{"id":4760,"date":"2012-09-05T13:40:02","date_gmt":"2012-09-05T13:40:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=4760"},"modified":"2012-09-11T17:43:28","modified_gmt":"2012-09-11T17:43:28","slug":"the-freedom-to-raise-a-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2012\/09\/05\/the-freedom-to-raise-a-child\/","title":{"rendered":"The Freedom to Raise a Child"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

\u201cThe way I see it isn't necessarily the way you see it. Or the way it is. Or ought to be. What's more important is that we're all looking for it and a way to see it.\u201d -Desi Di Nardo<\/p><\/div>\n

A few weeks prior to my youngest daughter\u2019s 6th<\/sup> birthday, I asked her what kind of party she\u2019d like to have. As one might expect from a laid-back, ukulele playing, perpetually smiling child, her party suggestions were quite ambiguous.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t care what we do, Mom. Maybe just have some food that is cooked and do something fun,\u201d she said grinning from behind her pink spectacles.<\/p>\n

Hmmm \u2026 I had always dreamed of a relaxed party-planning style\u2014apparently, I was about to get my chance.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Taking a cue from my daughter\u2019s mellow approach to life, I waited to begin party preparations until the day before her friends were due to arrive. Together my daughter and I baked the never-fail Duncan Hines strawberry cake. At one point, my icing-loving child assured me we could skip the cake and just have a large bowl of butter cream frosting with six candles in it. Although the offer was tempting, I thought that would be taking the term \u201csimple party\u201d a bit too far.<\/p>\n

After we iced the cake, she decided pizza was the ideal \u201ccooked\u201d food party fare and wrote her friends\u2019 names on the goody bags. And voil\u00e0! We were party ready\u2014with the exception of the \u201cdoing something fun\u201d part of her minimal party requests. For that one, I was on my own. <\/em>So I did what most people do when faced with life\u2019s greatest mysteries: I \u201cGoogled\u201d it.<\/p>\n

After some thought on how to phrase my inquiry, I shrugged and got straight to the point.<\/p>\n

I typed: What do 6-year-old girls like to do at a party?<\/em><\/p>\n

To my amazement, tons of links came up. More great ideas than I knew what to do with appeared before my eyes. I decided to stick with the central theme of simplicity by choosing three activities with the least complicated directions and the least amount of materials.<\/p>\n

By 5 p.m. the next evening, six little girls were happily painting heart-shaped wooden boxes, building giant towers with mini-marshmallows and toothpicks, and anxiously anticipating the laundry basket balloon race.<\/a> I was actually a little embarrassed to propose that last activity because it seemed so \u2026 well \u2026 elementary.<\/p>\n

I quickly discovered that colorful balloons, laundry baskets, \u201cCall Me Maybe,\u201d and bare feet on a summer night are a magical combination for 6-year-old girls.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

For 30 minutes, the children used creative methods to get their balloon into the laundry basket at the end of the driveway without carrying it. The risk-takers of the bunch chose to give their balloon a good nudge so there was quite a bit of distance between their hands and the suspended oval. These kids were lax with their game strategy, trusting the balloon would eventually get where it needed to go. The other children kept their balloons right under their nose tenderly patting the balloon along its projected path–never letting it stray too far from reach.<\/p>\n

Despite the difference in approaches, the children were all successful. No popped balloons and joy, pure sweet joy, written all over their perspiring faces as they attempted the task again and again.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As I relished the outcome of my daughter\u2019s 6th<\/sup> birthday party in my lawn chair with a cold beverage in hand, I reflected on my pre \u201cHands Free\u201d party planning days \u2026 when elaborate party themes were a must and email invites were unheard of \u2026 when the Williams Sonoma mechanical pastry bag produced frosting rosebuds and balloons were filled with helium\u2014not Mom\u2019s hot air. But things are different now. Circumstances have changed. My time is more limited and my children\u2019s interests have changed, their abilities have grown.<\/p>\n

But when I stop and consider if either method of celebrating a birthday was \u201cwrong,\u201d the answer is NO\u2014not at all.<\/p>\n

