{"id":5739,"date":"2013-09-24T12:58:57","date_gmt":"2013-09-24T12:58:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5739"},"modified":"2016-05-24T12:40:02","modified_gmt":"2016-05-24T18:40:02","slug":"taking-away-my-daughters-smile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2013\/09\/24\/taking-away-my-daughters-smile\/","title":{"rendered":"Taking Away My Daughter\u2019s Smile"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"preparing<\/a><\/p>\n

My life contained everything I\u2019d ever wished for\u2014a loving husband, two beautiful children, a healthy mind and body, and a safe and comfortable home.<\/p>\n

Given such desirable circumstances, one would have thought I\u2019d wake up every morning feeling grateful, happy, and content.<\/p>\n

But that was not the case.<\/p>\n

I woke up feeling the same way I did when I went to bed the night before\u2014unhappy, annoyed, and irritable.<\/p>\n

Mentally, I could acknowledge my life\u2019s abundant blessings<\/i>, but I didn\u2019t really see them or feel them because I was too focused on my life\u2019s abundant distractions.<\/i> Too many commitments. Too many screens.\u00a0 Too many self-induced pressures to be all and do all. Too many unachievable standards. Too many to-do\u2019s and never enough time.<\/p>\n

And when you\u2019re overbooked, hurried, and attached\u00a0to the electronic device, there\u2019s very little time to laugh, rest, play, and simply BE. And that\u2019s when the smile on your face tends to disappear.<\/p>\n

Although I managed to plaster on a smile in public, my face wore a frown in the privacy of my home. You see, when you are living a highly distracted life, nothing\u2014not even the beautiful faces of your loving family\u2014can bring you joy.<\/p>\n

The truth hurts but the truth heals \u2026 and brings me closer to the parent and person I want to be.<\/i><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My outward discontent seemed to peak when it was time to leave the house. My children, then ages four and seven, knew I got a little crazy when I was trying to get everyone ready and out the door. My older daughter tried to help any way she could. Of course her attempts to help made it take longer and were never good enough. I didn\u2019t try to hide my exasperation or annoyance.<\/p>\n

I vividly remember getting in the car after one stressful departure. I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw my daughter picking her top lip nervously. As she pinched that tiny piece of fragile skin on her upper lip with wide eyes, I swear I could read her mind:<\/p>\n

Mommy\u2019s mad.<\/em><\/p>\n

Mommy\u2019s tired.<\/em><\/p>\n

Mommy\u2019s stressed.<\/em><\/p>\n

But there was more. I could practically hear how a young child would interpret her mother\u2019s unhappiness.<\/p>\n

Mommy\u2019s mad at me.<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

Mommy\u2019s tired because of me.<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

Mommy\u2019s stressed because of something I did.<\/b><\/em><\/p>\n

My older daughter\u2019s lip picking became the new routine when we got in the car to go anywhere. And much to my dismay, the habit slowly moved to other areas of her life. I attributed it to school worries, being shy, my husband's\u00a0work travels, and sibling jealousy. I read everything I could about this harmful behavior while hoping it was just a phase that would soon pass. But the lip picking didn\u2019t stop. At times, the tender skin on her upper lip would even bleed.<\/p>\n

Around the time I felt we should seek medical attention for this problem, a light was shed on the issue\u2014a light that was more like a beacon of truth from which I could not hide.<\/p>\n

In an especially chaotic rush out the door to go on a family vacation, I sat in the passenger seat fuming. Mad because I didn\u2019t have time to put the dishes in the dishwasher. Mad because we were late getting on the road. Mad because the garage door was acting up. I am talking trivial, insignificant, minor inconveniences here, but that was the state of a distracted woman who could no longer see the blessings, only the inconveniences, of her life.<\/p>\n

And before we were about to pull out of the driveway, my husband looked at me as if someone he loved very much had died. In a barely audible whisper he said, \u201cYou\u2019re never happy anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

I wanted to defend.
\nI wanted to excuse.
\nI wanted to deny.<\/p>\n

But I couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Because I knew he was right.<\/p>\n

Where had that happy woman gone? The one who smiled at people she passed on the street just because. The one whose friends often spoke of her positive outlook on life. The one who felt happy simply because she heard her favorite song or had a pack of strawberry Twizzlers in her purse. The one who could laugh off mistakes because mistakes happen, and they are certainly not the end of the world.<\/p>\n

Where had she gone?<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when I glanced to the backseat to see if my children had heard my husband\u2019s words. Staring back at me was my daughter picking her lip with worry the size of a small boulder weighing down her small shoulders.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when an even more painful question hit me.<\/p>\n

Where had my happy little girl gone? The one who woke up with the most gorgeous bedhead and good morning smile. The one who beamed at the words \u201csprinkler,\u201d \u201ccotton candy,\u201d and \u201cpet store.\u201d The one who laughed so hard tears came to her eyes. The one who licked beaters with sheer pleasure and danced happily to any song with a beat.<\/p>\n

