I didn’t expect my reaction to be so intense. After all, I’d been told many times that it was “just” rotator cuff surgery. For months, my husband made his procedure sound like it would be no big deal. But when he was hooked to beeping machines and ominous-looking drip bags and wheeled into the operating room, things didn’t look so simple to me.
As soon as the double doors of the operating room swished closed, I sequestered myself in the corner of the waiting room and cried. Because that is what happens when you know something deep down in your soul … when you are certain of someone or something so much.
The next day, while sitting side-by-side with the patient secured in an obtrusive black brace and resting comfortably on pain meds, I got the call. It was my first of multiple book deal offers. A lifetime of filling blank pages in hopes of holding a published book in my hands was suddenly close enough to touch. The eight-year-old storyteller in me jumped for joy and hollered, “You didn’t give up!”
As soon as I hung up the phone, I bowed my head and cried. Because that is what happens when you know something deep down in your soul … when you are certain of someone or something so much.
When I looked up from my joyful breakdown, there was my husband awkwardly reaching out with his one good arm. “I would hug you if I could,” he deadpanned. And then we both laughed hysterically and took a moment to drink in a blessed moment we knew we’d remember forever.
Within days, I accepted one of the amazing book deal offers and learned that my manuscript would be on a fast track to be published. This meant an exorbitant amount of writing, editing, and polishing would be required of me in one month’s time. I looked at my husband who was becoming quite skilled at balancing ice packs on his right shoulder and tearfully said, “I don’t know if I can do this.”
With enough conviction for the both of us, my husband said, “Yes, you can. This is your dream, and I will help you.”
Help me? Seriously? I wanted to kindly point out that in his current condition he couldn’t even open a jar of peanut butter or put on his own deodorant, but instead I bit my tongue and held on to faith. After all, faith had gotten me this far.
After my husband and I shared the incredible book news with my two biggest pint-sized fans, my husband told them what we would need to do as a family in order for me to meet my deadline. The girls excitedly agreed to do their part. Everyone was on board to see the Hands Free Mama book come to fruition.
But I was unsettled. I knew this because when I am unsettled troubling scenarios play out in my dreams.
But this time it was only one troubling scenario over and over. And it was horrific.
Every night for two straight weeks, I woke up in a sweat, frantically groping for my missing left arm. Of course, it was only a dream. My arm was not severed; it was whole. That’s when I would turn my head and see an enormous black brace sticking straight up in the air.
“Oh yeah. It’s his arm, not mine, ” I would remind myself. Then I’d wiggle each of my fingers, one by one, for extra assurance that I had two able hands.
After a fitful night of sleep, I would creep through house in the early morning hours gathering the strength and necessary materials for another intense writing session.
With every completed chapter I checked off on my writing calendar, I felt a small sense of triumph. I was getting closer. But yet, the nightmares continued. Finally, one morning after the same hideous dream, I knew the time had come. It was time to dig deep … it was time to face difficult truths … it was time to come clean. After all, painful truths were what propelled me into this Hands Free journey in the first place.
I looked at my writing schedule. I was right where I needed to be. I was set to finish by the deadline—so why the recurring nightmare? “What are you scared of?” I said aloud, as if putting it out there into the universe might get me a faster, more definite answer.
That’s when the words came back to me like a flood—painful words I had written on the one-year anniversary of my Hands Free journey. I ran to my computer and quickly typed in the title of that fateful post. And there it was. What I was afraid of stared back at me in 12-point Cambria font. It was eerily called, “One-Handed Living.”
Before, I was living life with one hand.
One hand always making a list,
Checking things off … checking things off.
Before, I was living life with one hand.
One hand always planning ahead,
On to what’s next … on to what’s next.
Before, I was living life with one hand.
One hand always trying to please,
Make everyone happy … make everyone happy.
Before, I was living life with one hand.
One hand always striving for an illusion,
Make sure it’s perfect … make sure it’s perfect.
Before, I was living life with one hand.
One hand always reaching full speed,
Don’t slow down … don’t slow down.
Before, I was living life with one hand,
One hand always gripping the device,
Don’t miss a text … don’t miss an email.
Instead miss your life.
Because one-handed living is not really living,
Not living at all.
Deep in my soul, I yearned to grasp what really matters.
And I knew I couldn’t do it with one hand.
So I let go.
I let go of distraction.
I let go of overcommitment.
I let go of perfection.
I let go of pressure.
I let go of excess.
And when I finally had two free hands,
I embraced life.
I embraced life with two free hands and one whole heart.
And that is when I truly began living.
(The Hands of Time; July 2011)
So there it was. I was afraid of one-handed living. Because with the book deal came talk of opportunities, responsibilities, and expectations—factors that could possibly corrode the Hands Free life I had desperately strived to create and protect. I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to the way things used to be … the way I used to be.
So I sat with that recognition for a few days. I had come clean about my fears, but I wasn’t sure where I was supposed to go from there. I decided that by letting go of the need for an immediate answer, a peaceful resolution would find me.
And one evening, a mere 32 hours from my publisher’s deadline, it did.
I was down to the last chapter of my book. It was crunch time. My parents had come from out of state to help out in these critical last days.
My mom came from my older daughter’s bedroom. She quietly approached my work area that was littered with piles of papers, empty Coke Zero cans, and a mountain of discarded sticky notes. Mom gently touched my arm and told me that my daughter had requested her nightly Talk Time.
Without hesitation, I got up from my keyboard and headed straight for my child’s room. My mom called out after me as if sensing what I needed to hear. “I tried to tell her you had a lot of work to do tonight but she said, ‘Grandma, my mom always comes. Even if she has work to do, my mom always comes.’”
I stopped mid-stride. My hand covered my mouth to suppress the emotional joy I felt from this sudden revelation.
That was it!
The little girl who knew exactly what nights her mother most needed encouraging notes placed on her computer saw something I didn’t. Through my daughter’s observations of me, she provided the peace I needed to stop the nightmares and provide the assurance that my Hands Free journey did not have to end with a book deal.
