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\u201cIf I could say anything, anything<\/em> I typically don't read many Facebook status updates\u2014and I especially don\u2019t read them multiple times\u2014but this particular one stopped me cold. It was an observation shared by my friend Nicki Salcedo<\/a>. Whether penning a novel<\/a>, an op-ed piece<\/a>, or a Facebook status update<\/a>, Nicki\u2019s words never fail to provide enlightenment and introspection. This was Nicki\u2019s informal, yet powerful observation:<\/p>\n \u201cNighttime soccer practice. I see a family I know. They have back-to- back practices for their girls. That amounts to three hours of soccer on a Tuesday night.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Me: “Wow, you guys have a long night.”<\/em><\/p>\n Dad: “Yeah, but I've got to head over and cut my son's hair. He has cancer. He's in the hospital. I'm going to Northside.”<\/em><\/p>\n It is 7:30pm at night. We live across town from that hospital. The dad leaves. He calls his daughter the best nickname when she plays. He admits he doesn't know much about soccer, but he's learning.<\/em><\/p>\n I think about all these angry parents. Angry people. For what? They have everything and want more.<\/em><\/p>\n The quiet ones simply enjoy seeing their kids kick a ball.\u201d\u00a0\u2013Nicki Salcado<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n It was no mystery why I read Nicki\u2019s observation three times.<\/p>\n Nor was it any mystery why her words made me cry.<\/p>\n I was that angry person.<\/em><\/p>\n I know because my husband had the courage to tell me. Something along the lines of: You walk around the house looking angry all the time. Your face is always set in a scowl.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n He\u2019d said it before \u2013 probably a bit more subtly the first or second time \u2013 but I always shrugged it off. After all, my husband didn\u2019t know what my life was like. He had no idea the amount of tasks and responsibilities I managed, handled, and completed. The fact that he didn\u2019t angered me even more.<\/p>\n Getting ready for my children\u2019s sports practices and events really brought out the monster in me. As I prepared the necessary items, navigated traffic & unfamiliar roads, and set up chairs and coolers, my scowl was securely in place. I could manufacture a smile when someone outside the family approached us. My husband had once mentioned I saved my smiles for the outside world. That one hurt, but it didn't change my approach. Perpetually Irritated By Life<\/em> had become my jam.<\/p>\n I remember sitting in my pop-up chair at my daughter Avery\u2019s mini-kicker soccer practice one Sunday afternoon. It was too hot for September \u2013 it was too disorganized for little kids \u2013 it was too expensive for what we were getting. Why are we even here?<\/em> I grumbled to myself.<\/p>\n In stark contrast to me was Avery\u2019s beautiful and vibrant young soccer coach guiding my child with positive words and a loving tone. I saw the way my stop-and-smell-the-roses child gravitated toward Coach Lindsey whose smile was brighter than the sun they played beneath.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t know Lindsey well, but I could tell just\u00a0by watching her that it would take a lot to ruffle her feathers. Some people are just joyful like that.<\/p>\n Other people aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n Other people choose to become that way.<\/p>\n While watching the beautiful connection happening between a joyful little girl and a joyful young woman, I felt something stir inside me. That day, noticing their mutual joy was better than watching the clock, the score, or the many annoyances going around me.<\/p>\n On the final practice of the season, Coach Lindsey walked up to me with her business card. \u201cI don\u2019t usually do this, but if you ever need a babysitter for your precious girls, I would love to babysit. I just adore Avery, and I bet Natalie is just as delightful,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n I felt myself tear up. Our family was still fairly new to the area, and we had no family nearby; I had yet to find a babysitter I felt I could trust. But with my husband traveling most of the week, I was often exhausted. Lindsey\u2019s offer felt providential. I accepted with gratitude.<\/p>\n Lindsey quickly became our go-to sitter, never failing to show up with an abundance of joy. When she stepped into our house, the environment lightened, brightened, and lifted. That\u2019s what joyful people do.<\/p>\n When I returned from my evening outings, Lindsey and I would often stand on the porch and she would tell me all the little details she noticed about my girls. She couldn\u2019t believe the way Avery could sing and play the ukulele. She couldn\u2019t get over her delightful disposition. With my older daughter Natalie, she was amazed at the thoughtful\u00a0questions she asked at bedtime and the care and concern she had for adult issues like poverty, homelessness, and war.<\/p>\n Under the porch light, I\u2019d soak up every good and precious thing Lindsey noticed about my children \u2013\u00a0the beautiful details I failed to see in my perpetually irritated state.<\/p>\n I needed a new goal. I realized one night as Lindsey drove away.<\/p>\n Because when you base your happiness on tasks being completed, notes being in pitch, plans running accordingly, and hairs being in place, you\u2019re just setting yourself up for disappointment.<\/p>\n I wanted my goal to be joy: Did I see it? Did I grasp it? Did I exude it? Did I personify it? Did I spread it?