{"id":6861,"date":"2016-05-02T06:28:41","date_gmt":"2016-05-02T12:28:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6861"},"modified":"2016-05-11T22:48:41","modified_gmt":"2016-05-12T04:48:41","slug":"breaking-a-common-barrier-to-better-myself-expand-my-childs-future","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/05\/02\/breaking-a-common-barrier-to-better-myself-expand-my-childs-future\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking a Common Barrier to Better Myself & Expand My Child’s Future"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\"DSC_0643\"<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face.\u201d
\nBleachers, I Wanna Get Better<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cInstead of riding the bus today, could we go to breakfast and then could you drop me off at school?\u201d my almost thirteen-year-old daughter unexpectedly asked me on a recent Friday morning.<\/p>\n

My Type-A, plan-happy brain initially resisted this spontaneous invitation. While my brain began to list the reasons I couldn\u2019t, my eyes saw something else. Standing in front of me was a not-so-little girl in stylish tribal print pants that were just a little long for her small physique. They wouldn\u2019t be too long forever, I knew. She would grow into them; it wouldn\u2019t be long.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d I said, suddenly grateful to have an hour alone with this beautiful,\u00a0growing girl.<\/p>\n

After having a nice visit over chicken biscuits, we ran into a nearby store for a piece of poster board. As we stood in the checkout line, a woman pulled her cart up behind us. Standing in the back was a little girl who appeared to be three or four years old.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, can I get out?\u201d the little girl asked.<\/p>\n

No response.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, can I get out?\u201d she repeated\u2014this time a little louder.<\/p>\n

Still no response.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, please <\/em>can I get out?\u201d the child politely asked as the woman used her pointer finger to scroll down the screen of her phone, happily smiling to herself.<\/p>\n

As the little girl continued to ask the same question, her left leg inched higher and higher over the grocery cart until it appeared she was going to get out herself. My daughter, sensing the little girl was about to fall, quickly stepped next to the cart, preparing to catch her.<\/p>\n

The little girl looked at my daughter and put her leg back in the cart. She began asking the same question once again, in hopes her mother might respond to her pleas.<\/p>\n

We hadn\u2019t even made it to the car when I saw tears forming in my daughter\u2019s eyes. As she shut the door, she quietly said, \u201cThat made me really sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cI saw the way you anticipated what was about to happen. You prevented the little girl from falling,\u201d I commended.<\/p>\n

But her safe-sitter move was not what my child wanted to talk about.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe mother didn\u2019t hear her child and she was standing right there,\u201d my daughter said sadly. \u201cI hope it\u2019s not always like that,\u201d she said sincerely. \u201cThe little girl may grow up thinking her words are not important and stop trying to tell her mom things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Those words \u2026 coming out of that mouth \u2026 felt surreal. Six years ago, my daughter was a little girl yearning to be seen and heard. She experienced the 21st<\/sup> century phenomenon of being invisible to someone while standing right in front of them.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_7157\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I said quietly to that little girl who was now a young lady.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t need to explain my apology. My daughter knew my story. She\u2019s heard me speak my darkest truths about distraction\u2019s grip\u2014a grip that took away my smile<\/a>, made a yeller<\/a> out of me, and nearly cost me my life at a traffic light<\/a>. She\u2019s read my books<\/a> and gifted them to her teachers having babies. My daughter knew how sorry I was for what I missed. But she also knew how thankful I was when I woke up.<\/p>\n

My child knew her face was one of the first sights I saw as I came out of a frenzied, joyless two-year period of my life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d just committed to turning off my phone and sticking it in a drawer at critical connection times like meals, bedtime, greetings, and departures. I\u2019d been saying yes to her invitations to \u201cWatch me, Mama,\u201d and her offers to \u201chelp\u201d in the kitchen. I was trying to be patient and softer towards her instead of hurried and critical. I was trying to look up more often and see glimmers of goodness in my day that were easily buried by life\u2019s duties and distractions.<\/p>\n

On that particular day, my daughter stood on the kitchen stool I\u2019d pulled up beside me. I\u2019d given her a table knife, and she\u2019d carefully cut up carrots, cucumbers, and red peppers. Her capable, little hands evenly distributed the colorful pieces into four salad bowls.<\/p>\n

\u201cI like doing this with you,\u201d Six-year-old Natalie said looking up at me with her gigantic brown eyes. \u201cThank you, Mama.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I saw her\u2014really saw her for the first time in two years. I saw her beautiful round face had elongated. I saw my mother in her big brown eyes. She\u2019d gotten a few new freckles on her nose. But the way she smiled at me, as if there was no place in the world she\u2019d rather be, was what brought me to my knees. Oh my. <\/em>I thought to myself. I see her. I really see her now. Thank you, God, for this beautiful child who is mine.
\n<\/em>
\n\"IMG_4136\"<\/a><\/em>The sight of this child\u2019s face fueled me to keep looking up and letting go.<\/p>\n

