{"id":7337,"date":"2017-02-24T08:15:36","date_gmt":"2017-02-24T14:15:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7337"},"modified":"2017-02-24T08:15:36","modified_gmt":"2017-02-24T14:15:36","slug":"the-best-way-to-get-kids-to-put-down-the-device-do-whats-needed-and-dream-big","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/02\/24\/the-best-way-to-get-kids-to-put-down-the-device-do-whats-needed-and-dream-big\/","title":{"rendered":"The Best Way to Get Kids to Put Down the Device, Do What\u2019s Needed, and Dream Big"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As a special education teacher for children with behavior problems, lists were my claim to fame. Individually created for each of my students was a short list of daily tasks or desired\u00a0behaviors he or she would check off or document with a smiley face.<\/p>\n

The list (or chart) would be made within days of the student qualifying for special education services. I can still remember the relief on the faces of their regular classroom teachers when I asked, \u201cWhat does this student need to work on?\u201d<\/p>\n

John does not complete his work. He sticks it in his desk.<\/em><\/p>\n

Sarah blurts out in class constantly. <\/em><\/p>\n

Eddie does not have good hygiene. The children are making fun of him. <\/em><\/p>\n

Tamara screams at others when she doesn\u2019t get her way.<\/em><\/p>\n

Collin\u2019s desk is a mess. He is so disorganized.<\/em><\/p>\n

Winston uses profanity when he is upset. <\/em><\/p>\n

Ellie spits on other children. <\/em><\/p>\n

Luke does not unpack his book bag in the morning. I often find him wandering. <\/em><\/p>\n

Alison crawls under her desk all the time. <\/em><\/p>\n

While some people might have been overwhelmed by so many problems in need of attention, I welcomed the specific feedback. Telling John that he needs to \u201cbehave\u201d or \u201cbe a better student\u201d was not helpful. However, knowing exactly what needed to be improved offered a promising starting point\u2014especially when written on a list.<\/p>\n

After receiving the teacher\u2019s feedback, the child and I would sit down and talk about the issues. The student would choose three things he or she wanted to work on to become a better student, get along better with others, and improve grades.<\/p>\n

My typical approach was to break down the task into smaller steps and provide practice so there was no confusion on what was expected. The student and I would also roleplay related social situations to ensure the student knew the appropriate response. If a tool or strategy was needed to curb a negative behavior, I would also provide that. Finally, I set a positive expectation by saying I couldn\u2019t wait to stop by their regular classroom later that day to see how many positive check marks and happy faces were on their self-monitored lists.<\/p>\n

I distinctly remember how surprised the students\u2019 teachers were by the sudden motivation in their typically problematic students. Perhaps it was the awareness of the problem, the clarity of goal, or the positive expectation that made the difference. Perhaps it was the fact they knew I\u2019d be checking in, investing my time and attention in their success. But regardless of what initially created the motivation, something sustained it. Feeling capable is powerful; knowing you achieved something with your own\u00a0hands is reinforcing.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>The primary school where I taught ended at Grade 3. One of my most challenging students that I worked with for several years didn\u2019t want to move on to his new school without me. He'd grown up using my charts and lists, and the progress he'd made was profound.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to miss you and the charts, Mrs. Stafford,\u201d he said sadly. \u201cThey really help me.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I let him in on a little secret. \u201cYou can make your own charts. Adults call them to-do lists, but it's really the same thing. It helps us stay focused on what we need to do each day. It feels satisfying to cross things off,\u201d I told him.<\/p>\n

That student is in his twenties now. Last week, he was awarded for his work with a national youth-led organization devoted to improving services and mental health resources for young people. The boy who came to me years ago with pages and pages of \u201cproblem behaviors\u201d now runs focus groups. He is a leader. He is a positive role model. Last time I saw him, he was writing a book. My former student says he still uses lists \u2026 but they have become roadmaps taking him somewhere better.<\/p>\n

A few years ago, I started giving my children lists. It seemed pretty ridiculous to hear myself repeat the same things each morning: \u201cDid you put your homework in your backpack? Please brush your hair. Put on your shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was just about to flip my lid one morning when I grabbed a sticky note, drew a picture of a lunchbox, a pair of shoes, a pair of glasses, and a water bottle and handed it to my then five-year-old. There was a little empty box next to each item.<\/p>\n

\u201cHere is your list. Check them off as you go. It is up to you if you miss your ride, and we have to walk to school,\u201d I said. I set the microwave timer so she could see how much time she had.<\/p>\n

She never got ready so quickly.<\/p>\n

She is ten now. Her evening list consists of tasks like: doing homework, setting the dinner table, practicing her instrument, making her lunch, and laying out her outfit for the next day.<\/p>\n