<\/p>\n \u201cOnly love today<\/a>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>\u201cSee flowers not weeds.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>\u201cA little more time can be a miraculous thing.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>\u201cHappiness beats perfection.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>\u201cHave my loved ones heard me laugh today?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n I created\u00a0several positive\u00a0mantras I could recite in my mind, post on my walls, and write on my hand. I practiced them over and over, especially prior to situations\u00a0when my irritable monster typically came out.<\/p>\n Throughout the past five years, these mantras have loosened my tightly wound inner fiber, softened my heart, and altered my perspective, but I am a work in progress. My Type-A, task-driven, highly-efficient self still has her moments. Just this weekend, as I became lost on my way to\u00a0a swim meet, I felt rage bubbling up inside me. Unexpectedly, a new mantra popped into my head:<\/p>\n “Why so angry?<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em>I have everything and want more.”\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n They were Nicki\u2019s words, and they helped me breathe. I turned and smiled at my little girl who is not so little anymore and said, \u201cWe'll, get there, baby. Thanks for being patient with me.\u201d<\/p>\n My friends, my scowling days are a period of my life that I\u2019d rather not speak of, but I felt compelled to talk about it today. I\u2019ve noticed there are a lot of angry people \u2013 not just on soccer fields and baseball diamonds, but also in parking lots, subways, checkout lines, churches, and arenas. There are angry people waiting for elevators, walking down corridors, posting on social media, and standing behind podiums. Perhaps there\u2019s an angry person living in your house, inhabiting your body. Quick to anger is becoming our jam.<\/p>\n I'd like to gently point out there\u2019s a better way.<\/p>\n Because things look a lot different when you lose the scowl.<\/p>\n Because things look a lot different when you notice there\u2019s a human being taking in those angry words.<\/p>\n Because things look a lot different when you hold your current annoyance against the fragility of life.<\/p>\n Perhaps a new goal is in order.<\/em><\/p>\n Choosing to be joyful so you attract joy like a magnet.<\/p>\n Choosing to be joyful so it shows on your face and in your words.<\/p>\n Choosing to be joyful because that\u2019s where the real living\u2019s at.<\/p>\n I've heard from a reliable source there's\u00a0nothing that\u2019ll ease your troubles like watching a happy child kick a ball on a crisp autumn evening.<\/p>\n I think that sounds about right.<\/p>\n ************************************************<\/p>\n I\u2019ve written two books that describe exactly how I transformed my overly distracted, maxed out, joyless life into one of meaningful connection, inner peace, and gratitude.\u00a0Hands Free Mama<\/a>\u00a0answers the question many people ask after visiting my site such as, \u201cWhat steps do I take?\u201d and \u201cWhat strategies can I use to let go of my distractions?\u201d\u00a0HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a>\u00a0describes the 9 habits I used to\u00a0start\u00a0living life, instead of managing, stressing, screaming, and barely getting through life.\u00a0For simple strategies and daily intentions that enable you to choose love, connection, acceptance, and peace over criticism, chaos, and negativity, please consider my third book,\u00a0ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>. It is a daily inspiration book that can be read in small segments and serve as a 60-second reset button during challenging times.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Registration for my online course SOUL SHIFT<\/a>\u00a0will open in January 2019. Soul Shift provides a guided and supported journey toward loving yourself \u201cas is\u201d so you can love others as they are. Click\u00a0here<\/a>\u00a0to be notified when it opens at en early-bird rate. Truly profound discoveries and transformations have happened, and are still happening, with past course members. I hope you will\u00a0join me<\/a>\u00a0in January.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n For wearable reminders inscribed with the healing mantras, click here<\/a>. Phrases include: ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>, I CHOOSE LOVE<\/a>, SEE FLOWERS NOT WEEDS<\/a>, COME AS YOU ARE<\/a>, and TODAY MATTERS MORE THAN YESTERDAY<\/a>. The reminder bands come in metal, leather, and silicone. There are also hand-lettered prints<\/a> to post\u00a0throughout your home or place of work.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n
\nWhat would it be?<\/em>
\nA good question for a distant reality<\/em>
\nI would tell you that I love you<\/em>
\nEven when it didn't show.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u2013Tristen Prettyman, Say Anything<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n![\"dsc00130\"](\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/DSC00130-e1476754648964.jpg\")
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\n<\/a>Avery flashed me her joyful smile. Thank God, she didn't have to brace herself for curse words, squealing tires, and angry tears. This was a better way.<\/p>\n![\"Avery](\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/DSC00045-e1476754702561.jpg\")
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