{"id":1817,"date":"2011-06-01T02:44:21","date_gmt":"2011-06-01T02:44:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=1817"},"modified":"2011-06-01T02:52:58","modified_gmt":"2011-06-01T02:52:58","slug":"if-you-only-knew","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2011\/06\/01\/if-you-only-knew\/","title":{"rendered":"If You Only Knew"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\"\"<\/a>

The ability to know my children is in my hands. <\/p><\/div>\n

*For the privacy of this individual, her name has been changed<\/p>\n

In this journey to become Hands Free, I have really started listening. Not just listening more intently to my own inner thoughts and feelings, but listening to other people. I mean really listening.<\/em><\/p>\n

A year ago, I am not sure I would have truly heard what this woman said. But with my Hands Free heart, I heard her words and they have been life changing. I share them with you now.<\/p>\n

This is my story\u2026<\/p>\n

I recently found myself fully reclined in an oversized chair, draped in a crisp white sheet, amidst dimmed lighting and New Age relaxation music. I was about to receive a luxurious facial. It was a gift from a friend who recently had her fourth baby. She was convinced that she would not have made it through the trying last three months without my help and support, and this was her way of expressing gratitude.<\/p>\n

As you know, I am a big fan of The Angel Impact. <\/a>I was simply doing for her what others had done for me when I had a new baby. I was not expecting a lavish facial in return, but I was surely going to enjoy this generous gift.<\/p>\n

Before the aesthetician came in, I crossed both my fingers and wished for one that did not have the gift of gab. It is not often that I have the opportunity to completely relax, let alone in a deluxe setting such as this one. The last thing I wanted to do was carry on a conversation.<\/p>\n

A beautiful woman named Debbie* came in. After a brief introduction, she began rubbing the most delicious smelling substance on my face in gentle circular motions.<\/p>\n

Ahhhh\u2026.at last\u2026surreal, peaceful, relaxation.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo Rachel, what is your occupation?\u201d<\/p>\n

Suddenly the small window of tranquility was closed abruptly.<\/p>\n

I briefly considered giving her the quick, one word answer: \u201cMom,\u201d or \u201cTeacher,\u201d or \u201cWriter,\u201d thereby indicating that getting to know one another was not <\/em>one of my goals for this session.<\/p>\n

But for some reason, I felt inclined to tell her about all three of my occupations. Then I explained how I was using my skills as a mom, teacher, and writer to author a book about making the most out of our time here on earth, particularly in respect to our children.<\/p>\n

That is when Debbie said something that one year ago I would have missed. One year ago, I may have actually ignored her, simply acknowledging her words with a polite, \u201cUh huh.\u201d<\/p>\n

But things are different now. Thank God, things are different. And I listen because I have learned that you just never know when someone else has the words that you need to hear.<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cI just want to know my children, really know my children. That is all I want in my lifetime.\u201d<\/p>\n

At first it almost seemed like a silly, obvious notion to \u201cknow\u201d my child, but after further thought, the critical concept of really knowing <\/em>my child sent chills down my spine.<\/p>\n

Because here\u2019s the truth, the cold hard truth: the ability to really know our children is in jeopardy. Knowing our children<\/em> has earned a spot on the In Danger of Extinction List.<\/em><\/p>\n

Here is why\u2026<\/p>\n

In the jam packed, over-scheduled, constantly beeping, buzzing, media saturated, technology obsessed, stressed out, warp speed rat race that we call life<\/em>, something is getting lost.<\/p>\n

Personal connection is getting lost.<\/p>\n

Human touch is getting lost.<\/p>\n

Private conversation is getting lost.<\/p>\n

While we are fully aware of what our children like to do,<\/strong> (insert mile long list of extracurricular activities here), do we really know who<\/strong> our children are as people?<\/p>\n

And we, as adults, must take responsibility for the major part we play in the current deficiency in knowing, really knowing, our children.<\/p>\n

A year ago, I was on the verge of not knowing my children (more on that in an upcoming post). Thank God, things are different now, but I still struggle. I still struggle to fight the distraction that invades my life and threatens to steal from me the only real connection that truly matters on this earth.<\/p>\n

And to combat this struggle, I create reminders in the form of a list. I choose lists over long-winded paragraphs because they have a way of sticking with me, popping into my head at the precise moment I need them.<\/p>\n

This list could serve as a \u201cHands Free Wake Up Call\u201d or a \u201cHands Free Slap In the Face.\u201d And I am not going to sit here and say that I don\u2019t need it.<\/p>\n

