{"id":7319,"date":"2017-02-07T08:20:41","date_gmt":"2017-02-07T14:20:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7319"},"modified":"2017-02-07T11:43:50","modified_gmt":"2017-02-07T17:43:50","slug":"the-one-dollar-break-from-reality-available-to-us-all","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/02\/07\/the-one-dollar-break-from-reality-available-to-us-all\/","title":{"rendered":"The One Dollar Break from Reality Available to Us All"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
\n\u201cIt's a beautiful life
\nWell, you won't always see it that way
\nWhen you're deep in a hole with nowhere to go
\nAnd you can't see it change
\n‘Cause it's just out of sight
\nIt's a beautiful life.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u2013James Morrison, A Beautiful Life\u00a0<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

I walked out of the doctor\u2019s office through the hospital corridor in a daze. While lost in thought over the pain of the examination, new options to try, and the mention of another surgery, I walked right past the elevator.<\/p>\n

I found myself peering into an occupied hospital room. I could hear the lull of the television drifting from the doorway \u2013 Drew Carey was announcing the spectacular prizes in the Showcase Showdown<\/em>. I could see the bump of feet beneath warm blankets. The food tray was pulled up snugly to the bedside so the patient could reach the ice water.<\/p>\n

I stood frozen, overcome by the urge to crawl into that empty bed next to the window. I yearned to shut the door to the world, drink apple juice with tiny ice crystals, and have someone remind me to rest. Just rest<\/em>. I longed to hear.<\/p>\n

I blinked back tears of shame and sadness.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when the inner bully pounced. What is wrong with you? Normal people dream of tropical getaways not hospital stays! What about your family at home that needs you? Get yourself together! <\/em><\/p>\n

Only love today. Only love today<\/em>. I repeated until Shame and Guilt stopped talking. I decided I would allow myself to feel what I felt. I wanted to be in that hospital room away from the heaviness of the world, free from expectations and demands, instructed to do nothing but rest. That is what my soul cried out for, and I would lean into that feeling and find out why.<\/p>\n

But it would have to wait.<\/p>\n

In thirty minutes the school bus drops off Avery<\/em>. I reminded myself. I also had several work deadlines to meet. What in the world will I make for dinner?<\/em> I\u2019d forgotten to lay out the frozen meat. Stop and get a sympathy card. Pick up your newly prescribed medication. Prepare to speak to middle schoolers on Wednesday. Call your sister. Make a vet appointment for Banjo.<\/em> And \u2026 and \u2026 and \u2026<\/p>\n

There was no time to pause and dream of hospital stays that would shelter me from the reality of the world.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I made my way to the parking garage ticket machine and rummaged around my purse for cash. That\u2019s when I found the crumpled dollar bill wadded up so tightly it was barely recognizable. Suddenly the Summer of \u201993 came into crystal clear focus \u2013 it was the summer I spent my days nurturing a classroom of precious three and four year olds with ebony skin and beaded braids that sounded like rain whenever they moved. At night, I partied with friends and strangers and searched for direction in all the wrong places.<\/p>\n

My shift at the daycare ended at 3pm each day. That meant I had enough time to go home and nap before going out. A lovely woman with silver hair and boney hands approached me on the third day of the job. I recognized her from the kitchen where she prepared meals for the children and staff. She asked me if I could drop her off at home. She softly explained that the city bus didn\u2019t come until 3:30, and it was too hot for her to walk. As much as I wanted to get home and crawl into bed, I knew I must say yes.<\/p>\n

While in the car, Miss Faith shared a glimpse of her life \u2013 a lifelong educator, an avid knitter, and now a loving caretaker to her ailing mother. \u201cBut even when it\u2019s bad, there\u2019s still good,\u201d she said cheerfully. \u201cEach day I wake up and no matter how achy or tired I feel, I\u2019m so grateful I get to put nourishing food into those babies\u2019 bellies.\u201d<\/p>\n

