{"id":6185,"date":"2014-10-07T05:45:30","date_gmt":"2014-10-07T11:45:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6185"},"modified":"2014-10-14T06:40:27","modified_gmt":"2014-10-14T12:40:27","slug":"which-way-to-a-peaceful-response","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2014\/10\/07\/which-way-to-a-peaceful-response\/","title":{"rendered":"Which Way to a Peaceful Response?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\""Not<\/a>

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau<\/p><\/div>\n

I should\u2019ve known not to get so confident. I hadn\u2019t gotten lost once in this new big city of mine. I\u2019d traveled interstates, back roads, and busy thoroughfares. Every time I\u2019d punched an address into my new navigation system, it had taken me there without fail.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d become so confident that I even stopped printing out paper directions as a back up or calling people ahead of time asking for landmarks along the route. Those were the safeguards I\u2019d used for over a decade to compensate for my severely flawed sense of direction. I am known to turn the wrong way out of the bathroom at a restaurant and not be able to find my family. I am known to fear that my car\u2019s been stolen until my Noticer daughter tells me we\u2019re in the wrong parking lot. When my friends heard I was moving to a new, much larger city, they worried. They suggested I not leave a two-mile radius for awhile. But with the help of a new navigation system, I\u2019ve had a new lease on life. I\u2019ve been taking my children to places I never thought I could go by myself. I stopped gripping the steering wheel with sweaty hands when venturing into uncharted territories.<\/p>\n

Well \u2026 until Saturday morning.<\/p>\n

My daughters had their first swim meet with their new team at an aquatics center that was about twenty minutes away from our house. After years of stressful crack-of-dawn departures, we\u2019d learned to get prepared the night before. All the bags were packed. Swim suits and flip flops were laid out. I had the address of where I was going written on a sticky note next to the bags. All I had to do was punch the address in. The night before I thought briefly about gathering my direction back ups, but I happily reminded myself I didn\u2019t need them anymore.<\/p>\n

That morning when I punched in the address of the swim center, it didn\u2019t show up. I tried typing in the name of the facility. No luck. I tried just the street. That didn\u2019t work either. For five minutes, I punched anything I thought might get us in the general vicinity. I noticed my fingers becoming more aggressive with each fail and the air in the car was getting warm. Suddenly my hazard lights came on automatically. I frantically felt around the steering wheel for the off button. The obnoxious clicking sound was nearly loud enough to wake the neighbors. I had a full-on sweat going now.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy is this address not in existence?\u201d I growled to myself. \u201cAnd how in the world do I turn these hazard lights off?\u201d I angrily punched more buttons on the dash and ended up turning on all the lights in the car and opening the trunk.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I threw the car in park and ran back in the house. I decided I would print out the directions like the old days. Of course, the computer was slow. The printer was slower. We were going to be late. I could feel my frustration level rising. It was my children\u2019s first meet with their new team. I\u2019d wanted to get there early because so much of it would be new.<\/p>\n

I returned to the car with directions in hand. The hazards were still going strong. I tried a few more buttons to no avail. I headed out of the neighborhood creeping past two of my new neighbors\u2019 homes. Although I felt like I knew them well enough to ask for help, their houses were dark. I decided waking them on a Saturday morning would not be the neighborly way. I stopped my car and punched a few more buttons. The agonizing clicking stopped. \u201cOh thank you, God. Now please help me get there,\u201d I cried out.<\/p>\n

We began driving. I told myself rational things like, \u201cThe girls are going to miss the warm up, but that is okay. It is not the end of the world.\u201d Those thoughts were quickly drowned out by my inner critic, \u201cThey are going to miss their warm up. This is a bad first impression. Why didn\u2019t you figure out where you were going last night?\u201d<\/p>\n

And then from the backseat, four dreaded words: \u201cDid you wear shoes?\u201d the big one said to the little one.<\/p>\n

Complete silence.<\/p>\n

I turned around to see my shoeless child staring at me with a shy smile.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere.Are.Your.Shoes?\u201d I asked\u00a0through gritted teeth.<\/p>\n

\u201cI forgot,\u201d my younger daughter said meekly.<\/p>\n

\u201cUgh! Your only job this morning was to put on your suit and shoes,\u201d I said barely calmly, struggling to keep my voice down, \u201cand that was all you had to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"closer<\/a><\/p>\n

Surprisingly, it was the big sister who started crying, not the guilty party. \u201cShe didn\u2019t mean to, Mama!\u201d she defended. \u201cPlease don\u2019t be mad at her.\u201d<\/p>\n

