Each time I am at the start line of a running race I feel a little tightening in my chest – a little nervousness that lets me know my competitive edge, although softened a bit, has not completely disappeared. This feeling reminds me where I came from and where I want to be. I share my story in hopes it will offer someone else a chance to let go and live in 2013.
It was a family-friendly holiday 5k race that meandered through the streets of a beautiful Midwestern neighborhood. It was a crisp, 42-degree morning which made for perfect running weather. The sun was quickly rising in the East causing the frost-coated grass to shine like a field of diamonds.
After a short sprint at the start of the race, my husband and I slowed to a comfortable, steady pace. For a brief moment the wind picked up and I regretted not wearing gloves. But after bending my frigid fingers a few times and taking in a long, deep breath, a warmth that could only come from gratitude spread throughout my body.
About a mile into the race, I noticed a small competitor (around age six or seven) eyeing me. With David Beckham hair, big brown eyes, and slick black athletic pants swishing at high speed, I couldn’t help but smile. Although he was approximately five strides ahead of me, he would periodically look back to see where I was. At one point, he slowed long enough that we ran side by side. I feared he was growing tired so I offered an encouraging word.
Either the boy was truly encouraged or he simply wanted to get away from the overly friendly lady in the turquoise cap—he suddenly burst ahead.
His temporary acceleration was short-lived, and I quickly found myself running along side him again. I threw out another compliment and told him how close he was to finishing.
As we neared the end of the race, I could see and hear my children and young nephew cheering from the corner. I noticed that not only did they share the same hair color, but they also shared the same disheveled look from a too-early departure time. As they stood in the morning sunshine their inherent beauty seemed more pronounced in this natural state.
Oblivious to the many runners who had passed before me, my 6-year-old called out, “Are you winning, Mama?”
Winning
As my feet hit the pavement in rhythmic succession, I considered her question.
If she meant was I noticing the beauty of the sunrise …
If she meant was I enjoying running along side my love of 15 years and exchanging fist bumps every now then …
If she meant was I encouraging a small child with a determined heart and legs that never ceased to tire …
If she meant was I swallowing delicious gulps of fresh air feeling grateful to be alive …
Then yes, my precious girl, your mama is winning.
But I must confess, I haven’t always regarded winning this way.
Like other well-intentioned members of our competitive society, I’ve always had a firm definition of winning. It was setting a record time, capturing the blue ribbon, taking a first place finish, being the “best.” And I, like so many, got caught up in the extrinsic rewards and public accolades that went along with grand achievements.
Never will I forget the days when I thought tasks must be accomplished with perfect accuracy and efficiency or they might as well not be done at all.
Never will I forget when I pushed myself to 110% output level despite the fact I practically had to kill myself to do it.
Never will I forget how a whole day could be ruined when one little thing on my master plan went awry …
Never will I forget when school projects had to be flawless … when kitchen counters had to be spotless … when the pursuit to get “one more thing” accomplished was endless.
Sadly, I might still be living such an unattainable existence today had it not been for the impact this approach to life was having on my children.
You see, all that pressure to be perfect couldn’t be contained inside my own lines. It often had the tendency to spill out and contaminate my children’s day, their perspective, their psyche, and their joyful little lives.
When I realized the underlying message that my children were hearing, absorbing, and internalizing was “You are not good enough,” I vowed to change. And little by little, I started to let go; I began to let things BE as they were and stopped trying to control everything. I found myself saying phrases like:
It was just an accident; we can clean it up.
I’d like to hear what YOU think about it.
I love to watch you play.
I love the person you are—exactly as you are.
And now here they stand today on a crowded street corner with messy bedheads and joyful smiles. They are kids who will dive off the blocks when they are ready, who wear mismatched socks every single day to school, who know how to disguise a mistake on their paper by transforming it into a heart. They are kids who shrug and say, “It doesn’t have to be perfect” and “I did my best.” They are kids who cheer their mom across the finish line celebrating her moment of ordinary achievement.
Ah yes, ordinary achievement.
It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
I’ve decided it’s my motto for 2013 – for myself and my family … and of course for you, if you’d like to adopt it.
2013: The Year of Ordinary Achievement
Capturing a sunset with my eyes …
Reaching out a loving hand to someone who needs encouragement …
Coveting precious pockets of time to spend with the people I love …
Expressing gratitude for life’s simple joys like fresh air, belly laughs, and worn-out treads on running shoes
Just think. If we were able to experience and savor these ordinary achievements, wouldn’t life be rich?
Wouldn’t our hearts be full?
Wouldn’t our time be well-spent?
Wouldn’t our inner doubts be silenced?