Her morning list consists of tasks like: getting dressed, putting her snack and water bottle in her backpack, brushing her hair and teeth, and putting on her shoes.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

On the weekend, her list contains tasks like folding her laundry and putting it away, cleaning her room and the basement toy area, and cleaning the cats\u2019 litter box. At any time, a spontaneous post-it note list can be handed to her when a thank-you note needs to be written or a knot in the back of her hair needs to be combed out. The point of the list is that I don\u2019t have to nag or remind. If it\u2019s on the list, it needs to be completed. She can do it when she wants, but she cannot watch television or use her electronic device until it is accomplished. Miraculously, things get done around here.<\/p>\n

I am most thankful for the lists when I go out of town for work. I do not wonder how things are going to run, and who is going to cover for the things moms and dads do. My kids have their lists, and they are the ones who keep things running smoothly. When my 75-year-old mom is here in my absence, she enjoys not having to remind or harp; there is more Grandma Time. She puts big stars and smiley faces on her granddaughters completed lists just like I did for my students.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have to wonder if my children will grow to be capable and helpful citizens like my former student. I see beautiful things happening already, particularly with my 13-year-old.<\/p>\n

She makes her own lists \u2013 because they help her manage her time.<\/p>\n

She makes her own lists — because they ensure she doesn\u2019t forget important things.<\/p>\n

She makes her own lists — because being independent feels good.<\/p>\n

And I am starting to notice her lists are evolving into extraordinary things, like<\/p>\n

Poetry<\/em><\/p>\n

Goals<\/em><\/p>\n

Prayers<\/em><\/p>\n

Beautiful photographs …\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Packing lists <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Get well cards <\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Babysitting advertisements<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Fliers for summer camps she\u2019s running …<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\"\"<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Menus\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Marketing plans\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

and acts of service.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

The Kid To-Do<\/em> list has turned into an I Can-Do<\/em>\u00a0roadmap to a bright future.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
\nAt a recent workshop, a colleague poured his heart out to me about his four children\u2019s lack of help and motivation around the house. \u201cAll they want to do is stare at their devices,\u201d he explained in frustration. \u201cWhat can I do?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLists,\u201d I said simply, \u201c\u2026 with the understanding that device time is earned with a completed list of their daily duties.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBrilliant! I use lists,\u201d he said. \u201cThey help me stay focused and do my job well! Why didn't I think of that?\u201d<\/p>\n

As I walked back to my room, I got a call from my daughter. She was adding photos of new cats to the shelter website where we volunteer\u2014a job that would have not been given to a 13-year-old had she not demonstrated responsibility and the ability to follow through. Once again, the power of a kid with a list was confirmed.<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nHe knows what he needs to do.<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nShe\u2019ll begin to make her own.<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nDialogue\u00a0turns from nagging to praise.<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nThe impossible becomes achievable.<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nHe hears: \u201cI believe in you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nShe sees that dreams begin with words on paper.<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nEveryday achievements lead to extraordinary aspirations.<\/p>\n

If you give a kid a list,
\nYou give belief.<\/p>\n

And a kid can do a lot with a little belief
\nEspecially when it comes from someone he or she loves.<\/p>\n

Try it today.<\/p>\n

(Be sure and use a smiley face.)<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

* If you would like more daily\u00a0strategies and inspiring anecdotes for empowering and connecting to your loved ones, please consider ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>, my new book filled with soul-building words and life-changing intentions.\u00a0With a unique flip-open, read-anytime\/anywhere format, this beautiful book is designed to help busy individuals stay anchored in love\u00a0despite everyday distractions, pressures, and discord. Click here<\/a> to see the stellar reviews from early readers on Goodreads<\/a>. ONLY LOVE TODAY began as a mantra to overcome my inner bully; now it is the practice of my\u00a0life. It can be yours too. Click here<\/a> to order. Click here<\/a> for a limited edition signed copy while\u00a0quantities last. Mail your pre-order receipt to <\/em><\/strong>rachelmacystafford@gmail.com<\/em><\/strong><\/a> to receive your collection of gorgeous hand-lettered bonus gifts! Offer good until release day\u00a0which is only 10 days away!!! (3\/7\/17) Thank you for being part of the Hands Free Revolution<\/a>! If you know someone who might\u00a0benefit from the power of a list, please share this post! I'd be so grateful!\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a special education teacher for children with behavior problems, lists were my claim to fame. Individually created for each of my students was a short list of daily tasks or desired\u00a0behaviors he or she would check off or document with a smiley face. The list (or chart) would be made within days of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":7341,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1757,1766,1747,1776],"tags":[1777,1622],"gutentor_comment":31,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/DSC_0762-e1487916318618.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1Ul","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7337"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7337"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7337\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7341"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7337"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7337"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7337"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}