{"id":5380,"date":"2013-02-06T14:27:17","date_gmt":"2013-02-06T14:27:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5380"},"modified":"2013-02-12T03:16:19","modified_gmt":"2013-02-12T03:16:19","slug":"on-the-other-side-of-fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2013\/02\/06\/on-the-other-side-of-fear\/","title":{"rendered":"On the Other Side of Fear"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

\"\u201cYou<\/a>

\u201cYou know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.\u201d \u2013 Benjamin Mee, We Bought a Zoo<\/p><\/div>\n

I've never been one to hide\u00a0my directional ineptness<\/a>, but actually there\u2019s more to the story. Whenever I have to navigate unfamiliar areas, intense fear grips me. Although I never go anywhere without my navigation system, a printed Google map, and directions from someone who knows where I am going, I may as well have nothing. My palms sweat as I grip the steering wheel, wondering how many wrong turns I will make and how late I will be.<\/p>\n

But when I arrive safely \u2013 especially when there is minimal backtracking \u2013 I feel triumphant. Reaching a destination provides a small boost to my directionally fragile self-esteem.<\/p>\n

Although this fear tempts me to forgo excursions to new places, like speaking engagements out of my ten-mile radius, I do it anyway. I say YES and remind myself that although I might get lost temporarily, I always find my way home.<\/p>\n

My children are aware of my problem. They know to get very quiet at the first sign Mom is lost\u2014usually when I start talking to the GPS. There\u2019s a very good chance my children don\u2019t know the gas station sells gasoline. I use it mainly for directional purposes.<\/p>\n

Surprisingly, my kids still get in the car with me each day. When I type a new address into the GPS, the look of concern on their faces is brief. Usually one of them shrugs and reminds the other, \u00a0\u201cWe can always stop at the gas station if we get lost.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, the other night it happened\u2014we got lost. But this time I had no navigation system, no map, and no written directions.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My children and I were on foot. We had just left their first concert in the downtown area of our city.\u00a0We departed before the show ended, so the area around the amphitheater was unusually vacant. We carefully followed the meandering walkway exactly the way we entered\u2014two lefts and a right, expecting to see the city street on which we parked.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll admit, I was not surprised to find myself in unfamiliar territory. After backtracking to the amphitheater twice, praying we would see where we made the wrong turn, panic set in. My grip on the children\u2019s hands grew tighter. My breathing got faster.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do I always get lost?\u201d I barked at no one in particular\u2014perhaps throwing that big mystery out to my ever-failing sense of direction.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou tried really hard to remember where parked,\u201d my youngest child consoled.<\/p>\n

Biting\u00a0my lip and trying not to cry, I felt frustrated.<\/p>\n

But mostly scared.<\/p>\n

And helpless.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember this<\/i>,\u201d an annoying little voice popped in my head at a very inappropriate time.<\/p>\n

My nine-year-old \u00a0daughter stopped mid-stride and with calm authority said, \u201cMama, just remember where you came from.\u201d<\/p>\n

She meant: remember the landmarks, but I took her words differently. And those words were actually what I needed to hear.<\/p>\n

Remember each time you are lost, you eventually find your way. Just keep a level head. \u00a0Push through your fear, and do what you need to do to get home.<\/i><\/p>\n

I resorted to my foolproof navigation method: ask for help. But I wasn\u2019t going to ask just anyone. I had my most precious possessions with me.<\/p>\n

I spotted a parking garage with a male and female police officer on the other side of a glass partition. I let go of my daughter\u2019s hand briefly to knock. The male officer came over and I managed to keep my voice from breaking. \u201cI am disoriented. I cannot find the lot where my car is parked.\u201d I described a few landmarks that I could recall. Then I told him how much the parking cost in the small lot where a man in an orange cap had been \u00a0taking money.<\/p>\n

A look of recognition came across the officer\u2019s face. The $7 lot tipped him off. He told us we were not far. He rode his scooter slowly ahead and we followed with quick strides, the look of relief apparent on all our faces.<\/p>\n

Within minutes, we were safely in the car. Doors were locked. We would be home shortly.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemember this<\/i>,\u201d said that little voice in my head. \u00a0A few days later, I knew why.<\/p>\n

It was my youngest daughter\u2019s first swim meet in a natatorium. The multiple pools were vast and intimidating. The warm-up session included several teams, which meant a large number of swimmers in one lane.<\/p>\n

Warm-ups had barely begun when I looked down from the bleachers to see my child had pulled herself out. She stood there shivering. As I worked my way down to her, I saw it: the familiar look of fear \u2026\u00a0 of helplessness \u2026 of uncertainty.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, the pool is so big! The water is so deep! I couldn\u2019t see where I was going,\u201d she cried with desperation. Warm tears mixed with droplets of pool water as she whimpered, \u201cI lost my breath, Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh yes, I had seen that look before\u2014in the rearview mirror of my car every single time I\u2019ve been lost.<\/p>\n

