{"id":6083,"date":"2014-05-06T06:36:12","date_gmt":"2014-05-06T12:36:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6083"},"modified":"2014-05-13T05:45:22","modified_gmt":"2014-05-13T11:45:22","slug":"to-love-yourself-as-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2014\/05\/06\/to-love-yourself-as-is\/","title":{"rendered":"To Love Yourself “As Is”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"to<\/a><\/p>\n

To Love Yourself \u201cAs Is\u201d (Part 1)<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cBe kind to others,\u201d they told her.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe kind to yourself.\u201d She didn\u2019t hear much of that.<\/p>\n

Maybe they assumed she just would be. But despite the radiant smile on her face, the voice in her head said, \u201cNot good enough.\u201d<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t enough.
\nIt was never enough.<\/p>\n

For years she tried to reach perfection\u2019s highest rung, but she missed again and again and again.<\/p>\n

And then she had little ones of her own. At first their messiness and mistakes reminded her of her own imperfections. She found herself losing it <\/a>over trivial mishaps and typical kid issues. But living in the shadow of fear and inadequacy was not the life she wanted for her children. She made every effort to see beyond their mess and mayhem. And in her children\u2019s disarray, their humanness, and in their silly little quirks, she saw something worthy of love and forgiveness. She offered them love without condition and restraint, and when she did, their little faces glowed with validation and acceptance.<\/p>\n

To love someone \u201cas is\u201d was a gift, she realized.<\/p>\n

So whenever her children messed up she\u2019d say, \u201cBe kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.\u201d<\/p>\n

As the children grew, they started saying it to themselves and to each other. And one day, when she burned the bottom of the crockpot, the littlest one said it to her. \u201cEverybody makes mistakes, Mama. Be nice to yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

She wished someone had said it when she was young. But it wasn\u2019t too late. Thirty-eight years of being unkind to herself was enough. It was quite enough.<\/p>\n


\n\u201cBe kind to yourself.\u201d
\n\u201cOnly love today.\u201d<\/p>\n

She began saying it. Sometimes 100,000 times a day, she said it.<\/p>\n

Only Love today.
\nOnly Love Today.<\/p>\n

Be kind to yourself.<\/p>\n

She says it now.<\/p>\n

Because it\u2019s not too late.<\/p>\n

To Love Yourself \u201cAs Is\u201d (Part 2)<\/b><\/p>\n

The mantra was working. \u201cOnly Love Today. Be Kind to Yourself.\u201d Those empowering words were silencing the bully in her head. There was a crack of light. She could see the next steps.<\/p>\n

She decided to stop beating herself up over past failures.
\nShe decided to stop re-playing mistakes over and over in her head.
\nShe decided to be open about her shortcomings, real with her humanness, and generous with her apologies.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t always get it right, and I never will,\u201d she honestly admitted to herself.<\/p>\n

But that was not something to be sad about because there was a silver lining.<\/p>\n

Even on the days she didn\u2019t get it right, her children were still learning valuable lessons about life, persistence, determination, failure, compassion, authenticity, grace, and forgiveness. Even when she wasn\u2019t getting it \u201cright,\u201d it didn\u2019t mean her children were going to turn out all wrong.<\/b><\/p>\n

\"love<\/a><\/p>\n

Her humanness allowed her children to be human.<\/p>\n

Her courage to keep showing up gave her children courage to show up.<\/p>\n

Loving herself despite her failures, flaws, and imperfections gave her children permission to love themselves \u201cas is.\u201d<\/p>\n

As a result, her children discovered much sooner something she wished she\u2019d known all her life: You can\u2019t see the silver lining that comes from falling down until you get back up.<\/p>\n

But she sees it now.<\/p>\n

She sees it now.<\/p>\n

Because it\u2019s not too late.<\/p>\n

********<\/p>\n

If you follow me on The Hands Free Revolution page<\/a> then you may know I posted these two pieces separately over the span of several weeks. I didn\u2019t realize they were two halves of a whole until I noticed the similarities in reader responses.<\/p>\n

\u201cI needed this today,\u201d was written again and again and again. I received personal messages from both an eleven-year-old girl and a seventy-two-year-old woman who confirmed these words knew no limits, no boundaries. \u201cI needed this message,\u201d they both wrote.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve come to this conclusion: it doesn\u2019t matter who we are or how much we have accomplished, there\u2019s a lot of beating up going on inside our heads. There are a lot of people walking around feeling like they aren\u2019t doing well at anything \u2026 in any area \u2026 at any time. And because of this realization, I am compelled to add one more part to this story: the h<\/strong><\/em>ow<\/i><\/b> part.<\/p>\n

