{"id":6893,"date":"2016-06-06T06:38:37","date_gmt":"2016-06-06T12:38:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6893"},"modified":"2016-06-16T06:18:48","modified_gmt":"2016-06-16T12:18:48","slug":"the-sleep-plan-that-eased-my-childs-worries-made-me-a-better-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/06\/06\/the-sleep-plan-that-eased-my-childs-worries-made-me-a-better-person\/","title":{"rendered":"The Sleep Plan That Eased My Child\u2019s Worries & Made Me a Better Person"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"DSC_0911\"<\/a>\u201cLet me carry your burden<\/em>
\nIf something's not right I will let you know<\/em>
\nLike the paint that's drying on a heart that's poor<\/em>
\nLet me carry your burden<\/em>
\nGet you back on a high when you're feeling low<\/em>
\nWhen the weight's too heavy but you won't let go.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u2014<\/em>Foy Vance, Burden<\/a><\/p>\n

Last week my daughters and I traveled to the beautiful hills of Asheville, North Carolina to celebrate my precious parents\u2019 54th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. My younger daughter begged to room with my older sister, Rebecca. This meant my almost 13-year-old daughter, Natalie, and I would be roomies. Although I was thrilled for this sacred time with her, I knew this combination could mean trouble. The two of us are cut from the same ultra productive, list-checking, resistant-to-relax cloth and have the tendency to come alive at night. Whether it\u2019s watching a show, organizing a closet, planning a project, or playing with our cat, we don\u2019t wind down; we wind up. While it can feel like a good idea at the time, there is always a repercussion for sacrificing sacred sleeping hours. It doesn\u2019t take long to see the telltale signs of sleep deprivation in my girl. Within a few days, there are dark circles underlined with irritability, forgetfulness, and distractibility. I can recognize these danger signs in my daughter because I spent two years denying them in myself.<\/p>\n

Contained within the two-year period of my intentional sleep deprivation are some of my most painful and embarrassing memories. During that time, I smashed my husband\u2019s coffee pot in anger. I blew through a red light while completely lost in thought, nearly hitting the driver of an oncoming truck. I screamed at my beautiful family one night and ran out to my car, pajamas clad and barefoot, thinking I might leave forever.<\/p>\n

There are more stories, all equally difficult to type through blurry tears. But one can be certain my sleep deprivation stories all contain irrational thinking, poor decision making, overreaction, raised voices, and regret \u2026 lots and lots of regret.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Neglecting to give myself proper rest and self-care brought out the worst in me and contaminated the lives of everyone in my house. Although the connection between lack of sleep and my emotional deterioration took time to realize, increasing my sleep time produced immediate positive results.<\/p>\n

Within a few days of getting seven hours of sleep a night, I could think more clearly and was able to understand a critical truth: My inner bully<\/a> was dictating my thoughts and actions. That critical voice inside me was the one pushing me to stay up late to tackle multiple page to-do lists and appear to have it \u201call together\u201d to the outside world. It was the same damaging voice that wracked me with guilt whenever I took time to nurture myself. I knew if I allowed my inner bully to continue making choices for me, I would shorten my life, but not before destroying my most precious relationships.<\/p>\n

Through daily prayer and restorative walks in nature, I was given a three-word mantra to silence my inner critic and practice self-care: Only love today<\/a>. <\/em><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0308\"<\/a>
\nWhenever a critical thought came to my mind or my mouth, I would cut it off with the words: \u201cStop! Only love today<\/em>.\u201d Sometimes I said it one hundred times a day, but it worked. Only love today<\/em> became a voice of grace in my head, in my heart, and in my home. Only love today<\/em> inspired me to have meaningful connection time with my children every night at bedtime. No matter how many mistakes we\u2019d made during the day, we were able to end the day on a positive, peaceful note. This time of connection was important for them, but it was critical for me. It became my signal to turn off my brain and body and give myself the rest and sleep it needed to thrive.<\/p>\n

My older daughter Natalie was especially responsive to our nightly time together. For many years I thought it was simply because she liked this one on one time with me. It wasn\u2019t until recently that I realized she actually needs<\/em> it. She needs this time of stillness to settle her body and mind, just as I do. Sometimes Natalie and I listen to music. Other times we\u2019ll look at pictures of cats or read our respective books, side by side. But no matter what, she always asks me to rub the top of her shoulders that become sore from swim team practice. That\u2019s when she says, \u201cTell me a story, Mom.\u201d It can be something that happened in the news, in my childhood, in her childhood, or even a make-believe story. The story doesn\u2019t matter \u2013 it\u2019s the sound of my voice that soothes her.
\n
\n<\/a>\"talk
\n<\/a>\u201cI always\u00a0have trouble sleeping in strange\u00a0places,\u201d she said as we unpacked our bags in our Asheville hotel room that first day. \u201cBut I won\u2019t this time because you\u2019re going to be right next to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe just have to be sure to go to bed at a decent time,\u201d I said to her as much as to myself.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, because we\u2019re night owls,\u201d she said with a sneaky smile.<\/p>\n

I smiled back, thinking it was a good thing Natalie was aware of this tendency in herself so she could make better choices than I once did.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut what if I can\u2019t sleep at camp?\u201d Natalie said worriedly. She\u2019d been bringing up this particular concern since the day she decided to try sleep-away camp almost a year ago.<\/p>\n

This, however, would be the first time I had a helpful response. It came to me suddenly as I stared at my mini-me, this girl who thrives on a plan.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know how you mentioned the other day that planning ahead helps you feel less anxious or nervous\u2014and that is why you always have very detailed plans?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

She nodded.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think we should figure out some tools for falling asleep in an unfamiliar place. It could be your Sleep Plan <\/em>for camp \u2026 and maybe for life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her face immediately brightened\u2014I was definitely talking her language. \u201cYes! I like that idea,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

I told Natalie about a few of the sleep tools I\u2019d been using from Arianna Huffington\u2019s enlightening book The Sleep Revolution<\/em><\/a>. Although naming all her blessings by using each letter of the alphabet had never worked for inducing sleep with Natalie, she decided one of these ideas might:<\/p>\n