{"id":6768,"date":"2016-02-16T07:01:34","date_gmt":"2016-02-16T13:01:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6768"},"modified":"2016-03-03T07:19:59","modified_gmt":"2016-03-03T13:19:59","slug":"a-question-that-reaches-through-fears-cages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/02\/16\/a-question-that-reaches-through-fears-cages\/","title":{"rendered":"A Question That Reaches Through Fears & Cages"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"homeless<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cCourage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.\u201d <\/em>-R.J. Palacio, Wonder<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

For the past two weeks, my younger daughter and I have been reading the book Wonder<\/a><\/em>. Although my third grader is fully capable of reading it to herself, I asked her if I could read it aloud. I\u2019m learning to give my soul what it needs, and holding a book in my hands beneath a heavy quilt next to my girl is what I need right now. I\u2019m two weeks away from my book deadline<\/a> and my soul is weary. Book writing brings emotions to the surface \u2026 mortality to the forefront \u2026 doubt to its loudest \u2026 and exhaustion to its peak. But knowing I\u2019ll be curling up with my girl and this book at the end of an intense day of writing has carried me through.<\/p>\n

August, the main character in Wonder<\/em>, was born with a facial deformity. He is going to middle school for the first time and is faced with many obstacles. Sometimes I am unable to read August\u2019s painful admissions about being the object of people\u2019s curiosities and hurtful comments. That\u2019s when I pass the book over to Avery. She takes over without missing a beat and after a few minutes, asks, \u201cAre you okay, Mom?\u201d I wipe away my tears and tell her it hurts my heart to see people\u2014especially children\u2014being mistreated, alienated, and excluded. She nods as if she understands completely and then we talk about what we just read. I can\u2019t remember this happening with any other book she\u2019s read, so I go with it, even if it\u2019s time to turn off the lights.<\/p>\n

One conversation that stood out was when August\u2019s teacher, Mr. Browne, asked the students to name some really important things. After many great student guesses, he reveals what he believes is the most important thing of all:<\/p>\n

\u201cWho we are,\u201d he said, underlining each word as he said it. \u201cWho we are! Us! Right? What kind of people are we? What kind of person are you? Isn\u2019t that the most important thing of all? Isn\u2019t that the kind of question we should be asking ourselves all the time? \u2018What kind of person am I?\u2019 Learning who you are is what your are here to do.\u201d
\n-R.J. Palacio, Wonder<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I turned to Avery and asked, \u201cWhat kind of person are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

She confidently said, \u201cI am a singer. I am a guitar player<\/a>. I am a Noticer.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYep. Those are things you do\u2014and do very well,\u201d I said, \u201cbut what about who you are<\/em><\/strong>. Try this: I am a _________ person.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d she smiled, \u201cI get it.\u201d<\/p>\n

She decided she was a sweet person \u2026 a kind person \u2026 a happy person \u2026 a caring person. \u201cI am a sensitive person, too,\u201d she admitted with a slight cringe, as if it was something that might be frowned upon. \u201cAnd so are you, Mama, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n

Besides being sensitive, she listed off all the things she thought I was: a writer person, a helpful person, a giving person, a nature-loving person, a cat person.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can also be an impatient person … a worrier person \u2026 a work-too-hard person who has a hard time relaxing,\u201d I chipped in to be honest about who I am.<\/p>\n

She laughed. \u201cGlad I don\u2019t have that problem. I love to chill!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe you will rub off on me eventually,\u201d I said holding her close. And that is when a powerful truth written my brilliant colleague, Sandy Blackard<\/a>, came to mind. I\u2019d kept the quote in a safe place knowing I\u2019d need it someday. Sandy wrote:<\/p>\n

