Hands Free Mama
Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters
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Sandy Ford says
May 23, 2013 at 12:18 am
Please add my email so i am notifier of blot posts
May 23, 2013 at 5:50 pm
Thank you so much for sharing. I grew up in a house hold where my mother yelled non stop and I swore I would never be that way. Unfortunately I have noticed my self falling into that same pastern. I have too much on my plate and spend all of my free time on the internet. I really needed to hear this before my daughter got to the point where she feared me like I feared my mother. Thank you again!
May 23, 2013 at 10:18 pm
this really hit home for me. thank you for sharing!
Kirk @ River Mud says
May 29, 2013 at 12:44 pm
I grew up in a house full of yelling and scolding (and shaming), where everything my brothers and I did was a distraction to what my parents thought we all should be doing. It had a permanent effect on us (we are all now in our 30s and carry the burden), and really all I can do about it is work hard to not yell at my son. That’s all each of us can do. It’s more important than you know.
June 1, 2013 at 4:30 pm
I was, and still sometimes am, that balloon that pops. Unfortunately, it is my kids that feel the wrath. I have been working on my problem for at least five years. I am much better. But, I wish I was that Rhino mom who didn’t yell for 365 days. You are very brave to write this article. Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one who struggles with this.
Robb Sundin says
June 2, 2013 at 6:26 am
In this day and age, this is for dad’s also. The daughters mom worked 3-11, so our routine was that I supervised after school play, fixed supper, supervised homework and always did the bedtime ritual. After a full day of work, going home to this routine, often was difficult and exhausting. Sometimes I did yell, but fortunately, not often.
The rewards came slowly but surely after a messy divorce. When the eldest got married, it was her dad that got asked to help her get ready to meet her man, not her mother. The photographers had a field day. I was also present for the birth of my first two grandchildren. When the youngest found out she was pregnant, she asked if I’d come spend the first with her and spend the first week with them and the newborn. If you haven’t figured it out by now, my X was the screamer and in many ways, I am the parent you have become. It is never easy, but then the most rewarding things always take the most work.
Thank you for writing this piece. As I end two weeks of spending time with my six and four year old grandsons at Disney World, your thoughts reinforce that while none of us ever do things perfectly, the rewards are great for those who try.
kay smart says
September 24, 2013 at 10:46 pm
Thank you so much for sharing. I have two children one with Cerebral Palsy but my children are now 17 and 20, my 20 year old has had some serious issues in his life. Reading this made me cry and more importantly think and reflect. I am also a full time Family Day Care Educator with 5 small children in my care each day – today I choose to be peaceful and calm even though I don’t think I shout I do the eye roll and body language I’m positive. But you’ve made me think – today and every day from now on I will remember. Thanks, Kay
August 21, 2014 at 8:17 am
Growing up my parents always had a hard time speaking to me with respect and kindness, instead they yelled at every single thing I did. They yelled when especially when it was innocent mistakes. They criticized every thing I did down to how I eat, how I dressed and how I spoke. Every decision I made was overlooked by them, they were always breathing down my neck.
I had low self-esteem, I had such a hard time making decisions and the worst part is I started to seek approval from friends. This approval seeking made me go out of my way to do things for friends to make them happy because at least I knew they would approve. It would make me blind to all the bad things they were doing to me like taking advantage of my car by expecting me to drive them everywhere. I was so desparate to seek approval and afraid that they would be mad at me so I didn’t mind. This happened for a couple of years. Until money was involved. I was naive enough to think my friends would be me back the money. They weren’t friends in the end… I felt stupid and used.
I had a hard time keeping a healthy relationship because I was constantly worried that I did something wrong to upset my friends… obviously a trait carried over by my parents overbearing nature. I ruined many relationships because I had unknowingly inherited the yelling and criticizing from my parents. It really upsets me. I had a hard time communicating myself in relationships in a healthy way, instead it came out angry and frustrated. Many girlfriends had left me for this reason. I hate myself and I hate what I’ve become.
Now that I’m an adult my parents have calmed down but the scars remain. We hardly speak to each other, I have to say I’m completely numb to them. I constantly feel that I’m never good enough for anything or anyone. This parenting style has left me mentally scarred and I’m still trying to heal from.
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