“I can feel you with me in the darkness
Reaching out a hand to pull me through
Sadness used to think that it owned me
Now sadness has to share me with you.”
–Matt Nathanson, Sadness
I’ve been holding onto a piece of paper for several weeks—a poem of sorts that I started in August when I was feeling sad and unsettled.
For several days, all I had was one line. It wasn’t even a complete sentence—but for some reason, those five words were enough.
When the world feels awful
I carried those five words around in my tiny notebook that goes everywhere I go.
One day, I accidentally discovered a small action that made the world feel less awful. I added it to my five words.
The next day, there were two actions. I added them.
It wasn’t long before I had something that looked like a partial poem. It read:
When the world feels awful, walk across the street.
Check on somebody you haven’t seen in a while.
Discover a new song.
Pick out the funniest greeting card, and mail it to the first person who comes to mind.
When the world feels awful, wear your comfiest pants.
Go get ice cream with someone who is crazy about ice cream.
Say your hopes and prayers out loud.
Use a leaf to gently pick up a caterpillar on the sidewalk; place him out of harm’s way.
When world feels awful, invite sad feelings for some chai tea.
Return an abandoned shopping cart to its home.
Remember the name of your first best friend; find a photo of you together.
Be surprised by the bravery of your young self.
When the world feels awful, collect quotes that feel like anchors to a shaky soul.
Nuzzle your face into a furry four-legged companion.
Go to the bookstore with no agenda;
Peer around the corner as your growing child sits on the floor reading; feel peace.
Unlike these tangible acts that were all completed over a few weeks’ time, the poem was only partially complete. Curiously, this partial poem was enough.
For several days, I’d read my incomplete poem scrawled inside my tiny notebook and I’d wonder—how will the poem evolve and expand today? That speculation created delightful possibility—and that, in itself, made the world feel less awful.
When the poem had twenty lines, I considered sharing it with others, but my inner recovering perfectionist insisted it needed an ending.
I would be patient, I decided.
Last week, the ending came from an unexpected source. It was contained in an extraordinary story from a blog reader of mine. Her story is too good to paraphrase. It is necessary to read it word for word. She has graciously given me permission to share:
While I was shopping with my almost 9-year-old child for a pair of black pants, panic set in—for her and for me. You see, this child has only worn leggings for the last five years. But the chorus teacher said, “no leggings,” for their chorus uniform. I did a little research beforehand and found that Gap had a pair of “skinny pointe pants”that looked like they may work for my girl. I knew I had to let her try them on, so we made our way to Gap and found the pants. She immediately said she wanted the smaller size, but I knew it was too small. When she tried them on, her eyes lit up as she said, “Oh, I like how these feel on my legs! ”But when she tried to fasten the button, it was too small. (Panic) The next size up would fit her perfectly, but to her, they would feel like they were swimming around her legs. (Panic) She was visibly upset, and I was getting frustrated. I thought about saying, “You’ve got to get over this. You can’t keep wearing leggings for the rest of your life. If you want to be in chorus, you have to wear these pants.” As if reading my mind, she said, “I’ll just drop out of chorus.” (Pause. Breathe, Mama. Remember: “Only Love Today.”) I looked my daughter in the eyes and said, “I believe we will find the right pants. ”I could see the relief in her eyes and the smile returned to her face as she hurriedly took off the “too big” pants. Had I gone with my first response, she would have burst into tears and felt ashamed about her aversion to pants. I am grateful for my response because it wasn’t always this way. It is not always this way even now, but in this moment, I chose the response that was needed.
I believe we will find the right pants.
I don’t know what it was about those eight words, but they made me weep with hope and laugh with joy.
I could actually see that precious mama and her precious girl in the Gap dressing room—the way the pants hung loosely in one area and squeezed tightly the other. I’d been that little girl. How many times did I say, “but it doesn’t FEEL right,” to my exasperated mother? The number is in the hundreds. The unsettledness of clothing not “feeling right” was something my young heart knew well. But my grown heart knows that feeling well too—that ill-fitting, too itchy, too tight, something-is-just-not-right sensation that makes you want to retreat or give up all together.
