Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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Real You: The New Parenting Role to Embrace Now & Our Kids Will Be Alright

The last concert I attended before the world as we know it changed forever was Mat Kearney’s … [Read more...]

Filed Under: African Road, conscious parenting, Coronavirus, courage, dealing with change, emotional wellbeing, human connection, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, living authentically, Raising Resilient Kids

Your 2 AM Guide for Taking Tough Turns & Locating Lost Calm

I’ve never thought so much about left-hand turns in my life… until now. My 16-year-old daughter … [Read more...]

Filed Under: being present, dealing with change, emotional wellbeing, human connection, human needs, isolation, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, mental health, Overcoming fear, purpose, teen wellness Tagged With: Coronavirus

Being a Mess Becomes a Comfort, Not a Curse, In Just One Ask

I was standing in my kitchen on March 1, 2019 wondering how I was going to get through the writing … [Read more...]

Filed Under: emotional wellbeing, healing, human connection, human needs, I am enough, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, living authentically, Living In Realness, mental health, Overcoming fear, rejection, self-acceptance, self-love, self-perception, teen wellness, What I Would Have Missed

Strengthening Our Kids from the Passenger Seat by Driving Two Key Words Home

“We are not good at anything when we first start,” Scott said at the dinner table in response to … [Read more...]

Filed Under: being present, conscious parenting, courage, dealing with change, emotional wellbeing, human connection, human needs, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, living authentically, mental health, Overcoming fear, Raising Resilient Kids, teen wellness

This May Cause Applause & Tell You of Your Gift

My beloved first graders at Moody Elementary When I was pregnant with my daughter Natalie, I … [Read more...]

Filed Under: finding joy, intentional living, Live Love Now, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, new year hopes, new year resolutions, purpose, self-acceptance, What I Would Have Missed

The Lies We Tell Ourselves Keep Us from Residing in a Life We Love (Blue Shutters Optional)

“To dare is to lose one’s footing; To not dare is to lose one’s self.”Soren Kierkegaard I’ve … [Read more...]

Filed Under: African Road, being present, courage, dealing with change, human connection, intentional living, kids and phones, life's purpose, LIVE LOVE NOW the book, living authentically, new year hopes, new year resolutions, self-love, traveling, volunteering, What I Would Have Missed

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Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

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“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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Whenever I start reading a book, I begin with the Whenever I start reading a book, I begin with the acknowledgement section. I think the most important part of a book is not the part you can read with your eyes, but the part you can FEEL with your soul—the behind-the-scenes part… the creation part … the turmoil, sweat, and tears part. And reading the words written about the people who made the book possible tells a lot about that very important part.

I spent a great deal of time writing the acknowledgements for LIVE LOVE NOW. Long before it was time to write that section, I knew it would lead off with my favorite Rumi poem, and that poem would provide structure to a section that could easily become one long list of names.

What I believe is that all life endeavors, particularly endeavors of the heart, come with lamps, ladders, and lifeboats in the form of human beings. For this book, there were 58 of them.

Over the past seven weeks since the book’s release, I’ve been making a point to personally tell or show each of those 58 people that they are acknowledged and why. Most say something like, “I didn’t do anything…” but there is always this look or sound of relief when I say, “Oh, yes… yes, you did.”
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There has been more than one instance when the person, upon finding her name in the back of the book, began to cry.

I think there is something vitally important here that goes far beyond BOOK acknowledgements to plain and simple HUMAN acknowledgments.

We all have an inherent need to know that we have made a difference in someone’s life.

So, tell them. Tell your Lamps this: “Thank you for illuminating my path, fueling my belief when I was running on empty, & for always leaving the light on for me.”
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Tell your Ladders this:
“Thank you for propelling me over difficult obstacles, elevating my experiences to new heights, and leading me to extraordinary people, places, and parts of myself that without you, I’d never know.”
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Tell your Lifeboats this:
“Thank you for never letting go of my hand. You are my oxygen; my true north; my constant source of comfort, hope, belief, and inspiration. You are my home, and so much was made possible as a result of your steadfast love and support.”
(Continued 👇)
I think most of us can agree that the social dista I think most of us can agree that the social distancing measures have posed great challenges for our kids and teens in their ability to meet their social needs. Many young people have been relying heavily on their phones to stay connected to peers during this time and have been consuming tech at a high rate.

