{"id":6930,"date":"2016-06-24T06:18:23","date_gmt":"2016-06-24T12:18:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=6930"},"modified":"2016-06-30T07:20:54","modified_gmt":"2016-06-30T13:20:54","slug":"from-seeing-my-worst-in-you-to-seeing-hope-for-both-of-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2016\/06\/24\/from-seeing-my-worst-in-you-to-seeing-hope-for-both-of-us\/","title":{"rendered":"From Seeing My Worst in You to Seeing Hope for Both of Us"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"13\"<\/a><\/p>\n

‘Cause I am done with my graceless heart<\/em>
\nSo tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart<\/em>
\n‘Cause I like to keep my issues strong<\/em>
\nIt's always darkest before the dawn.<\/em>
\n-Florence and the Machine<\/p>\n

You turned 13 years old this week, my beautiful daughter.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t help but feel celebratory and hopeful when I look at you.<\/p>\n

It hasn\u2019t always been that way. For many years, I looked at you and saw the damage I\u2019d done. I saw the traits I didn\u2019t like in myself\u2014ones I\u2019d inadvertently passed down to you.<\/p>\n

too impatient<\/p>\n

too controlling<\/p>\n

too worry wart<\/p>\n

too task driven<\/p>\n

too rushed<\/p>\n

too independent<\/p>\n

too overreacting<\/p>\n

too secretive<\/p>\n

too sensitive<\/p>\n

too perfectionistic<\/p>\n

too contentious<\/p>\n

For many years, I was afraid the damage was done \u2026 and could not be redeemed.<\/p>\n

But then I stood in front of an audience, baring my soul. You stood off to the side, away from the crowd. I wasn\u2019t sure if you stood there in case you needed to make a fast getaway or because you didn\u2019t want to miss a single word. I was nervous to see your reaction to my honest admissions. Yes, you\u2019d experienced life with a critical, hurried, distracted, and spread-too-thin mother, but this would be the first time you heard my most difficult confessions spoken out loud.<\/p>\n

My main concern was that the description you were about to hear about the \u201cold me\u201d \u2013 particularly the characteristics I was trying to soften and reign in \u2013 would sound an awful lot like you. I didn\u2019t want you to think that just because I<\/em> needed to make changes, you did too. I didn\u2019t want you to think there was anything wrong with the way you were. One thing was for certain: keeping my struggles and triumphs to myself would not be helping anyone. I swallowed my fear and began to speak.<\/p>\n


\nFive minutes in, you rested your head against a nearby bookshelf. It appeared you were planning to stay awhile. With encouragement in your eyes, you listened to me reveal my mistakes, along with the insight I\u2019d gained from every stumble and fall. And then all at once, the most peaceful expression settled on your face. I couldn\u2019t deny the overpowering love radiating from one spot off to my left, the spot where my brown-eyed girl stood, taking it all in.<\/p>\n

\"B'ham<\/a><\/p>\n

Watching me take my imperfections and mistakes and turn them into life-changing revelations offered you a reprieve, my mini high achiever. I saw the recognition on your face, the exhale of your chest. I felt as though I could read your mind. Perhaps the missteps of a messy, imperfect life weren't shameful or bad; perhaps they were vital\u00a0steps to becoming\u00a0who you're meant to be.<\/p>\n

Watching you watch me was like seeing the sun come out after a long, hard rain.<\/em><\/p>\n

Watching you watch me was like seeing the tightrope walker realize the ground was much closer and much softer than expected.<\/em><\/p>\n

Watching you watch me was like seeing a worn bandage taken off to reveal healing pink skin underneath.<\/em><\/p>\n

Watching you watch me was like seeing a flaming torch held up in a dark forest to light the way home.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0402\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In that moment, your radiant face was a reflection of my own\u2014peace with who I am and hope for who I am becoming. But there was more. Your eyes seemed to sparkle with a possibility you hadn\u2019t considered before\u2014maybe the phrase, \u201cmistakes mean you\u2019re learning and taking courageous risks,\u201d wasn\u2019t a lie spoken simply for comfort; maybe it was actually true.<\/p>\n

This could be a turning point in your life<\/em>, I thought to myself. With continued guidance and further displays of authenticity and humanness, I believed I could alleviate some of the future pressure you were bound to put on yourself.<\/p>\n

And it that is exactly what I have tried to do. It\u2019s been almost three years since I bore my scars on that platform while you silently cheered me on with your eyes. Some things have changed since then, but some things have stayed the same \u2013 gloriously the same:<\/p>\n

You are as goal-oriented as ever, but your goals are achievable and realistic; they\u2019re even flexible and adjustable if you realized you aimed a little too high.<\/p>\n

You like to do things right the first time, but you see the value in effort and risk-taking, even if you aren\u2019t able to perform the task as you\u2019d hoped.<\/p>\n

You like when things go according to plan, but you\u2019ve come to believe that snags and detours often mean a greater plan is at work.<\/p>\n

You are a worrier, but you are learning self-care tactics for alleviating your worries<\/a> and falling asleep that will benefit you for a lifetime.<\/p>\n

You care what others think, but you\u2019re learning to create healthy boundaries and make sound decisions based on your heart and mind, not on other people\u2019s opinions.<\/p>\n

