{"id":6338,"date":"2015-03-17T06:32:34","date_gmt":"2015-03-17T12:32:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6338"},"modified":"2015-03-23T06:14:13","modified_gmt":"2015-03-23T12:14:13","slug":"before-you-predict-a-childs-future-try-this-instead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2015\/03\/17\/before-you-predict-a-childs-future-try-this-instead\/","title":{"rendered":"Before You Predict a Child\u2019s Future, Try This Instead"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"chalk\"<\/a>\u201cLove\u2026 What is love? Love is to love someone for who they are, who they were, and who they will be.\u201d
\n–Chris Moore<\/em><\/p>\n

To the person who said my child would set a world record for longest period of time any human has gone without brushing the back of her head \u2026<\/p>\n

To the person who said she\u2019d get her driver\u2019s permit before she learned to ride a bike \u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

To the person who said she\u2019d always move at a snail\u2019s pace \u2026<\/p>\n

You were wrong.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To the person who said my child would never enjoy running unless it was to the ice cream truck \u2026<\/p>\n

To the person who said it would take a miracle to get her to dive off the starting blocks \u2026<\/p>\n

To the person who said she\u2019d be sucking her thumb during the SAT test \u2026<\/p>\n

You should see her now.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

To the person who said she\u2019d always be a bit of a loner \u2026<\/p>\n

To the person who said she would probably get married in stretchy pants \u2026<\/p>\n

To the person who said she would live happily ever after among clutter, knick-knacks, stuffed animals, and snack wrappers \u2026<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like to give you a piece of my mind.<\/em><\/p>\n

But then I'd have to give myself a piece of my mind. Because it was me. I was the one with these future-diminishing thoughts about my child. I was the one who had her pegged from an early age, as if I had a crystal ball that predicted her destiny. Good thing I never said these things out loud \u2026 or so I thought. At a recent swim meet, I learned that my thoughts had the power to influence, and it wasn\u2019t necessarily for good.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My daughter had just completed her team warm up and was making her way down the stairs for her first event. This competition included hundreds of swimmers from several states and took place in a massive natatorium.<\/p>\n

Olympic-size pools used to make my child cry and now look at her!<\/em> I thought proudly as she walked off confidently to her first event. She\u2019d overcome that fear, along with many others, in the past twelve months.<\/p>\n

At the sound of the buzzer, my daughter dove off the blocks like a pro and stayed neck in neck with the other swimmers in the 50-yard freestyle event. I felt my eyes fill with joyful tears. She has come so far<\/em>! I thought to myself for the second time in five minutes.<\/p>\n

My daughter climbed out of the pool and made her way to where I stood at the steps. From twenty-five yards, all I could see was her smile. It was like one gigantic grin walking towards me with little pale legs.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow!\u201d I said as I hugged my goggle-clad child. \u201cI love watching you<\/a> blast through the water like a rocket!\u201d I exclaimed.<\/p>\n

\u201cI sure did!\u201d she agreed. \u201cI never thought I\u2019d be competitive,\u201d she said beaming up at me.<\/p>\n

Huh?\u00a0What eight-year-old child says that?<\/p>\n

Suddenly I felt two inches tall.<\/p>\n

What eight-year-old says that? The one who heard it from someone bigger \u2026 from someone she wants to please \u2026 from someone who greatly influences her self-perception.<\/p>\n

I remember thinking<\/em> she didn't have a competitive bone in her body many times, but somehow those thoughts became known by my child. How long did she desire to be \u201ccompetitive,\u201d thinking that \u201cnon competitive\u201d was not the preferred trait? How long had she felt the need to change who she was?<\/p>\n

\"change\"<\/a>All at once, I could recall other dismal outcomes I\u2019d jokingly predicted in my head based on her abilities, interests, or preferences. But that wasn\u2019t fair, kind, or helpful. She is a human being with thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams. She is a child who is learning, changing, and growing by the day. My bleak predictions (whether thought or spoken) did not help her reach developmental milestones or mature more quickly. Those processes typically happen in time\u2014in her own time. And insinuating she needed to change the characteristics that made her uniquely her<\/em> could be quite damaging.<\/p>\n

I considered berating myself for this almost decade-long mistake, but then I decided to do something productive instead. I decided to use my child\u2019s poolside words as a gift\u2014a gift of awareness, another step toward being the best version of myself that I can be.<\/p>\n

I knew exactly where I could find inspiration for change. I\u2019d recently saved a frame-worthy article entitled, \u201cLove and Wealth Are Not Enough<\/a>.\u201d In it, Dr. Joince Webb reveals the primary ingredient needed in childhood to produce a happy, healthy, well-adjusted adult. I\u2019d already read the article three times to soak up the Hands Free inspiration it contained, but I read it twice more. In light of my child\u2019s words, this section really resonated with me:<\/p>\n