In my home, we have had more conversations than usual around technology use. I go into these conversations not as the controlling, know-it-all enforcer, but as the guide, companion, and partner who is navigating a tricky and ever-changing territory WITH my kids. I never want them to feel like they must navigate the online world in secret or without a sensible adult.

I tackle this topic in Chapter 3 of my book LIVE LOVE NOW. After talking to countless teens during classroom visits, I chose to title the chapter ADRIFT. Their honest feedback made it clear that they could not navigate this territory alone—nor did they want to. The pervasiveness of technology causes many young people to feel vulnerable, insecure, ill-equipped, and adrift—as if they have no anchor.

During the writing of that chapter, I received a powerful message from a high school teacher:
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“Yesterday, we evaluated a claim from a respected researcher in the tech field that parents should simply tell kids to put their phones down. The majority of my students cited the researcher’s suggestion as unrealistic, but their reasons stopped me in my tracks. They used words like ‘respect’ and ‘communication’ and ‘collaboration’. They described their desire for device-free dinners and time spent connecting with their family members. These 15 and 16-year-olds are craving quality time with their parents, but they don't always know how to ask for it. What a call to action—a call to love our people & show up for them—by setting aside the demands of the outside world.” .
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My friends, although we have not experienced a digital childhood, we can be the first generation of parents who show our kids what it looks like to be present participants in a distracted world. We can show our kids that by anchoring ourselves to what lives, breathes, & grows, we can actually experience life while we are living it. -RMS
“First and foremost, trying to impart anything t “First and foremost, trying to impart anything to our kids, if it is to be effective, must be something we OWN in our soul, in our spirit. You can do all the talking you want about this, that, and the other, but your child is paying attention to HOW you behave. Put differently, we are our kids’ FIRST role models – whether we are their BEST role models – has everything to do with how we behave. Before you are even talking to your kid about race, you are modeling how you feel.” - @jlythcotthaims from: Talking to your children about race & racism on the @lovevery podcast

When I listened to the above Lovevery podcast interview with Julie Lythcott-Haims, I had to keep stopping. There was so much to reflect on and absorb. What Julie shares from her heart and her experience has world-changing potential on both a personal and broad level, if we take time to listen. This week, starting today, Julie is sharing on multiple platforms. I don’t want to miss a single word. Please join me.

@jlythcotthaims is an author, speaker, and activist based out of Palo Alto, California. Her books are: “How To Raise An Adult” and “Real American." .
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My hand in yours, 
Rachel
THE COMPANION’S PRAYER by Rachel Macy Stafford THE COMPANION’S PRAYER 
by Rachel Macy Stafford

If the news is bad,
I’ll hurt with you.

If the news is good,
I’ll rejoice with you.

If the news is neither bad nor good,
I’ll wait with you ‘til things start looking up.

If the news is bad,
Lay your pain on me.

If the news is good,
We’ll celebrate.

If the news is unknown,
We’ll lean towards hope.

You and I know the news could go either way.
But remember, there is one constant:
And that is Me.Beside.You.

I can’t take this burden from your shoulders, but I sustain you for the journey.

I can’t walk this road for you, but I can make sure you never go it alone.

I can’t see what’s in front of us, but I can assure you there is light ahead.

My hand in yours.
Amen.
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Over the past year, I’ve been called to companion my thirteen-year-old daughter through challenging new territories. I use ‘companion’ as a verb because though I am actively moving alongside her, I cannot take this journey FOR her. My role is to walk beside my daughter as a calm and steady Encourager.

As a fixer, doer, and like-to-be-in-control type of person for many, many years, embracing this role is not always easy for me, but the rewards are immense. I have witnessed my daughter learn healthy coping mechanisms, turn pain into purpose, and build muscles of resilience. I am grateful she has invited me as her companion on her personal strength journey.