Miss Faith pointed to a tiny dilapidated house with bars on the windows. \u201cHere we are,\u201d she said. Then she opened her purse and pulled out a crumpled dollar bill and handed it to me.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh no,\u201d I shook my head. \u201cYou don\u2019t need to do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. I insist. I know it\u2019s not much, but I want you to know how much I appreciate you doing this for me. I\u2019ve asked others, but quickly felt like I was an inconvenience.\u201d<\/p>\n

The next day I walked into the kitchen to find Miss Faith chopping carrots into sticks for small hands. I asked if she would like me to drop her off again today.<\/p>\n

Her face brightened. \u201cI sure would love that. Thank you, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI will take you home every day until I have to go back to college,\u201d I offered unexpectedly.<\/p>\n

Miss Faith wasn\u2019t able to give me a dollar every day that summer, but she gave me other things. She gave me stories of a good man who loved her well\u2014a man who was no longer with her physically but spiritually. She gave me perspective to see the babies\u2019 mamas and papas as people trying their best despite deep wounds from childhood and past drug addictions. Miss Faith gave me optimism. Never once did she complain \u2026 because even when it was bad, it was still good. Those words she\u2019d said to me on the first day were words she lived by.<\/p>\n

But above all, Miss Faith gave me what I most needed; she gave me grace.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a wonderful young lady,\u201d she complimented one day when I dropped her off. It was a dollar day and she was holding the crumpled cash out to me with arthritic hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t feel like it,\u201d I accidentally admitted to my unusual friend. \u201cI feel like I\u2019m a mess \u2026 and I keep making bad choices \u2026 and I worry about the state of the world and what I\u2019m doing with my life to help make it better.\u201d The words spilled out before I could stop them, along with a few ridiculous tears.<\/p>\n

Faith leaned into the open window. \u201cYou come to the daycare each morning at 7:30am to love on needy babies and you drive old an old lady home and you are kind. You are doing just fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

She doesn\u2019t know about the other things I am<\/em>. I thought to myself. But something told me that even if she did<\/em> know my darkest secrets and greatest shames, it wouldn\u2019t matter. She would still look at me and say, \u201cEven when it\u2019s bad, there\u2019s still good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I wished I could hear her now as I pined for a hospital stay to give me a socially acceptable break from reality.<\/p>\n

That night I snuggled in bed with my daughter Avery. Weighing heavily on my soul were the grim words of my new doctor and the relentless questioning of whether I am doing enough to help our shattered world heal.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when Avery mentioned doing pull ups in P.E. and how difficult they were. \u201cI wish pull ups were not done with arms but with eyebrows.\u201d<\/p>\n

She then began to demonstrate. With an overly dramatic strain in her voice, she began to count \u201c1 \u2026 2 \u2026 3 \u2026\u201d as she struggled to raise her eyebrows.<\/p>\n

I laughed so hard tears leaked from my eyes. \u201cKeep doing it!\u201d I managed to breath between bursts of laughter.<\/p>\n

She was delighted to … Avery did 20 \u201cbrow lifts\u201d and said, \u201cWhew! I am exhausted!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cOh Avery, thank you!\u201d I said wiping away tears. \u201cThank you!\u201d<\/p>\n

I could feel her in that moment, Miss Faith, smiling down on me from heaven. This is what you meant. Isn\u2019t it?<\/em> I silently asked my unusual friend.<\/p>\n

Even when it\u2019s bad, there is still good. <\/strong><\/p>\n

And the goodness is often right on under our nose.<\/p>\n

The goodness is right there on our beloveds\u2019 faces.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s in us, beneath the worry, the guilt, the anxiety, the poor choices, the irrational thoughts, and the accidental meltdowns.<\/p>\n

Goodness is within arm\u2019s reach if we look for it \u2026 and say yes to it.<\/p>\n

