{"id":6884,"date":"2016-05-20T06:05:11","date_gmt":"2016-05-20T12:05:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6884"},"modified":"2016-06-06T06:51:29","modified_gmt":"2016-06-06T12:51:29","slug":"that-moment-when-your-flaws-failings-dont-matter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/05\/20\/that-moment-when-your-flaws-failings-dont-matter\/","title":{"rendered":"That Moment When Your Flaws & Failings Don\u2019t Matter"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"eyes<\/a> \u201c<\/em>I see the whole world in your eyes
\n<\/em>It's like I've known you all my life
\n<\/em>We just feel so right
\n<\/em>So I pour my heart into your hands
\n<\/em>It's like you really understand
\n<\/em>You love the way I am.\u201d
\n<\/em>-Rachel Platten, Better Place<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

On Monday night, my nine-year-old daughter announced she was going to practice one last time for the upcoming third grade talent show. The following day, she\u2019d be performing \u201cFight Song<\/a>\u201d by Rachel Platten, which we both knew would be crowd pleaser among her young classmates.<\/p>\n

As she began to play, I closed my eyes, imagining for a moment what the children\u2019s faces would look like as she began to strum and sing. Most of her classmates had never heard this girl sing, let alone play guitar. As she shared her musical gift in that spotlight moment, I knew it would be hard for her to contain her smile.<\/p>\n

But I would not know for sure because I would not be there to witness it.<\/p>\n

\u201cParents aren\u2019t allow to come to the third grade talent show, Mom,\u201d she\u2019d said matter-of-factly two weeks ago, breaking my heart right in half.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? You must be mistaken,\u201d I said feeling inappropriately emotional about this news.<\/p>\n

\u201cNope. No parents. It\u2019s just for kids,\u201d she said doing nothing to soften the blow \u2026 that is, until she saw the look on my face. Patting my hand gently, she said, \u201cDon\u2019t worry, Mom. I\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

I knew she would be fine. I\u2019d watched her confidence blossom over the past year. I knew she would take the stage by storm. Selfishly, I wanted to be there to see it. Standing in an auditorium or classroom with shining eyes as my child reads a story she wrote, recites a line in a play, or sings alone or with a group, is my moment of redemption. My child scans the crowd until she finds me, and I look at her with all the love in my heart. In that moment, guilt cannot touch me. Regret leaves the premises. Mistakes of the past completely vanish. All that\u2019s left is proof I have loved; it is written all over her face.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Three years ago I grasped this redemptive gift for the very first time. I immediately knew it was not exclusive to me, nor was it mine to keep. So I wrote it down. Today, it is yours \u2026 word for word. May these words be the reminder you need this very moment. May your flaws and failings fall away so all you are left with is hope …<\/p>\n

\"last<\/a><\/p>\n


\nOn very rare occasions, I find myself alone in the car with my six-year-old daughter. When I do, I try to stay extra quiet to see what gems my Noticer of Life<\/a> child\u00a0might feel like spilling out to the headrest in front of her.<\/p>\n

On this particular day, we'd just dropped off her playmate. The setting sun was illuminating her tangled curls and freckled face as she gazed out the window with sleepy eyes.<\/p>\n

Suddenly she perked up. \u201cCould you play, \u2018Daylight<\/a>\u2019 by Maroon 5?\u201d she asked, sounding more like a sixteen-year-old than a six-year-old. \u201cIt\u2019s my favorite song,\u201d she added as if she knew her request might require some\u00a0explanation.<\/p>\n

She was right. Coming from her, it did strike me as an odd song request. For the past three years, my cheerful, little ukulele player had strummed and sang her way through the likes of Taylor Swift, Martina McBride, and Carly Rae Jepsen. Romantic ballads by heavily tattooed rock stars had never once come from this southern girl\u2019s lips.<\/p>\n

\"ukulele\"<\/a><\/p>\n

But I pushed \u2018play\u2019 on \u201cDaylight,\u201d and ever since then, I have been able to breathe easier, even on the most challenging days as a parent.<\/p>\n

You see, as Adam Levine belted out the following lyrics in his signature falsetto, my daughter\u2019s face turned wistful, almost sad:<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd when the daylight comes, I\u2019ll have to go
\n<\/em>But tonight I\u2019m gonna hold you so close.
\n<\/em>Cause in the daylight, we'll be on our own,
\n<\/em>But tonight I need to hold you so close.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

My child noticed me watching her in the rearview mirror. As we locked eyes, it was solemnly revealed why this particular song was her favorite. \u201cThat song is about morning when I have to go to school,\u201d she said pushing up her little eyeglasses so they sat squarely on her face. \u201cI don\u2019t like morning to come. I like night when you hold me in your arms.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a moment, I couldn\u2019t speak. My child\u2019s interpretation of this blatantly obvious love song surprised me. How could she get that<\/strong> meaning from those lyrics<\/em>? I thought. But then I reminded myself that children make sense of the world using their experiences as a frame of reference. In that respect, her lyrical interpretation of \u201cDaylight\u201d made perfect sense.<\/p>\n

The reason this song wasn\u2019t about two lovers parting at daybreak was because my child hadn\u2019t experienced that. But she did<\/em> know what it felt like to be so safe and secure in someone\u2019s arms that she never wanted to leave.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when it hit me.<\/p>\n

Warm, cleansing tears dripped down my face as a profound sense of peace came over me.<\/p>\n

For the first time in a long time, I felt I\u2019d done something right along this parenting journey. The nightly tuck-in had become my child\u2019s frame of reference.<\/p>\n

