{"id":6368,"date":"2015-04-27T05:57:09","date_gmt":"2015-04-27T11:57:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6368"},"modified":"2016-02-10T14:04:56","modified_gmt":"2016-02-10T20:04:56","slug":"making-your-loudest-voice-calmer-your-truest-voice-stronger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2015\/04\/27\/making-your-loudest-voice-calmer-your-truest-voice-stronger\/","title":{"rendered":"Making Your Loudest Voice Calmer & Your Truest Voice Stronger"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"voiceless<\/a>\u201cFeeling my way through the darkness
\n<\/em>Guided by a beating heart
\n<\/em>I can't tell where the journey will end
\n<\/em>But I know where to start.\u201d \u2013 Avicii<\/em><\/p>\n

On most Saturdays you can find our family exploring our new city. We moved<\/a> here ten months ago, but it still feels new and excitingly uncharted. At a downtown museum on a recent Saturday, we watched a four-minute film that my younger daughter called the \u201cmoments of happiness\u201d movie. At different points in the video, I noticed each of my daughters peering down the isle to look at me. I knew what they were looking for\u2014they were looking for tears.<\/p>\n

Within the first twenty seconds of the film, I felt my eyes well up. Watching ordinary people doing brave things \u2026 watching the joyful homecomings of service men and women \u2026 watching siblings work together for a common goal \u2026 watching families celebrate together and mourn together\u2014these heart-stirring situations caused my tears to flow. I unabashedly let them run down my face.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t take much to make mom cry,\u201d my older daughter said taking my hand as our family exited the theater. I felt my chest tighten wondering where this was going.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d my younger daughter agreed. \u201cWhenever Mom sees someone else cry, she cries too.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was so relieved. This is who I am now: The woman who cries with others \u2026 the woman who cries with happiness.<\/p>\n

It hasn\u2019t always been that way.<\/p>\n

There was a time when there were lots of tears\u2014not a quiet cry of despair, but more of an out of control, high-pitched, tearful eruption. There was a two-year period of my life<\/a> when I was a pressure cooker just waiting to blow. The troubling mantra that repeatedly ran through my mind was: \u201cIt\u2019s just too much \u2026 it\u2019s all just too much.\u201d A great deal of the \u201ctoo much\u201d was self imposed\u2014unachievable standards, relentless distractions, and an overabundance of commitments. But at the time, I didn\u2019t realize the choices I was making were causing this constant feeling of overwhelm. I only knew that carrying the weight of too much<\/em> caused me to scream and cry when I got upset\u2014as if screaming and crying were the only way to be heard.<\/p>\n

But that type\u00a0of communication was always met with a look of shock, fear, and sorrow from the people I loved the most. In fact, when I was screaming and crying, they didn\u2019t hear a word I said.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

At my loudest, I was heard the least.<\/p>\n

At my loudest, I felt the most pain.<\/p>\n

At my loudest, I caused the most hurt.<\/p>\n

At my loudest, my voice was most voiceless.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In those agonizing moments after my tearful,\u00a0over-the-top\u00a0meltdown, I\u2019d frantically rummage through the junk drawer looking for my car keys. I needed to get away\u2014far, far away.<\/p>\n

One night I made it all the way out to the car. I was in my pajamas and my skin felt cold against the leather seats. I was shivering as my barefoot stepped on the gas pedal.<\/p>\n

But I could not leave.<\/p>\n

I went back inside to get my children. I gathered them up, one in each arm. I remember how they cried in confusion and fear. I made it to the door and realized I could not leave without my husband either. And I could not leave without my beloved calico cat, Callie. I could not leave my people.<\/p>\n

Something needed to change.<\/p>\n

I needed to find my voice\u2014my truest voice\u2014the one that could be heard \u2026 felt \u2026 and understood.<\/p>\n

Back in college, I took a poetry class. I thought it would be an easy A, not requiring too much time and effort on my part. The professor gave us a notebook and said we could write about anything we wanted because it would never be seen by anyone but her. She encouraged us to describe our deepest fears \u2026 to recount our most horrible memories \u2026 to share our darkest secrets. Writing in that notebook offered a freedom I\u2019d never known. With each entry bringing clarity, redemption, peace, and self-discovery, I looked forward to writing in it each day.<\/p>\n

About mid-way through the semester, students were required to turn in their notebooks for review. In mine, the professor wrote: \u201cYou have a powerful voice, Rachel.\u201d<\/p>\n

