{"id":6730,"date":"2016-01-15T07:16:52","date_gmt":"2016-01-15T13:16:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6730"},"modified":"2017-02-22T15:12:00","modified_gmt":"2017-02-22T21:12:00","slug":"finding-lost-joy-the-way-we-find-lost-pets","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/01\/15\/finding-lost-joy-the-way-we-find-lost-pets\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Lost Joy the Way We Find Lost Pets"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

“Come back, Joy.<\/em>
\nCome back, Gratefulness.<\/em>
\nCome back, Energy.<\/em>
\nCome back, Zest.<\/em>
\nI\u2019m looking for you.<\/em>
\nAnd I won\u2019t stop until I find you.\u201d
\n<\/em>\u2013Rachel Macy Stafford<\/em><\/p>\n

Lately, I've received\u00a0an influx of\u00a0messages from readers that contain a\u00a0painful truth: Many of us have lost our joy. Many of us are simply going through the motions. Many of us see the way our irritability hurts the ones we love\u2014but we\u00a0continue our\u00a0unpleasantness anyway. We taste the bitterness of our words before they come out of our mouths\u2014but we say them anyway. Many of us can\u2019t remember the last time we were the party<\/a> \u2026 the gathering place \u2026 the heartbeat of our family. Many of us have lost our joy and haven\u2019t the slightest idea how to get it back.<\/p>\n

I know the feeling.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think I\u2019ll ever forget.<\/p>\n

I recently reflected on that difficult period of my life while out for a walk. A handmade sign stapled to a telephone pole caught my eye. Franklin the cat was missing. I stopped and studied the lovingly made poster despite the winter wind trying to move me along. My eyes became wet just thinking of those who loved Franklin and desperately wanted to see his furry face again.<\/p>\n

Come back, Franklin<\/em>. I pleaded in my head. Come back.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019d pleaded those same words about Joy a few years prior. Oh how I\u2019d longed to see Joy\u2019s optimistic face and feel her enthusiastically squeeze my heart and hand.<\/p>\n

When I got home from my walk that day, I wrote a poem. It seems fitting\u00a0to share it today.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Like They Do For Lost Pets<\/strong><\/p>\n

Peace left my house without so much as a goodbye. <\/em><\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t seen Patience in quite some time. <\/em><\/p>\n

Stillness doesn\u2019t come around much anymore. It\u2019s always go-go-go \u2018round here.<\/em><\/p>\n

Hope is scarce.<\/em><\/p>\n

Self-love is a stranger.<\/em><\/p>\n

Enthusiasm has gone and left me spiritless.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Courage is missing. <\/em><\/p>\n

Focus has completely abandoned me. <\/em><\/p>\n

I think I\u2019ll put up a sign like they do for lost pets. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cCome back, Joy,\u201d it will read. <\/em><\/p>\n

Come back, Gratefulness.
\n<\/em>Come back, Energy.
\n<\/em>Come back, Zest.
\n<\/em>I\u2019m looking for you.
\n<\/em>And I won\u2019t stop until I find you.<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Because life\u2019s just not the same without you. <\/em><\/p>\n

I vividly remember how I felt when I woke up each morning during that difficult period. I\u2019d crawl out of bed irritable, ungrateful, tired, and bitter; I dreaded the day ahead because I knew it would be much like the day before. One morning, I decided to do something I hadn\u2019t done in a long time. I decided to put a note in my daughter\u2019s lunch box. My pen hovered over the sticky note as I debated on what to write. I thought about drawing a smiley face, but that seemed so far from the truth given the current status of my smile. So I wrote four\u00a0words instead:<\/p>\n

I love you Avery!<\/em><\/p>\n

Because that was truth. My love for this child was still there. It would never, ever go\u2014no matter how far away my smile was.<\/p>\n

When I cleaned out Avery\u2019s lunch box that night, I discovered the most remarkable thing.\u00a0My love note had multiplied. Apparently there had been a blank sticky note attached to mine. Avery had written back to me. It said, \u201cI love you, Mom,\u201d but it might as well have said, \u201cThis is worth living for.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"I<\/a><\/p>\n