Hmmm….
Kind-of like when the world feels awful.
“Did you find the right pants?” I typed back to my reader with eager anticipation.
And just when I didn’t think I could love that mama even more, she replied, “No, but we will keep searching!”
And all at once, I had the ending to my poem, that is (thankfully) not an ending at all – it’s a beginning.
When world feels awful, believe it is not.
Search for proof of its goodness,
Even if you have to create that proof yourself.
THIS. This is the process that had pulled me from my despair—
belief that we are not stuck in a hopeless state
belief that WE can make the world more hopeful, one small act at a time.
Dear ones, when the world feels awful, we must not stop believing, searching, and remembering what is good.
Let us not forget
a compassionate response can instantly ease pain.
Let us not forget
a welcoming smile can be someone’s lifeline.
Let us not forget
one tiny step forward can close a distance that seems unsurmountable.
When the world feels awful,
Let us not forget we can turn the tide with
A hand in the dark
A heartfelt apology
An unrushed moment
An I-BELIEVE-WE-WILL-FIND-THE-RIGHT-PANTS declaration in the cramped quarters of a stuffy dressing room.
And out we will go, on our search for Goodness in a vibrant shade of red in what seems like row after row of Absurdity and Tragedy in grayish hues.
May we find that Goodness is not such a rare find,
That it’s closer to home than suspected,
And the fit is pretty much close to being perfect.
Then we’ll wear it like it’s our uniform—because love is our job.
And we have much work to do… when the world feels awful.
***********************************************************
My friends, the world felt anything but awful this past weekend at the GIRLS ON THE RUN Fundraising event in Scottsdale, Arizona. Thank you for letting me be funny, emotional, serious, and real. I cannot remember ever feeling quite so at ease during a talk. I will not forget the hopeful faces of the girls in the program, the women who orchestrated the unforgettable event, and those in attendance. What an honor to be part of such a momentous day and a world-changing organization. What an honor to meet so many of you. (A few photos below)
Please continue registering for my upcoming speaking events in Ohio (Mercy Health Women’s Day) and Massachusetts (SPARK Kindness Resilient Parent Series)! It brings me such joy to meet you!
If you are in need of “quotes as anchors for your shaky soul” – I recommend these prints from the HFM Shop: FACING FEAR manifesto, the GET OFF THE SCALE manifesto, the PRESENCE PLEDGE or the watercolor set of 4 soul-building quotes. My third book, ONLY LOVE TODAY, is packed full of encouraging daily declarations. Thank you for supporting my work. I am truly grateful.
If you are reading this post through my newsletter and would like to share the post with someone or on social media, you may do so from my blog. A huge thanks for sharing the hope!
That could have been me in the dressing room with my daughter. She is 11 and has only worn one kind of yoga pants since she started school 7 years ago. She also must wear “real” pants for chorus and orchestra. We ended up with a pair of pants from Kohls that may not be the right pair but they are “right enough”. As my daughter has grown I have become better with her clothing aversions, and there are many. I must remember “Only Love Today” when the frustration set in. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one in this boat.
Thank you for sharing, dear Sheila. I love your perspective!!!
Thank you so much for sharing your poem! Battling chronic depression means I have many days where the world feels awful. I am going to add your poem to the “rescue kit” I am creating to help me find light during my darkest hours.
Blessings, dear Audra! Holding your hand from afar, my friend.
I have been in that dressing room scenario repeatedly. This morning 10 yr old wore a new pair of pants to school that we spent much time searching out. He said ‘these feel better than any jeans I’ve ever worn’ – and internally, I am screaming “Hallelujah!” of course, he had sensory issues with his shirt that had to be worked out – but he did it. Yesterday was a rough morning & after school time. This morning, after eating breakfast he said “Thank you for healing me with your magic potion.” I see this as “Love Wins”
Oh how I LOVE THIS. Thank you for sharing, dear one. Your patience is inspiring.
First off, you have to quit bringing me to my emotional knees. I am not sure I have ever read one of your posts that didn’t make my cry.