Let our self-worth not be based on the number on the scale but instead on the feeling of our body as it glides through the water.
Let our joy not be created by being in the highest reading group but instead by the story within the pages of a book.
Let our success not be based on the number of games won in a season but instead on the memories made and friendships created.
Let our beauty not be determined by our resemblance to a photo-shopped image but instead by our courage to have our own personal style and unique flair.
Let our value not be based on how much we have but how much we give.
Now that would certainly be a year of living “Hands Free,” wouldn’t it? To experience joy in the ordinary moments of life that are really quite miraculous when you stop and really think about them.
After the race, I found my pint-sized competitor. He was sucking down a bottled water while waiting for his family to finish.
I leaned in and said, “Thank you for keeping me going. You helped me finish that race today.”
Although he tried to keep his grin to a minimum, he simply couldn’t. And what I saw was the most beautiful smile I had ever laid eyes on. This precious boy, who was missing four teeth, confirmed everything I have come to believe about grasping what really matters in life.
Happiness trumps perfection every single time – if you just let go long enough to let it.
******************************************
This post is not implying we should stop setting goals or maintaining standards of success for ourselves or our children.
What this post is advocating is this:
- Let us not sacrifice the joy of the journey by being solely focused on the end result or a specific outcome
- Let us not discount the small triumphs along the way to meeting our goals – particularly the triumphs that are invisible to the eye but felt in the heart
- Let us not allow perfection to steal our joy – sometimes the most meaningful life experiences come from the unplanned and the imperfect by simply letting things BE and evolve
A Year of Ordinary Achievement means letting go of societal standards of success and following your heart to find personal happiness and fulfillment.
There is life to be lived, my friends of The Hands Free Revolution. Is this your year to let go and live? Please share your thoughts. I love your company and your comments on this meaningful journey.
The A Year of Ordinary Achievement by Hands Free Mama, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
I love this! 2013 being a a year of ordinary achievement sounds good to me. Most of my extraordinary moments of my life have been in the every day…the ordinary and I am looking to embarce these moments in 2013. Will add this to my word of the year..which is going to be Possibilities or FearLess. I just haven’t decided yet.
One of my intentions for 2013 is to be present in every moment that is before me and to give my full attention to whomever is in front of me, even when it doesn’t seem to be a convienent time or what I had planned for that moment.
As always thank you for your words.
Thank you for this comment, Lori. I am so happy to have you along on this journey — striving for a year of ordinary achievements together. I love your intention to be fully present with the person in your company this year. I also love your “word of the year” idea. FearLess really resonates with me, too.
Happy new year, my friend! I love the way you encouraged that little guy next to you in the race. I have a 5K scheduled in March, and I’ll be looking for someone to whom I can pass the kindness. xoxo
Thank you, Kristin. Happy New Year to you, too! I am touched to know you will be an encourager along your own 5k. I started doing that a couple years ago. It makes the race go faster (running is not easy for me) and makes me feel very happy.
Happy 2013! I admit, I am somewhat of a control freak, and I struggle with it. I force myself to invite people over, in spite of my far from perfect house, because the memories and friendships created matter far more. I force myself to laugh at my mistakes in front of my son, to be a good model for him. Maybe if I continue to force myself to do these things, at some point they will just come naturally? (Let’s hope!)
I have to say, though, that what seems “ordinary” to you or to me, might be extraordinary to someone else. Just being able to complete a race would be an unreachable goal for some. Also, little “ordinary” words of encouragement, like the ones you offered to the small runner, might mean the world to someone. It’s the ability to see the extraordinary in our “ordinary” days that makes this life so beautiful. That’s what I hope to do in 2013. Continue to be open to the beauty in all my moments. I hope this is a wonderful year for you and your family!
I just love your perspective, Jen. Thank you for always leaving such thoughtful and enlightening comments. I appreciate you noting that what seems “ordinary” to you or me might not be to someone else. What a powerful point and it further motivates me to appreciate the blessings in my life and pass them on if I can — in ways big and small. Thank you, friend!
I look forward to your posts so much, Rachel. You have a beautiful talent in the words you write and the messages you deliver. THANK YOU. I gain so much inspiration by these posts – you are truly helping to fuel my conscious efforts to slow down, be thankful, and embrace what really matters this year! Happy 2013!
Thank you, Susan. I am so grateful for your uplifting message. For some reason getting back into the groove after a long, media-free break with my family has been challenging. I needed your words today. You have fueled me. Thank you.
