{"id":5603,"date":"2014-05-09T06:58:03","date_gmt":"2014-05-09T12:58:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5603"},"modified":"2017-01-20T13:23:08","modified_gmt":"2017-01-20T19:23:08","slug":"today-i-lived-and-you-did-too","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2014\/05\/09\/today-i-lived-and-you-did-too\/","title":{"rendered":"Today I Lived and You Did Too"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"bulletin<\/a>
\n<\/a>Today I was awakened by the sound of shuffling feet.
\nIt was my early-bird riser in her big sister\u2019s pajamas that drug across the floor.
\nI wanted to pull the covers over my head and feign sleep.
\nBut instead I got up and made toaster waffles that she said tasted \u201cdivine.\u201d
\nShe kissed me with syrupy sweet lips.
\nGetting up wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n

Today she lost her shoes for the 37th<\/sup> time in two weeks.
\nIt was right before we needed to head out the door.
\nI wanted to scream, to scold, to throw my hands in the air.
\nBut instead I held her. I held her. My shoeless girl.
\nTogether we found them wet with dew in the backyard and she whispered, \u201cSorry, I am forgetful, Mama.\u201d
\nBeing calm wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Today the birds chirped noisily through the open back door.
\nTheir cheerful chatter seemed to accentuate the deadlines, the laundry, the mess piled up around me.
\nI wanted to slam the door and silence the temptation; there was so much to do.
\nBut instead I put on my running shoes and my favorite hat.
\nWith each step, I got closer to what mattered and farther from what didn\u2019t.
\nLetting go wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n

Today I stood in front of the mirror sizing myself up.
\nIt was apparent that stress and lack of sleep had left their mark.
\nI wanted to dissect each wrinkle, pinch each layer of soft skin
\nBut instead I looked away and said, \u201cNot today. Only love today.\u201d
\nLoving myself wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n

Today I threw together a simple dinner and scooped it onto the plate.
\nIt looked pathetic and unappealing.
\nI wanted to question my worthiness based on my cooking skills.
\nBut instead I hollered, \u201cLet\u2019s eat outside on the porch! Everything tastes better outside.\u201d
\nOffering myself grace wasn\u2019t my first response. But I did it.
\nToday I lived.<\/p>\n

Today I was on a mission to tuck my child into bed as quickly as possible.
\nIt had been a tiring day, and I just wanted to be alone.
\nShe asked if she could listen to my heartbeat.
\nReluctantly, I lay down beside her and she drew her head to my chest.
\n\u201cWe have the same heartbeat,\u201d she announced.
\n\u201cHow do you know?\u201d I asked expecting some child-like reasoning, but instead her poignant response brought me to my knees.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause you are my mom.\u201d<\/p>\n

And there it was. My confirmation.<\/p>\n

To choose to stay when I want to retreat.
\nTo choose to forgive when I want to condemn.
\nTo choose to love when I want to attack.
\nTo choose to hope when I want to doubt.
\nTo choose to stand when I want to fall.<\/p>\n

Today I lived.
\nIt wasn\u2019t my first response.
\nBut I share the same heartbeat with two precious souls.
\nAnd that\u2019s enough to get me through the day.<\/p>\n

I will choose to live again tomorrow.<\/p>\n