kids and needed to let go of the control! When you do this they discover their independance which also creates more confidence in them!
Oh that sounds like a book I enjoy! Thank you, Liz! What a great comment about how giving them independence builds confidence. I couldn’t agree more.
What a beautiful post Rachel! Your children are delightful, and a reflection of the love and trust you have given them. They are responding to the way they have been brought up. I am so glad you had two little people to show you love and affection at your time of need.
Children are the love that we give them. Xx
What a beautiful insight you have shared, Zanni: “Children are the love that we give them.” When my younger daughter brought me that ice water, I was struck by the fact that I have made my daughters’ ice water in their cups since they were small. We lived in FL when they were young, so we drank lots of ice water. Sometimes I think we are lead to believe that we won’t see the results of our “investments” in parenting until much later in life, but in these small actions, (like ice water when I was sick), we see the value of these investments now. Thank you for bringing this notion to light.
I don’t know why, but this line… ” I knew full well that the tray could have contained a stack of S’mores Poptarts with a six-pack of Mountain Dew to wash it down”… cracked me up! I could not stop laughing, picturing your sweet girl carrying a six pack of Mountain Dew on a cookie sheet past you, groaning on the couch.
I am going to be real here. I struggle with this concept all the time. I think partly because I don’t like messes, partly because it’s just quicker for me to do stuff, and if I’m really being honest, partly because I just want to feel needed. Thank you for the reminder to let go.
You’re not just a great mom. You’re a fabulous writer.
Oh thank you, Jen! I am so happy to hear someone besides me thought that created a funny mental picture! Writing with humor definitely stretches my writer’s muscles, so it thrills me to know you enjoyed it. I also appreciate your willingness to “step into the light of realness” with me. How comforting to know I am not alone in my struggles to “let go” and allow things to fall as they may. And yes, I can relate to that need to feel “needed,” as well. Thank you for taking the time to read and to leave this very loving comment. You really made my day.
I have been reading your posts for a couple of months now and so many times you just bring tears to my eyes. This past New Years Eve I was violently ill with a stomach bug that was only really severe for about 5 hours. I had promised my kids 3 and 5, that we could go to a friends party (their house is the prime viewing area for the towns firework display). I got home from work and could not stand up straight I was so ill. Between trips to the bathroom I lay in bed moaning while my 2 kids sat beside me on the bed and sang lullabies to me. I fell asleep for a while and when I woke up my daughter had dressed herself and her brother in their fanciest outfits and brushed both their hairs and teeth and she had even put a load of clips and hair decoration in her own head for good measure! She coaxed and cajoled me to get out of bed and I told her I needed to rest longer. She went and got me water and sat there stroking my head and singing to me some more (and intermittently requesting that we go see the fireworks). Finally I dragged myself from bed and went to the party where I lasted just over an hour but my kids got to see friends, eat and best of all see the fireworks. On the way home the both said “I love you mama, for bringing us to the party”. I too believe that children are the love that we give them. Thank you for your beautiful posts. I have been working hard at the hands free mama thing (hard when you have your own business so are constantly on call). This Summer and last I try to go camping on my husbands days off, where there is no cell phone coverage, just so I can fully connect and engage with them. It’s something I was conscious of before finding your blog, but oh the joy of reading your posts to remind me why I’m doing it. Thank you!
Wow. Niamh, you have brought me to tears. Your children have beautiful hearts, which I’m sure are a reflection of your own. Thank you for sharing your meaningful story and also for letting me know that my messages have impacted your life. There is no greater gift I could receive. Please give your kids a big hug from me, and tell them I think they are quite special.
I love this post so much, as I was having many of the same thoughts after reading that piece on American children. It is also true in my home that when I let go, even just a little bit, my kids prove to be surprisingly self-sufficient. This is a good reminder to me, thank you.
I love this post!! I know the exact article you are referencing and I had the exact same response. Initially, I was critical of my children and their lack of responsibility. We kicked it up a notch (or 10) as well. I too tried to do too much for them so it would be fast and perfect. Yuck!! What a disservice. Last year I was very ill when my husband was out of town. My 8 year old took care of everything…and me. And all the boys (even the 3 year old) brought me cards in bed and took such good care of me. Heartwarming to see. Loved the post. Loved the reminders!