I would love to adopt your 2013 motto! I really needed to read this today. This morning I had a moment with my 7 year old daughter. She wanted to do her own hair, but came out of the bathroom looking ridciulous! Of course me worring about everything being perfect I said something to her and had her change her hair style before school. As soon as I pulled away from the school I felt TERRIBLE! I mean what would it have hurt for her to go to school with 3 crazy poneytails wrapped around her head? About 20 minutes later I dropped a note off at thr school for her with her ponytail holders. I can only hope it helped brighten her morning after I had already crushed it. Anyway while reading your blog today the following lines hit me like a ton of bricks….
“You see, all that pressure to be perfect couldn’t be contained inside my own lines. It often had the tendency to spill out and contaminate my children’s day, their perspective, their psyche, and their joyful little lives.”
I am making a promise to myself, and my childrean to let go and to not ruin another morning with my pettieness! My 7 year old is the perfect version of herself, and I don’t want to change her one bit!
Thanks for writing and sharing with us! You have touched my day!
Tracy
Tracy, thank you so much for sharing your story. I think if we’re being honest, most of us could relate to nixing an unusual looking self-made hairdo or a creatively-styled outfit combination of our child’s! My six year old started doing her own hair about 6 months ago. She would often leave part of it uncombed and then put it in a messy bun. It pained me not to “fix it.” But I didn’t. Gradually, her styling became better and better. Now she can do it better than I can! Now I am not saying this “letting go” was easy for me, but the rewards have been great. My daughter is SO proud she does her own hair while her 9 year old sister still wants me to do it.
I commend you for what you did this morning. When I read about how you took the note and the holders and dropped them off at school, I got tears in my eyes. What a beautiful way of saying, “I am sorry.” That has always been hard for me … but I know it is SO important that we own our mistakes or try to make right what we wish we could have done differently. I will remember your story. Thank you so much for sharing and inspiring me.
Thanks for your inspirational posts. I am the mother of three girls, and definitely feel the pressures to maintain a certain “status quo”. I love your motto regarding ordinary achievement. It is something I will have to revisit regularly.
Thank you!
Rachel, you are a true inspiration. I often wish I could get your number and call you for advice because I desperately would like to be the type of mother/person you are now but I am struggling so hard to get there. I really, really want to be a “hands-free mama” and every day will myself to slow down and enjoy my children without worrying about so many other less meaningful aspects of life but something always seems to get in the way of my progress. Was your transformation into a “hands-free mama” gradual or did it happen instantaneously? How do you achieve it AND get sleep? Thank you for your posts…they always give me a reason to pause and strengthen my resolve to live in the moment! Happy New Year to you and your family!
To Jazzysunmom- I totally understand what you feel!
Rachel has said in some of her posts that she kept going back to her ‘old” ways but had to make a conscious effort to be hands free..I have also experienced the same,it takes lot of effort and also a very firm conviction that it will all turn out right when you are working towards being hands free.Keep at it ,don’t give up and come here for encouragement.
Have a blessed day
GKB
This is so lovely, Geetha! Thank you for being a positive source of encouragement to another person here on my blog. This makes my heart so full.
What a great question! I began my Hands Free journey to let go of the external distraction that was sabotaging my moments that matter — but once I let go of the grip of the electronic devices, I found there was another type of distraction preventing me from living a meaningful life. And that was INTERNAL distraction — namely the pursuit of perfection and the worry of what other people will think. Letting go of this type of distraction took longer — about a year. However, I still regress from time to time. Let me provide a few links to some posts where I talk about this topic:
“Growth” (a guest post I wrote) http://www.raising-humans.com/2012/10/11/growing-together-growth-from-hands-free-mama/
“Dig for your Life” http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/04/23/dig-for-your-life/
“Come As You Are” http://www.handsfreemama.com/2011/10/06/come-as-you-are/
“My Secret Life” http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/01/10/my-secret-life/
Keep me posted on your progress! Feel free to email me — see the “contact me” button above. I am happy to answer questions or provide encouragement.
I truly love you and your posts! As I runner, I can completely relate. My 8 year old always asks if I win. I like saying No with a huge smile on my face. I didn’t win the race but I loved every second of running. Someone I know he gets it. I see it in his swimming too.
Thank you for always sharing and for always inspiring.
Thank you, Kristy! I love the positive modeling you are providing your kids! Keep on shining!!!
This came at such a critical and pivotal time in my life and that of my family. I have been struggling to not be a perfectionist and to keep from being demanding of my husband and kids to be the same. The stress, tension, strife and lack of joy being a perfectionist causes is not worth it. Thank God, the realization has hit me. I love the declaration of this being a year of ordinary achievements. These are the achievements that are of long lasting value, and make joy-filled and genuine memories. You have my deepest gratitude. Thank you
I am so glad this message resonated with you, Daria. My hope for each post is that it touches ONE life. Thank you for letting me know that it did. I am honored to share this journey with you.