My older daughter knew all too well that Rachel With No Direction and Little Sister with No Shoes was a terrible combo. I knew why my older child was crying. She thought I was going to blow like I used to. And I thought I was going to too.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? Why? Why? Why is this happening?\u201d I felt myself becoming irrational with each passing kilometer. My inner drill sergeant (who I\u2019ve worked on chilling out) was about to show her face\u2014I could just feel it. But for a brief moment, I was able to think through our options. I imagined my child walking from a parking lot to a natatorium without shoes. Not ideal. I also imagined that like most swim centers there was a policy of wearing shoes in the building. We had to have shoes, I surmised. I glanced around hoping a Wal-Mart or a drugstore would magically appear. Nothing. I turned the car around to retrieve the shoes sitting by the door at our house. But I wasn\u2019t going to go quietly.<\/p>\n

This weird little whining voice started coming out of me. It was the same voice I used at age eight when my dad wanted me to take a very large dose of Pepto-Bismol, and I had a complete meltdown about it. \u201cI hate being lost. I hate being late. I don't know where I am going,\u201d I whined. \u201cAnd she doesn\u2019t have shoes. No shoes. And usually there's always a random pair of flip flops in the car, but not today. No, not today. And I don\u2019t know where I am going.\u201d I realized I was talking to myself in a slightly disturbing way but I could not stop. Because if I did, I would scream or curse or do them both simultaneously. I managed to keep it to a high-pitched whimper.<\/p>\n

After retrieving the shoes and hearing a small \u201cthank you\u201d and “I'm sorry” from my younger child we headed back into the unknown. I handed my phone to my tech-savvy older daughter. \u201cTry to see if you can find something called Maps<\/em> on there. Make it talk to me. Make it tell me where I am going like Daddy makes his phone do,\u201d I begged.<\/p>\n

After a few minutes she exclaimed, \u201cGot it! There\u2019s an aquatic center by that name 93 miles away.\u201d<\/p>\n

I held on to my paper directions with dear life and tried not to cry.<\/p>\n

We made two correct turns and when I wasn\u2019t sure about the next turn, I did my other foolproof method of getting where I needed to go: Go to the Direction Asking Place that has gas pumps and cold sodas.<\/p>\n

The gas station attendant\u00a0and the customer both pointed and spoke slowly to me. They saw a sweaty woman on edge.<\/p>\n

Within five minutes of driving we spotted the swim facility right off the interstate. The girls cheered and I said a prayer of gratitude for our safe arrival. The center was brand new which explained why it was not in the navigation system or on the phone maps. Apologizing is not one of my strengths, but I have learned its vital importance despite how hard it is to say those words at times.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am sorry I got upset. Getting lost is really scary for me, and I really wish I could stay calm in those situations. Next time I will plan better. I will search for the location the night before. I learned something today. This was a learning experience for Mom,\u201d I rambled.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Mom,\u201d my children said in unison.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe know about you and directions,\u201d said my older daughter matter-of-factly. I found it comforting that she understands my weaknesses just as I try to\u00a0understand hers.<\/p>\n

We went inside and immediately asked for help getting to the pool area. It was crowded, loud, and intimidating but we were able to join the warm-up in progress. A few minutes later, it was time for my older daughter to swim. I didn\u2019t see her in the lane she was supposed to be in. Pretty soon she came up beside me in tears.<\/p>\n

\u201cI missed my event! They do the swimmer check-in differently here. I thought I was waiting in the right place, but I wasn\u2019t.\u201d My goggle-clad child leaned into my chest trying to hide her despair from passersby. \u201cCan we go home?\u201d she asked on the verge of tears.<\/p>\n

I looked into her eyes and held her gently by the arms. \u201cToday is the first swim meet you had in your new state, in a new pool, with new rules. They do things differently here. We will go talk to someone to make sure you know what to do on the next event. This day is a learning experience. You now know something you didn\u2019t before.\u201d After she nodded solemnly and looked a little more hopeful, I added one more thing. \u201cYou know how you have that qualifying time on your bulletin board as your goal? Well, you are closer to that goal today than you were yesterday because of what you just experienced.\u201d<\/p>\n

My older daughter went to talk to her coach and my younger daughter motioned me over. \u201cI am not sure where I am supposed to go,\u201d she said nervously.<\/p>\n