What hadn\u2019t dawned on me as a sophomore in college, dawned on me over a decade later when I most needed this powerful revelation: When I spoke my greatest fears, offered my most difficult truths, and shed light on my darkest thoughts was when I felt the most heard.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was then that I knew how I could find my truest voice again. I bought a notebook that very day\u2014just like the one I used in my college class. And since that day, I\u2019ve filled an entire plastic bin with notebooks\u2014releasing trapped emotions, letting go of suppressed memories, and liberating shameful thoughts with every line. Through these pages, my loudest voice got quieter and my truest voice got stronger. Through these pages, I felt heard by something far greater than myself; I felt guided by the One who could offer me true peace and fulfillment.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_0122\"<\/a>Five years and nearly fifty filled notebooks later, I have made significant progress. Don\u2019t get me wrong, I still cry sometimes. I cry when I am sad. I cry when I am homesick. I cry when I am exhausted. I even cry when I get angry every once in awhile. But most of the time, I cry when I am happy. Because that is when gratitude seizes me by the throat and makes me feel thankful for my truest voice\u2014the one that allows me to be heard \u2026 felt \u2026 and understood by the people who share my life.<\/p>\n

The other night, as I tucked younger daughter in bed, she recounted the stressful events of the previous night. For several hours, we could not find Banjo the cat anywhere. We assumed he got outside and was somewhere in the dense woods behind our house. My husband had tucked my daughter in bed as I searched.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you cry when you were looking for Banjo?\u201d my daughter asked unexpectedly.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. Why?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI could hear you calling and calling for him when I was trying to go to sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n

I swallowed the lump in my throat. \u201cWere you<\/em> crying?\u201d I asked her.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d my child said. \u201cBecause we have a family code, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n

I did not know.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s: No Family Member Left Behind<\/em>,\u201d she explained.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you come up with that yourself?\u201d I asked stunned.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. In our family, we would never leave without each other. You\u2019d never leave without me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"voiceless<\/a>And now it was my turn to tell her something she didn\u2019t know. \u201cI didn\u2019t cry when I was looking for Banjo, but I cried when your sister found him trapped in the utility room because I was so happy.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled as if that confession coming from me made perfect sense.<\/p>\n

As warm tears filled my eyes yet again, I realized that sometimes we all lose our voice, but we must fight to get it back \u2026 so our family can hear us calling \u2026 so our family can hear us cheering \u2026 so our family can hear us living our best selves.<\/p>\n

Whether it\u2019s through a notebook, an easel, or the lens of a camera,
\nWhether it\u2019s through dancing, singing, cooking, or meditating on a rubber mat,
\nWhether it\u2019s through running, walking, or crawling, if that is all you can manage,
\nFind your voice\u2014your truest voice.<\/p>\n

It speaks fears.
\nIt speaks truths.
\nIt speaks hopes.
\nIt speaks desires.
\nIt speaks dreams.
\nIt speaks love.<\/p>\n

Unlike the voice that barks empty threats and sweeping generalizations, your truest voice can be heard.<\/p>\n

Unlike the voice that spews sarcasm, accusations, and defensiveness, your truest voice feels like peace when it is spoken.<\/p>\n

Unlike the voice that hurls insults and patronizing words, your truest voice won\u2019t drive you farther and farther away from the people you love.<\/p>\n

Your truest voice brings you closer\u2014
\ncloser to the person you want to be
\ncloser to the life you want to live
\ncloser to tears of happiness \u2026<\/p>\n

May they fall like rain.<\/p>\n

\"fall<\/a><\/p>\n

********************************************<\/p>\n

Resources:<\/strong><\/em> If you would like to know what specific steps and strategies I used to transform my distracted, overwhelmed life, they are detailed in my NYT bestselling book Hands Free Mama<\/em><\/strong><\/a>. In addition, the book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling & Start Connecting<\/em><\/strong><\/a> by Dr. Laura Markham is my number #1 recommendation to anyone yearning to respond more peacefully and positively in times of frustration and challenge. Dr. Laura\u2019s second book, Peaceful Parent: Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting & Raise Friends For Life<\/a>,<\/em><\/strong> comes out next week, and it is just as life changing as the first! Click here<\/a> to learn more or to pre-order. Dr. Laura recently allowed me to ask several questions about improving sibling relationships and creating a more loving home environment. Our discussion tied in beautifully with my new book, Hands Free Life: 9 Habits for Overcoming Distraction, Living Better, & Loving More <\/em><\/strong><\/a>. Please enjoy listening to our open-hearted discussion by clicking the play button below.<\/p>\n\nhttps:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Hands-Free-Mama-Dr-Laura.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n

*One final note: a NEW reminder bracelet is here<\/em><\/strong>! Inspired by the Choose Love 21-Day Challenge<\/em><\/a> & your many requests, the \u201cI Choose Love\u201d bracelet has been added to the Hands Free Shop<\/a> and the color is perfect for spring!<\/p>\n

\"choose<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cFeeling my way through the darkness Guided by a beating heart I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start.\u201d \u2013 Avicii On most Saturdays you can find our family exploring our new city. We moved here ten months ago, but it still feels new and excitingly uncharted. At a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[229],"tags":[1426,743,1424,1425,42,1427,1423,1422,1157,1041],"gutentor_comment":8,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1EI","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6368"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6368"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6368\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6368"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6368"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6368"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}