\u201cChildren act according to whom they believe they are. Helping them change their beliefs about self is the permanent solution for helping them change their behaviors. That\u2019s why it is so important to find our children\u2019s hidden strengths and provide them with proof of these strengths.\u201d\u2013Sandy Blackard<\/a>, award-winning author of Say What You See<\/a><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I agreed with Mr. Browne that \u201cwhat kind of person am I?\u201d was indeed one of the most important questions we can ask our loved ones and ourselves. And given Sandy\u2019s insight, it should be revisited whenever we notice someone\u2019s hidden strengths or an admirable quality the person might not realize he or she possesses. A few days later, I was given the perfect opportunity to do just that.<\/p>\n

As we drove to a Saturday morning swim meet, my usual chipper younger daughter was solemn. I could see the worry on her small, round face. The night before, she learned her coach entered her in the 200-meter individual medley, consisting of two laps of butterfly, two laps of backstroke, two laps of breaststroke, and two laps of freestyle.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, Mama. I cannot do that,\u201d my normal agreeable child protested fiercely the night before. \u201cThe last time I swam a 200 race I lost my breath!\u201d she cried.<\/p>\n

Pointing out that her coach would not put her in something he didn\u2019t believe she could do was ineffective. So was telling her how much she\u2019d improved since that traumatic event. Telling her I believed she could it did not help the situation either. It was apparent she believed she would stop breathing again. She believed she couldn\u2019t do it.<\/p>\n

\"closer<\/a><\/p>\n

As soon as we got to the meet, I told the coach about her past experience and asked if he could he talk to her.<\/p>\n

Since the 200 I.M. was the first event of the meet, I watched eagerly as Avery went from the warm up straight to the starting block. I was thrilled. Apparently talking to her coach was exactly what she needed. She was going to do it. The next thing I knew, her head dropped and her shoulders shook. I imagined how hard it must be be to cry with goggles on. Avery backed away from the blocks. I blinked back my own tears praying she would garner the strength to overcome her fear.<\/p>\n

Spotting the breakdown from across the pool, her coach ran over. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked directly into her tearful face. With each word he spoke, I saw her breaths steady. Avery took her place on the starting block and dove in when the buzzer sounded.<\/p>\n

For all eight laps of the race, her coach walked up and down her lane, cheering her on. She was doing it. She was doing it. She was doing what she thought she couldn\u2019t do.<\/p>\n

\"coach\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0450\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My daughter ran up to me afterwards and told me it was one of the best race she\u2019d ever had. \u201cI was scared, but I am so glad I did it!\u201d she rejoiced.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am so proud of you!\u201d I said hugging her wet body to my chest. \u201cYou were so brave and your strokes were beautiful! I love to watch you swim<\/a>!\u201d<\/p>\n

On the way home, Avery asked if we could stop and visit\u00a0the homeless cats at PetsMart<\/a>. This is one of our favorite past times\u2014to pet the cats through the cages, talk to them, read their stories about how they came to be there, and wish we could adopt them all.<\/p>\n

\"cats\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Normally we have the little cat room all to ourselves, but this time there was a young woman standing anxiously in front of the cages wringing her hands. \u201cI am about to get a cat,\u201d she offered. \u201cI live in an apartment, and I get lonely so I am getting that one.\u201d She pointed to the small striped male. \u201cI already have one, but I need another. I get lonely in my apartment,\u201d she repeated.<\/p>\n

Reminding me of one of my precious former special education students, I was about to say something encouraging to her. However, Avery spoke first.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat is so nice of you to rescue a cat! You must be a very nice person,\u201d she said earnestly.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am going to get the one with stripes. See,\u201d the young woman pointed again.<\/p>\n

\"cat\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cOhhh \u2026 that\u2019s a pretty one,\u201d Avery gushed. \u201cHe\u2019s so lucky to have you adopt him,\u201d she added genuinely.<\/p>\n

\u201cI have had five brain surgeries since I was five,\u201d she told us. \u201cI love cats.\u201d<\/p>\n

