{"id":6707,"date":"2016-01-04T07:11:15","date_gmt":"2016-01-04T13:11:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6707"},"modified":"2016-01-11T06:32:33","modified_gmt":"2016-01-11T12:32:33","slug":"a-vow-to-soften-so-your-loved-ones-can-shine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/01\/04\/a-vow-to-soften-so-your-loved-ones-can-shine\/","title":{"rendered":"A Vow to ‘Soften’ So Your Loved Ones Can Shine"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"vow<\/a><\/p>\n

I received a booklet from each of my daughters for Christmas. Some of the pages made me laugh. Others made me cry. But a few pages stood out.<\/p>\n

“I love when you talk to me like a friend.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“I love that you love my opinion.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“I love how you never are mean to me.”<\/em><\/p>\n

“I\u2019d be lost without your love.”<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not often a person receives tangible signs of progress\u2014an unexpected measurement of how far she\u2019s come.<\/p>\n

\"you<\/a><\/p>\n

\"love<\/a><\/p>\n

My Hands Free journey<\/a> started as a mission to let go of my millions of distractions and my need for perfection. As those outer barriers dismantled, my inner barriers did too. I felt myself being less of a controlling manager and more of a peaceful nurturer. As my inner barriers weakened, my ability to respond more lovingly, more patiently, and more openly grew.<\/p>\n

My friends Lisa<\/a> and Shawn<\/a> call this process softening, and I just love the image that word creates and the feeling of calm it brings.<\/p>\n

To me, softening has come to mean pausing, breathing, reflecting, surrendering, accepting, opening, and revealing.<\/p>\n

But there is more \u2013 and this is the kicker:<\/p>\n

Softening means seeing\u2014truly seeing.<\/em><\/p>\n

By responding to others and myself with more compassion, patience, and acceptance, I\u2019ve begun to see less in black and white and more in color. I had no idea my loved ones had so many colors until I began to soften <\/em>so they could shine.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"waves<\/a><\/p>\n

As New Year\u2019s resolutions or \u201cword of the year\u201d bounce around in your head this week, I hope this one sticks: soften<\/em><\/strong>. It is doable. Its benefits reach far beyond you. It is life-changing and life-giving. And even a little bit of softening goes a long way.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The following vow is something I could have used a few years ago before my inner barriers began to crumble. I didn\u2019t think to create such a vow until I wrote this post<\/a> on the best gifts I ever gave. Many commenters declared the word \u201csoften\u201d as their word\/goal for 2016. I can\u2019t help but believe there\u2019s a little something in this vow for all of us\u2014no matter where we are in the process of pausing, surrendering, breathing, revealing, reflecting, and accepting. I can\u2019t help but believe our world could use a little softening right now. My hope is that we can start or continue the softening process with this vow and perhaps, in time, we\u2019ll receive a note, a look of surprise, or a loving sentiment indicating just how far we\u2019ve come.<\/p>\n

My Vow to Soften <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had enough of my hard edges.
\nI\u2019m tired of straining my voice.
\nI\u2019d like to loosen up and laugh a little more,
\nBe a positive rather than a negative.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like to feel the upward curve of my lips.
\nI\u2019d like to surrender control of things in which I have no control.
\nI\u2019d like to let things unfold in their own time, in their own way.
\nI\u2019d like to participate joyfully in this fleeting life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d like to be softer
\ntowards him,
\ntowards her,
\ntowards me.<\/p>\n

Thus, 2016 shall be the year of my softening.
\nAnd this is my vow:<\/p>\n

\"sand<\/a><\/p>\n

I vow to listen to opinions \u2013 I don\u2019t always have to be right.
\nI don\u2019t always have to agree or have the last word.<\/p>\n

I vow to hand over the hairbrush, the pile of laundry, the school project,
\nthe task before us. \u201cHow would you do it?\u201d I will ask.
\nI vow to step aside and respect a new approach.
\nSuccess might be difficult to see at first; I vow to keep looking.<\/p>\n

I vow to be more accepting of quirks and mannerisms.
\nI vow to be more accepting of tastes and styles unlike my own.<\/p>\n

I vow to remember he is in the process of becoming; she is in the process of finding her way.
\nAnd they are more apt to do it if I stop telling them how.<\/p>\n

I vow to regard \u201cweaknesses\u201d as hidden strengths.
\nInner gifts can be nurtured when I stop plotting ways to alter, change, and \u201cimprove\u201d.<\/p>\n

I vow to greet my family and myself with a loving smile, no matter what happened yesterday.
\nGrudge holding only hurts us all.<\/p>\n

I vow to pause before correcting.
\nI shall take a moment to consider if the mistake even needs to mentioned at all.<\/p>\n

I vow to stop nitpicking until it bleeds.<\/p>\n

I vow to demand less and inquire more.<\/p>\n

I vow to listen
\nConsider
\nand expand my thinking.<\/p>\n

I vow to be a voice of encouragement in a demeaning world.<\/p>\n

I vow to be a silver lining spotter in my family\u2019s little world.<\/p>\n

I vow to be softer today than I was yesterday\u2014a softer voice, a softer posture, a softer touch, a softer thought, a softer timetable.<\/p>\n

I vow to be softer towards the imperfect human being inside me and beside me.<\/p>\n

By being softer, I can hear more, learn more, feel more, and love more.
\nAt last I will fully see.<\/p>\n

I will see his colors.
\nI will see her colors.
\nI will see my colors
\nPerhaps for the very first time.<\/p>\n

The colors might take my breath away
\nBring me to tears
\nand offer long-awaited peace.<\/p>\n

I shall soften in order to illuminate the colors of the soul.<\/p>\n

I shall soften so the human being within me and beside me can shine.<\/p>\n

\u00a9\u00a0Rachel Macy Stafford 2016<\/em><\/p>\n

\"HFM<\/a><\/p>\n

***************************************<\/p>\n

Recommended Resources:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Friends of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, I am grateful to have come to know so many highly skilled and experienced parenting educators and simplicity experts over the years. Here are some beneficial\u00a0resources and learning opportunities to help you \u201csoften\u201d in the year ahead:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n