{"id":5950,"date":"2014-01-14T06:30:18","date_gmt":"2014-01-14T12:30:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=5950"},"modified":"2014-01-20T06:36:09","modified_gmt":"2014-01-20T12:36:09","slug":"who-you-are-now-matters-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2014\/01\/14\/who-you-are-now-matters-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Who You Are Now Matters More"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"who<\/a><\/p>\n

It was a simple enough recipe\u2014place peanuts and several types of chocolate in a crockpot for two hours and then scoop out the melted mixture in dollops to create bite-sized treats.<\/p>\n

Simple, right? Well, not if you forget about it for four hours<\/i>.<\/p>\n

My younger daughter came downstairs when she smelled a pungent odor wafting from the kitchen. \u201cWhat is that horrible smell, Mama?\u201d she asked scrunching up her face as I scraped peanuts that now resembled black beans into the sink.<\/p>\n

\"chocolate<\/a><\/p>\n

“I just wasted four bags of chocolate because I forgot to turn off the crockpot. I cannot believe I did that!\u201d I chastised myself as I aggressively shoved charred clumps of chocolate into the garbage disposal. \u201cAnd now I don\u2019t have anything to bring to the party.\u201d I didn\u2019t try to hide my disappointment. I couldn\u2019t believe I\u2019d messed up something so simple.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when a little voice of wisdom cut right through the burnt haze of my frustration.<\/p>\n

\u201cEverybody makes mistakes,\u201d consoled my daughter. \u201cRemember, Mama?\u201d<\/p>\n

Remember.<\/p>\n

She was telling me to remember<\/i> because those have been my <\/i>words to her<\/i> over the past three years. In every possible way, I tell her mistakes are okay. Mistakes are necessary. Mistakes are what happen when you are living life and taking chances.<\/p>\n

Unlike her older sister, she doesn\u2019t remember how it used to be. During my highly distracted years the pressure to be perfect was fierce. Innocent mistakes were met with aggravated sighs and eye rolls. It wasn\u2019t until I saw the pressure my older daughter was putting on herself that I realized I needed to stop shunning mistakes and embrace them as part of our home and our lives.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Although my older daughter lived with a perfectionistic mother for six years, her memories of the controlling, impatient, unapologetic version of myself are fuzzy. I know this because I brought it up recently during our nightly Talk Time<\/i><\/a>. Earlier that day, I\u2019d participated in a follow-up interview with Good Housekeeping magazine about letting go of perfection<\/a>. Unexpectedly, the editors requested a fresh, untold story that I\u2019d never written about before.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan you describe a time when you wanted things to be perfect to the point it made you lose your temper?\u201d the editor had asked in an effort to jog my memory.<\/p>\n

I closed my eyes and thought. Snippets of difficult to re-live memories were more easily retrieved than I expected. As I envisioned pink and yellow checked outfits, I felt sadness well up in my throat. I vividly remembered the pressure building up inside me as I tried to get my daughters out the door to meet new neighbors. We had just moved, and I knew no one. I felt so unattractive that day\u2014so far from perfect. And there were my precious girls wanting to wear comfortably worn mismatched shorts. They wanted nothing to do with pretty outfits and neatly secured ponytails. They just wanted to play and be kids. Of course, in true drill sergeant fashion, I made them wear the pristine outfits despite their cries.<\/p>\n

I recounted the story to the editor \u2026 a story no one had ever heard before \u2026 a story I\u2019d tried to forget and almost did.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh this is wonderful. Lots of people will be able to relate to this,\u201d she encouraged.<\/p>\n

But yet I felt regretful and alone. I thought about that painful memory all day. So much that I felt the urge to apologize to the one I knew probably remembered it too. Although it happened several years ago, I\u2019ve learned it\u2019s never too late to ask for forgiveness.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am sorry I used to want things perfect all the time,\u201d I blurted out to my older daughter in the glow of the nightlight at Talk Time<\/i>.<\/p>\n

\u201cGive me an example,\u201d she asked unexpectedly.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you remember how stressed out I would get about wanting things to look a certain way when we left the house? Or how I made such a big deal out of trivial mistakes and mishaps?\u201d I asked bracing myself for distressing recollections.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot really,\u201d she shrugged. \u201cI just remember how you used to lay out my clothes every morning, and I didn\u2019t get to pick. But now you let me wear what I want.\u201d She snuggled closer. \u201cI like it the way it is now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t realize sooner that being happy matters more than making things look perfect. I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t change sooner,\u201d I admitted with regret.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s better to know it now than never know it at all,\u201d she wisely offered.<\/p>\n