I am ashamed to admit, but a few years ago, I would have had firm words for my child. Something like, \u201cThis is ridiculous. This pool is the same length and same depth as the one you swim in every day at the YMCA. Now pull yourself together. You don\u2019t want to miss the warm up.\u201d<\/p>\n

But I am on a journey to grasp what really matters. Thank God, things are different now. Now there are more important things than winning. \u00a0Now there are more important things than how a situation might appear to others. The days of plastering on a fake smile when there is discontent in my heart are over. And I want to offer my children the same opportunity to live in realness.<\/p>\n

I got down on my child\u2019s level, feeling water from the pool deck soak into my jeans. Looking straight into my child\u2019s tearful eyes, I said, \u201cI know what it\u2019s like to be in unfamiliar place. It may look new and a little scary, but let me tell you, this pool the same length as the Y pool. And in a minute, you will get have your race, and there will be no one else in your lane.\u201d<\/p>\n

The fear that clouded her blue eyes began to ease.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow long does it take you to get from one end of the pool to the other?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Bout one minute,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

It was close enough. \u201cYou can be brave for one minute, can\u2019t you? That is sixty seconds. And when you do, you will feel so good about what you did. I bet when you reach the wall you\u2019ll think, \u2018That wasn\u2019t so bad, in fact, it was fun.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n

My child let out a nervous giggle at the thought of actually doing it. \u00a0After a moment\u2019s hesitation she said, \u201cOkay, Mama. I can be brave for one minute.\u201d<\/p>\n

Soon enough, it was time for her heat. I watched from the side as my child stepped up, dropping into the cold water for her start.<\/a><\/p>\n

With strawberry-blonde curls peeking out beneath her swim cap, she pushed off the wall with vigor. She surfaced from her streamline with a smile. As her sturdy arms propelled her towards the other side, her joyful expression grew. I\u2019m certain I could read her mind: \u201cI am doing it! I am doing it!\u201d<\/p>\n

And when she reached the edge, I saw it: the look of triumph.<\/p>\n

She climbed out of the water and met me with a long, wet hug. \u00a0She let out a huge sigh of relief just like I do when I make it home after being lost.<\/p>\n

\u201cI will remember this<\/i>,\u201d I thought to myself … and\u00a0now I offer this reminder to us all:<\/p>\n

Whether she\u2019s trying out for student council, walking into a new classroom, or going to the dentist for the first time \u2026<\/p>\n

Whether he\u2019s sleeping without a night-light, riding a bike without training wheels, or nervously eyeing the neighbor\u2019s dog \u2026<\/p>\n

Whether it\u2019s the first job interview, standing up to a bully, or riding on an escalator \u2026<\/p>\n

It\u2019s unfamiliar territory.<\/p>\n

And a fear that may seem silly or insignificant to us, may seem quite real to them.<\/p>\n

So try remembering where you came from \u2026 remember the times you were scared, uncertain, and worried. Your child\u2019s fear is just as real.<\/p>\n

And perhaps by remembering where you came from, you can offer a little compassion, encouragement, and a chance to overcome a challenge.<\/p>\n

And in doing so, you may shed light on unfamiliar territory \u2026<\/p>\n

So those who are lost can reach the other side of fear,<\/p>\n

And find their way home.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***********************************************<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Think about what it feels like when you\u2019re about to take a risk or step out of your comfort zone\u2014like accepting a new job, starting a new relationship, facing a difficult parenting dilemma. New situations can be so overwhelming that we would rather just stay in familiar territory\u2014but then we lose a chance to grow, flourish, and experience triumph.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>There is great value in remembering how we feel in those moments of uncertainty and fear. By remembering, we can offer our children a chance to feel understood rather than condescended or ridiculed. What might look so easy to us is unfamiliar territory to them. Be a loving guide or a source of support as they navigate the unknown.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>Please share your thoughtful comments and valuable insights; we can learn so much from each other, my friends of The Hands Free Revolution.<\/a>\u00a0Thank you for taking this journey with me.\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0 I’ve never been one to hide\u00a0my directional ineptness, but actually there\u2019s more to the story. Whenever I have to navigate unfamiliar areas, intense fear grips me. Although I never go anywhere without my navigation system, a printed Google map, and directions from someone who knows where I am going, I may as well have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":5381,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[965,369,961,964,962,963],"gutentor_comment":31,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/IMG_8324-e1359898285903.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1oM","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5380"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5380"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5380\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}