Very nice!Yes..sometimes we are so focussed on the destination that we don’t enjoy the journey.
It is very true that we especially women drive ourselves and everyone else around us crazy with perfectionist ideas.When ordinary things are done with love they will become extrordinary.
Have a blessed day
GKB
Thank you, friend. I love this line of your comment: “When ordinary things are done with love they will become extraordinary.”
Hey there Rachel,
I stumbled upon your blog from a friend of mine this past year, as I became a mama for the first time and was looking for some encouragement. Now that I’ve become a mom, I suddenly feel all this added pressure to have it all together and can be paralyzed in fear and afraid to act, afraid my actions will negatively affect my son. All I want to do is provide a good life for him and I pray that as he starts to grow and figure out the world around him, that I can allow him to be who God made him to be and not put added pressure on him to succeed. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences and for being such an encouragement to take a deep breath and look at the beauty around us and recognize how much time can be wasted looking at the expressions of others, or trying to find our identity in that instead of trusting our own instincts and simply enjoying the life we have.
Here’s to a wonderful 2013, appreciating the good around us all!
Yep, this is it. Celebrating the ordinary. That’s it. Finding the miraculous RIGHT here in our everyday lives. Like you say — in the perfect eyelashes of our little honeys. And I love how you say that this was a process — a process of waking up. And again and again, you chose to wake up. That’s how it’s done. There’s a quote going around in the neuroscience world that it takes 10,000 times of doing something to master it. Well, I’m “mastering” the “art” of being RIGHT here…right with my little honeys and my dear beloved. Next right decision by next right decision. Love love love to you, Lisa
Stunning, as always, Rachel. I had the urge to take a yellow highlighter to my computer screen when you talked about the need to do things perfectly or not at all. Oh boy, can I identify with that. It’s a belief I’ve been working on banishing, and you always show me how important it is to learn to let go. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this blog entry. It definitely resonates with me! I had a bike crash early in the season this past summer. I went over the handlebars, landing on my head and shoulder, splitting my helmet from front to back and separating my shoulder. It took me many weeks to recover physically, but many more weeks to get up the nerve to even get back on my bike. I rode a womens-only ride in August that I had already signed up for, definitely undertrained, as a result. When I crossed the finish line, I was FAR back in the pack of folks finishing, and my time was nothing to boast about. After cheering me in, my 5-year-old asked, “Did you WIN, Mommy?” Without hesitation, I answered with a resounding, “YES!” Sometimes we need to shift our perspective and redefine what it means to be a winner. Thanks so much for this reminder!
You surely hit the nail on the head. Great reminder for starting the new year!
I know what I want. Striving to go for it has thrown everything out of skew. Not because anything was being done wrong, but because of perspective.
When the perspective is not right, people can feel it. There is just something that is cold or methodical about it. The human touch is lost, and therefore the uniqueness of it’s value.
Recently I came to this realization. I want to help people with my work. While this is true, I some how did it with a selfishness that tainted the overall picture. The value I placed in myself became determined by an external focus on other people’s thoughts of me or my work.
Funny thing is, big successes are a compilation of ordinary achievements. So I realize that I need to get my life back together. Stop trying so hard for something that isn’t working out, and becoming disappointed. Set a comfortable pace that would be good for the haul, but focus on taking responsibility.
Let’s not take so many steps, but just the right ones.
I so love your blog!! There hasn’t been a single one yet that I didn’t need to hear. I’m even trying to go back and read the ones you wrote before I discovered your blog. Keep them coming!!
love this…Amen Sister, with bright spirits and compassion laced with joy your children will bloom wherever God plants them as you nurture these values!
This post touched my heart. After leaving our home town; our family is moving back “home.” Over the last six years we’ve had the incredible opportunity to experience regional foods, explore the mountains, make new friends, and travel. With our move quickly approaching; my fear is that we will be doing the same old thing and our days of exploring are over. Your post reminds me that ordinary can be extraordinary and that even going back home each days a new adventure. Thank you!
Thank you for the encouraging words. I’ve shared several of your posts on fb. I know some of my friends will read and share. I love your positive thoughts. We all need reminders now and then.
Oh man! This litterally made me cry. I have two boys three and one and a half. I just had a day where I did not have the mommy magic. Instead of being frustrated and annoyed as a bussied around cleaning the house I should have just let everything slide. You nailed it! Thanks for the inspiration. I vow to not sweat the small stuff…. and also, next time my love is having a time and I’m on the verg of having an adult tantrum I’m going to take a step back and think of his moods as colors. After all you can’t pick and choose the pieces of someone to love, you have to love the whole rainbow! All the best to you.