Where had she gone?<\/p>\n

I knew.<\/p>\n

I knew.<\/p>\n

While choosing to make my own blessed life miserable, I had funneled my unhappiness straight into my daughter\u2019s once joyful heart and spirit. \u00a0Her pain was a direct reflection of the expression I wore on my face.<\/p>\n

This difficult truth was one of several powerful admissions that lead to my Hands Free breakdown-breakthrough<\/a>.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t sure how, but I was determined to bring a smile back to my daughter\u2019s face; I knew I must bring it back to my own.<\/p>\n

I began with one small step: looking for what was going right instead of what was going wrong. I called it: Seeing the flowers instead of the weeds.<\/i><\/p>\n

Yes, there was a messy room (weeds), but it was because my children had played quietly and cooperatively with each other (flowers).<\/p>\n

Yes, her shoes were splattered with mud (weeds), but the joy on her face as she splashed in puddles was unforgettable (flowers).<\/p>\n

Yes, she was out of bed again (weeds), but it was to give me one more goodnight kiss (flowers).<\/p>\n

Yes, she had gotten out every pair of shorts she owned (weeds), but she\u2019d dressed herself independently (flowers).<\/p>\n

When I started looking for \u201cflowers\u201d instead of \u201cweeds\u201d in our daily life, the positives became more obvious, and I quickly gained a new perspective. I realized much of what aggravated me was trivial. Much of what was supposedly “ruined” were things that could be fixed or cleaned up.\u00a0 What mattered\u2014that we were safe, healthy, and alive were thoughts that began to overpower the negatives.<\/p>\n

My eager-to-please, helpful older child looked different too. I saw her for who she was, not an annoyance or a bother, but a loving child with clever thoughts and ideas. For once, I could see all the things she was capable of doing\u2014not perfectly, but good enough for today<\/a>. The tightness in my face relaxed and the smiles came more easily for both of us.<\/p>\n

And now here I am three years into my Hands Free journey. Like any normal human being, I have moments of frustration, sadness, anger, and overwhelm \u2026 but these feelings are temporary, they are no longer the norm. I don\u2019t smile every minute of the day, but I smile a lot.<\/p>\n

My older daughter is not so little anymore. One of her favorite activities is giving me a makeover. I sit crossed-legged in front of her and as she gently applies blush to my face. My daughter\u2019s perfectly plump lip is in my direct line of vision.<\/p>\n

She doesn\u2019t remember picking her lip. That habit died soon after my new life perspective was born. But I won\u2019t forget.\u00a0 In fact, I don\u2019t want to forget the cost of distraction. It can pick your life apart until it bleeds you dry. And it can take the ones you love with you in the process.<\/p>\n

But by letting go of the distractions that take your focus off what really matters, you begin to see clearly. You begin to see flowers instead of weeds<\/i>.<\/p>\n

By making it a daily practice to notice all that is good in your life, the joy in your heart has the tendency to overflow. And when it does, you are able to funnel that excess love and happiness straight into the hearts of those you most want to see smile.<\/p>\n

\"Vow<\/a><\/p>\n

***************************************<\/p>\n

Truth be told, I\u2019d completely forgotten about the lip picking experience until something recently triggered it. As some pretty difficult memories resurfaced, I knew I could let shame talk me into keeping\u00a0this story to myself or I could let courage inspire me to share. I hope it reaches one person suffering in silence today. To that person I say, \u201cYou\u2019re not alone.\u201d I also say, \u201cThere is hope.\u201d For several years I looked forward to the day I could share the entire story of how I transformed my distracted life. That story is now contained in my New York Times bestseller, HANDS FREE MAMA<\/a>. I went on to publish a second book called HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a>.\u00a0<\/i><\/b>It is a book about living life, not managing, stressing, screaming, or barely getting through life. Through truthful story-telling and life-giving Habit Builders, I offer ways\u00a0to respond to our loved ones and ourselves with more love, more presence, and more grace.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Thanks for being part of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>\u2014letting go to grasp what really matters. You add so much hope & healing to\u00a0this journey. For wearable reminders to choose love, check out the beautiful ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a> and I CHOOSE LOVE<\/a> wrist bands in a variety of colors and materials.
\n<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\"Books<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My life contained everything I\u2019d ever wished for\u2014a loving husband, two beautiful children, a healthy mind and body, and a safe and comfortable home. Given such desirable circumstances, one would have thought I\u2019d wake up every morning feeling grateful, happy, and content. But that was not the case. I woke up feeling the same way […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6201,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[1129,1125,1128,1127,1126],"gutentor_comment":275,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/preparing-for-world-1-e1413848254357.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1uz","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5739"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5739"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5739\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5739"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5739"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5739"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}