Great post. I often bypass opportunities to allow my children growth my insisting things be done my own way. Usually since my imposed standards can’t be accomplished by anyone else I do them myself. Even when things can’t be wholey delegated to another they can be shared with another. Letting go is one of the hardest things for me as a mother. I am grateful it is a lesson that I continue to revisit. I have a toddler, an 8 year old, and a 13 year old. I am sure I’m getting it better – even if I’m not always getting it right.
I love hearing about your little (big) girls!!! Precious!! <3
loved this post. with kids aged 8 and 6 , I deal with this dilemma everyday. Handing over control means relaxing timelines and putting up with the mess. I try! but it requires a lot of restrain. so much simpler to step in and do it yourself. We are taking baby steps towards independence in our house. That my kids are capable of stepping in became obvious when I was out of town for a couple of days. When hubby switched on the TV, he was softly reprimanded, this is not screen time papa! he called up to report and i was thrilled
I too read that article about the comparison between American children living in Los Angeles and the children of the Matsigenka. I have often wondered how my kids would fare if I stopped doing stuff for them. To be fair, I spend more time encouraging them to do it themselves than I do doing it for them, but there are definitely times when I am in a rush or just can’t slow down enough and I step in rather than deal with the potential mess or tardiness that doing it themselves might be create.
It was so nice to read how your girls stepped up to the plate when it was needed. And I love how the experience changed your perspective on the matter:
“And maybe what I perceived as lack of independence in my children was instead lack of opportunity.”
You have made me realize more fully that what my children need is more opportunity.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband and I have alway felt that kids need more responsibilities and be more independent (two girls 8 and 6) They are capabale of making their own lunches for school but I have always felt guilty for making them do that because their friends all have their moms make it for them. I felt like I was being a bad mom. I love your line about giving our kids more opportunity to be independent. My husband and I grew up in a different country and we definately had more responsibilities then kids here at the same age. Thanks for your transparency, I alway cry reading your blog. God bless you!
Loved the article.
I have a 6 yr old son & a 3 yr old daughter. I do far more for them than I should. My son is on the Autism Spectrum. He is very high functioning but lacks the self care awareness of a typical 6 year old. I have tried to take a step back to allow him the space to grow in this area. Still I find myself reluctant to allow natural consequences to take place as he has social issues already. I do know however that he will need to assume more independance to function well.
Thanks for the reminder.
Your last line sums it up: we all derive more satisfaction out of what we can do on our own versus what someone can do for us. I remember the pride I felt over obtaining my first “real” job at 15. I’d worked for both of my parents as a young teenager, but it didn’t mean as much. I knew I was given something as opposed to earning something. As parents we sometimes forget that our kids NEED to establish not only self-sufficiency, but also a pride in the results of their actions.
I love reading your blog, it is always so inspiring. I thank God that He gave me three very smart and good boys who became independent at a very young age. Now, they are all grown up and successful men. The oldest one is an Attorney, second one is Orthopedic Surgeon and the third one graduated two years ago and have a good job, but he is planning to further his studies. My older son have two boys 7 & 4, I try my best to make them follow their dad’s and uncle’s footsteps. They are also very smart and try to be independent. I always forward your articles to my kids and daughter-in-laws. Your writing style, with some humor, really makes the article worth reading. Thank you for reminding me that I have not done anything wrong by making my children independent at a young age. Sometimes I use to feel very guilty. Thanks again.
You are so kind, Nilofar. I appreciate you forwarding my articles to your family members. That means so much! I am so glad you felt my message affirmed the choices you have made by encouraging independence in your children. My mom always said: “Never do anything for a child that he or she can do for his or herself.” That really stuck with me. I believe when we empower them with the skills to be self-sufficient their confidence soars. Thank you for taking a moment to share.
Your message left me in awe of how much sooner your children responded to the plight you were in. Mine somewhat complied, with complaint, when I was sick. However, one of mine , who is in college, responded to the responsibilities with terror laced grace! He figured out that food would not appear, unless he fixed it, that his clothes would not lose the smell of man sweat, unless he washed it, and that if he could not work the appliances, he could always ask someone, and it would be okay. Congratulations that your children have learned this at an early age. My wonderful son did not learn these things until he had no other choice. To have to go to college and learn these simple skills is an unfortunate way to put a child through those first few months of college. Because of his lack of preparation, my girls in high school are leaning all of these skills earlier. I am trying to learn from my mistakes! Laurie
Amazing. Thank you so much for this!