It was the one thing I managed to do consistently for all six years of her life \u2026<\/p>\n

Through the baby years when piercing screams of colic, cutting teeth, sleep deprivation, and sibling jealousy hallowed me until I was empty \u2026 I still managed to hold her every night despite my exhaustion.<\/p>\n

Through the toddler years when pajamas were itchy, getting out of bed was her fulltime job, and lost stuffed animals ensued atomic meltdowns \u2026 I still managed to smooth her hair every night despite my frustration.<\/p>\n

Through her preschool years when I was present, but absent, focusing too much on electronic screens, to-do lists, and keeping up the fa\u00e7ade of a perfect life \u2026 I still managed to kiss her face every night despite my maxed-out\u00a0existence<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Through the daily struggles of life,\u00a0I managed to reach my child\u2019s bedside. For a few minutes each night, I\u2019d hold her and say, \u201cI love you,\u201d so those could be the last words she heard, even if I failed to say them in syllables or actions during day.<\/p>\n

\"facing<\/a><\/p>\n

And through a catchy pop song on a Sunday afternoon drive, I learned this nightly ritual mattered; it mattered a lot. It was a beacon of light in a sea of failings, and I intended to grasp it.<\/p>\n

Because let\u2019s face it. We need this validation. We need to know we\u2019re doing something right. We need to know things are going to turn out okay despite it all. We need to know love prevails over failures, flaws, and imperfect days.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because sometimes the \u201cexperts,\u201d the well-meaning friends, the sweet ladies behind us in the checkout line, and the critics inside our head suggest otherwise, making us feel like there is more to it than just loving them.<\/p>\n

But then you attend an end-of-the-year school program. You see a child on stage scanning the crowd with eager, almost frantic, eyes. Then suddenly, her eyes stop. As she enthusiastically waves at a focal point in the crowd, a visible sigh of relief comes from her small chest. If you follow her gaze to see what brought her such great comfort, you will see love etched across the face of the person who met her gaze. That child found her reference point, her source of comfort, her go-to place in times of uncertainty and doubt\u2014and it made all the difference.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t care what anybody says. It\u2019s the love that sustains them.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Whether she\u2019s walking out on stage or out of a bad relationship \u2026<\/p>\n

Whether he\u2019s stepping into kindergarten or into battle\u00a0\u2026<\/p>\n

Whether he\u2019s taking an honest look inward or a stand for what he believes in \u2026<\/p>\n

Whether she\u2019s reaching up to grab her dream or reaching down to help the fallen \u2026<\/p>\n

When faced with the fears, uncertainties, and worries of life, our loved ones need a reference point\u2014a place in their minds and hearts where they feel loved and safe. And we can provide that. My friends, we can provide that.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_0633\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So let\u2019s not worry about doing all the things<\/em> right in this lifetime; let\u2019s just focus on doing one thing<\/em> right in this day<\/em>: a little love today.<\/p>\n

Love them as they walk out the door.<\/p>\n

Love them when they come home.<\/p>\n

Love them when they mess up.<\/p>\n

Love them when they succeed \u2026 soar \u2026 shine.<\/p>\n

Love them when they\u2019re scared.<\/p>\n

Love them when they\u2019re brave.<\/p>\n

Love them as they pull away.<\/p>\n

Love them as they cling with all their might.<\/p>\n

Love them when they\u2019re hard to love.<\/p>\n

Love them when they\u2019re utterly irresistible.<\/p>\n

Choose love for your precious ones as much as you humanly can. May it become their\u00a0reference point in a harsh world, like the lyrics to their favorite song that never quite leave their head or their heart.<\/p>\n

\"Never<\/a>
\n<\/a>********************************<\/p>\n

My friends of the Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, thank you for the incredible support you provide my family & me each week. My daughter was thrilled that so many of you watched her \u201cFight Song\u201d Youtube video<\/a> and left such\u00a0affirming\u00a0comments on our community\u2019s page<\/a>. When I asked for all the details about the talent show on Tuesday, she said everyone clapped \u201creally hard\u201d and a boy <\/em><\/strong>came up to her and said, “Dude, you are like the next Taylor Swift \u2026 no, the next Ellie Goulding \u2026 no, the next Adele.” She was literally glowing! That sweet boy made her day and so did all of you! <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Denver friends<\/em><\/strong>, I am still feeling the love you bestowed on me when I took the stage last Saturday. I am still crying from the standing ovation you gave me. I am still inspired by the scars you revealed when I met you in line. I was 1400 miles from home, yet you made me feel like I was<\/span> home.\u00a0Your timing was perfect as I\u2019m currently working through the first round edits on my forthcoming book, ONLY LOVE TODAY. You have fueled me during this grueling process. Since many of you have inquired about me speaking in your cities, I thought I would clarify that I do not plan these\u00a0events. I simply go where I am invited if the details\u00a0align. The best way to get me to your city is to recommend me to a school, organization, company, or church that is looking for a speaker. They can fill out this speaking request form<\/a> on my contact page, and I will be in touch.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Thank you, dear ones, for being my writing fuel and my daily blessing. I love you dearly. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI see the whole world in your eyes It’s like I’ve known you all my life We just feel so right So I pour my heart into your hands It’s like you really understand You love the way I am.\u201d -Rachel Platten, Better Place On Monday night, my nine-year-old daughter announced she was going to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6886,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[1640,1436,1529,1639,1641,1173,1642,1067],"gutentor_comment":31,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/DSC_0633-e1463700694562.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1N2","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6884"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6884"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6884\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6886"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}