My child knew that her mother’s eyes had been opened. She knew I was not the same person I was three years ago when my distractions obstructed my view and caused me to lose sight of what was truly important in life. She knew I was now keeping track of life and would never lose sight of it again.
And along with my child’s hopeful observation came the definite answer to the recurring question I receive from readers of my blog:
I am an executive officer working for a Fortune 500 company. Can I be Hands Free?
I am a single parent living in a homeless shelter. Can I be Hands Free?
I run a home-based business that requires a great deal of online work. Can I be Hands Free?
I am divorced and only have my kids part-time. Can I be Hands Free?
I’ve made a lot of past mistakes. Is it too late to be Hands Free?
I’d always believed the answer was YES—anyone with a desire to live a present and meaningfully connected life can be Hands Free. But now I had certainty.
It is not your occupation, your life circumstances, or the number of available hours you have a day that determine whether or not you can grasp what really matters in life. It is awareness and action. It is the ability to recognize what is truly important and then making an effort to choose what matters in some form or fashion each day.
It’s what pulls you to her bedroom even when you have 3,000 more words to write.
It’s what urges you make a surprise visit to the school cafeteria despite a looming deadline.
It’s what compels you to jump on the trampoline even though you’re out of shape, uncoordinated, and might look a bit silly.
It’s what makes you shoot baskets when the overgrown lawn could really use some attention.
It's what urges you to push away the distractions and focus on the love of your life for a few hours.
It’s what causes you to beam with approval at your kindergartener who dressed herself in mismatched clothes and an abundance of sparkly accessories.
It’s what makes you turn off your phone on the way to soccer practice so you can talk to the precious cargo riding in the backseat.
It’s what makes you sing your toddler to sleep even though you are bone-tired and just want to crawl into bed.
It’s what wills you to take your elderly parent by the arm and patiently stroll to the pace of slow, shuffling feet.
It’s what inspires you take advantage of the time that you are given – no matter how much or how little you have – by being all there with the people you love and cherish.
Living Hands Free means your eyes have been opened to see what is truly important. And once your eyes have been opened that priceless awareness can never be taken away from you—no matter what circumstances arise in life.
I stood outside the doorway of my child’s bedroom in an effort to collect myself before entering. After taking a few deep breaths, I peeked around the doorframe. Cuddled in a mass of blankets, my child’s sleepy face peeked out with a smile of assurance. “Hi Mama. I knew you would come,” she said with satisfaction.
“Thank you. Thank you,” I whispered in response to my child but also as a prayer of gratitude for so many blessings that suddenly became clear to me …
Thankful my child knew me better than myself …
Thankful my family believed and supported my aspirations as a writer …
Thankful my husband was healing and would soon regain the use of both arms …
Thankful for the friends I’ve never met in person, but we meet here each week as we strive to grasp what matters in life …
Thankful I could soon share my book news with them …
It was time to do what I had come to do. I opened both arms and drew my child to my heart. And when I realized I was embracing life with two free hands, I couldn’t help but cry.
Because that is what happens when you know something deep down in your soul … when you are certain of someone or something so much.
Two-handed living … I am forever yours.
****************************************
For everyone who has written to me and asked, “Where do I start? What steps do I take to become Hands Free?” …
For everyone who has said, “Have you considered writing a book? I’d love to keep it on my nightstand to start and end my day,” …
For everyone who comes here and reads—leaving a thoughtful comment or just nodding in agreement as tears cloud your eyes …
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It is my honor and privilege to officially announce that Zondervan, a division of HarperCollins, is the publisher of:
Hands Free Mama:
A Guide to Putting Down the Phone,
Burning the To-Do List,
& Letting Go of Perfection
To Grasp What Really Matters!
My book hits shelves on January 7th but is currently available for pre-order on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Thank you for being my faithful companions on this journey and encouraging readers of my words. You, my friends of The Hands Free Revolution, have made all the difference.
celebratating a completed manuscript with the man who was an incredible help despite the brace!
Your book is on my NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION LIST!!
Thank you for this amazing blog!!! I put down my Ipad now and go to play with my kids 🙂
Thank you, Milena! That means so much to me!
Congrats! I am so proud of you! Your blog is such a blessing to me every day! Thank you for letting me trek with you. Finding your blog was like finding another soul in the universe who could understand how I am trying to live life. I thought I was alone but I am not….I wish your new book was out for Xmas- I would order it for everyone!
That is just beautiful, Stacy. I appreciate your support & kind words so much. We are not alone.
that is a great idea! maybe you could pre-order them and make little cards letting them know what is coming…. ?
Thank you, Jenny! I think that is a great idea! Thank you for the support!
Tears (again), amazement (again), touched (again)….all because you are YOU and got real with yourself, then made the (hard) decision to SHARE that with those that would read and listen. I am so glad to have found your blog from the post that was shared on Censational Girl with “The Important Thing About Yelling”. I have followed, read, cried, and asked “Have you ever thought about writing a book?” I am so thrilled for you and for all the people who will get a chance to read this book, learn from your experiences and writing, grow, change, be blessed by the words and changes you can ignite. I will be pre-ordering and hope to see it on the NY Times Bestseller List. Your words must reach a nation! Best, Kristin
You have gotten me a little teary too … sometimes when you put yourself out there it feels good to know there is someone on the other end of the line who is pulling for you. Thank you for asking if I ever thought of writing a book. So many of those questions came when I was IN that difficult time of writing the book and those questions gave me fuel to keep writing even when I didn’t think I could. I am grateful for your support and the support of this community. Just knowing that there is someone out there who has clicked the pre-order button just brings joy to my writer heart. Thank you, Kristin.
I so agree with you that her words must reach a nation! It is a movement that must happen. All the insights she shares guide us and living hands free makes a difference in the NOW and in the FUTURE. The FUTURE because our kids imprint on us; they learn what is valuable. Those moments at bedtime with a little reading from a book are the cuddles that give them the strength to meet the challenges to grow. (oh, they learn to appreciate learning and reading as well but that is an aside).
I hope her book makes the movement grow!
Congratulations, Rachel! I can’t think of anyone more deserving. Looking forward to reading it!
