Hands Free Mama

Letting Go...To Grasp What Really Matters

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A Major Turn Off

A few weeks ago my husband and I went to a concert at a relatively small venue. Our seats were on … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Eyes Unseen Words Unheard, Putting Distraction In Its Place, The Truth Hurts (and Heals) Tagged With: all notifications off, daily distraction, excessive use of technology, painful truths, put away technology, Putting Distraction In Its Place, technology addiction, technology is damaging my relationships, turn off your phone

This May Hurt A Little

I’ve spent the last two posts writing about making eye contact with your children or loved ones when … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Eyes Unseen Words Unheard, What I Would Have Missed Tagged With: Be in the moment, daily distraction, eye contact, family memories, grasp what matters, Honest Truth Time, invaluable video, look your child in the eye, Mom, personal connection, Watch me, watch your child, What I Would Have Missed

Eyes Unseen Words Unheard

Yesterday I wrote about discovering the importance of looking into my children’s eyes. Many of you … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Eyes Unseen Words Unheard, Putting Distraction In Its Place Tagged With: all notifications off, daily distraction, eye contact, listening, look your child in the eye, personal connection, putting, what really matters

You Caught My Eye

Time in the car with my daughters has become quite valuable. My new Hands Free way of life means … [Read more...]

Filed Under: Putting Distraction In Its Place Tagged With: all notifications off, being "too busy", eye contact, look your child in the eye, the windows to the soul, time in the car

How Kind Of You To Notice

A few weeks ago my blog subscription service was interrupted without my knowledge.  A few kind … [Read more...]

Filed Under: What I Would Have Missed

Regret No More

A few years ago I received a phone call that brought me to my knees. In fact, the news was so … [Read more...]

Filed Under: I Have Today, The Truth Hurts (and Heals) Tagged With: forgiveness, having no regrets, hug your child every day, I love you today, imperfections, living in the moment, making amends, pain, painful truths, stroke, tragedy

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A Course by Rachel

Soul Shift

Welcome!

Rachel

I want to make memories, not to-do lists. I want to feel the squeeze of loving arms, not the pressure of over-commitment. I want to get lost in conversation with my favorite people, not consumed in a sea of unimportant emails. I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by overloaded agendas that steal my joy. I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter & gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of mobile phones & text messages. I’m letting go of distraction, perfection, & pressure to grasp what really matters. I’m living Hands Free. Will you join me? (Read More)

Meet Rachel

Speaking Events
“After attending one of Rachel’s speaking events, I am finding myself pausing more and re-setting my reactions to my spouse and children as a result of reflecting on the situations and lessons Rachel shared. Her decision to reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly, and what she’s learned as she’s worked to transform herself, has lasting impacts on her audience. Rachel’s lessons are like ripples in the ocean as they help others like me move towards choosing love and coming as we are. Rachel works wonders by helping others work wonders.” –A Hands Free Mama in progress

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Live Love Now
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Maybe the best thing you could do right now is jus Maybe the best thing you could do right now is just sit with it awhile.

Maybe the bravest thing you could do right now is just decide this will not defeat you.

Maybe the most powerful thing you could do right now is just close your eyes and envision a positive outcome.

Maybe the most loving thing you could do right now is just give yourself room to breathe.

Maybe the best thing to do right now looks like nothing at all – but it’s not.

When you’re gathering hope, it’s patient.
When you’re gathering strength, it’s quiet.
When you’re gathering resilience, it’s unnoticeable.

In the face of transition, challenge, or uncertainty,
sometimes the best thing you can do is just hold on.

-Rachel Macy Stafford, from the book#OnlyLoveToday 

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THE NOTICER My daughter handed me her school prog THE NOTICER

My daughter handed me her school progress report.

Although it displayed a steady stream of positive check marks, there was one check mark standing dejectedly alone from the rest.

“How am I doing, Mom?” my child asked with a level of maturity that did not match the disheveled person gazing up at me with smudged spectacles.

She pointed to her teacher’s neatly printed words next to the lone check mark. It read: "Distracted in large groups." 

I already knew this. I knew this long before it was written on an official report card. Since she was a toddler, this child has offered astute observations of the world around her.