Just one question: can I apply this to my husband as well?!
This post really struck a chord for me. Recently I have discovered the joys of allowing my 8 and 3 year old daughters to be self sufficient. The weight of stress and anxiety over waiting for the next mess is gradually being replaced by joy at watching them discover what a huge help they can be to Mommy. I’ve gone from waiting till my 3 years olds nap time to prep for dinner and fold laundry to challenging myself to figure out ways she can help me with these tasks. I purchased 2 small laundry baskets for them to do thier own laundry. The 3 year old is good at putting hers into the washer and sorting Jammie’s from regular clothes so I can fold. My older daughter is able to do it all from start to finish which really makes me proud. It’s the every day letting go of perfection that will ensure that one day when I’m unable to care for thier needs that they will be fine on thier own.
I love this, Kristi! This is powerful: “The weight of stress and anxiety over waiting for the next mess is gradually being replaced by joy at watching them discover what a huge help they can be to Mommy.” I love that you have 2 small laundry baskets so they can be responsible for their own clothes. So simple, yet so brilliant. I also love the point you made that letting go of perfection is the only way you can really give your kids room to be self-sufficient. I also had to let go of the need to get things done quickly. When my youngest was 3, she helped me fold towels. It took forever and she would often get sidetracked, but now at age 6, she folds towels better than I do.
Thank you for taking time to share your story. You have inspired me. I will be getting two small laundry baskets today.
Your articles are amazing and inspiring. I, too, have struggled with doing too much for my girls. I am gradually learning to let them take care of more things. I have always felt guilty if I didn’t take care of everything. However, my Epilepsy took a turn for the worse and my seizures started happening much more frequently. Since this has happened my girls were finally given the opportunity to take care of things themselves. Those times have given me insight that I don’t need to do everything and, also, that I shouldn’t both for my health and to help my girls become more responsible. My youngest recently started babysitting and she exclaimed to me that it was very tiring to do everything and what a hard job being a mom is. She told me then that she would make sure to help me more because she realized why I got tired some days doing so much for them. Both of my girls have really taken it up a few notches all on their own. Now it’s my job to continue letting it be that way. I still have a hard time with not doing everyone’s laundry, but I’m getting there. Thank-you again for your posts and sharing your journey with us all. You help make better parents and I commend you for that.
What wonderful children you have!
I am also concerned that my children are a bit spoiled. I really try to teach them responsibility that is appropriate for their age. Thanks for this reminder!
LOOOOOVE! Loved this. Thank you for writing it!
I found this so enriching to read. As a Mummy to two little boys I wrestle with what I can/want/ought to do for them and what they can/want/ought to do. What I read in this though was the love they felt and thrived from in all you have done for them. Then, when they saw you needed them, they wanted to share all that love and learning with you. Thank you for this. Just discovered your blog and very grateful for that. Amy.
I wish I could attach the picture that I took. I happened upon your blog the other day and this entry stuck in my head. The kitchen floor had not been mopped for a while, I think because I have a perfectionist thing about it… Yesterday afternoon I asked my 4 year old if she would like to mop the kitchen floor. Her eyes lit up. She went to get a rag and got it wet. As she was mopping she experimented with several methods that she came up with. In the end we were both “skating” across the kitchen floor with wet rags on our feet with genuine smiles on our faces. She just made a dreaded task so much fun! And no, it was not perfectly clean, but I’ve decided that I am ok with that. I had no idea that when I asked my daughter to clean the floor she would come up with a better way of doing it than I ever thought. Kids are smart if we let them do their thing. Thanks!
This makes me smile, Erica! I love this!!! I never knew folding laundry could be fun until I invited my then 4 year old to help. She held up her dad’s boxer shorts and did this little dance. I will never forget how hard I laughed. Of course, she wanted to help every time I folded because we had such a great time. She became the expert boxer short folder and the expert small towel folder in the family. I love involving the kids in household tasks for a variety of reasons, but you nailed it when you brought up the aspect of the joy and creativeness they bring to it. Thank you SO much for coming back to share your story. It means so much that you thought of a post you read here.