Thank you, Pam, for being a faithful companion on this journey!
No! Thank you!! I will be purchasing the book today and will spread the word!! You are such an inspriration!!
Thank you again. Every week leaves me in tears and with the sweet reminder of what to do. It has been a tough month with my daughter starting full-time kindergarten, making ends meet with the new expense of school, having a husband who is traveling and in a newish career field. Most days I am not sure if I am coming or going or if I am hands free at all. But I am doing what I can- and perhaps that is enough. Rocking every night, cuddles every morning, one more moment to walk around and look at the trees even though we are going to be a few minutes later getting in line at school.
Will be ordering your book later today. Thank you for sticking to it and helping to show us the way with your transparency. 🙂
Connie, your message touches me deeply. I am thankful you were able to gather some hope in my message today. The “little” loving actions you mentioned that you are making part of your day are truly “big” actions that I believe make a positive difference in our relationships and our well-being. My book has many simple ways to meaningfully connect that can bring us closer to our loved ones despite the distractions and pressures in our lives.
{Melinda} Congratulations on your book! I used to live a very overwhelmed, overcommitted life. It took painful circumstances to open my eyes. I never want to go back there. But now I am working on a big project — a project God has clearly put in my hands and I’m struggling, too — so afraid of going back to that stressed-out overwhelmed mess of a mama that snapped at her kids at the slightest provocation and neglected her own health. I’m BUSY right now, but determined to not allow my family to suffer. In fact, I pray that my family is more blessed through this project than they would have been without it. 🙂
I wish you all the best in your endeavor–your eyes have been opened and they can never be closed again despite what challenges may arise. I see a beautiful future for you, friend.
The world needs your book. I can’t wait to read it.
Thank you, Carol. It has been a blessing to share this journey with you, friend.
Will the book be available in EPUB or PDF format? I don’t own a Nook or Kindle.
Looking forward to reading it!
Hi Rachel, the book can be purchased in paperback–no electronics required. I will have to ask my publisher about the other versions you mentioned. I have not heard of those.
This brought tears to my eyes. I can’t wait to read your book. I love your blog and am trying to live hands free. I just had a talk to yourself moment myself. The one where you look up and say, “ok I get it, ok!” I get it, I’m listening. Slow down…pay attention and be present. I love your message, thank you for being brave enough to share it with the world.
I love this, Jamie. I am glad I am not the only one who has a “talk to yourself” moment–I find them to be very helpful, even though I don’t always like the answer. 🙂
I sure do appreciate your support and willing to say, “Me, too.” We are not alone.
You put into words exactly what I have been struggling with. I almost turned down another offer because I was terrified that I would become that distracted person again. Since the moment I realized that I was being so busy and disengaged, I stopped…everything!.. and I have been afraid to do anything just in case it would drag me back to that place. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Kelly. I hesitated to even share the story of my book writing experience, but now, after reading your message, my decision to share has been confirmed. I write each post with the goal of helping one person–to let one person know he or she is not alone. I am so glad to know my story helped you. That is my greatest gift.
I just placed my order. I can’t wait until January 2014. What a great way to start the year! Thank you, Rachel, for changing my life and opening my eyes and heart to what’s truly important!
This means so much, Kelly! I appreciate the support.
Simply beautiful. So heartfelt. So inspiring. This has become the prayer of my heart. What you wrote about is what I want for myself and my family. Thank you, than you for your honesty and your offer of hope to those following behind you in this hands-free journey.
I am so glad you are here, Julie.
Thank you so much for your writing. Sometimes I feel as if you write the exact words that I feel in my heart, but that I could never articulate on paper. Congratulations on your book!
Just pre-ordered my copy! 🙂
I think it is amazing when we get these signals that confirm we are on the right track.
Yes, we still get distracted, yes, we still take a lot for granted, but we took the u-turn and are closer to who we want to be…
I feel like we got a deal of a lifetime! 🙂
Thank you, Virginia–I couldn’t have said it better myself!
YEAH!!!!!!!!
Thank you, my ever-faithful friend, the one who planted the seed that yes, maybe I could start a blog. For that, I am forever in your debt.
Beautiful post. Congrats. For me, it was a crash from depression that got my attention. No more survival mode, only living mode. I don’t have children of my own, but I try to live in the moment with everyone I interact with. Not always easy, but it’s working. I can feel it in the connections I have.
Thank you for sharing that, Danielle. I, too, can feel a difference in my own connections–even with strangers–that has come from waking up fully to life. Thank you for being here.
Congratulations, Rachel! Your posts always move me and inspire. I absorb every beautiful, thoughtful, poignant word and keep myself in check.
Blessings to you and yours.
Thank you for such a lovely comment, Trisha!
I’m just as excited about this book to hit shelves as I was for Glennon’s and Kelle Hampton’s to hit shelves. I’m nowhere NEAR as hands free as I’d like to be, and I’m convicted every day about how I can make tomorrow a better one, but I come back to this place daily for strength and reminders on how to do live differently. While I’m not where I’d ultimately like to be, I’m so much further than I ever was before I read your blog for the first time. Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for being my friend even though we’ve never met. Thank you for being you. So happy for this milestone in your life. Your family is so so sooooo blessed to have you.
I appreciate that so much, Mandi! You are so kind, my friend.
You promised me a autograph. I’ll see you at the book-signing. Congratulations, Rachel. I’ve been with you for a long time and your courage, strength and faith have never faltered. You deserve this.
You better believe it, Bill! Your book-worthy comments on my blog seemed to arrive at the moments they were most needed. Your eloquent words provided powerful fuel to keep plugging away at that book when I thought there was nothing left in the tank. I am incredibly grateful to share this journey with you!
You’re truly an inspiration. Your thoughts so closely parallel mine, and I’ve found a source of support and encouragement in your blog. Thank you, and congratulations on the HUGE next step for you and your family!
Thank you so much, Kristen. This means so much to me!