Second, I really really want to know that they found the right pants. PLEASE let us know. That a child would quit an activity they like over pants for a (IMO stupid) dress code is heartbreaking. That her mom found the grace of the right words is inspiring.
Only love today!
Thank you, Kali! That makes me feel so good!
The mom and daughter still have not found the right pants, but I just got an email from a reader that said – “Tell this momma- kat and jack (target) makes ponte knit pants for girls! Black, navy and kakhi are the options. They are styled like uniform pants- but SO soft. They come up to size 16. ”
Maybe that will help! GOOD LUCK!!!
💕 So much love! I needed this today. I’m so grateful for your wisdom and sharing of life lessons. They are truths that I’ve known before but somehow forget in the current chaos. I needed your light today.
Thank you, dearest Jessica. THIS IS BALM TO MY SOUL!
Oh gosh yes, when the world feels awful everyone around you seems insensitive and thoughtless and its easy to feel enraged on top of great sadness and hopelessness. Our street is littered with rubbish and bins knocked over by big winds yesterday were still on their side this morning. It made me feel so despondent to live in this neighbour (I’m struggling at the moment with grief over losing my Mum). On the walk home I righted the bins and picked up the rubbish knowing I was making it better for my kids at least rather than allowing other people’s lack of care become mine. It’s so hard some days and easy for our kids to be on the receiving end of our pain but they are such an inspiration for sticking to the right path – love and kindness always
I cannot explain how perfect it was to receive this in my email this morning. It has been a struggle lately for me with my 4 year old. She is in Pre-K this year and her older sisters just moved out for college in August. I know that she is feeling the effect of them being gone & trying to assert herself more & more. It’s never more trying than when we are trying to head out the door to get to school. Monday she surprised me by wanting me to take her through the “drop off” line at school instead of walking her into the school. My heart hurt a little but was also extremely proud of how big she was. This morning it was a battle of wills over taking her lunch instead of purchasing from the cafeteria. Again, she wanted me to drop her off at school but wouldn’t give me a hug or kiss because of our struggle this morning. I text my husband that I needed to find a way to better communicate with her. This blog just helped me with those questions in my heart! Thank you for sharing and for giving me a way to better address her anxieties.
Hi Rachel,
I have coached our local Girls on the Run team for the past three years. It is an awesome and inspiring position! Thank you for being a part of this organization and spreading your passion to these girls!
Lori
I got your post through email earlier today and skimmed over it, adding it to my “i”ll read it later” file thinking that life was feeling pretty grand. But then, life, happened, and an incident occurred and the world was pretty awful for my son. I came back on your post scrolling through Instragram trying to forget the awfulness before going to bed. And now here I sit wondering what to do and how to help my son and hating how awful the world can be. And wondering what do I say and how do I help him find the tools to deal with the awful things life will throw at him. As a newly teenage boy, he struggles with fitting in and finding his place and feeling secure. Every little comment or action by others affects how he feels and those feelings are multiplied now by hormones and insecurity. I feel like I am constantly treading on thin ice, navigating my way around him, trying to help but at the same time trying not to drown his independence or self esteem in the process. As a single mother, I go sleep with unaswered questions and constant worries, not able to share my fears and own insecurities as a parent with another. He is hurting because of how other kids have treated him, mean, cruel and thoughtless kids. I am hurting because it seems that nothing I do or say can make him feel better. Oh to have those days when a bandaid and a quick hug would heal.
Thank you for your constant inspirations and the way you share the light in times of darkness. In sharing your stories you give hope and faith and guidance in navigating the murky waters of parenthood.
I loved this entire post, but I MUST know where you found that unicorn card! 🙂
Here you go! https://delucedesign.com
Thank you, Rachel!
On Halloween, my daughter started really panicking when her homemade “sky” costume was coming apart just before we were about to go trick-or-treating. I felt myself getting frustrated as I also had to help my younger daughter get into her elaborate costume. But then I remembered this post! I took a deep breath, looked into her eyes and literally said, “I believe we will figure out the clouds.” She calmed down almost immediately. And we did figure out the clouds! Thanks, as usual, for your beautiful inspiring words!
Oh how I LOVE THIS!!!!!