{"id":6355,"date":"2015-03-23T06:13:37","date_gmt":"2015-03-23T12:13:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6355"},"modified":"2015-03-30T06:02:51","modified_gmt":"2015-03-30T12:02:51","slug":"the-life-of-the-party-is-closer-than-you-think","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2015\/03\/23\/the-life-of-the-party-is-closer-than-you-think\/","title":{"rendered":"The Life of the Party is Closer than You Think"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"the<\/a>
\n<\/a>\u201cShe is like a sun,
\n<\/em>Shining over me
\n<\/em>She makes the good things better,
\n<\/em>Better than I ever dreamed.\u201d
\n<\/em>-Green River Ordinance<\/em><\/p>\n

The other night, my friend and brilliant writer Alexandra Rosas<\/a> shared a glimpse into her life. With short, non-descriptive sentences, it wasn\u2019t intended to be profound. With text structure unpolished and informal, it wasn\u2019t meant to evoke an emotional response like the well-crafted essays<\/a> she writes. But yet her words brought me to my knees. I read them three times and then I cried. This is what Alexandra shared:<\/p>\n

I fell asleep on the couch at 7 last night. Woke up two hours later at 9, looked around, everyone gone. I popped in to check on littlest, found him in bed reading. “Where is everyone, honey?” He looked up and answered, “We all went to bed, Mom, because you're the party.”<\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s it, I thought to myself. This woman has achieved life\u2019s highest honor. She is the party. She is the heartbeat. She is the reason for gathering. She is the celebration. If there is a more important role in life, I do not know what it is.<\/p>\n

For days, I thought about that ultimate compliment spoken by a little boy about his mother. In fact, I became a little obsessed with it. Could I be the party? The question frequently popped into my mind in the following days \u2026<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

As I played Frogger with my younger daughter at the orthodontist\u2019s office and we both squealed when my frog made it safely to the other side \u2026<\/p>\n

Could I be the party?<\/em><\/p>\n

As I talked to my eleven-year-old daughter at bedtime and she said, \u201cJust put your arms around me and stay a little longer\u201d \u2026<\/p>\n

Could I be the party?<\/em><\/p>\n

As I congregated with old friends and we laughed, cried, and shared our difficult truths \u2026<\/p>\n

Could I be the party?<\/em><\/p>\n

As I participated in the silly \u201cFurry Language\u201d my daughter made up to communicate with Banjo the cat \u2026<\/p>\n

Could I be the party?<\/em><\/p>\n

As I spent the morning playing with my little nephews and happily agreed to \u201cmore jelly beans and more stories, Aunt Wachel\u201d \u2026<\/p>\n

Could I be the party?<\/em><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0445\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As I hoisted my growing girls over my head to do an \u201cunderdoggy\u201d, their favorite move on a swing \u2026<\/p>\n

Could I be the party?<\/em><\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t until I pulled the car into the garage after picking up my older daughter from swim team practice that I finally had an answer. Our latest favorite song was playing on the radio. We had the bass pumping and the windows rolled down as we belted out the lyrics. My husband happened to be entering the house at the time. But when he saw us, he stopped for a moment and just smiled at me. The way he smiled with such joy\u2014like he was happy to see me happy\u2014made me catch my breath. He was happy to see me happy. He was happy to see me being the party.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when I knew why Alexandra\u2019s words had affected me so.<\/p>\n

There was a time in my life when I wasn\u2019t the party. I could plan the party like a boss. I could clean up the party without wasting a moment. I could wow the partygoers with beautiful presentation and decadent treats. I could make my family look picture perfect for the party. But when it came time for the party, I wasn\u2019t really there. I was not a present and joyful participant.<\/p>\n

I was not the party.<\/p>\n

After all, how could someone who wasn\u2019t emotionally present be the party<\/em><\/strong>?<\/p>\n

When I saw my husband\u2019s wide smile as he stood at the garage door, I remembered what he looked like when he was most worried about me. It was during the height of my overwhelmed life<\/a>. I\u2019d blown up when he said I needed to slow down \u2026 to stop doing so much \u2026 to smile once in a while. I locked myself in the bathroom and squeezed myself into the dusty corner between the powder blue wall and the toilet. I rested my head against the cold porcelain as my body wracked with sobs.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to be here anymore \u2026 I don\u2019t want to be here anymore,\u201d I whispered over and over and over.<\/p>\n

I was just so tired. I was just so empty. I was just so stressed. I was just so sad all the time. I envisioned running away from it all, and then I felt like a monster for even thinking that.<\/p>\n

My husband kept knocking on the door and insisting that I let him in. But I stayed in my little corner, tucked into a ball until my tears ran out, wondering if I\u2019d ever feel life in my heart again.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t able to articulate it then, but I can now. And it is always something I tell others when I have the privilege to share my story in person. I say:<\/p>\n