Thank You! I can’t remember how I found your blog now. I am so grateful for the blessing, though and strive every day to make hand free my goal. Changing any habit is not easy, but this one seems so very important to me! Just what I needed to bring more joy back into our lives. I recently left my business career to make being a mom and a wife my career and you have given me a mission and vision. I am grateful and hope I will continue to improve being hands free everyday! I look forward to your book!
Thank you, Valerie!
You. Did. It. You changed. Congratulations!! “She always comes.” If that were the only thing my kids were to remember about me if I passed tomorrow I would know that I had done It. She was there. There when I needed her. I am going to pre-order your book right now. Big hugs to you.
What a beautiful sentiment to share, Jill. This really makes me feel at peace. Thank you for putting it this way.
Congratulations Rachel, it feels really good when hard work pays up. Your jorney should be shared nationwide as another person posted. Now that Im following each one of your post Im more aware of living hands free, I have talked with my husband when sometimes he is at home but is absent, too busy with the TV or his phone. Im more aware of the time I want to spend with my daughter, I stopped for a minute when I get frustrated and all I want to do is yell, when Im too busy trying to do everything at once forgetting that my daughter is home playing by herself. At those moments, I think of your posts, of your jorney, on how I want to live my life and how I want to be present in my childrens life, hoping that one day my kids will know me better than myself as your little one does. Hoping that one day my kids can say, I can count on my mom even when I do something wrong. Please never stop sharing your journey, you will never know how much that journey has helped us and it always will. Good Luck with everything, I will be buying your book to make it my reminder every night on what type of parent I can choose to be.
Venestina
Wow. I have no words, Venestina. Thank you, what an incredible gift you have just given me.
Rachel
i just wanted to let you know that your blog is helping me on my journey. One handed living is a part of our daily life – but a different type – my husband is an amputee. so we have our own challenges and distractions that we struggle with, not the least of which is my very demanding full time job and our 2.5 year old. my eyes are just starting to open to where my time is best spent, and I look forward to continuing to readjust my priorities.
Kathy, I feel hopeful & inspired to read your powerful words today and to think about your life and your family. I had no idea when I began sharing my journey with the world that my favorite part would be making friends with people I do not know and getting a glimpse at the strength that lies within someone else’s heart. It is truly an honor and a blessing to know you, dear one, walk beside me on this Hands Free journey. xo
Congratulations Rachel!! I loved your post and can’t wait to read your book!!
I’m a grammy and my daughter turned me on to your blog! You put to words what the FB community can never satisfy….time with the ones you love and without feeling guilty! I will also be pressing the “pre-order” button for myself, my daughter, and many other gifts! God has truly blessed you and your time to shine is now! God Bless you and your family!!!!
I am so elated! I want to buy as many as I can afford and hand them out to all the moms (and dads) I know. Those I see in the school drop off line, at the practices, at church, at lunch in the middle of the day with people from their work, all of us rushing and hurrying and wishing for more time with those little people before they become big people. Thanks for opening our eyes. Many hugs to you and your darlings 🙂
Congratulations! Looking forward to reading and having your book on my coffee table for others to enjoy and learn from. Sadly, it won’t be available for Christmas gifts, but birthday gift giving will now be easier.
Just yesterday, after dinner, my granddaughter wanted to play hide-and-seek. I was exhausted from the day, and just needed to sit. Instead of just saying no, I suggested we sit outside on the porch and tell stories. Sensing I need to sit, she quickly suggested a face painting session, where she would paint my face. I quickly agreed, and since I was told I had to have my eyes closed while she painted, it was a win-win.
You’ve put in my head that it isn’t “what” you do, just do something with them.
Love that story! I remember loving to play “doctor” with my kids because I go to be the patient and lie down while they examined me. You’re quite the grandma to trust and enjoy face painting!
Book is ordered. Although January feels so far away I am vowing to myself to make this Fall count, to be more present, to turn the phone off when my love bugs are home with me and to embrace living with both hands!!! I can’t wait to read your book with my group of moms!!!!
Congratulations! And … such wonderful reminders in this post! 🙂
Congratulations on your book! I’m heading to Amazon to pre-order now.
Your words are so moving and inspiring. Though I’m far from having “arrived” at a hands-free life, I’m working hard on the journey and my kids have definitely noticed.
Thank you. Thank you.
My love and best of luck and wishes to the mother I wish I could be but so thankful she IS like me! When I read your blogs I feel so Normal lol! I cannot wait for your book… I cannot wait to read it and write a page myself to my girls showing them what it is really like being a mommy!
Rachel,
Wow. This is such wonderful, beautiful news, and I am on my way to pre-order your book. I only discovered your blog about a month ago, and spent the next hour reading entries aloud to my husband while blubbering and blowing my nose and vowing that I would allow your words to change my heart, my mind, and my priorities. I just wanted to tell you that you are doing the work of mighty angels by sharing your experience with such honesty, even when it’s embarrassing or messy. My 1 year old daughter thanks you in advance for the mama she will always be able to remember thanks to me making the decision to be “here”. Bless you…
THESE insights guide us and living hands free makes a difference in the NOW and in the FUTURE. The FUTURE because our kids imprint on us; they learn what is valuable. Those moments at bedtime with a little reading from a book are the cuddles that give them the strength to meet the challenges to grow. (oh, they learn to appreciate learning and reading as well but that is a wonderful side effect). And those moments fill out tank as well. Thank you for sharing your insights because they fill out tanks, too.
I happened upon this blog within the last several months and have read past blogs. Thank goodness you posted the poem from 2011 today because it so captures everything. I struggled so much with so many guilts while raising my kids, one of whom died from cancer, while my husband worked 60-80 hours a week and I transitioned from career woman to older than average homemaker. The sharing on this site would have given me such comfort and strength. But even now as we become empty nesters and have moved across the country, the words you share with us help me tremendously as I try to remember that my husband and son and family are more impt than a remodel.
A previous commenter said that the nation needs to hear this. YES. I think it should be a movement.
Every night my husband, if home, and I cuddled and read to our children. We stopped in the middle of the day and played, even though it sometimes took all the will power in the world to do that rather than take care of something on a list. It so paid off because our son is an empathetic child that critically thinks through the choices that confront a teen.