I couldn't explain why, but I urgently taped her note to the kitchen cabinet. Then I got another one of her notes and put it on my closet door. I placed another one on my bathroom mirror. What I know now is these signs served as tangible reminders to look for Joy. The signs reminded me to be aware, be present, and awake. Much to my surprise, I found Joy in the smell of my husband\u2019s aftershave when I hugged him, so I breathed it in. I found Joy in muffin tins so I accepted Natalie\u2019s invitation to bake something together in the kitchen. I found Joy in my own poetic scribbles so I wrote a little bit each day. I found Joy in a small handprint on the sunroof<\/a> of my car against a backdrop of white clouds. The more I looked for Joy in unexpected moments, the more it came around. And now, six years later, I am grateful to report\u00a0joy lives here permanently.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My friends, I did not plan to write this post today. Nor did I plan to share that old poem and story, but something encouraged me to do so.<\/p>\n

It was a message that arrived in my inbox this week. It was addressed to me, but as I read it, I felt certain it was not just for one heart. The owner of this hopeful story graciously gave me permission to share it with you.<\/p>\n

\u201cI turn 40 this year. I have a busy job and two young kids. Over the years, I\u2019ve gradually become more overloaded, more tired, and more stressed. As a result I have withdrawn from \u2018my\u2019 life, and given myself over to my family and colleagues. I\u2019m cold, distant, and walk around doing tasks like a robot.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been reading your blog for over a year. I agree with everything \u2013 I nod and smile and sometimes I cry. Sometimes I share your blog with my husband or my Facebook friends. I never actually do anything different though, I don\u2019t know where to start. My kids are happy enough, but there\u2019s something missing in me, and I worry that one day they\u2019ll notice. I just never knew what to do about it. I have to keep getting all the jobs done, right?<\/p>\n

On Friday, I went into our local thrift store to drop off a bag of clothes and right there beside the books was a bag of unopened sparkly pompom balls. I am not religious, but I decided right there and then it was a sign from God that I was supposed to buy the balls and use them to recreate the kindness jar you shared recently<\/a>. It was amazing. Just the presence of the sparkly balls was enough to cheer up my children on a cold winter day. Since then, we\u2019ve had 4 days of kindness in my house. And I started it! I actually did it. And it didn\u2019t cause my to-do list to self-destruct, and nobody went unfed or unclothed, and I didn\u2019t lose my job. It just happened, and it was a good thing. So far so good \u2026<\/p>\n

Moving on \u2013 my husband. Where do I start there? I think I started ignoring him the day I became pregnant! I just don\u2019t have time\/energy to show him any appreciation. We\u2019re happy enough, but I see the damage I do to him. Only criticism \u2013 never thanks. We\u2019re growing apart. He feels like a failure, yet he is the most amazing man I\u2019ve ever met. This morning, something amazing happened.<\/p>\n

Today he woke up early, full of energy and enthusiasm as he always does. He\u2019s a morning person, and I am not. On the radio, the presenter announced that in three minutes, in our local area, we should be able to see the international space station pass overhead. It was a freezing cold, clear morning. My husband shouted to the kids to come quickly; he was so excited. He already had the windows open so he could see it. I got out of bed (reluctantly). We stood there at 7am, all 4 of us, staring at the ISS moving slowly through the sky. The rest of the morning was brilliant. Instead of struggling to get them to school on time, they skipped happily along the road and seemed delighted to go. When I got to work I realized my day had got off to a great start because my husband is such a great father. I\u2019m lucky to have him in my life. I felt grateful. I saw the notification from Hands Free Mama in my inbox. I decided to do something. I sent this email to him at work:<\/p>\n

\u2018Thank you for this morning. You have an amazing ability to be happy and enthusiastic as soon as you wake up. I can\u2019t do this \u2013 I need time to come round, have some tea, etc \u2013 but you can be exciting and interesting and fun right from the start. N loved seeing the ISS and on the way to school. R said you are the best Daddy ever because you are fun and you make her laugh.<\/em><\/p>\n

The babies were so happy this morning and that made me happy.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