The woman\u2019s father stepped forward and smiled at us as if to say, \u201cthank you,\u201d and then he ushered his daughter off to fill out the necessary paperwork.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat girl was special like your students,\u201d Avery said when the door closed behind us. \u201cShe will be able to take care of her new cat. She will be loving\u2014I can tell,\u201d she said as if to assure me that the striped cat will be well cared for.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was thinking the same thing,\u201d I said. \u201cShe will pet it and feed it and it will have a wonderful life in the warm apartment,\u201d I said happily.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh no,\u201d Avery said worriedly, \u201cLook at the description on this one, Mama. His name is Louie. It says his owner had to go into a retirement home, and Louie\u2019s been depressed ever since.\u201d<\/p>\n

Our sensitive hearts broke at the same time.<\/p>\n

Avery began talking to Louie in gentle whispers, \u201cAre you sad, boy? I am so sorry your owner had to leave you. I bet your owner is sad too.\u201d<\/p>\n

I squatted down next to her. \u201cRemember in Wonder<\/a><\/em> when August feels like an outsider? And he hears the horrible things people things say about him?\u201d I whispered. \u201cI think after seeing what you did so bravely at the swim meet and the way you talked so kindly to the special lady that you would speak up \u2026 that you would say, \u2018That\u2019s not okay.\u2019 And then you might say to the hurt person, \u201cDon\u2019t listen to them. You have special gifts they can\u2019t see. But I see them.\u201d<\/p>\n

My child smiled widely as if she heard every word I said and was letting it sink in. She then leaned in close to the cage. \u201cListen, Mama. Louie is purring,\u201d she squeezed her fingers in as far as they would go, \u201cHe will make a great pet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Thank you, God. I thought. Thank you for teachers who dedicate their lives to asking important questions. Thank you for coaches who put their hands on shivering shoulders and say, \u201cI believe you can.\u201d Thank you for sensitive hearts that reach through cages to touch broken-hearted beings and see something worth saving.<\/p>\n

Might we all be as brave.<\/p>\n

Might we all be as accepting.<\/p>\n

Might we all admit we\u2019re scared but try anyway.<\/p>\n

Might we all listen kindly to those who repeat their stories.<\/p>\n

Might we all look into depressed eyes and see the value within.<\/p>\n

Might we all admit our faults but love ourselves anyway.<\/p>\n

Might we all look for the Augusts of the world and open our circle and let them in.<\/p>\n

Might we all frequently ask ourselves, \u201cWhat kind of person am I?\u201d and then be the person this world needs the most.<\/p>\n

\"manager<\/a><\/p>\n

********************************************<\/p>\n

\u00a0My\u00a0friends, l<\/em><\/strong>ast week, I provided a 21st<\/sup> century lifeline<\/a> for people to read or write to a child in their life. Over 100,000 people answered the call and my heart overflows with gratitude to all who participated or shared the message. I have heard from many people whose children asked them to \u201cread it again\u201d \u2026 children who cried deep tears of relief upon hearing those words \u2026 and teen boys who wrote a thank you note back because they could not respond without crying. Thank you to the person who cut up the paragraphs<\/a> and asked if she could post them around the walls of a high school. Thank you to the woman who said, \u201cI am wondering how I can get my mom to read this to me?\u201d She reminded us that there is no age limit on words of love and acceptance. The 21st<\/sup> century lifeline is found in my second book, HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a>, along with many practical ways we can provide our loved ones with internal protection in a world of distraction, pressure, and excess. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>If you are interested in any of the cats in the photos below or featured in this post, feel free to message me or go to this link: PetSmart adoption<\/a>. There are thousands of beautiful animals in your area waiting for a forever home. And if you choose to adopt one, please write and tell Avery & me. We would love to read a story with a happy ending. This community gives me hope. Thank you for being part of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Image<\/a>
\n\"Image\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cCourage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.\u201d -R.J. Palacio, Wonder For the past two weeks, my younger daughter and I have been reading the book Wonder. Although my third grader is fully capable of reading it to herself, I asked her […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6769,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[246],"tags":[1600,1550,1597,1596,1601,1130,1603,1067,700,714,1602,1598,1599],"gutentor_comment":30,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/Image-21-e1455627080561.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1La","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6768"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6768"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6768\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6769"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6768"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6768"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6768"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}