Upon hearing what it said, she gave a tiny, uncertain smile and shyly admitted, “I do look around a lot.”

But before my child could feel one ounce of shame, I came down on bended knee and looked her straight in the eye. I didn’t want her to just hear these words, I wanted her to FEEL them. This is what I said:

“Yes. You do look around a lot. You noticed Sam sitting off by himself with a skinned knee on the field trip, and you comforted him.

You noticed Banjo had a running nose, and the vet said it was a good thing we brought him in when we did.

You noticed our waitress was working extra hard and suggested we leave an extra good tip.

You noticed Grandpa was walking slower than the rest of us, so you waited for him.

You notice the beautiful view every time we cross the bridge to go to swim practice.

And you know what? I don’t ever want you to stop noticing, because you are a Noticer. And the Noticers of the world are rare and beautiful gifts.

As I watched my daughter beam with the glow of acceptance, I realized her approach to life had the power to change the world.

We are all just waiting for someone to notice—notice our pain, notice our scars, notice our fear, notice our joy, notice our triumphs, notice our courage. And the one who notices is a rare and beautiful gift.

~RMS, from the book #onlylovetoday
If you are rear-ended on the interstate, I hope y If you are rear-ended on the interstate,

I hope you have a safe place to pull off.

I hope the first thing you hear when you get out of your car is: ‘Are you ok?’

I hope you say it back.

I hope when you see worried little faces in the backseat of a crumpled car, you are kind to the apologetic driver who hit you.

I hope when the driver says, ‘I am so sorry,’ you notice the genuineness – but also the heaviness.

I hope you say something comforting. ‘These things happen’ seems to bring relief.

I hope when your shaky hand dials the emergency number, you have a Noticer beside you to help with location. ‘We are at Mile Marker 32, Mom,’ helps a lot.

I hope while you wait for help to arrive, you get a chance to hear about the kids in the backseat.

I hope you listen long enough to hear the four-year-old’s miraculous story and see pictures on her dad’s phone.

I hope you also talk about lighthearted things - like your mutual love for your city’s Major League Baseball team.

I hope reliving a stellar leaping catch in last night’s game makes you forget you’re in a precarious position on a tiny patch of grass.

I hope when the accident report is filed and you’re handed your case number, you’ll hug the driver who seems like a good human with a lot on his plate right now.

I didn’t, and that’s my biggest regret.

But our story isn’t over; it is to be continued, as the best stories usually are.

I hope if you collide with someone – literally or metaphorically – you choose to meet each other as fully human.

Doing so can make even the worst situations a tiny bit better.

And when you’re standing on a narrow stretch of grass with cars barreling past on both sides, a tiny bit better goes a long way.

To be continued…

-RMS

📝 It helps me to processing events by writing about them. This happened yesterday; we are all ok.

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“It was the best gift I have ever given myself.” -EB

In case you have been interested in attending one of my #soulshift retreats and want to plan… my fall retreat has been scheduled for Oct 27-29, 2023 at the beautiful @artoflivingboone in the mountains of North Carolina.

I want to share my response to someone whose heart indicated she should attend, but she was tentative.

“Tell me why should I go,” she bravely wrote.

I remember how I just let my fingers fly across the keyboard. This is what came from the heart:

“I think the Soul Shift retreat is one of those rare places in our impersonal, hurried, & distracted world that we can comfortably, authentically, and supportively connect with people from all walks of life who want to live with more presence, purpose, and joy. My retreats offer a natural way to make a new friend (if you want to) or just have personal time and quiet space to get reconnected with yourself and your inner dreamer. Time and time again, I hear this from participants: ‘I was scared to come, but I am so glad I gave myself this gift.’”

Please feel free to message me if you have any questions at all. Seriously. If you feel like you should be there, let’s try to make it happen.

My hand in yours,
Rachel

Click link in bio for all the info or feel free to message me. ❤️

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I have stopped opening the front door. If there i I have stopped opening the front door.

If there is something I need to get off the porch, I walk around the house.

A mama songbird built a nest in the corner of our porch, and I do not want to disturb her as she faithfully, diligently keeps her eggs warm.