Rachel, your ability to write and share can make this a movement that improves an untold number of lives through generations. Oh, that might sound grandiose, but I don’t think so, because there is such a thing as the butterfly effect and changes last for generations. I hope you sell millions of copies and that the next generation is still buying the book. Thank you for carving out time to share.
Congratulations and Thank YOU! I preordered one copy in August (can’t wait) but just decided to add two more to my amazon cart. One for my sister and another to leave on my commuter train with a post-it note that says “Read Me.” – trusting that the universe will get it into the hands of just the right person at just the right time…
I pre ordered today! So so excited!
Taking the time in the middle of a crazy work day (with my wife out of town and kids to cart around) and stopping to read the newest blog entry isn’t easy w/ deadlines looming, but it always refreshes my energy and reconfirms my motivations for working so hard…and reminds me to not live one handed. I am taking a break and going to have lunch with 2nd graders today!
So inspired by this post! Congratulations. I was just talking the other day to an author friend about the flood of emotion she experienced when she saw her book on the shelf in the bookstore for the first time. You have a powerful message to share. I hope to be able to have the same experience one of these days. May your book bless all who read it!
I’m a grammie, too; but, I’m the one that turned my daughter, a mother of 1 year old twin girls (just weeks from having her third baby girl) on to your blog. Even though my “parenting” is done, I find myself filled with emotion each time I read your writing. I wish for her the peace and comfort, that comes from reading your work, that will let her know she’s not weak, or inadequate for being tired; and will to remind her that the library she’s created in their nursery, and the time she spends with them there, will offer more to the 4 of them than she can imagine at this time.
Thank you for sharing your gift, and providing something truly special that I can share with my daughter; and know, she will have so that she can share it with hers. I will look forward to having your book on “Memere’s” bookshelf.
I love this! You always move me. I love your blog and I can’t wait for your book! You have made such a difference in my life, words cannot express my gratitude. In the short time I have been reading, I have made changes that have yielded great results. I know going hands free is a journey, but I love the hope I feel after reading this! You better brace yourself because you are going to be a phenomenon once this book hits!
Thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I am hands free despite being a very busy college student and putting my child in daycare 7-8 hours a day 5 days a week. I’ve been beating myself up over this, especially since my 3 year old looked at me this weekend and said “I want my mom back” in the middle of grocery shopping. The fact that she won’t sleep at night until I come in with her and read or listen to Christmas music tells me that she knows that no matter how much homework I have I will always be there for her at least that little bit. So thank you. It’s a journey but our morning cuddles and nightly music are the things to hold onto.
I haven’t done a cartwheel in over fifty years, but I could certainly attempt doing one after hearing this totally awesome news. Congratulations, Rachel! Only a few privileged individuals really know the totally feeling when a publishing company says we would like to publish your manuscript. For me it’s been over thirty years ago, but the memories of the rewrites and seeing the book in print still remain with me. You know to attend one of the annual conferences for the International Reading Association so hundreds of people can have you autograph a copy of this life changing book in person. One again congratulations to one of my favorite writers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m so proud of you Rachel!! What an accomplishment!! I’m so thankful for finding you posts! I found them about 6mo-1yr ago and love your message. You’re so inspirational and insightful! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help all of us!!
Congratulations, Rachel! I look forward to reading your book. The world needs this book, this message, and you’re just the person to share it. Thank you for encouraging me to embrace a more “hands-free” life!
Wow. This post brought tears to my eyes. I am so excited for you and to read your book!!!
I cannot tell you how moving and inspiring your blog posts are…every single one of them. I ALWAYS find something I can relate to within each one. Thank you so much for sharing your on-going journey with us. I am putting your book on my Xmas wish list. Hopefully it comes out in Canada at the same time. Again…thank you!
Hi again–I just read this post by Katrina Kenison, and commented on it, referring her to your/this post. I thought I should do the same for you–Refer you to her latest post: http://www.katrinakenison.com/2013/09/09/small-moments/
You two share a similar perspective, and if you haven’t read anything by Katrina Kenison yet, I urge you to do so! I love her writing!
Thanks to you both, I am supported in the same cause–being a mindful mother, living a more conscious, connected life. Thank you, Rachel!
A book! Great news! And that post is so beautifully written that even I got teary-eyed (even though it doesn’t happen often)… Such a great realization, in all meanings of the word! (Sorry, English is not my mother tongue, and it shows!) Thank you for sharing!
Tears of joy for you Rachel! My husband just forwarded me a male friend’s post from facebook. Upon opening it, I burst into laughter. It touched my husband enough that he wanted to share it with me. It was a “Hands Free Mama” blog! I told him that specific blog was the reason I am trying to become “hands-free” for our son. He’s now a convert as well. THANK YOU! I am off to pre-order!
Congratulations Rachel! Thank you for your words, that always seem to come at a most needed time. Can’t wait to read your book!
I knew you could write the first time I read one of your posts. Congratulations. I am a hands-free dad, but I will read your book anyway (smiles). Blessings. kc
Living two-handed is a constant struggle for me. But I want to so much. I want to put my to-do lists down…put my phone down. I really want to read this book. When will it be out?
Just saw Jan 7 🙂
I love your blog and CAN’T WAIT for the book!
Rachel, I’ve only recently begun to read your blog, so I will be very eager to read the book when it comes out. I’m not going to ask if a 60 yr old Grandma with a home -based quilting business can go hands free; I know the answer is yes! Now to turn words into deeds.
I’m at the other end of the spectrum, I think. I have to have one hand on my phone, in case one of my older boys calls or texts. One is 18 and a freshman at college, going through newly-0ut-of-the-nest things. The other is 21, a senior who is far away out of state, and still needs me from time to time (some days more than others right now). I don’t want to miss contact from my sons, but I have to discipline myself to be waiting/watching just for them, and still be very present for my 13 yr old daughter who is still with me, and my DH who will always be with me. Food for thought…
This brought tears to my eyes! I hope that my children will be able to say “she always comes” too! What a blessing you are! I can’t wait to read your book. Thank you for sharing your world with “the world”. God Bless.