It rides in our car. It curls up at our feet. It comes in handwritten notes and texts from friends. Goodness is in too much icing on the cupcakes. It\u2019s in middle of the night prayers and flickering candles that smell divine. It\u2019s in tears of release. It\u2019s in the defense of people we don\u2019t even know but care for deeply. It\u2019s in orchestra concerts and our favorite pair of stretchy pants. It\u2019s in songs and poetry we know by heart. It\u2019s in donations to organizations doing holy work in the world. It\u2019s in arthritic hands and crumpled dollar bills that take you back to a summer when you did lots of things wrong \u2026 but you did a few things right \u2026 and you may have not known if you hadn\u2019t confessed your struggle and your pain.<\/p>\n

You see, in order for the goodness to be felt, we must first acknowledge the pain \u2026 we must voice the uncertainty \u2026 we must confess the truth that things aren\u2019t going so well. Because when we mask the pain, we mask the joy.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear ones, perhaps today finds you struggling \u2026 dreaming of escape \u2026 searching for a glimmer of hope \u2026 reaching for things to numb the pain that you know are only hurting you.<\/p>\n

Please lean into that pain. Acknowledge it \u2026 don\u2019t push it away. Voice it \u2026 put it out there where so it has a chance to land in a soft place.<\/p>\n

Perhaps faith will speak to you like she did me, assuring you that although a lot of things are going wrong, there is so much right \u2026 there is still goodness \u2026 there is abundant hope.<\/p>\n

It is in us.<\/p>\n

It is all around us.<\/p>\n

And every single day, dollar or no dollar, that goodness will carry us home.<\/p>\n

*****************************************<\/p>\n

My friends, thank you for allowing me to be real with my struggles and worries. I am struggling a bit today\u00a0with two painful (but non-life-threatening) health issues and pressure to meet my publisher's goal on pre-order sales for my new book<\/a>. But I am finding much goodness and comfort in our Hands Free Revolution community<\/a>\u00a0and the\u00a0early readers of ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>.\u00a0Last week Patti K. wrote this on one of my Facebook posts<\/a>: \u201c<\/em><\/strong>I've been so blessed to have received an advance copy of #onlylovetoday to read and review. This is an amazing book, and I don't use that word lightly. Rachel's beautiful words pulled me in on day one, and every day I love this book even more. I just pre-ordered six more copies and keep telling everyone I know … RUN, do not walk, to order this book<\/a> ASAP! It is truly a life changer as it has that rare quality to speak to the heart of anyone and everyone.\u201d <\/em><\/strong>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Because the format of this book is different than any previous book<\/a> I\u2019ve written or read, I have been a\u00a0little nervous about how it would be received. I wanted people to be able to open up this book to any page, at any time, during any season of life, and find solace, direction, and hope. Early readers are embracing the unique format and finding it works beautifully for them. On Facebook<\/a> and Instagram<\/a> you can type in #onlylovetoday and see what early readers are saying about the book<\/a>.\u00a0 Please remember with any pre-order comes four beautifully designed bonus gifts highlighting my favorite quotes from Only Love Today<\/a>. My talented book cover designer Juicebox Designs<\/a> created them all, and they are truly stunning. Avery\u2019s favorite bonus gifts are the adult coloring pages (see her masterpieces below). Just send your pre-order receipt to rachelmacystafford@gmail.com<\/a>\u00a0to redeem your gifts. And if you have always wanted a signed copy, there\u00a0are still some available at barnes&noble.com<\/a>! (Same price as the regular book!) Thank you all so much for your incredible support & love! Every pre-order of Only Love Today<\/a>\u00a0lets my publisher know my work is valued and should continue.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cIt’s a beautiful life Well, you won’t always see it that way When you’re deep in a hole with nowhere to go And you can’t see it change ‘Cause it’s just out of sight It’s a beautiful life.\u201d \u2013James Morrison, A Beautiful Life\u00a0 I walked out of the doctor\u2019s office through the hospital corridor in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":7315,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1766,1767,1763],"tags":[437,47,49,1427,1254],"gutentor_comment":25,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/DSC_0604-e1486449433345.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1U3","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7319"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7319\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7315"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}