Witnessing this feels remarkable, and I’ve put it in my ‘Catalog of Beauty.’ @glenismakingpoetryreign coined this exquisite phrase years ago, and it stuck with me. She wrote:

"I am not against critique, but the world's need to nick pic everything is a dis-ease. What I crave is holiness. We are so far away from the heart, when only the head leads with only what is wrong. How about the million beauties you walked by today and did not see? Name them. The world needs / I need your catalog of beauty."

My catalog of beauty doesn’t look like anyone else’s. The only person I share fully with is my younger daughter, who is what I call a “Noticer”. When I was young, I got shamed for caring so deeply about animals, and it took me awhile to stop trying to hide my compassion for small creatures.

I was only 7 or 8, but I remember thinking: ‘If I ever become a parent, I’ll never ever do that to my child.’

I kept my word, and nurturing the deep-feeling heart of my second-born daughter was one of the best decisions I ever made.

Through it, I realized that when we shame, minimize, or dismiss our children's feelings over experiences that break their hearts, we are doing a great disservice to the world.

Why?

Because children who stop to acknowledge the life of an "insignificant" creature will likely become adults who see and celebrate the value of all living things, including human beings who are deemed “less than” by society.

Marveling at the tenacity of a songbird (in any form you choose) makes the world’s catalog of beauty grow by one… and one is significant. It can soften the harsh world as we know it.

Friends, if you find yourself stopping to marvel at something mundane… or going out of your way to protect the overlooked, keep going.

Your catalog of beauty is yours and yours alone… but the love it cultivates has wings.🪺

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“Dear Rachel, I’ve read #LiveLoveNow, and it’s helping so much. I listened to the audio book and towards the end, there was a message you gave your daughter about academic pressure. Can you please tell me where in the book that is? I’d like to write it down for my daughter. Thank you for your words of wisdom that helped me be better.”

Messages like these give me life.

I sent the parent the passage she described, and I am overjoyed to know she is using it as a template to write a personal affirmation for her child.

On page 232 of #LiveLoveNow, I write:

“There is a great, big world outside the walls of your school and academic life…

a world where skills like relating, critical thinking, leadership, risk-taking, and initiative are needed…

where attributes like compassion, perseverance, honesty, and ambition will needed to make important changes and breakthroughs happen.

And there you will be, using your skills and your attributes to better the world.

I will never let grades, scores, or reports let us lose sight of your purpose or potential.”

My friends, these words are not just ‘words in a book’.

I remember exactly where I was standing in my house and what time of day it was when these words were born.

My first-born daughter had come home from school visibly upset. In a moment of deep self-doubt and fear for her future, I said those words to her. And I immediately knew they meant something when this teenager, who is not much of a hugger, collapsed into my arms. I had the privilege of feeling my daughter’s breathing return to normal.

That’s what can happen when we speak of possibilities instead of limitations.

We can start with these seldom mentioned truths many kids could use right now:

Average grades do not mean you are an average person.

Below-average grades do not mean you will have a below-average life.

You are more than the grades you receive.

You are more than what you achieved today.

No grade, no test score can measure your glorious potential. Let's keep our eyes on the Big Picture.

There is more than one path to success and prosperity.

-Rachel Macy Stafford

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Time, I just want to grab you. Pin you down and st Time, I just want to grab you. Pin you down and stop you from going forward at lightning pace. I’ve got things to do, and I’m afraid you’re going to run out on me. 

You’re probably thinking I just want more time to tackle my to-do list, more time to complete tasks that won’t matter twenty years from now. Because that’s how I lived for so long.

But that is not why I need more of you, Time.

Something happened as I watched my child sleep tonight. When I got down on my knees and leaned close enough to feel her warm, rhythmic breath on my face, I could see clearly what I need more time to do …

There’s a spot on her face I have yet to kiss.

There’s a freckle on her nose I have yet to count.

There’s a place on her back I have yet to scratch.

There’s a scent in her hair I have yet to inhale.

There’s a laugh in her chest I have yet to hear.

There’s a joyful expression on her face I have yet to see.

There’s a dream in her heart I have yet to encourage.

There’s a word of love I have yet to say.