\u201cBeyond feeling loved, a child has to feel known<\/em>. A child has to feel that her parents know her and love her for who she truly is: strengths and weaknesses, personality traits, preferences, foibles and quirks. She must feel that her parents see<\/em> the real her and know<\/em> the real her. That\u2019s the only kind of love that feels true and genuine. It\u2019s the only kind of love that produces a child with healthy self-esteem, a strong sense of identity, and resilient self-worth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Right then and there, I made a vow.<\/p>\n

I will celebrate my child for who she is right now\u2014not what her current skills or interests indicate she might become. In addition, I will refrain from writing off any future possibilities for my child just because she struggles with something now.<\/p>\n

I cannot predict. So let me stop.
\nI cannot accelerate. So let me pause.
\nI cannot control. So let me release.<\/p>\n

But there is something I can do. There is something we can all<\/em> do for the people we love, no matter what life stage they are in: We can wonder.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Take a look at this beautiful three-part definition of wonder:<\/em><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      \n
    1. to desire or be curious to know something<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
        \n
      1. to feel admiration and amazement<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        To wonder about you is to know you \u2026 to see you \u2026to delight in you just as you are<\/em>.<\/p>\n

        \"mask\"<\/a>To wonder about you is to love you in the most powerful way possible.<\/p>\n

        My friends, if you would like to join me in the Act of Wondering in an effort to enhance<\/em> futures rather than diminish<\/em> them, perhaps this will inspire you:<\/p>\n

        To the child who rather catch butterflies than fly balls \u2026
        \nTo the child who wants to play catch \u2018til the sun goes down \u2026
        \nYou are a wonder.<\/p>\n

        To the child who prefers quiet solitude \u2026
        \nTo the child who prefers an audience \u2026
        \nYou are a wonder.<\/p>\n

        To the child who does things in her own way, in her own time \u2026
        \nTo the child who is forges ahead with no signs of slowing down \u2026
        \nYou are a wonder.<\/p>\n

        To the child who wears his heart on his sleeve \u2026
        \nTo the child who wears a costume through the supermarket \u2026
        \nYou are wonder.<\/p>\n

        To the child whose butterfly colors light up a room \u2026
        \nTo the child whose         firefly light<\/a> shines quietly from within \u2026
        \nYou are wonder.<\/p>\n

        To the child who questions everything about life \u2026
        \nTo the child whose innate knowledge runs deep \u2026
        \nYou are a wonder.<\/p>\n

        So go on, extraordinary one.
        \nLive and let live.
        \nLove and be loved.
        \nBloom in time\u2014in your own time.<\/p>\n

        Now I see you for who you really are.
        \nYou are a wonder.
        \nI\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t see it before.
        \nBut I see it now.
        \n<\/span>I see it now.
        \n<\/span>You are a wonder.<\/span><\/p>\n

        And with glistening eyes, I\u2019ll be watching proudly to see what your future holds.<\/p>\n

        \u00a9\u00a0Rachel Macy Stafford 2015\u00a0\"what<\/a><\/p>\n

        *****************************************************<\/p>\n

        Friends of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, please share your thoughts, stories, and aspirations. The comment section of this blog is so affirming and supportive because of your willingness to share. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

        \u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Please take some time this week to read the article <\/a>I mentioned in the post. It describes the difference between feeling<\/span> love and being<\/span> loved so you are better able to incorporate both types of love into your daily interactions. The article also addresses what you can do as an adult if you did not receive this true, genuine feeling of love growing up.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

        Georgia friends, I am thrilled and honored to be part of the LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER<\/a> Atlanta production. <\/em><\/strong>The mission of each show is to take the audience on a well-crafted journey that celebrates and validates mothering in all of its complexity, diversity, and humor in the form of original readings performed live on \u00adstage by their authors. What began six years ago as one show in Madison, WI has grown to 39 shows across the United States.\u00a0Click here<\/a> for tickets to the April 25th show that I am honored to be participating in or click here<\/a> to see the 39 cities where LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER will be happening!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

        A special thanks to my Indiana friends who came to my speaking and book signing events last week. I am still smiling from the Hoosier love you bestowed on me.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

        \u201cLove\u2026 What is love? Love is to love someone for who they are, who they were, and who they will be.\u201d –Chris Moore To the person who said my child would set a world record for longest period of time any human has gone without brushing the back of her head \u2026 To the person […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[1399,1168,1400,1401,1398,1397,1067,1258,1243],"gutentor_comment":0,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1Ee","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6338"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6338"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6338\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6338"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6338"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6338"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}