With the recent release of my new book, #LiveLoveNow, came an opportunity to share a few of my most meaningful navigation tools with a new audience. The response from those who read the article have been deeply moving to my daughter and me. Some have said, “I thought I was alone… thank you for helping me see I am not.” .
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If you’d like to read that piece, click the link in my profile or IG stories. Our story is for anyone needing to feel held in loving hands even when the path is unclear. “POINTING OUR KIDS TO TRUST ALONG LIFE’S UNCHARTED PATHS” by Rachel Macy Stafford
WINDOW QUESTIONS Natalie Stafford, age 16 I often WINDOW QUESTIONS
Natalie Stafford, age 16

I often wonder how things might change for young people if, instead of being backed into corners with questions like, “Why didn’t you do your assignment?” we were given more opportunities to explore bigger questions.

Opportunities that would help us answer questions like:
✨Have you ever felt true joy?
✨Have you ever stood under a vast sky and felt small?
✨Have you ever held hands with a stranger who instantly felt like family?

What if, instead of pressure to answer questions like, “Do you have enough activities to build your resume?” we were challenged to open our minds so that we could answer other questions? ✨Have you ever stood at a scenic lookout as long as your heart desired?
✨Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, “You can’t stop me”?
✨Have you ever been so lost in a moment that every worry on your mind was lifted?

I call questions like these Window Questions because they make me look at the world differently. They reveal how intelligence and wisdom are acquired through real-life experiences and relationships, as opposed to temporary retention of information for test-taking and busywork. Window Questions lead young people to think about how they can experience life’s deepest joys & find meaning when life seems hard or confusing. 
If I could give the world one message, it would be this: Open windows. Dare to ask hard questions. Dare to respond in your truth. Dare to step out in courage. Dare to reach farther than you ever thought you could. Because the reality is, our best ideas & our bravest solutions to the world’s big questions won’t have a chance to surface if they’re stifled by our worries, fears, expectations, or agendas.
-by Natalie Stafford (16) from the book #LiveLoveNow 
From RMS: The best part of writing #LiveLoveNow was getting the chance to work with my daughter and witness her lend her voice to the message of the book. Little did we know how people of all ages would find answers within themselves based on Natalie’s Window Questions and in the book’s conclusion that she wrote. Our deepest gratitude to those who are reading our book and letting us know how it is making a difference.
Today you might not get any closer to resolving yo Today you might not get any closer to resolving your current issue. You may not get the relief that comes with knowing why … or the peace that comes with gaining clarity. You may get deafening silence when you look into faces that are supposed to have the answers, and that will be hard.

Uncertainty is shaky ground. Uncertainty is not a comfortable place to be. Uncertainty causes worry … doubt … anger … hopelessness. And those emotions only strengthen uncertainty’s grip, making the unstable places feel even more shaky.

Here’s what I’ve been doing when uncertainty keeps me from feeling at peace: I ground myself in love…

by listening to my beloved’s steady breathing when I can’t sleep

by joining my teenager in her room when I feel adrift

by pulling a string across the floor for my cat when I feel joyless

by calling my parents and listening to their warm hello when I feel alone.

When the ground is shaky, I find great comfort in the consistency of these loving rituals—and this is why: 
Uncertainty loses its power in the presence of love.

That hopeful truth is worthy of repeating:

Uncertainty loses its power in the presence of love.

My friend, if today finds your world crumbling down … if there are more questions than answers … if things are not what they should be, spend a few minutes connecting to your places and people of peace.

Although very few things are predictable in this life, there might just be one thing that remains constant—your love for the people who make life worth living.

What you planned or expected might be shaken up, 
And your world might be crumbling down, 
But you, my friend, are grounded in love. 
Keeping holding on.
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-Rachel Macy Stafford, modified from the book #OnlyLoveToday
Six weeks ago, I was given a powerful reminder abo Six weeks ago, I was given a powerful reminder about life— it’s the one I most often forget (and sometimes don’t want to hear). I learn it, and then I forget it, so I have to learn it again. I am re-learning right now. The powerful reminder is this:
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“I must care for myself as I care for the ones I love.”
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What this means is: I need nourishment. I need rest. I need playtime. I need love. I need medical attention if something’s not right. We all do. And sometimes this important reminder is given to us through not-so-gentle words from someone who loves us... or sometimes it comes through not-so-subtle warning signs from our own body.