My child\u2019s profound words were fresh on my mind the next morning as we prepared for school. Her little sister was standing in front of the mirror parting her hair straight down the middle. She completely ignored the back of her hair and as a result, it resembled an angry cactus.<\/p>\n

I could see my older daughter eyeing her sister\u2019s disheveled mess. She reached out her hand to take the brush, but then quickly drew it back without saying a word. My younger daughter, unaware she was being observed, walked out humming to herself happily.<\/p>\n

My older daughter looked up at me. I was about to find out just how much my confession the night before had resonated with her. \u201cThe old you<\/em> probably would have fixed her hair, and she probably would\u2019ve cried.\u201d After pausing for a minute she admitted, \u201cI thought about telling her to change it, but then I decided not to say anything. It\u2019s better to just let her be who she is.\u201d<\/p>\n

My friends, I am simply the messenger on this journey, and today I have some thoughts for you to consider:<\/p>\n

Maybe the words, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d can be the start of a liberating dialogue your heart\u2019s been yearning to have.<\/p>\n

Maybe those you have wronged can be more forgiving than you are to yourself if given the opportunity.<\/p>\n

Maybe second chances are not given to you<\/i> but rather something you offer to yourself<\/i> by using new words and new actions.<\/p>\n

Maybe who you are now<\/strong><\/em> is more important than who your were then<\/strong><\/em>.<\/p>\n

Whether it\u2019s been five minutes, five months, or five years,
\nit\u2019s not too late to speak words of remorse,
\nit\u2019s not too late to offer forgiveness to yourself or those you love,
\nit\u2019s not too late to be the person you always wanted to be.<\/p>\n

Because who you are now is more important than who you were then.<\/p>\n

I think that sentence bears repeating:<\/p>\n

Who you are now<\/i> is more important than who you were then.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Just think of the gift you\u2019ll be giving those who are learning how to live by watching you <\/i>live\u2014not perfectly, but with small, positive steps and daily doses of grace.<\/p>\n

\"who<\/a><\/p>\n

***************************<\/p>\n

*Friends, thank you for making the week of my book launch so incredibly wonderful. Your support through the purchase of the book<\/a>, the glowing reviews you have posted, and by sharing the book with others is the greatest gift to my family and me. Please continue to keep spreading the word and posting reviews. You are the reason the Hands Free message is reaching far & wide!\u00a0<\/i><\/b>For purchasing options click here.<\/a>\u00a0<\/i><\/b>To post a review, click Amazon<\/a> or Good Reads.<\/a><\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Great news\u00a0\u2026 My book signing events kick off this Thursday (1\/16) in Birmingham, AL! And next Tuesday (1\/21), I will coming to Indianapolis! Please check out the\u00a0complete schedule<\/a>\u00a0for signing locations & details. There are RSVP links for the Birmingham event <\/a>and the Austin, Texas<\/a> event. \u00a0The bookstores would greatly appreciate getting a heads up on how many to expect.\u00a0If you live in or around these areas, I would LOVE to see you! \u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\"books<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>Here are a few more pieces of news to share:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>1) \u00a0I am hosting a FREE 4-week \u201cStress Less Parenting Workshop<\/a>\u201d on The Huffington Post! <\/i><\/b>Over the next four weeks, I\u2019ll offer the steps I took toward having a less distracted life and simple challenges to help you take them. Click here<\/a> and look for\u00a0the little\u00a0purple ‘subscribe' box under the article title to sign up. (Some of my readers signing up via iPhone have not been able to locate the subscribe box. I have let the HuffPost know.)<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>2) In honor of my book\u2019s<\/a> release, I have participated in several fun interviews. To find out some interesting facts about me and how I live out the life that I write about, check out these recently published interviews:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>A Conversation with Hands Free Mama<\/a> on Family Circle.com<\/i><\/b>
\nLiving the Dream: Hands Free Mama Rachel Stafford <\/a>on The Center for a New American Dream<\/i><\/b>
\nMeet Rachel Macy Stafford<\/a> on Veeg Mama\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Oh, and I am not the only one who has been signing books around here \u2026\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"My<\/a>

My daughter was asked to sign her mama's book at school the other day & the look of joy on her face made me a little teary!<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It was a simple enough recipe\u2014place peanuts and several types of chocolate in a crockpot for two hours and then scoop out the melted mixture in dollops to create bite-sized treats. Simple, right? Well, not if you forget about it for four hours. My younger daughter came downstairs when she smelled a pungent odor wafting […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[79],"tags":[1191,1190,820,1104,1189],"gutentor_comment":66,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1xY","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5950"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5950"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5950\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5950"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5950"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5950"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}