Because I do.<\/p>\n

Every single day, I need to evaluate how I am using my precious time on this earth.<\/p>\n

<\/strong><\/p>\n

The following list helps me do just that.<\/p>\n

This is the If You Know<\/em><\/strong> List<\/em><\/strong>, created with the help of my single, hip, and technologically savvy sister, Rebecca:<\/p>\n

If you know exactly how many “likes” your latest Facebook status update has received in the past hour\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the exact number of times your latest tweet has been retweeted\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the number of TV shows your DVR exceeds the number of times you conversed with your child this week\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the next 20 movies in your Netflix queue off the top of your head\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the content on the TMZ blog so thoroughly that your friends regularly ask you for the latest celeb gossip\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know all there is to know about Linkedin, Facebook, Twitter, Ping, Yelp, Foursquare and Meetup\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know where your Kindle is at all times of the day and night\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the latest status updates of your 500 Facebook friends\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know how to text proficiently while in the dark, with your eyes closed, with an injured finger, under the influence of alcohol\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know all the Twitter names of Kayne\u2019s followers\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the latest ring tones available from Lady GaGa\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know there is seasonal wallpaper available for your Blackberry and change it accordingly\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the personal ringtones for each of your 300+ iPhone contacts\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the number of times each Hollywood Wife has been married and the names of the all the MTV Teen Moms\u2019 babies\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know how to discreetly check email while in church, at a wedding, or at a school function\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know any and all sport scores with the help of ESPN, as well as MLB, NFL and NHL digital cable sports packages\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the location of your multiple phones at all times, but occasionally lose track of your children\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know the dangers of texting while driving, but do it anyway\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know you should turn off your computer and spend time with your children, but you don\u2019t\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know you really shouldn\u2019t keep the phone on the table at dinner, but you do it anyway\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know you could return emails after your kids go to bed, but you choose to ignore them instead\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know you are wasting an opportunity to converse with your child while you talk on the phone and drive, but do it anyway\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know that you often choose interacting with people on a screen over the living breathing human sitting next to you\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know all these things,<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know half these things,<\/em><\/p>\n

If you know one of these things,<\/em><\/p>\n

Then your chance to know, really know, your child is being sacrificed. <\/em><\/p>\n

Your chance to know who your child is as a person is in jeopardy. <\/em><\/p>\n

If you know any<\/strong> of these things, you know less about your child than you could know. <\/em><\/p>\n

And so now that you know\u2026what are you going to do about it?<\/em><\/p>\n

That is the real question here. What are you going to do about it?\u00a0Yes, some of the items on the list are over the top. Some of them are laughable. But let\u2019s step into the light of realness<\/a><\/em>,<\/a> shall we? We all have things that distract us from truly knowing the people we love.<\/p>\n

Because the fact of the matter is this: We live in a world inundated with distraction, and there is room for improvement in every single one of our lives. This might not be your<\/em><\/strong> list of distractions, but you have one, just as I have one. And when I admit the truth, I know exactly what takes my focus, my attention, and my presence off of the people I love.<\/p>\n

The truth hurts, but the truth heals. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Only YOU know what is distracting you from the personal connection, human touch, intimate conversation that your loved ones so desperately need and want from you.<\/p>\n

Only YOU have the power to know<\/strong> your child.<\/p>\n

Or you can simply continue to choose to know a lot about \u201cthings\u201d that won\u2019t matter one damn bit when your last day on this earth arrives.<\/p>\n

*******************************************************<\/p>\n

What distracts you from focusing on the people you love? Whether it\u2019s external distraction or internal distraction, whether it\u2019s technology, negative emotions, excessive spending, or self-absorption, the detrimental cost of your distraction is the same. Your loved ones are fully aware when you are not giving them 100% of yourself.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I challenge you to spend 20 minutes with your child or significant other TODAY with everything turned off, including technology, as well as wandering thoughts. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

In 20 uninterrupted minutes, you can really get to know someone.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Please take a moment to give someone else the opportunity to grasp what really matters by sharing this critical message.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

*For the privacy of this individual, her name has been changed In this journey to become Hands Free, I have really started listening. Not just listening more intently to my own inner thoughts and feelings, but listening to other people. I mean really listening. A year ago, I am not sure I would have truly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1816,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[262,28,50],"tags":[400,7,121,337,397,13,399,398],"gutentor_comment":15,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/IMG_4713-e1306800455935.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-tj","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1817"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1817"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1817\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1816"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1817"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1817"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1817"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}