She and I walked around the two huge pools looking for the Clerk of Course. We heard the officials testing the notification system. We learned that the race would pause momentarily while the buzzer was adjusted. My inner drill sergeant wanted to fuss, complain, or at least let out an exasperated sigh, but instead I looked down at my child and realized this lull might just be an unexpected blessing.<\/p>\n

My daughter was staring out the window. \u201cWhat are you looking at?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is something yellow out there. Maybe a bird, maybe a flower. I am just thanking God that we made it here today.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"closer<\/a><\/p>\n

I leaned down next to her, my eyes filling with tears. As she directed me to the yellow dot, I realized something. I hadn\u2019t handled myself as calmly as I hoped that morning. I wish I could\u2019ve laughed it off like my husband does when problems arise. I wish I could have said, \u201cIt\u2019s an adventure!\u201d like my laid-back friends when they get lost. But nevertheless, there was a silver lining. My child honed in on something I said in my time of distress and it had stuck with her. And what she remembered was a good thing; it was a good thing. I am not quite where I want to be, but I am closer than I was before.<\/p>\n

So in light of finding my way to this place of peace and self-acceptance, I offer you some words of direction. Take these words as a gift of camaraderie \u2026 my \u201cwe\u2019re in this together\u201d \u2026 my \u201cwe\u2019re not perfect, but we\u2019re trying.\u201d Take this message and hold on to it for those times your inner navigation system threatens to steer you away from what matters most.<\/p>\n

Closer Than I Was Before<\/strong><\/p>\n

My angry words spilled out. I spoke too soon. Morning got the best of me.
\nBut I didn\u2019t let guilt consume me like I used to.
\nI said I was sorry and asked to begin again.
\nThat\u2019s progress.
\nI am closer than I was before.<\/p>\n

My inner perfectionist reared its ugly head. I compared. I criticized. I told myself it wasn\u2019t good enough.
\nBut then my heart spoke up and said, \u201cStop. That\u2019s not what matters.\u201d
\nI looked past the mess and the mayhem and saw the flowers instead of the weeds.
\nThat\u2019s progress.
\nI am closer than I was before.<\/p>\n

My day was too packed. I overscheduled. I underloved. I was too rushed, too hurried, too frenzied.
\nBut then I stopped in the middle of the chaos and removed the ticking clock weighing heavy on my soul.
\nI touched the fading summer freckles on my daughter\u2019s nose and felt the pressure wane.
\nThat\u2019s progress.
\nI am closer than I was before.<\/p>\n

Every second is not grasping what matters, but now I have awareness I didn\u2019t have before.
\nI am only human.
\nI am learning too.
\nLove, forgiveness, and grace will be the fiber that holds this day, this family, this one precious life together when it threatens to come apart at the seams.
\nThat\u2019s progress.
\nI am closer than I was before.<\/p>\n

\u00a9 Rachel Macy Stafford 2014<\/p>\n

\"closer<\/a><\/p>\n

********************************************<\/p>\n

Friends of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, I have been WAITING for the day this book would be available to you! Yell Less, Love More by The Orange Rhino<\/a> comes out next week on Oct. 15! Sheila McCraith has helped me so much on my journey to chose a peaceful response. In this book, she provides action plans, tips, and powerful revelations that will empower you and enable you to feel hopeful (and normal) about your struggles. <\/em><\/strong>Yell Less, Love More<\/a> yanks the cover of shame off yelling in a way that I have never experienced before. I was privileged to read an advanced copy this summer and found that it enhanced every aspect of my life by enriching my relationships, my health, and my happiness. This book is a life-changing gift. You can learn more here<\/a> or pre-order here<\/a>.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Also, I will be sharing my revolutionary perspective on Hands Free living with Experience Life magazine during their \u201cA Healthy Revolution: The Virtual Conference.<\/a>\u201d By registering for this FREE\u00a0online event, you can hear from today's most progressive experts about how to live happier and healthier even in the face of real challenges. Click here<\/a> for more info on this life-changing opportunity.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

In the comment section below, please share your stories, struggles, and triumphs on the topic of finding your way to a more peaceful response in the midst of frustration and stress. Each time you share, you help someone else not feel so alone. I am grateful for you!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

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I should\u2019ve known not to get so confident. I hadn\u2019t gotten lost once in this new big city of mine. I\u2019d traveled interstates, back roads, and busy thoroughfares. Every time I\u2019d punched an address into my new navigation system, it had taken me there without fail. I\u2019d become so confident that I even stopped printing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[1299,841,369,1302,1300,1301,1303,1157],"gutentor_comment":1,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1BL","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6185"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6185"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6185\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6185"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6185"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6185"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}