{"id":5603,"date":"2014-05-09T06:58:03","date_gmt":"2014-05-09T12:58:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5603"},"modified":"2017-01-20T13:23:08","modified_gmt":"2017-01-20T19:23:08","slug":"today-i-lived-and-you-did-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2014\/05\/09\/today-i-lived-and-you-did-too\/","title":{"rendered":"Today I Lived and You Did Too"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a> Today she lost her shoes for the 37th<\/sup> time in two weeks. <\/p>\n Today the birds chirped noisily through the open back door. Today I stood in front of the mirror sizing myself up. Today I threw together a simple dinner and scooped it onto the plate. Today I was on a mission to tuck my child into bed as quickly as possible. \u201cBecause you are my mom.\u201d<\/p>\n And there it was. My confirmation.<\/p>\n To choose to stay when I want to retreat. Today I lived. I will choose to live again tomorrow.<\/p>\n
\n<\/a>Today I was awakened by the sound of shuffling feet.
\nIt was my early-bird riser in her big sister\u2019s pajamas that drug across the floor.
\nI wanted to pull the covers over my head and feign sleep.
\nBut instead I got up and made toaster waffles that she said tasted \u201cdivine.\u201d
\nShe kissed me with syrupy sweet lips.
\nGetting up wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n
\nIt was right before we needed to head out the door.
\nI wanted to scream, to scold, to throw my hands in the air.
\nBut instead I held her. I held her. My shoeless girl.
\nTogether we found them wet with dew in the backyard and she whispered, \u201cSorry, I am forgetful, Mama.\u201d
\nBeing calm wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n
\nTheir cheerful chatter seemed to accentuate the deadlines, the laundry, the mess piled up around me.
\nI wanted to slam the door and silence the temptation; there was so much to do.
\nBut instead I put on my running shoes and my favorite hat.
\nWith each step, I got closer to what mattered and farther from what didn\u2019t.
\nLetting go wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n
\nIt was apparent that stress and lack of sleep had left their mark.
\nI wanted to dissect each wrinkle, pinch each layer of soft skin
\nBut instead I looked away and said, \u201cNot today. Only love today.\u201d
\nLoving myself wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n
\nIt looked pathetic and unappealing.
\nI wanted to question my worthiness based on my cooking skills.
\nBut instead I hollered, \u201cLet\u2019s eat outside on the porch! Everything tastes better outside.\u201d
\nOffering myself grace wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n
\nIt had been a tiring day, and I just wanted to be alone.
\nShe asked if she could listen to my heartbeat.
\nReluctantly, I lay down beside her and she drew her head to my chest.
\n\u201cWe have the same heartbeat,\u201d she announced.
\n\u201cHow do you know?\u201d I asked expecting some child-like reasoning, but instead her poignant response brought me to my knees.<\/p>\n
\nTo choose to forgive when I want to condemn.
\nTo choose to love when I want to attack.
\nTo choose to hope when I want to doubt.
\nTo choose to stand when I want to fall.<\/p>\n
\nIt wasn\u2019t my first response.
\nBut I share the same heartbeat with two precious souls.
\nAnd that\u2019s enough to get me through the day.<\/p>\n