So so so so proud of you Rachel. You have changed your life, your daughters lives, and the lives of hundreds of us around the world who have learned to put the computer down, put the phone away and hold out a hand to hold or arms to hug. Love you muchly. xo, Rashmi
I can’t wait for your your book, but I must! Wish it was out for Xmas gifting, I know a few mamas I would get it for. I have pre ordered impatiently. Beautiful words to be treasured.
Wow.. The very thing that is complicating my relations right now …
I was so glad to have found your blog via a friend’s facebook post. The very first post I read was “The Important Thing About Yelling”. I signed up to receive emails that day and since then, I look forward to your weekly posts. Every single post I have read just clouds my eyes with tears. I have been truly inspired by your blog and for that, I thank you. I too have two daughters, Diah (3) and Layla (2). Working full- time and being a full-time mom has been overwhelming more often than not. Glad I am not alone. I just ordered your book and am so excited to read it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! The world needs more mommas like you.
Congrats! That’s incredible. You deserved that book deal. Every time I get an email that you have a new blog post up, I rush over to read it. I soak up and hope to remember as much as I can, because my husband and I are expecting our first child in December. But, I know that I can always come here when I need words of wisdom about being present and knowing what matters most in life. Thank you!
Rachel,
Not only do I look forward to your email in my in box, but I also often share it with others. You make me want to do better always. I’ve read other blogs that tell parents to stop yelling at your kids, or be more positive or happy, but this is the one I always come back to. This is the place where I laugh, cry (often) and have the nodding head and say out loud to myself that I will be just a bit more like you today. I cannot wait to get your book. It will be a constant companion on my bedside…right next to the picture of my husband and two daughters. Congratulations! Very proud of you.
Congratulations! You have such a gift for connectedness. I pre-ordered on Amazon before commenting! I am so excited. I share your blog with all the special people in my life. You help me to stay in the moment with my kids and family with every post you write! Thank you.
CONGRATULATIONS!! Couldn’t be happier for you. I’m going to pre-order your book now.
I am so excited! Congrats on all your hard work paying off. You are truly a gift to this world. My order has been placed and I cannot wait to tell friends to order it too. Thank you Thank you Thank you
You. Are. Awesome.
Thank you for publishing your words.
Great reminder and exactly what I needed to hear today! I am a homeschooling mom of a 3, 5, and 7 year old and just today my husband and I had a discussion about me working more on my home-based business. However, I was discussing how things have to be different this time….I want to still be able to truly be “in the moment” with our kids still etc. I want things to be more balanced this time. I had some concerns about being able to live “hands free” while attempting to balance homeschooling, running my business from home along with all the other regular mother and wife responsibilities. So thanks for this reminder that it is possible! I often feel like you have been reading my mind because SO many of your posts really “hit home” with me in so many ways. Thanks!
Your posts always make me cry, because they are so full of truth and beauty. Thank you for the encouragement!
Congratulations Rachel! Your book will further change so many lives of women and impact so many families. I am grateful I found your blog. I reference it all the time. I am committed to being a “hands-free mama” and I am looking forward to your book. Thank you for giving us your time in order to remind us what really matters.
Yeah! Can’t wait for the book. Your writing has helped me so much over the past several months. I’m still not as hands free as I would like to be, but I am aware and trying. This post is encouraging and helps me see that the small things really do make a difference.myhanks again!
I woke up Sunday at midnight with anxiety like I’ve never known before because I was overcommitted and my family life was suffering. I was so busy serving God and others that I was neglecting my biggest priorities – time with God and my family.
I stumbled across your blog a few months ago via a post someone shared on Facebook and have been following ever since. Your words and ways have started to transform my own thinking, and I now consciously take time to listen to my chatty 13 year old daughter after school because your words echo to me, ‘one day I she may not invite me in.” That new mindset caused me to send an email out at 3:30am that night to let the women on the committee know I was resigning because my family needed me. Thankfully, they not only understood but applauded me for recognizing my mixed up priorities and having the guts to do something about it.
So thank you so much for sharing your journey and sharing what it looks like in real life. I’ve always known it’s the way to go, but haven’t always been able to figure out the ‘how’.
Blessings to you and I hope your husband has a quick recovery. I just pre-ordered your book, and am looking forward to getting to know you better through its pages!
Sue, I just have to say how happy I am for you and your family. I have seen so many helpful wonderful people wake up one day and wonder what’s wrong with their kids. I had a 14 yo babysitter for my kids once that I was “interviewing” for the afternoon at our house (trial run to see how she would interact with kids). Instead of playing with and interacting with the kids she followed me around and chatted the whole time. After a while she talked about how much she missed her mom. When I asked where her mom was and what her mom did for work that she never saw her, she told me that her mom was a stay at home mom but so busy with church and school volunteering that she never got to talk with her. That babysitter was lonely for a mom. Sue, your 13 year old won’t be lonely for her mom! I send you hugs and thanks for providing a good foundation for her.
Thank you for your encouragement, Maggie!
Congratulations! I have no doubt, it will be a wonderful book. Your blogs are so honest, heartwarming, inspiring and encouraging. Can’t wait to read it.
Rachel I am so incredibly happy for you and am heading over to pre-order my copy!!! You are such an inspiration to us all 🙂
I don’t even know how I found your blog but I am so glad I did! Your writing brings tears to my eyes and helps me to understand what really matters. I am preordering your beautiful book now and pray that God continues to guide your every step!
Rachel, your blog honestly inspires me – every single post. Today I was reading this one and my 21 month old walks in to the room, grabs my hand and started saying, “come on, come on.” I was enjoying the post, but I knew the point would be lost if I kept reading and ignored my sweet girl. So I went with her and have returned to the computer many hours later, after both daughters are in bed.
Some days I feel I don’t do the ‘hands free’ bit very well, but I keep reminding myself that every day is a new opportunity and as long as I keep steering myself back to that course I will get there with children who know that they are more important than anything.
Your blog keeps me mindful and it gets more natural the more I work at it.