There’s an apology I have yet to give.

 There’s an embrace I have yet to deliver.

And so, I need more time.

I can’t bear to let a spot to go unkissed, a word to go unsaid, or a strand of hair to be left untouched.

Not in this lifetime.

Not in her lifetime.

By Rachel Macy Stafford

🎓 A parent of a graduating senior asked me to help her locate my “plea to Time”. It was easy to find since it is part of my very first book #handsfreemama. Ten years have passed since I wrote these words – but I find myself saying this plea to Time just as much today. Maybe you do too. My hand in yours.
Years ago, writer @alexandracowqueen shared her so Years ago, writer @alexandracowqueen shared her son’s profound response after she’d fallen asleep on the couch.

“Where is everyone?” she asked after waking up and finding him in his room.

His response: “We all went to bed, Mom, because you're the party."

That story had a profound impact on me. Something about the imagery helped me see where I was missing out. I could PLAN the party like a boss… could clean up the party in record time… could wow the partygoers with a beautiful presentation – but when it came time for the party, I wasn’t really there.

In the little notebook I carried around in my purse, I wrote:

“I want to BE the party. I want to be a present and joyful participant in the party that is my life.”

There was one place I always felt comfortable doing that: The car + music.

One day, I pulled into the garage after picking up 10-year-old Natalie from swim practice. We had the bass pumping, the windows rolled down, and we were belting out the lyrics.

Scott was entering the house at the time. When he saw us, he stopped. As his hand rested on the doorknob, he smiled so big. In the backseat, Natalie was also smiling.

They were happy to see me happy. They were happy to see me being the party. But more importantly, so was I.

This memory was brought to mind during the @quinnxcii concert on Saturday night. I had assertively asked for tickets for my Mother’s Day gift, knowing this particular artist was a bit out of my usual repertoire.

I sang every lyric. I never sat down. I danced; I laughed; I cried; I was all there.

And every once in a while, I’d look over and see Scott smiling at me the way he did in the garage that day.

When we got home, he showed Avery a video of me dancing and said, “Your mom was in her happy place.”

That night – for 2 hours and 40 mins – I was the party.

Was everyone else having fun? That didn’t concern me. Was I too old for this crowd? Not my business. Was it selfish of me to ask for this gift for Mother’s Day? Nope

Friends, when you break down the term "selfless", it basically implies "less" of our "self”. Thankfully, it’s never too late to be the party and begin fulfilling the most depleted parts of our worthy selves.❤️
Last May, I finally had a graduation gift that fel Last May, I finally had a graduation gift that felt right for several young people I’ve known since my 19-year-old daughter was young.

Every single one of them - with all their glorious capabilities and inherent gifts - have wondered, ‘Am I enough for this world?’

As these kids embarked on their path of independence, away from the assurances of those who love them, I wanted them to have a tangible reminder of their inherent worth.

When I wrote this poem years ago, I was struggling with my own worthiness. Aligning my worthiness to meaningful measures, rather than societal standards, was not going to change overnight — but I knew taking small steps to show up EVEN WHEN I felt inadequate or unprepared would forge a new, healing path over time.

It is my joy to know this little poem I wrote to myself is helping people earlier in their journey to worthiness… and reminding others that it’s never too late to start loving yourself right where you are.

YOU ARE ENOUGH

You are enough when you overeat & when you have no appetite.

You are enough when you’re anxious about the future & when all your ducks are in a row.

You are enough when you raise your voice in desperation & when you suffer in silence.

You are enough when you’re rejected & when you’re loved.

You are enough when you’re sweaty & ill-prepared & when you know you were born for this.

You are enough when you can’t tell a soul & when you say far too much.

You are enough when the path is easy to find & when you can’t escape the darkness.

You are enough simply because YOU ARE HERE, showing up in this moment.

To show up, no matter how inadequate you feel, is what makes you enough.

-Rachel Macy Stafford

This beautiful print is currently available & comes in a physical print (as pictured) or as a digital download in pink OR mint green. Click link in bio to buy. Thank you for your support of my work.
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Copyright © 2023 · Hands Free Mama by Blogger Boutique · Header photos by Amy Paulson