{"id":5734,"date":"2016-12-09T03:47:56","date_gmt":"2016-12-09T09:47:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5734"},"modified":"2016-12-31T09:47:44","modified_gmt":"2016-12-31T15:47:44","slug":"that-happens-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/12\/09\/that-happens-to-me\/","title":{"rendered":"That Happens to Me Too"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"img_7111\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if I had your heart?<\/em>
\nWhat if you wore my scars?<\/em>
\nHow would we break down?<\/em>
\nWhat if you were me and what if I were you?<\/em>
\nWhat if you told my lies?<\/em>
\nWhat if I cried with your eyes?<\/em>
\nCould anyone keep us down?<\/em>
\nWhat if you were me and what if I were you?\u201d<\/em>
\n-Five for Fightng, What If<\/a><\/p>\n

When my daughter Avery gets strep throat, she celebrates. She rejoices in full force because she cannot go to school until she\u2019s had her antibiotics for 24 hours, yet she feels perfectly fine.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a win-win.<\/p>\n

That was precisely the case on this memorable\u00a0day. With one dose of Amoxicillin down the hatch, she began her celebration. She announced to no one in particular that she would be having \u201calone time with Mom\u201d while her medicine worked its magic and made her \u201cstref throat un-contagious.\u201d<\/p>\n

I accepted the fact that I would not get much work accomplished that day, but I knew I would be enlightened in other ways. This particular child has that way about her.<\/p>\n

After getting an ID tag for our cat Banjo, we headed to Avery's favorite fast-food restaurant. While I stood and line and ordered, she\u00a0chose a cozy booth in the back. Within minutes, the server slid my tray of food across the counter towards me. As I reached for the tray, a young man wearing a pristine shirt with the restaurant logo stepped forward. With a solemn expression he asked, \u201cMay I carry it?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The man\u2019s tone was unfriendly and lacked emotion, but his eyes said otherwise. I could have very well carried that tray myself, but I felt the need to oblige. I could tell he wanted to assist and I should accept.<\/p>\n

The tall young man with sandy brown hair stiffly carried our food to the table. Along the way, I asked him how his day was going. His mechanical use of pat phrases reminded me of some of the students I taught in special education.<\/p>\n

He sat down the tray in front of my daughter, and I smiled and thanked him. He did not smile back but simply nodded and strode off to see if other customers needed assistance.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs he special, Mama?\u201d my daughter asked curiously while opening her ketchup. For years she\u2019s heard so many stories about my former students with behavioral and learning difficulties that she can actually refer to them by name.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, he is. His job is to carry trays, put trash in trashcans, refill drinks, and things like that,\u201d I explained.<\/p>\n

As she inserted her straw into the creamy milkshake, she smiled brightly, \u201cI am glad he has that job. Out of all the jobs in a restaurant, I think the helper job is the perfect job for him,\u201d she said confidently before taking a long sip.<\/p>\n

\"milkshake<\/a><\/p>\n

A few minutes later, the young man came back and asked if I needed a refill on my drink. I told him I would love a refill and what beverage I was drinking.<\/p>\n

\u201cRemove the lid,\u201d he said robotically.<\/p>\n

With short, quick strides he returned with a cup that was filled to the brim. Because it had no lid, the soda spilled when he set the cup down. The look of distress filled his eyes and his face became flushed. I grabbed my napkin before the liquid could drip onto my lap.<\/p>\n

I was just about to say it was okay, but my child beat me to the punch. And her response was far better than what I was planning to say. \u201cThat happens to me,\u201d she said looking straight into the young man\u2019s face with a reassuring smile.<\/p>\n

She did not say the usual, \u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d or \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

She said, \u201cThat happens to me<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Who knew such love, compassion, understanding, and human kindness could be contained in four simple words?<\/p>\n

The waiter looked down shyly, and I detected a slight sigh of relief. When he left, my daughter repeated her initial thoughts about the man. \u201cI am glad he has that job. He is good at his job.\u201dApparently a little spilled soda didn\u2019t make him any less of a good helper in her eyes.<\/p>\n

A few minutes later, I carried our tray to the trash receptacle. Because she\u2019d spent most of her time drinking the milkshake, Avery\u2019s full glass of ice water went untouched. Much to my dismay, the paper cup tipped and hit the floor with a thud. As ice cubes and water spread across the floor, my eyes searched for our helpful friend. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found. \u00a0Instead, a waitress came from behind the counter to survey the damage. She did not try to hide her displeasure.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am very sorry,\u201d I said sincerely. \u201cLuckily, it\u2019s just water,\u201d I added.<\/p>\n

With a disapproving shake of her head, the waitress turned on her heel, probably to fetch a mop. There I stood in the middle of what was now a pretty good-sized puddle. I suddenly felt very small and slightly embarrassed. I was back in middle school, all eyes on the one who clumsily dropped her tray on the cafeteria floor.<\/p>\n

The side door that lead to the drive-thru line suddenly burst open and there appeared the young man. Oddly, he didn\u2019t even glance at the spill. Instead he looked directly into my eyes and said, \u201cIt\u2019s all good.\u201d<\/p>\n

Call me crazy, but I\u2019m pretty sure his employee training didn\u2019t include that line. Oh no, that line came straight from the heart.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s all good.<\/i><\/p>\n

