{"id":5726,"date":"2013-09-08T19:10:13","date_gmt":"2013-09-08T19:10:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5726"},"modified":"2013-09-16T22:11:52","modified_gmt":"2013-09-16T22:11:52","slug":"two-handed-living","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2013\/09\/08\/two-handed-living\/","title":{"rendered":"Two-Handed Living"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a><\/p>\n I didn\u2019t expect my reaction to be so intense. After all, I\u2019d been told many times that it was \u201cjust\u201d rotator cuff surgery. For months, my husband made his procedure sound like it would be no big deal. But when he was hooked to beeping machines and ominous-looking drip bags and wheeled into the operating room, things didn\u2019t look so simple to me.<\/p>\n As soon as the double doors of the operating room swished closed, I sequestered myself in the corner of the waiting room and cried. Because that is what happens when you know something deep down in your soul \u2026 \u00a0when you are certain of someone or something so much.<\/i><\/p>\n The next day, while sitting side-by-side with the patient secured in an obtrusive black brace and resting comfortably on pain meds, I got the call. It was my first of multiple book deal offers. A lifetime of filling blank pages in hopes of holding a published book in my hands was suddenly close enough to touch. The eight-year-old storyteller in me jumped for joy and hollered, \u201cYou didn\u2019t give up!\u201d<\/p>\n As soon as I hung up the phone, I bowed my head and cried. Because that is what happens when you know something deep down in your soul \u2026 when you are certain of someone or something so much.<\/i><\/p>\n When I looked up from my joyful breakdown, there was my husband awkwardly reaching out with his one good arm. \u201cI would hug you if I could,\u201d he deadpanned. And then we both laughed hysterically and took a moment to drink in a blessed moment we knew we\u2019d remember forever.<\/p>\n Within days, I accepted one of the amazing book deal offers and learned that my manuscript would be on a fast track to be published. This meant an exorbitant amount of writing, editing, and polishing would be required of me in one month\u2019s time. I looked at my husband who was becoming quite skilled at balancing ice packs on his right shoulder and tearfully said, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I can do this.\u201d<\/p>\n With enough conviction for the both of us, my husband said, \u201cYes, you can. This is your dream, and I will help you.\u201d<\/p>\n Help me? S<\/i>eriously?<\/i> I wanted to kindly point out that in his current condition he couldn\u2019t even open a jar of peanut butter or put on his own deodorant, but instead I bit my tongue and held on to faith. After all, faith had gotten me this far.<\/p>\n After my husband and I shared the incredible book news with my two biggest pint-sized fans, my husband told them what we would need to do as a family in order for me to meet my deadline. The girls excitedly agreed to do their part. Everyone was on board to see the Hands Free Mama<\/i> book come to fruition.<\/p>\n But I was unsettled. I knew this because when I am unsettled troubling scenarios play out in my dreams.<\/p>\n But this time it was only one troubling scenario over and over. And it was horrific.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Every night for two straight weeks, I woke up in a sweat, frantically groping for my missing left arm. Of course, it was only a dream. My arm was not severed; it was whole. That\u2019s when I would turn my head and see an enormous black brace sticking straight up in the air.<\/p>\n \u201cOh yeah. It\u2019s his<\/i> arm, not mine,<\/i> \u201d I would remind myself. Then I\u2019d wiggle each of my fingers, one by one, for extra assurance that I had two able hands.<\/p>\n After a fitful night of sleep, I would creep through house in the early morning hours gathering the strength and necessary materials for another intense writing session.<\/p>\n With every completed chapter I checked off on my writing calendar, I felt a small sense of triumph. I was getting closer. But yet, the nightmares continued. Finally, one morning after the same hideous dream, I knew the time had come. It was time to dig deep \u2026 it was time to face difficult truths \u2026 it was time to come clean. After all, painful truths were what propelled me into this Hands Free journey in the first place.<\/p>\n I looked at my writing schedule. I was right where I needed to be. I was set to finish by the deadline\u2014so why the recurring nightmare? \u201cWhat are you scared of?\u201d I said aloud, as if putting it out there into the universe might get me a faster, more definite answer.<\/p>\n That\u2019s when the words came back to me like a flood\u2014painful words I had written on the one-year anniversary of my Hands Free journey. I ran to my computer and quickly typed in the title of that fateful post. And there it was. What I was afraid of stared back at me in 12-point Cambria font. \u00a0It was eerily called, \u201cOne-Handed Living.\u201d<\/p>\n Before, I was living life with one hand.<\/i>\u2028<\/i> Before, I was living life with one hand.<\/i>\u2028<\/i> Before, I was living life with one hand.<\/i>\u2028<\/i> Before, I was living life with one hand.<\/i>\u2028<\/i> Before, I was living life with one hand.<\/i>\u2028<\/i> Before, I was living life with one hand,<\/i>\u2028<\/i> Deep in my soul, I yearned to grasp what really matters.<\/i>\u2028<\/i> And when I finally had two free hands,<\/i>\u2028<\/i> <\/i>I embraced life with two free hands and one whole heart.<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nOne hand always making a list,<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nChecking things off \u2026 checking things off.<\/i><\/p>\n
\nOne hand always planning ahead,<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nOn to what\u2019s next \u2026 on to what\u2019s next.<\/i><\/p>\n
\nOne hand always trying to please,<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nMake everyone happy \u2026 make everyone happy.<\/i><\/p>\n
\nOne hand always striving for an illusion,<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nMake sure it\u2019s perfect \u2026 make sure it\u2019s perfect.<\/i>\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n
\nOne hand always reaching full speed,<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nDon\u2019t slow down \u2026 don\u2019t slow down.<\/i><\/p>\n
\nOne hand always gripping the device,<\/i>
\nDon\u2019t miss a text \u2026 don\u2019t miss an email.<\/i>
\nInstead miss your life. <\/i>
\nBecause one-handed living is not really living,\u2028<\/i>
\nNot living at all.<\/i><\/p>\n
\nAnd I knew I couldn\u2019t do it with one hand.<\/i>
\nSo I let go.<\/i><\/i>
\nI let go of distraction.<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nI let go of overcommitment.<\/i>
\nI let go of perfection.<\/i>\u2028<\/i>
\nI let go of pressure. <\/i>
\nI let go of excess.<\/i>\u2028<\/i><\/p>\n
\nI embraced life.<\/i><\/p>\n
\nAnd that is when I truly began living.<\/i><\/p>\n