{"id":5611,"date":"2013-05-15T10:51:42","date_gmt":"2013-05-15T10:51:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5611"},"modified":"2016-01-21T19:30:46","modified_gmt":"2016-01-22T01:30:46","slug":"what-our-children-want-us-to-see","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2013\/05\/15\/what-our-children-want-us-to-see\/","title":{"rendered":"What Our Children Want Us To See"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"What<\/a><\/p>\n

*name has been changed<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/address>\n

\u201cI wish you were my mom,\u201d Jeremy* said\u2014not once, but twice.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t even a mother yet. I was simply a teacher who listened and loved and ran to her mentor if she didn\u2019t know what to do\u2014which was quite often.<\/p>\n

But in Jeremy\u2019s eyes, those traits were enough to qualify me as a good mom.<\/p>\n

For weeks leading up to his heartbreaking admission, I noticed that when he would hug me, he\u2019d take in deep breaths\u2014as if my scent was his oxygen.\u00a0 He lingered in my classroom long after the other children departed to proudly present me with a rock or a feather he found in his backyard. And sometimes he would just stand next to me\u2014not saying anything, just standing near. It was clear Jeremy found comfort in my presence, but until he voiced his wish for me to be his mom, I had no idea why.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you need that you aren\u2019t getting at home?\u201d I cautiously asked one day, not sure if I really wanted to know the answer.<\/p>\n

Jeremy\u2019s words were chilling. I can still remember how his eyes became dark, like the bottomless depths of a somber lake, when he whispered, \u201cI just want her to see me.\u201d<\/p>\n

I swallowed a lump in my throat and fought back tears that were on the verge of spilling out. \u201cWhat kind of things does your mom not see?\u201d I managed to squeak out without crying.<\/p>\n

And what Jeremy told me has become my guide for giving my children what they need\u2014not to survive\u2014but to flourish.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know where Jeremy is now, but I know he\u2019d want me to share the words that impact my daily interactions with my children.<\/p>\n

What I Want You to See (From the Voice of a Child) \u00a0<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

See the way my tongue sticks out when I\u2019m making a beautiful creation for you.<\/em>
\n See all the things I am doing right, not all the things I\u2019m doing wrong.<\/em><\/p>\n

See the way the way my eyes scan the auditorium until I find you.<\/em>
\n See how the sight of your face makes me sigh with relief.<\/em><\/p>\n

See the way my face changes when you take time to explain things to me.<\/em>
\n See what a little patience and compassion can do for my scowl.<\/em><\/p>\n

See the way I look at you when you read a book to me.<\/em>
\n See that it doesn\u2019t take much to make me feel loved and secure.<\/em><\/p>\n

See that I gave it my all even though I didn\u2019t quite succeed.<\/em>
\n See that I\u2019d do anything to make you proud.<\/em><\/p>\n

See that my pants are too short because I am growing, not because I am an inconvenience.<\/em>
\n See that I want to grow up to be just like you.<\/em><\/p>\n

See that I'm calm and quiet when I am sleeping.<\/em>
\n See that I'm carefree and joyful when I am running.<\/em><\/p>\n

See that I\u2019m gonna be something great if you can just look beyond the flaws.<\/em>
\n See how a few words of affirmation make my shoulders rise.<\/em><\/p>\n

See that my eyes tear up a little when we say goodbye.<\/em>
\n See that my favorite pastime is spending time with you.<\/em><\/p>\n

See that you\u2019re the light of my life.<\/em>
\n See that I desperately want to be the light of yours.<\/em><\/p>\n

See me for what I am: a child who has many needs, but also a heart full of love.<\/em><\/p>\n

See that beneath the dirt-stained pants and pouty lip, I am your everyday miracle. <\/em>
\n Your everyday miracle. <\/em>
\n And if you look a little deeper and gaze a little longer,<\/em>
\n You\u2019ll see all that am.<\/em><\/p>\n

Out of all the students I had in my ten-year teaching career, I think about Jeremy the most. I\u2019ll be honest, that little boy haunts my dreams. I tried to make things better in his home life. I sought as much outside help as I could to improve his situation. But I\u2019m still left with the feeling that I could have done more.<\/p>\n

Maybe that\u2019s why I look into my children\u2019s eyes when they speak, even though I\u2019ve heard that story ten times already.<\/p>\n

Maybe that\u2019s why I pay attention when they say, \u201cWatch me, Mama!\u201d And not only do I watch, but I say, \u201cI see you, baby. I see you!\u201d<\/p>\n

Maybe that\u2019s why I say, \u201cI\u2019m the luckiest mom in the world,\u201d even on days when I don\u2019t feel like it.<\/p>\n

Maybe that\u2019s why I look for the good, always the good in my children, even when I have to dig a little to find it.<\/p>\n

Because loving a person means seeing him, really seeing him, above the distractions, the chaos, the mess, and the imperfections.<\/p>\n

Loving a person means seeing him with so much love in your eyes that you can\u2019t hold back the tears.<\/p>\n

Because you are his parent and he is your child.<\/p>\n

And you couldn\u2019t bear the thought of him (or her) belonging to anyone else.<\/p>\n

\"children<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*******************************************************<\/p>\n

May 7th marked the one-year anniversary of \u201cHow to Miss a Childhood<\/a>.\u201d Thanks to you, it has reached over three million views. Through hundreds of heartfelt comments, I know children are being seen. I\u2019ve received many messages that say, \u201cI didn\u2019t realize how many precious moments I was missing in my child\u2019s life.\u201d I wrote that post to help bring awareness to those, who like myself, had become consumed by their distractions. I am grateful to know the message did, in fact, create awareness. Looking back at it now, one year later, I know I wrote it in honor of Jeremy, the kid who wanted to be seen \u2026 the kid who asked his teacher if she would be his mom\u2014because everyday a part of my heart wishes I could have been. \u00a0I<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Update: January 2016 – Since this post was published, I've gone on to write two books that enable our children to be “seen”. See HANDS FREE MAMA<\/a> for 12 steps to letting go of distraction, perfection, and pressure. See HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a> for 9 daily habits that bring peace, presence, and positivity\u00a0to a hurried home & frenzied heart.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Thank you for being a part of \u00a0The Hands Free Revolution.<\/a> I am grateful for your company on this journey to let go of distraction in order to\u00a0see the everyday miracles in our lives. <\/span>Your comments, emails, and presence inspire me greatly. \u00a0<\/i><\/b>\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

*name has been changed \u201cI wish you were my mom,\u201d Jeremy* said\u2014not once, but twice. I wasn\u2019t even a mother yet. I was simply a teacher who listened and loved and ran to her mentor if she didn\u2019t know what to do\u2014which was quite often. But in Jeremy\u2019s eyes, those traits were enough to qualify […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":5609,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[1039,1038,1036,1040,1037,1035],"gutentor_comment":94,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/IMG_1553-e1453425707690.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1sv","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5611"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5611"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5611\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5609"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5611"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5611"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5611"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}