{"id":6091,"date":"2014-05-13T05:43:20","date_gmt":"2014-05-13T11:43:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6091"},"modified":"2014-05-20T06:36:40","modified_gmt":"2014-05-20T12:36:40","slug":"where-haters-cant-tread","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2014\/05\/13\/where-haters-cant-tread\/","title":{"rendered":"Where Haters Can\u2019t Tread"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"haters<\/a><\/p>\n

In processing our family\u2019s upcoming move to a new state, I\u2019ve noticed my seven-year-old daughter is unable to think of all the people she will miss all at once. Instead, she\u2019s been experiencing a slow awareness that highlights one person at a time. It\u2019s sad and painful and sweeps her back to the moment she heard we were moving\u2014when tears dotted the front of her blue GAP t-shirt.<\/p>\n

It happened the other night as she was getting out her guitar to practice her latest Taylor Swift song. My child came flying into the kitchen\u2014and this time it wasn\u2019t to stall her practice session. I recognized that pitifully sad look on her face\u2014the one that said the world as she knew it was crumbling a little more.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not going to have music lessons with Mr. Andrew anymore,\u201d she said her lip quivering slightly. Huge tears formed in her eyes as she mumbled, \u201cThere won\u2019t be another one like him, Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAndrew\u2019s been your ukulele and guitar teacher since you were itty bitty. He\u2019s one of the kindest, most patient people we know, isn\u2019t he? I am so glad you have all these years with him.\u201d Without thinking, I instinctively opened my arms to my child. She nestled in and fit quite perfectly despite a significant growth spurt this spring.<\/p>\n

I studied her smooth, round face and saw two fat tears escape from the corners of her closed eyes. My daughter stood there for a moment pressing her face against my stomach. I just held her in silence, smoothing stray hairs away from her face. I didn\u2019t have any magic words. In fact, I didn\u2019t have any words at all.<\/p>\n

Within thirty seconds, my daughter stopped crying. She turned and went back to the living room and picked up her guitar. She began to sing and strum with vigor. I could tell by the passion in her voice that she was going to make the most of her remaining time with Mr. Andrew. She was going to be okay.<\/p>\n

And I just stood there taking it all in.<\/p>\n

Because in that moment, I felt better about myself than I had in months. And it was due to one simple fact: I bring comfort to my child. In fact, I am pretty darn good at it.<\/p>\n

And I bet you are too.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

In fact, I would place the ability to comfort<\/i> in the Judgment-Free Zone of parenting. I doubt many skills fall into that category but the ability to comfort<\/i> does. It requires no training, no expertise, and no educational degree. It\u2019s just something we parents do, and we have the ability to comfort our<\/i> child better than anyone else.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s just relish that fact for a moment.<\/p>\n

We have the ability to comfort our child better than anyone else.<\/i><\/p>\n

Finding an area free from judgment and instruction when it comes to raising children is a rarity today. While I\u2019m sure you could find an article about the best way to comfort a child, it wouldn\u2019t be like the wealth of information that exists on the \u201cbest\u201d way to feed, discipline, or put your child to sleep, for instance.<\/p>\n

Soothing someone you love more than life doesn\u2019t require a manual\u2014it just comes naturally. And lately, the fact that I bring comfort to my children in the midst of a stressful life event like moving is bringing me great peace.<\/p>\n

You see, as my readership grows, the more susceptible I am to criticism. And lately I've been faulted on everything from choosing to make a living as an author to the way I punctuate my sentences. Honestly, I am relieved to have found a safety zone\u2014a place where I do something that no one can critique\u2014a place no one can even touch. Only I know what contentment looks like when it settles on the faces of my children in their time of fear, worry, and distress.<\/p>\n

Each night when I lay beside with my daughters for their respective Talk Time, I study their faces while they tell me their worries. As I listen, nod, hold, and reassure, I see the fear and angst ease from their bodies.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust look at that face. Just watch those tears dry<\/i>,\u201d I think to myself. \u201cJust look at the way she sighs with relief when you say, \u2018It\u2019s going to be okay.\u2019\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Suddenly, I am there: in the Judgment-Free Zone. It is my safe place \u2026 where I cannot be touched \u2026 where haters can\u2019t tread.<\/p>\n

I am telling you about this sacred place because of the personal messages you send me\u2014the ones that have pain and guilt and regret etched in every single word. Even if you\u2019re not publishing your daily struggles and past mistakes for the whole world to read, you are still open to criticism on a daily basis. I think we can all agree, it\u2019s pretty easy to find someone eager to tell us we\u2019re messing up our children … we\u2019re doing it all wrong \u2026 or there is really a better way. And if those attacks aren\u2019t coming from the outside, they may very well be coming from our inner bully on the inside.<\/p>\n

But there is a place where internal and external criticism cannot touch us. And this place is open to you, and it\u2019s open to me:<\/p>\n

When your baby cries,
\nWhen your child needs you,
\nWhen your teen is in distress,
\nWhen your adult son or daughter calls you out of the blue \u2026
\nYou open your arms \u2026 you listen \u2026 you reassure \u2026 you show up.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, you are there: in the Judgment-Free Zone. It is your safe place \u2026 where you cannot be touched \u2026 where haters can\u2019t tread.<\/p>\n

Just look.<\/p>\n

Look at that face. Look at the peace you<\/i> bring. You can comfort your child like nobody else\u2019s business. There is no right or wrong way to comfort your child\u2014only you know what is best for him or her.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s relish that fact for a moment.<\/p>\n

Only you<\/i> know the best way to comfort your child. You are the expert. Perhaps you\u2019ve never been called an expert. Well, you are\u2014 Comfort Expert to the Rescue. You rescue. You save the day. Your arms are best.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know about you, but I am going own that\u2014today, tomorrow, and when in doubt.<\/p>\n

Just look at that face\u2014the peace, the comfort, the love.<\/p>\n

You put it there, my friend.<\/p>\n

You put it there.<\/p>\n

And no one can take that away from you.<\/p>\n

\"where<\/a><\/p>\n

*******************************<\/p>\n

Where is your safe place? Where is the place criticism cannot touch you, my friends of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>? Each week I am tremendously grateful for your comments, stories, and words of encouragement to me and to one another. It's so uplifting when we realize we are not alone in our struggles. Please know that in a time of stress and uncertainty with my family's move less than a month away,\u00a0I am finding great comfort in this loving community. Thank you for being here.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In processing our family\u2019s upcoming move to a new state, I\u2019ve noticed my seven-year-old daughter is unable to think of all the people she will miss all at once. Instead, she\u2019s been experiencing a slow awareness that highlights one person at a time. It\u2019s sad and painful and sweeps her back to the moment she […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[1251,1250,1249,1164,1253,1252],"gutentor_comment":90,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1Af","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6091"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6091"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6091\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6091"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6091"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6091"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}