I looked down at my shoes, now dripping with moisture. The water had made its way around chair legs and into tile cracks. But when I looked at the way the liquid spread across the floor with absolutely no boundaries, a beautiful thought came to mind:<\/p>\n

Compassion spreads.<\/i>
\nCompassion is contagious<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Just a few minutes prior to my H2<\/sub>O disaster, a little girl with uncombed hair and a milkshake mustache had offered kindness to a young man working hard at his job. When he made a mistake, she stepped into the mess with him by letting him know she makes mistakes too. Little did I know, he would offer kindness back to me when I was in need of a little compassion and understanding.<\/p>\n

We are all just waiting for someone to notice\u2014notice our pain, notice our scars, notice our fear, notice our joy, notice our triumphs, notice our courage.<\/i><\/p>\n

And the one who notices is a rare and beautiful gift.<\/i><\/p>\n

I'd once written those words about Avery and her perceptive way of seeing the world and those around her. But in that moment, I knew\u00a0there was\u00a0more to that theory:<\/p>\n

The one who notices and responds with empathy<\/b> can create a ripple effect. Because compassion spreads \u2026 compassion is contagious.<\/i><\/p>\n

\"dsc_0611\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

I suddenly faced an uncomfortable truth about myself. I know how important it is to respond with empathy, but in my daily life I often forget the power of compassion. Among the busyness and the hurry, honest mistakes became bigger deals than they actually are. Among the daily distractions and pressures, small blunders are treated like major catastrophes. How easy it is to sigh with exasperation as if my whole day is ruined by one tiny mistake that might inconvenience my life for a whole two minutes. How easy it is to forget that I make mistakes too.<\/p>\n

As Avery and I walked hand in hand through the restaurant parking lot, it was clear why I felt so\u00a0inclined to\u00a0pay\u00a0attention that day. It was so I could write the following manifesto\u00a0and try my best\u00a0to live it\u00a0each and every day I am\u00a0blessed to be alive:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Let us notice each other\u2019s pain and ambivalence.<\/em>
\n Even if we are different.<\/em>
\n Even if we don\u2019t wear the same clothes.<\/em>
\n Even if we don\u2019t have the same job or the same IQ.<\/em>
\n Because in our hearts, we are more alike than we are different. <\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

Let us acknowledge each other\u2019s slip-ups and failures with compassion and grace.<\/em>
\n Even if it does cause a mess.<\/em>
\n Even if it takes a moment of our time.<\/em>
\n Even if it\u2019s the last thing we feel like doing.<\/em>
\n Because in our eyes, we are all just looking for someone to stand beside us in our mess. <\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

Let us respond with patience to the mistakes of our children.<\/em>
\n Even if we\u2019ve never made such a mistake.<\/em>
\n Even if we saw it coming.<\/em>
\n Even if we are at our wit\u2019s end.<\/em>
\n Because in our memory banks, we can all remember standing in the school cafeteria with the eyes of judgment upon us. <\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

Let us notice when someone is struggling to get it right, fit in, or please.<\/em>
\n Even if it\u2019s not perfect.<\/em>
\n Even if their hands shake.<\/em>
\n Even if someone else does it far better.<\/em>
\n Because<\/b> in our souls, we are all hungry for acceptance. <\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

Today my\u00a0goal is\u00a0to take a page from Avery\u2019s book:
\nto rejoice in the day ahead<\/em>
\n to notice and respond compassionately to efforts and emotions<\/em>
\nto let no one stand alone in their mess by saying, “That happens to me too.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Will you join me? I believe these aspirations, carried out individually and collectively, have the power to heal\u00a0what ails the world.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\"DSC_0131\"<\/a><\/p>\n

*************************************************<\/p>\n

The story you just read is\u00a0an excerpt from my\u00a0second book, HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a>. Through truthful storytelling and nine life-changing Habit Builders, I show readers how to respond to their loved ones and themselves with more patience, presence, acceptance, and love despite daily\u00a0distractions and societal pressures. Gifting someone with one of my books is a huge blessing to me. It helps my publisher know my work is valued and should continue. I have also written HANDS FREE MAMA <\/a>which answers the questions many people ask after visiting my site such as, \u201cHow do let go of my distractions and scale back my\u00a0over-scheduled life?\u201d and \u201cHow can I\u00a0find my long-lost joy?\u201d My third book, ONLY LOVE TODAY: Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, and Choose Love<\/a>, releases on 3\/7 and is currently available for pre-order.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

For other meaningful and unique gifts for the holidays, please check out the leather bracelets<\/a>, metal cuffs<\/a>,\u00a0hand-lettered\u00a0prints<\/a>, and vintage t-shirts<\/a> in the Hands Free Shop<\/a> — they are excellent visual reminders that love makes good things\u00a0possible. Thank you for being part of The Hands Free Revolution\u00a0community<\/a>. I cherish your love and support.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWhat if I had your heart? What if you wore my scars? How would we break down? What if you were me and what if I were you? What if you told my lies? What if I cried with your eyes? Could anyone keep us down? What if you were me and what if I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":7144,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[1121,1124,1122,1119,49,1123,1120],"gutentor_comment":120,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_7111.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1uu","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5734"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5734"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5734\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7144"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5734"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5734"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5734"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}