Thank you.
Oh, and congratulations of course!!! I will be requesting a copy from my husband as a birthday present!
I’m tearing up here, thank you so much for sharing this. It’s been a great help to me. For me knowing that things could and should be different is one thing. But really knowing (on the inside) how to get there is quite another. I have difficulties not swapping one kind of perfectionism (to the social outside world) with another: being the perfect mother who sacrifices everything for her son. But I am struggling at times to find the middle ground. Your piece has really hit home.
Rachel,
First of all, congratulations on your book–that is amazing, although not surprising given your gift for prose. I am definitely ordering several copies, for both myself and friends.
I began reading your blog just a few entries ago and I am convicted by your endeavor. Every update leaves me weeping; which is quite a feat given that my heart is numbed by eight years of disappointment in my futile struggle to be the perfect wife and mom. The question burning in my soul is, “How did you do it?” Every day I try to pull myself away from the phone, email and other distractions, and mostly the striving for perfection. I am a stay-at-home mom and do most of the steps you so articulately recommend. I just can’t seem to turn off the distractions in my brain. How do I train my mind to be “all there” and un-frazzled and…well, to not be the mom of the babysitter Maggie described in your response section. I held off asking until I read your update today because I feel, from what you wrote, you must have been there too. I’m sure your book will guide me but I’m not sure I can stand wasting another day, much less four months!
Again, so excited for you and your well-deserved book deal!
Oh I tear up when I read about your struggle because I so relate. Do not try to be perfect! Just be present and mindful with all you do whether it be sitting for just 5 minutes to connect with your husband when he comes home, before you put the supper on, to stopping, taking a breath and looking directly into the eyes of your child when you respond with help or direction or correction. All those cliches about the dirty house not mattering, it’s mostly true. I could not figure out how my house and life could be so frazzled when I was “just a stay at home mom” with “no responsibilities”. Then my mom let me in on a secret. She went back to work when her youngest was just 1 because staying at home was too hard a job! Shock! My super-Mom mother and successful career woman mother thought being a stay-at-home mom was TOO Hard! It was the constant everything to everyone and the fact that her day never ended and the job was never done and never seemed to be good enough whereas going to work meant some kind of closure at the end of each day when she put down project and returned to her family. She lived 8-10 hours a day in an environment where visible success could be measured with objective data in days or weeks whereas as our success is measured after decades when we see our children reach maturity and feel our husband still reaching for us when we are a little plump and gray. Those little moments when our child does reach for your hand and you take it have to be the “success” for the day. It was a struggle for me because I man times felt there was not a “me”. Only my mindfulness could brng me back into the equation of my life though. I started with routine for all of us and found that yoga helped to “center” me and helped me accomplish mindfulness. I would have never thought yoga was something for me, a gym rat and runner, but I even added new age music! The structure and rhythm of it helped. I connected somehow with my body and mind and breath. Maybe yoga is not for you but I give it as an example of what a little me time and breathing can do for a person. I wish you the very best and know that by taking a few moments to read and reflect on Rachel’s wonderful stories that provide ah-ha moments and strength to change, you will have success and more deep breaths than frazzles. You care and love, and those qualities right there that you already possess are worth so very much to not only your family but the health of our society. Thank you for giving so much to us all and caring.
You are a dear to provide such an encouraging, thoughtful response! Thank you for your words, I will look back on them often. Oh, though I am a runner too, I contacted yoga instructor with a great reputation in my city–thanks for the nudge:)
I can not wait to read your book. As a relatively new commer to your blog, I’m slowly reading my way through all of your archives, and I’m enjoying and gaining something from everyone one of them. I only sit down to read them after my kids are in bed asleep
You have a beautiful way with words! I was touched by the mutual learning you described with your daughters because I can relate. I have two daughters (5 & 7) and have often found myself in awe of their ability to sometimes see what I have missed. Thank you for sharing and enjoy your journey! I look forward to checking out your book!
I always feel like your posts come at the time I need them most! I have been striving to live hands free since I cam across your blog, and I was feeling very happy about the way things were going…and then the school year started. I immediately started to feel stressed, and pressure, and I’ve been angry and short fused…and I couldn’t figure out why. Then this morning I read your post, and I cried! I cried because it made sense…I was falling back into old habits and it was weighing heavy on my heart. THANK YOU for always posting the right thing at the right time! I realize I need to get back on track to my hands free living! Just thinking about it makes me happy and I know that is what I need! 🙂
I’m so happy for you and all the people you will touch with your stories! I love to receive your newsletter in my inbox. I close the door to my office and always manage to tear up. I love what you have to say, how you say it and how you share it! Thank you for making this single mother more aware of what’s important!
Best wishes!
Janet
Rachel,
I only discovered your blog a couple of months ago but have been reading it faithfully since. I am a 61 year old mom who wishes you would have been writing when I was raising my now 34 year old son; during which I was a teacher and then an administrator! Needless to say, there was always a list and always something to accomplish; to perfection!! So now, after a life threatening illness and forced retirement, my goal is to be a “Hands Free” grandma, mom and wife living life to the fullest so that I may relish and drink in all of the joy and sweetness at this stage in my life. Thank you for your insights, your encouragement and for your willingness to share your heart so that we all may strive to see the miracles in the everyday!! I cannot wait to get your book for myself, my daughter-in-law and my girlfriends! May your days be filled with wonder!
Gosh how this made me cry! I had the ‘pleasure’ of being laid-off this past June and I say pleasure because I spent the entire Summer with my children morning-day-and night and because of your writing I was able to relax and sit back and truly enjoy my time spent with them, dancing, playing and just cuddling because we could. I cannot tell you how many times I have silently watched them as they played together – THANK YOU for opening my eyes! You betcha I pre-ordered your book!
These words pierced my heart: It’s what makes you shoot baskets when the overgrown lawn could really use some attention.
Just yesterday as I was pulling in the driveway from a horribly draining day at the office, the thought crossed my mind “You should take the kids out and play ball.”. I quickly talked myself out of it by remembering they each had homework, I was in a horrible mood and I wasn’t sure we wouldn’t loose the basketball in the jungle my yard had become since the mower broke. Instead, I went inside and trudged through the evening, counting the hours until bedtime.