I quickly noticed many positive results from the small changes I was making. By placing protective boundaries\u00a0around special connection times each day, I was able to see, hear, and respond more lovingly to my family members. I went through my day feeling less conflicted, overwhelmed, and agitated. No longer dictated by the dinging demands of the device, my thoughts and actions were my own.<\/p>\n

It seemed only natural to voice these important discoveries to the people I loved. But for some reason, it felt right to do it in way that empowered rather than dictated.<\/p>\n

Instead of saying: \u201cWe don\u2019t bring devices to the dinner table,\u201d I said, \u201cWe\u2019ll miss the best part of eating together if we\u2019re looking at our devices.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead of placing the phone in the glove box without telling anyone, I said, \u201cI\u2019m going to drive with my phone out of reach. I don\u2019t want to hurt us or anyone else by driving distracted. Plus, I don\u2019t want to miss the beautiful sights.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead of: \u201cPut away your device while we wait for the doctor,\u201d I said, \u201cWaiting time is an opportunity to catch up with each other; tell me the best part of your day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rather than demanding all devices be kept in a communal\u00a0area of our home with no explanation, I talked about Internet safety and why it was important to keep each other accountable and not to hide scary, hurtful, or confusing cyber issues we encounter.<\/p>\n

Rather than letting the smile on the cashier\u2019s face go unnoticed, I said to my child, \u201cDid you see how happy it made the cashier when we acknowledged her rather than looking at a phone?\u201d<\/p>\n

Talking to my daughter about the importance of having a time and place for technology became a way of life\u2014just like talking about drugs and alcohol, puberty, body safety, bullying, and other critical topics. I didn\u2019t know how this on-going dialogue would impact her future, but I was hopeful. And through a quick stop to get poster board, a most important discovery was made.<\/p>\n

As I have learned to see, my daughter\u00a0has learned to see.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Her eyes detect\u00a0an important distinction between technology as a tool and technology as a barrier.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0645\"<\/a>She is an almost-thirteen-year-old who uses her electronic device to communicate with friends and family near and far. She uses it to manage the cat rescue website<\/a> where we volunteer. She uses it to plan a summer camp<\/a> for young children in our neighborhood. She uses it to create and post YouTube videos<\/a> for her musical sister. She uses it to shop for the perfect gifts for people she loves.<\/p>\n

But she also steps away from her device, more often than not, to look up and let go.<\/p>\n

She is an almost 13-year-old who loves to apply facemasks, wade in the river, and go antiquing. She\u2019ll be happy to take your blood pressure, make you a glass of iced tea, or babysit your kids. She can look for seashells for hours on end or just sit and watch rhythm of the waves. She loves baking, swimming, and playing with her beloved cat, Banjo. Each night at bedtime, she lays beside me for Talk Time.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_0243\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0070\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0319\"<\/a>
\n\"DSC_0266\"<\/a>
\n\"DSC_0871\"<\/a>
\n\"DSC_0822\"<\/a>I don\u2019t know if my daughter will retain these healthy boundaries with technology as she grows, but I do know she\u2019s acquired a vital awareness that cannot be taken away. Should she veer off the path of choosing real life experiences and face-to-face conversations over those on a screen, she\u2019ll know where the emptiness is coming from. She\u2019ll know why she\u2019s feeling the need to compare herself to others. She\u2019ll combat the fear of missing out by putting down the device and going toward matters most. And she\u2019ll know without a doubt that I\u2019m willing to go there with her.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When I found our beloved cat lying by the open back door after an attack twelve days ago, I laid my head down on his body and cried. It struck me that there was only one person I wanted by my side in that moment. I longed for my daughter Natalie to be with me. She would know. She would understand.<\/p>\n

After taking Banjo to the vet and finding out he\u2019d be okay, I prepared myself for my daughter\u2019s arrival. I knew exactly what she would need to hear and what her face would look like. I knew she would need me to hold her and reassure her. I knew this because I\u2019d been seeing her face for the past six years.<\/p>\n

Her reaction was exactly as I expected \u2013 except for one thing.<\/p>\n

After I finished telling her what happened, Natalie wiped away her tears and suddenly grabbed my hand. \u201cThat must have been scary for you, Mom. I bet you were crying so hard. I am so sorry you had to go through that alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