Life is meant to be lived \u2026<\/p>\n

not managed,<\/p>\n

not controlled,<\/p>\n

not screamed,<\/p>\n

not stressed,<\/p>\n

not hurried,<\/p>\n

not guilt-ridden,<\/p>\n

not regretted,<\/p>\n

not scripted,<\/p>\n

not consumed by distractions, big or small, obvious or subtle.<\/p>\n

Life is meant to be lived \u2026 and sometimes we lose our way<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I know I\u2019m not alone when I share these difficult truths by the reactions I see. When I spoke these words to a group of people recently, I saw the look of recognition \u2026 the tears of pain \u2026 the sighs of relief knowing we are not alone. The cause of our overwhelm might be different from person to person, but our desire to live a fulfilling life is not. It took many, many small, daily steps<\/a> to free myself from my distracted state and get to the place where I woke up excited and happy \u2026 where I could turn off the outside world and turn toward my family \u2026 where I could offer my undivided presence and attention \u2026 where I could take time to love and be loved.<\/p>\n

I do not need to hide in the bathroom anymore. I am able to deal with struggles and challenges by staying present, communicating, and forgiving others and myself. I feel a new sense urgency in my life now. It is no longer about how much can I accomplish in a lifetime, but rather how much living and loving I can do each day.<\/p>\n

Last Sunday afternoon I felt that heart-stirring sense of urgency so I said no to an outside request. I said no to a pile of laundry. I said no to my dinging devices, my full inbox, and my dirty kitchen. I said yes to hiking up a mountain with my family.<\/p>\n

\"mountain<\/a><\/p>\n

We got to the top of the glorious summit feeling triumphant and connected. After we ate our picnic, I stretched out on a big slab of rock. The sun relaxed me as the spring breeze blew back my hair. The next thing I knew, there was one daughter on each side of me. With no space between our bodies, we laid in silence warming our dry winter skin in the sun\u2019s nourishing light.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when my younger daughter turned and looked straight into my soul. She said, \u201cThis is the life, Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

But what my joy-filled heart heard was, \u201cThis is the Life Mama<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

I am the party.
\nI am the gathering place.
\nI am the heartbeat.
\nI am the celebration.<\/p>\n

By the grace of God and many, many tiny steps<\/a> toward the light of love and connection, I am fully alive and well with my soul.<\/p>\n

My friends, where do you find yourself today? Far from where you want to be? Missing the joyful person you once were? Huddled in a tight corner with weary bones? Wherever you are on your own personal journey, I want you to remember it is not the grand gestures, the glowing accolades, or the perfect presentation that make you the party. It is something you do every single day whether you realize it or not.<\/p>\n

When you squeeze his hand as\u00a0he walks into that new building and smile bravery right into his heart,
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

When you answer every single question with an inordinate amount of patience,
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

When you wait and wait and wait so she doesn\u2019t have to wait alone,
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

When you think of one nice thing to say when no one else does,
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

When you sing softly when he\u2019s frightened and say, \u201cIt will be okay,\u201d
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

When you give up what you desperately want so she can have what she needs,
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

When you take a deep breath and choose love<\/a>,
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

When you tearfully delight in the wonder of your precious ones,
\nYou are the party.<\/p>\n

You are the party because of the love you offer in small, daily doses.
\nSo don\u2019t worry about how you look.
\nDon\u2019t worry about what you did or didn\u2019t do yesterday.
\nDon\u2019t worry about that long list of flaws and failings no one is keeping but you.
\nYour love and presence are the highlight of someone\u2019s life\u2014the highlight of someone\u2019s life.
\nKeep waking up.
\nKeep showing up.
\nKeep picking yourself up from off the floor.
\nYou are the party\u2014the Life of the Party.
\nYour daily doses of love and presence make it so.<\/p>\n

\"the<\/a><\/p>\n

\"For<\/a>

For more HANDS FREE LIFE inspiration, please consider my NEW book now available for pre-order on Amazon and Barnes & Noble! Details below \u2026<\/p><\/div>\n

*************************************************************<\/p>\n

Friends of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, my second book, <\/em>HANDS FREE LIFE: 9 Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, & Loving More<\/strong><\/a> is now available for pre-order on Amazon<\/a> and Barnes & Noble<\/a>. <\/em>Whether you are just starting your journey toward a life that really matters or have been at it awhile, this book will create life-altering habits that will allow you to invest in what matters most to you. HANDS FREE LIFE<\/strong> hits bookshelves on September 8th<\/sup>! <\/em>I\u2019d be so grateful if you\u2019d help spread the word. It is my greatest hope for this book to reach those yearning to feel a new sense of urgency in their lives\u2014an urgency to live, love, dream, create, forgive, flourish, and thrive. Thank you for your faithful\u00a0support and encouragement!<\/em>\u00a0It is such a blessing to me.<\/em><\/p>\n

Recommended Resources:<\/strong><\/p>\n