Not tonight. Tonight we are going outside and we are shooting hoops. Despite the house needing cleaned. Despite my exhaustion. Despite their homework even (*gasp*). Tonight, for just a little while, I’m focusing on them. Just them.
Thank you.
I am so happy to hear that you have a book coming out, your writing style is so beautiful and your content is so honest and uplifting. You say what my heart feels as I make my journey as a Mom, I just don’t have the beautiful gift for prose that you do. You touch me with every post and I can’t wait to read your book.
I swear, I cry every time I read your blog posts. You write in such an honest and uplifting way. I can’t wait to go pre-order your book. 🙂
Congratulations on the book! I know how exciting that has to be, and you have worked very hard to make it happen. I have a frozen shoulder, so I have some idea how difficult things are for your husband, and I think it is wonderful that he is so supportive of your dreams. I hope your book is a huge success, and I hope your husband heals quickly and with as little pain as possible.
Oh, my friend. There is something so special about you. You know how to recognize your own weaknesses and make them better, and you really live your life with your eyes OPEN and your mind focused. You are a true blessing to humankind, and that sounds really grandiose, but it’s true.
Much love.
Whenever I take the time to read your blog, I feel like your words pierce to the very center of what I’m feeling and what I long to say, deep in my heart. Thank you for sharing your talent, your heart, and for “coming into” my house and heart with your words. I will definitely be buying your book.
Congratulations! I am pretty new to your blog but it is the only one I have on my toolbar, so I can check it daily. It inspires me, to be a better mother and a better person; I never read an entry without tears in my eyes by the end. I give more hugs, put down phones, listen to more stories and play more games since I began reading your entries. And I have thought, imagine if I could read a new blog every day, upon waking up or during the afternoon slump, just how inspired I would be to love more completely, with more attention where it needs to be, every day. Thank you, thank you, thank you for making my wish come true. I am ordering it now and I can only hope that you will continue to write many more books!!! You are one of the most amazingly true writers I have ever read, and I thank you for the wonder and awe of life you have given back to me. Congratulations, and many blessings on you and your family!
Wow. Wow. Wow. I am so honored and so touched by your beautiful message, Cara. With a grateful heart, Rachel. Thank you for being here.
Im so excited for you! Can’t wait to read your book! Thank you for opening my eyes to what I’ve been missing and helping me be present for my family.
Congratulations Rachel! A beautiful inspiring post and I look forward to reading your book.
Love & best wishes,
Jen
Rachel, I thought you would appreciate this story of author Karen Kingsbury and what happened on the day she signed a book deal. Thanks for your beautiful posts. From south Florida.
http://www.guideposts.org/inspiration/fiction/karen-kingsburys-inspiring-encounter-on-the-high-line
Dear Arie, you know me well, friend. Yes, I loved it and am sitting here still wiping away tears. What a beautiful and incredible story. It is especially touching because my prayer has always been that my dad be alive to see me publish my first book. Not only is he alive, but he and my mom have read every word of my book along the editing process, making suggestions and being part of the grueling process. An incredible prayer answered. Thank you for taking time to inspire me and remind me of my many blessings.
Way to go, Rachel! So happy for you! You have been such an inspiration to me! God bless you! Also, you and your hubby are a beautiful couple!
I’ve been a follower of your blog for sometime. When I stumbled across your site, I emailed you to see if your book was ready for purchase. I was shocked to get an actual REAL LIFE response! I was so happy to hear from you. I have been awaiting this day. Very happy for you and can’t wait to continue this journey with along you. You’ve inspired me on many hard days and I’ve sent many friends along to you. Best Wishes and Blessings.
Hey there! Many congratulations to you (and your family for helping you get through it)! I absolutely love your blog, and I’m sure your book will be equally amazing and inspiring. As a working mom and writer, I find your words of wisdom refreshing and unpretentious – a gentle reminder of what’s truly important in the life of a mom, wife and woman. Your book deal is certainly an inspiration to me – we CAN do it! Much love and luck to you!
Thank you for this. That poem spoke so clearly to me that it jolted adrenaline through me. I’m in the middle of a 40 day ‘digital detox’, and the old pulls were starting to clash with that new fear of going back to where I was.
Your book is on my Christmas list…because I know that breaking the initial habit is not the same as building a new one, and I’m the first to admit I need all the help I can get in this vital endeavour.
I look forward with confidence to the day my daughter states her own vote of confidence in my commitment to her and to what’s important.
Thank you.
Every time I read one of your posts I cry because it touches something deep inside me. Something I know I want, something I regret, something I struggle with, something and always worry I’ll never be. But every story, every post, gives me that little nudge, push, toe in the direction I want to go. Especially lately I have fell like the mean mama, the yelling mama, the always frustrated and impatient mama. And I look at him, all his 2 and a half year and I know he deserves so much more. And I look at myself, and I don’t see the mom I always thought I’d be. Just this frazzled ball of frustration. And it’s not like I have any other job. Just him. He is my job. And I always feel like I’m failing him. But I’m trying. I’m starting small. I know I spend too much time on this thing. Between getting a laptop and then a smart phone I thing those were two of the worst ideas I ever had. I bought myself a rolodex. I’m gathering friends contact info. And then I’m turning off Facebook notifications and logging out. I don’t know for how long but for me it’s a big step in letting go of this technology that holds me back. I tried to have a blog and still couldn’t find time to keep it up. I have a bird ornament craft business but I haven’t had time for that. I have an art/sewing room full of supplies and fabrics but I can never seem to find time for that either. But when I find myself thinking I don’t have time to read my son a book when he asks because I need to finish X, or to sit with him while he eats lunch because I want to check A B and C, I know something must be done.
As an extra step, instead of relying on digital blogs that will also put me on the internet and near possible distraction, I’m ordering your book today, so I can still continue to read all this inspiring and beautiful writing of yours. Thank you for all that you share. Thank you.