Oftentimes, I don’t want to hear these words or acknowledge these signs, but life is too precious not to take notice ... and, if needed, to take action.

Today, I took action, and then wrote this down hoping you could feel my love and care as I pass this reminder on to you.

Dear ones, let’s not ignore, dismiss, or push away the fact that it is NECESSARY to look after ourselves. If you have forgotten, like I did, let’s not shame ourselves. Instead, let’s lean in and re-learn right now. Let’s take this reminder and choose love for our precious selves. The truth is, we are not invincible, but we ARE valuable – let’s treat ourselves as such.

If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for the people who can’t imagine life without you.

My hand in yours. I love you,

Rachel

#LiveLoveNow #takecareofyou
Today I #sharethemicnow with speaker, author, and Today I #sharethemicnow with speaker, author, and inclusion specialist, @krystlecobran.

In this clip from a training session that Krystle graciously allowed me to share, I believe she reveals why she is so effective at helping people have conversations about race in ways that build connection, empathy, and understanding. From that place, people learn how to make conscious choices and take effective actions that create a more inclusive and just society.

Krystle’s approach offers a way to close the gap that she calls, ‘The Space Between Us,’ which she describes as this:
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“So, there’s this person who is not a person of color, and there’s this deepening awareness about the daily life experiences of people of color. It’s either a gradual awakening or it's a super-fast awakening, and as the person is coming to this awareness, there’s this, ‘Oh dear God, how could I have missed this? How could I have not understood that this is life for so many people?’
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And there is then a reaching out across the space.

On the other end, is a person who is a person of color who has been living the experience and is sort of like: ‘I see you, but I can’t unpack this for you because this pain that invades every facet of my life is too much to bear… so I cannot unpack this for you.’ .
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So, there’s this space that exists between us, and we don’t know how to cross it.

The way we cross that space as human beings is by finding ways to share what the experience of race feels like from multiple angles. This is a coming together of our stories; it’s a learning to see one another in the fullness of our humanity; it’s learning to listen and share in ways that draw us deeper into connection and belonging.”
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My friends, I encourage you to listen & subscribe to Krystle’s podcast, THE SPACE BETWEEN US, which helps people connect with the experiences they haven’t lived, learn how to be an effective listener, find their voice, build mutual understanding, & make conscious choices that create a more just & inclusive society link in bio and in IG stories. My hand in yours, RMS
Five weeks ago, I reached out for help. . . “Tho Five weeks ago, I reached out for help.
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“Those who support others need support too,” a wise friend said to me six years ago. I carried that beautiful notion with me year after year, until finally accepting that I was worthy of support too.

One of the first things my new helper did was gift me with a moment to get still, quiet my mind, and listen to my internal response when she asked a particular question.
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“What do you need right now?” she gently asked.

I don’t know if it was the question
Or the care in her voice
Or the answer that sounded like a desperate plea,
But tears immediately filled my eyes.

At long last, I heard the voice of my Inner Protector. She knows what I need, and I’d buried her beneath the “shoulds” … beneath the needs of others … beneath the noise and the news… beneath the endless demands.

Every week, my helper asks that question, and I listen to myself.  I am invited to write down my response and share it if I want. I always tell my helper what I wrote. It feels good to have someone listen to my needs. It feels good to listen to MY needs. I am worthy of care and concern… and so are you, my friend.

Yes, we are called to care for others, but it is vital that we care for ourselves.

Right now, I want you to imagine putting your arm around yourself like you would a beloved friend. Imagine offering yourself an outstretched hand or dusting yourself off like you would a child who’s fallen down. Imagine taking a moment to check in with yourself like you would a weary co-worker.
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“What do you need right now, love?” .
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PAUSE

Do you hear that? 
That is the sound of your inner protector looking after you. 
Your inner protector gives voice to the pain.

Your inner protector speaks healing truth.

Your inner protector places value on your health and wellbeing.

Your inner protector can help you if you stop and listen.

What if instead of pushing ourselves through this very hard time, we love ourselves through it?

What do you need right now?

Ask. Listen. Tend.

Enough hushing and hindering ourselves; let’s help ourselves. We are worthy of loving care too. -RMS
#selflove #selfcompassion #livelovenow
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