My child knew me too.<\/p>\n

She knew exactly what I needed to hear and what my face looked like during that horrible moment. She knew I needed \u00a0comfort\u00a0in my time of fear.<\/p>\n

Six years ago, I chose her.<\/p>\n

And today, she is choosing me.<\/p>\n

She is also choosing to stand beside others in pain, see Mother Nature\u2019s beauty, anticipate falls, celebrate triumphs, cry for those who are ignored, comfort those who are abandoned, make eye contact, and embrace the good and the bad that comes with an eyes up, open-handed life.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_0018\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Six years ago, I decided I didn\u2019t want to miss my life.<\/p>\n

As a result, this young lady is not missing hers.<\/p>\n

This offers\u00a0great hope for us all.<\/p>\n

My friends, if there is a barrier in your life that is coming between you and the ones you love, begin\u00a0taking small steps to break that barrier down \u2026<\/p>\n

Accept their invitations \u2013 or invite them to do something they love to do.<\/p>\n

Pull up a stool and don\u2019t worry about the mess.<\/p>\n

Look up when they walk in the room. Look in their eyes when you say goodbye. Look beyond their flaws to see all that they are.<\/p>\n

Ask for their opinion and then listen\u2014just listen.<\/p>\n

Say you\u2019re sorry; tell them what you\u2019re going to do differently starting today.<\/p>\n

Forgive yourself for what you missed in the past. Believe today matters more than yesterday.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Believe<\/strong> today matters more than yesterday. <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>I believe it.<\/p>\n

My daughter believes it.<\/p>\n

And so does that person standing in front of you.<\/p>\n

Perhaps today marks the day you\u2019ll see that beautiful face for the first time in a long time, and you will be thankful, so very thankful, you can see it now.<\/p>\n

Who knows where you two will be six days \u2026 six months \u2026 or six years? But for now, let\u2019s just focus on today. Because today offers us all a chance to look up, let go, and love like we wish we had yesterday.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_0650\"<\/a><\/p>\n

*************************************************<\/p>\n

Friends of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, if you are interested in a wearable reminder to look up, let go, and choose love, click here\u00a0<\/u><\/a>to see the ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>,\u00a0<\/u>\u00a0I CHOOSE LOVE<\/a>,<\/u>\u00a0or LIVE HANDS FREE<\/a> vintage wrist wraps in beautiful colors\u00a0in leather\u00a0and non-leather options. Be sure to see the hand-lettered prints like the Hands Free Pledge<\/u><\/a> which was one of the first tools I used to look up and let go. The Presence Pledge<\/a> is also something I wrote to my daughters as a promise to build them up instead of break them down. Today is the last day to use the free shipping checkout code: MOMLOVE. Ordering by today (May 2, 2016) ensures the items\u00a0will arrive by Mother\u2019s Day.
\n<\/em>
\nDenver friends, I will be speaking in your area on\u00a0Saturday, May 14 at Denver First Church\u2019s Ladies Tea<\/u><\/a> from 10am to 12pm. It would bring me great joy to meet you! In the fall, I will be coming to the California Bay Area, Nashville, TN and Mandan, ND. Click here<\/u><\/a> for dates & event information<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

To read the detailed steps and strategies I used to let go of distraction, perfection, & societal pressure to live better\u00a0& love more, check out my book, HANDS FREE MAMA<\/u><\/a>, a NYT Bestseller. And my latest book, HANDS FREE LIFE<\/u><\/a>, will help you stop managing life and start living it. Bring more presence, patience, acceptance, and grace into your heart and home using the 9 daily habits outlined in the book. HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a> is less than $10\u00a0on Amazon<\/u><\/a> right now.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Friends of\u00a0The Hands Free Revolution<\/u><\/a>\u00a0community, you are my daily blessing and fuel my writing like nothing else. If you think this message would be hopeful or healing to someone else, I would be grateful if you share it. I cherish\u00a0& appreciate each one of you.\u00a0<\/strong>
\n\"Books<\/a>
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\u00a0 \u201cI didn’t know I was lonely ’til I saw your face.\u201d Bleachers, I Wanna Get Better \u201cInstead of riding the bus today, could we go to breakfast and then could you drop me off at school?\u201d my almost thirteen-year-old daughter unexpectedly asked me on a recent Friday morning. My Type-A, plan-happy brain initially resisted […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6858,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[1071,1007,1366,1634,1067,1209,1532,1635],"gutentor_comment":29,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/DSC_06431-e1462137659233.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1MF","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6861"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6861"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6861\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6858"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6861"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6861"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6861"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}