I got this reply from my husband:<\/p>\n

\u2018That\u2019s the 2nd time I\u2019ve cried at my desk this week. Thank you for possibly the nicest email I\u2019ve ever received. I will look at that whenever I\u2019m feeling like a failure.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n

I am a bit overwhelmed. I\u2019ve honestly become so closed off that this feels like an awakening of an old version of myself that I thought I\u2019d never get back. It\u2019s time to come back from wherever it was that I went. I don\u2019t really know what the next step will be, but I know it will be a positive step forwards, and not a retreat. I'll keep reading your words and try to make up for lost time.<\/p>\n

With much love,<\/p>\n

J.”<\/p>\n

My friends, finding my joy again began with one small step: posting Avery\u2019s love notes throughout my house. This action was powerful enough to awaken my lifeless soul, overpower my inner critic, and inspire me to connect with my loved ones. For the woman who emailed\u00a0me, finding joy began with sparkly pom poms balls and a message of gratitude to her spouse. I truly believe everyone has one action\u00a0that will help him or her catch a glimpse of what seems\u00a0lost.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Maybe it\u2019s joy you\u2019re missing. Or maybe it\u2019s enthusiasm \u2026 or peace \u2026 or gratitude \u2026 or connection \u2026 or focus.<\/p>\n

On Franklin the cat\u2019s sign there was a description of what he looked like. I think describing is a good start when something is missing.<\/p>\n

What does joy look like to you? What does peace feel like? What does connection resemble?<\/p>\n

(When you know what you're looking for, it\u2019s much easier to spot.)<\/p>\n

Maybe enthusiasm<\/em><\/strong> looks like a push on the swing, a loving goodbye, or a trip to Starbucks together. Maybe connection<\/strong> <\/em>looks like helping her with her shoelaces or sitting beside him as he eats his cereal. Maybe peace<\/em><\/strong> looks like an offer to rub her back or a few minutes to read side by side. Maybe joy<\/strong><\/em> looks like time on a yoga mat, taking a long walk, or going to a matinee movie. Maybe focus<\/strong><\/em> looks like turning off the notifications on the phone to shut out the world for a spell.<\/p>\n

Today I ask you to think about what is missing, what it looks like, and one small step you could take to bring it back.<\/p>\n

Then do it.<\/p>\n

One small action\u2014put it out into the world.<\/p>\n

Who knows?<\/p>\n

It just might multiply and come back to you as a sign that Joy\u00a0is waiting around the corner … just waiting to make its way home.<\/p>\n

\"Banjo<\/a>

Banjo the cat<\/p><\/div>\n

****************************************************************<\/p>\n

I recently completed my third book, ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>, which is designed as a daily inspiration book without the pressure to be used daily. Organized by seasons of life, the reader can simply turn to a particular section to\u00a0find encouragement, inspiration, practical strategies, and direction for what is lacking in his or her life. Unlike a book that requires cover to cover reading, this book has a\u00a0flip-open, read-anytime\/anywhere format for busy individuals yearning to anchor themselves in love despite everyday distractions, pressures, and discord. “Only love today<\/a>” began as a mantra to overcome my inner bully, and now it is the practice of my life. It can be yours too. Pre-order at Amazon<\/a> or Barnes and Noble<\/a> (a few signed copies<\/a> still available). Email a receipt of your pre-order to rachelmacystafford@gmail.com to receive the gorgeous hand lettered reminders, bookmarks, and\u00a0coloring pages pictured below. Offer good\u00a0until release day (March 7, 2017).\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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“Come back, Joy. Come back, Gratefulness. Come back, Energy. Come back, Zest. I\u2019m looking for you. And I won\u2019t stop until I find you.\u201d \u2013Rachel Macy Stafford Lately, I’ve received\u00a0an influx of\u00a0messages from readers that contain a\u00a0painful truth: Many of us have lost our joy. Many of us are simply going through the motions. Many […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6080,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[229],"tags":[1377,496,1586,1585,1067,1587],"gutentor_comment":46,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/05\/to-love-yourself-6-e1399226197714.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1Ky","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6730"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6730"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6730\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6080"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}