You are sensitive, but you use that sensitivity to touch hearts of people and animals in profound and meaningful ways.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_0999\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Beautiful daughter, I know you\u2019ve heard me refer your little sister as a Firefly<\/a> because of the inner light she possesses. Well, you have a special light too. Yours is more like a blazing torch\u2014one that is held up in the darkness to light the path ahead.<\/p>\n

I realized this the other day when you were leading Olympic Camp for children in our neighborhood. Most newly minted teenagers would decide their birthday week was a good time to relax and celebrate\u2014but not you. You decided your birthday week was a good time to share your God-given gifts of connecting with children, planning fun activities, being creative, and sharing your knowledge. You chose the Olympic theme because of the upcoming summer Olympics. I loved watching to you teach the children about foreign countries, geography, sportsmanship, determination, and Olympic sports.<\/p>\n

\"camp<\/a><\/p>\n

\"DSC_0712\"<\/a>
\n\"DSC_0695\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"camp\"<\/a>
\n\"DSC_0740\"<\/a>
\n\"DSC_0759\"<\/a>When I suggested you leave a little time in the schedule for the children to play with the six kittens we are fostering<\/a>, you became protective of the daily schedule you\u2019d worked so hard on. I should have known you\u2019d have each minute of the day thoroughly planned out. I let the idea go, knowing that stepping back is love to you<\/a>.<\/p>\n

About three hours into Day One of camp, I came downstairs to find the children sitting in an orderly line. You were telling them about each kitten. You were explaining how to hold them securely and describing the unique personalities of each one. That\u2019s when I saw it\u2014that beautiful torch of hope you possess\u2014your radiant light that illuminates the unknown\u00a0for others. That\u2019s exactly the moment I saw myself. I saw myself in the way you talked\u00a0to\u00a0the children and held the kittens. It was just like when you get on the starting block before a swim meet, and I see myself in your determination and steely focus. I see myself in you when you ask permission to give a little of your money to a\u00a0homeless person and when you write notes to Pricilla your sponsored child<\/a>. I see myself in you when you cry at musicians singing powerful anthems to beautiful children in hospital beds<\/a>. \u201cThat\u2019s me,\u201d I say when I see you run with your hair flying in the wind \u2026 or when you laugh with your mouth open wide \u2026 or organize a closet in record time \u2026 or come up with a master plan.<\/p>\n

As you held those kittens out so lovingly in hopes that one of the children would go home and ask\u00a0their parents to adopt one, I realized it was time. It was time to permanently shift my focus from the damage I\u2019ve done to the positives and the passions I\u2019ve passed on to you. It\u2019s time to shift my focus to your unique strengths, talents, and gifts that make me feel so proud. It\u2019s time to focus on who you\u2019re becoming, and who I am becoming too.<\/p>\n

You are 13; it\u2019s officially time to look ahead, not back.<\/p>\n

Thank you for passing me the torch, dear daughter on this 13th<\/sup> birthday of yours. I will hold it up triumphantly to light the path ahead.\u00a0I\u2019m bound to stumble and fall; we all do from time to time. But I will simply take one look at you and remember this: Today matters more than yesterday<\/em>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You are my radiant light of hope, reminding there is much\u00a0goodness to be found<\/p>\n

in you<\/p>\n

and in me.<\/p>\n

\"DSC_0720\"<\/a><\/p>\n

********************************************<\/p>\n

Recommended Resource: <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

My friends, if you have not heard of Dr. Shefali Tsabary<\/a>, I would encourage you to get to know her. As I read her most recently released book<\/a>, I felt convinced I\u2019d never read a more hopeful book for anyone seeking to create close and connected relationships within their family. No matter how much damage or how many mistakes have occurred, change and connection is possible. The Awakened Family <\/a>shows you how to <\/em><\/strong>cultivate a relationship that allows the one you love to thrive while igniting positive\u00a0growth within yourself. <\/em><\/strong>Raising children \u201cthe conscious way\u201d means turning the spotlight away from fixing them and working on raising ourselves to the highest level of consciousness possible. <\/em><\/strong>On page 2 of her new book<\/a>, Dr. Shefali writes, “In an awakened family, parents are aware that every relationship in their family exists to help each person grow.” Dr. Shefali\u2019s life-changing guide gently walks readers through a revolutionary new way of parenting, providing an explanation of how we got here and clear direction on how we can change our family for the better. Dr. Shefali uses common, everyday examples that are applicable to our own families. What I love most about Dr. Shefali is that she truly believes it is never too late to lead your family on this journey of transformative growth, peace, and connection. As you begin to read her book<\/a>, you will believe it too. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

A portion of today's blog post\u00a0can be found in my second book, HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a>. Using truthful storytelling and doable\u00a0strategies, I reveal\u00a0nine daily habits that bring more peace, presence, and positivity into your home and heart. Thank you for being part of The Hands Free Revolution<\/a>. \u00a0I am grateful for each and every one of you!\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

‘Cause I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I’m gonna cut it out and then restart ‘Cause I like to keep my issues strong It’s always darkest before the dawn. -Florence and the Machine You turned 13 years old this week, my beautiful daughter. I can\u2019t help but feel celebratory and hopeful when […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":6931,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[1203,1491,705,1634,1195,506,1659],"gutentor_comment":20,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/13.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1NM","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6930"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6930"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6930\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6931"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6930"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6930"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6930"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}