To Love Yourself \u201cAs Is\u201d (Part 3)<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Learning to love myself \u201cas is\u201d didn\u2019t happen overnight. This process began when I started my Hands Free journey almost four years ago and is chronicled in my book<\/a>. However, it wasn\u2019t until very recently that I realized I have been doing something very powerful to love myself \u201cas is.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve begun to see good<\/i> in the parts of myself that I thought were bad<\/i>. You know that drill sergeant I strived to get rid of when I was learning how to live Hands Free? \u00a0Well, that is a part of me that I have come to love and appreciate because it helps me tremendously in certain circumstances. When I am trying to meet my publisher\u2019s deadlines, relocate my family to a new state, or get a messy house in order for an unexpected showing, my inner drill sergeant always saves the day! I am learning to love a part of me that I thought needed to be extinguished. This is healing and freeing.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve also came to love that overly sensitive side of me that I used to chastise for being a thin-skinned weakling in need of some toughening up. I\u2019ve found myself saying to that part of me, \u201cI love you. You cry when others cry. You remember to ask people about the challenges they are going through. You listen and care when someone speaks.\u201d It is because of that sensitive part of me that I feel <\/i>life. It is that part of me that allows me to articulate through my writing what others feel but cannot express. I am learning to love a part of me that I thought needed to be abolished. This is healing and freeing.<\/p>\n

Seeing my once perceived \u201cweaknesses\u201d as positive attributes in certain situations allows me to look at myself with more kind and loving eyes, just as I do with my children.<\/p>\n

I am not saying I don\u2019t have bad days; I do. But the tendency to go easy on myself is stronger than my tendency to bully myself. This is significant because it used to be the other way around. My knee-jerk reaction was to criticize, condemn, and not-good-enough myself to death. That was a brutal and hopeless way to live.<\/p>\n

Four years, my friends.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s taken four years of baby steps to get to this place of loving myself as a whole. But it began with a single mantra: \u201cOnly Love Today. Be Kind to Yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Those words shut down the bully and threw me a lifeline.<\/p>\n

And when I grabbed it and pulled myself up, I saw two little girls looking upon their authentically messy, hopelessly flawed mother with love in their eyes and relief in their chests.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I saw the silver lining. It shined so brightly I could see every blemish, every imperfection on my tattered soul.<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t have hidden them if I tried.<\/p>\n

But I didn\u2019t want to–I have two very good reasons not to hide anymore.<\/p>\n

\"to<\/a><\/p>\n

*****************************************************<\/p>\n

Friends of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, tell me about the bully in your head. Is self-criticism something you struggle with? Does it impact the way you treat the ones you love? Please feel free to share your struggles and triumphs in your own journey to love yourself and others \u201cas is.\u201d So much hope can be found when we reveal our scars and share what we\u2019ve learned by getting back up after we\u2019ve fallen down.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>Recommended resource:<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/b>I have spent the last few weeks pouring over Mike Robbins' beautiful new book, Nothing Changes Until You Do<\/a>. Being a storyteller myself, I was drawn to Mike\u2019s highly authentic and relatable way of sharing powerful insights from his life. This book made me do something I don\u2019t normally do: I went back and read certain chapters again. <\/i><\/b>The truths Mike shares from his own journey have a way of flipping a switch of awareness and inspiring change in one's own life.<\/i><\/b> Nothing Changes Until You Do<\/a> shows us how we can have more compassion, acceptance, and love for ourselves, others, and life itself. The book is divided into 40 short chapters, which you can read straight through or one at a time in any order. If you are looking for a tool to help you love yourself \u201cas is,\u201d it doesn\u2019t get any better than this. You can read about Mike\u2019s incredible work here<\/a>.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Lastly, if you are in need of a daily, visual reminder to love yourself \u201cas is,\u201d check out the ONLY LOVE TODAY bracelets in the Hands Free Shop<\/a>. There are three colors to chose from–two are made with distressed leather and one is a non-leather alternative for our vegan friends. There is also a gorgeous hand-lettered print<\/a> with the ONLY LOVE TODAY message. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Thank you for walking beside me on this journey. Your beautiful messages and comments keep inspiring me to share the difficult truths of my own journey. I appreciate you.\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

To Love Yourself \u201cAs Is\u201d (Part 1) \u201cBe kind to others,\u201d they told her. \u201cBe kind to yourself.\u201d She didn\u2019t hear much of that. Maybe they assumed she just would be. But despite the radiant smile on her face, the voice in her head said, \u201cNot good enough.\u201d It wasn\u2019t enough. It was never enough. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[1248,1232,446,1189,1067,1005,42,1245,1247,1246],"gutentor_comment":45,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1A7","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6083"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6083"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6083\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6083"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6083"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6083"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}