And when I consider if my children were happy at their parties despite the difference in style, the answer is YES\u2014very happy.<\/p>\n

Kind-of like the balloon game. There\u2019s more than one way to get a balloon into the basket.<\/em><\/p>\n

And kind-of of like parenting. There\u2019s more than one way to raise a happy, independent, well-adjusted child.<\/em><\/p>\n

I started this \u201cHands Free\u201d journey to let go of the external distraction that was sabotaging my time, attention, and passion from what really mattered in my life. And in the process, I have freed myself from another form of distraction that prevents me from grasping the moments that matter. And that is the societal pressure that leads me to believe there IS <\/strong>a right and wrong way to raise a child.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t dawn on me that this newfound freedom I\u2019ve been experiencing has seeped into my writing until some of you told me. Last week several readers sent me messages that used the word \u201cpermission.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thank you for giving me permission to invest in my family.<\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you for giving me permission to spend time with my child and not feel guilty about it.<\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you for giving me permission to do what I feel is right for my family despite what society deems as \u201cappropriate.\u201d \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

So with that, I give you this:<\/p>\n

You Are Free<\/strong><\/p>\n

You are free to rise to your feet and cheer at the top of your lungs.
\nYou are free to watch with silent tears of pride from the back of the bleachers.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s what feels right to you.
\n<\/em>
\nYou are free to make vegetarian meals from the produce in your backyard garden.
\nYou are free to be on a first-name basis with the drive-thru guy at McDonald\u2019s.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s what works for you.<\/em><\/p>\n

You are free to stare at your child\u2019s face for hours.
\nYou are free count the minutes until you get a break from that adorable little ball of energy.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s what gives you peace.<\/em><\/p>\n

You are free to sit side-by-side at homework time.
\nYou are free to declare homework is not for parents, and feel secretly relieved that math wasn\u2019t that hard when you were in fourth grade.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s what you think is best.<\/em><\/p>\n

You are free to know all the lyrics to the \u201cSing and Dance with Barney\u201d CD.
\nYou are free to jam to Led Zeppelin with your three-year-old on air guitar.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s how you roll.<\/em><\/p>\n

You are free to encourage the use of hand sanitizer and a nightly bathing regime.
\nYou are free to believe that food retrieved from the floor within three seconds is not contaminated and a dip in the pool counts as a bath.<\/p>\n

If that\u2019s what keeps you sane.<\/em><\/p>\n

You are free lay beside her until her she succumbs to sleep.
\nYou are free to do a fist pump as you close the bedroom door and make a nose-dive for the couch.<\/p>\n

If that's what gets you through the day.<\/em><\/p>\n

You are free to be lax or firm \u2026 or somewhere in the middle.
\nYou are free to get advice or trust your gut \u2026 or do a little of both.
\nYou are free to wing it or plan it \u2026 depending on the day.
\nYou are free to read the research or come to your own conclusions \u2026 or a combination of the two.<\/p>\n

Love comes in different forms and through various approaches.
\nYour child doesn\u2019t care how love graces his life or touches her heart as long as it comes from you.<\/p>\n

You are free to bring your child to the finish line (if there is such a thing)
\nWith peace, pride, and confidence,
\nNo matter how you choose to do it.<\/p>\n

So carry on, dear parent.
\nYou are free.<\/p>\n

******************************************************<\/p>\n

What parental freedoms have you adopted along your journey? What freedoms would you like to adopt?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Thank you for making The Hands Free Revolution<\/a> a supportive community of people striving to let go of distraction\u2014both internal and external\u2014to grasp the moments that matter. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. Every single comment is valued and cherished.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A few weeks prior to my youngest daughter\u2019s 6th birthday, I asked her what kind of party she\u2019d like to have. As one might expect from a laid-back, ukulele playing, perpetually smiling child, her party suggestions were quite ambiguous. \u201cI don\u2019t care what we do, Mom. Maybe just have some food that is cooked and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":4774,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[863,864,865,862,866],"gutentor_comment":43,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/DSC_0445-e1346507481931.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1eM","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4760"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4760"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4760\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4774"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4760"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4760"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4760"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}