{"id":7511,"date":"2017-03-30T07:05:45","date_gmt":"2017-03-30T13:05:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7511"},"modified":"2018-12-09T18:49:03","modified_gmt":"2018-12-10T00:49:03","slug":"the-wisest-words-for-your-darkest-hours","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/03\/30\/the-wisest-words-for-your-darkest-hours\/","title":{"rendered":"The Wisest Words for Your Darkest Hours"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cOh that I would go through storms<\/em>
\nKnow my soul is better for it<\/em>
\nOh my heart to face the pain<\/em>
\nMy mind, it'd move past yesterday
\n<\/em>No, I just want to be a better man
\nNo, I just want to be a better man<\/em>
\nAs I go.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u2013Judah and the Lion, Better Man<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

When I went into my father-in-law\u2019s calling hours and Celebration of Life, I went with openness. I vowed to be all there<\/em>. After all, when would I cross paths with some of these people? Never. Therefore, I felt there was a purpose for every conversation and every interaction.<\/p>\n

One of the most meaningful\u2014dare I say, life changing\u2014conversations happened at the very end of Ben\u2019s Celebration of Life service. In fact, many people had begun to leave. My feet, however, remained firmly planted. Speaking to me was one of my father-in-law\u2019s neighbors. Because Ben lived alone, his neighbors played vital roles, especially in the end when Ben became quite weak.<\/p>\n

This particular friend had left a voicemail on Ben\u2019s phone shortly after he died. My husband listened to it; Ben\u2019s friend wanted him to know about the latest upset in the NCAA tournament. It was then that I realized the two had one of those special everyday friendships<\/em>. They shared the important and the inconsequential. They shared life. The man stood before me now in the funeral home with teary eyes.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you going to be okay?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

He pressed his hands together nervously. \u201cI lost my son at age fourteen,\u201d he said unexpectedly. \u201cI realized then that the world would keep turning, and I could either jump off or ride along; I chose to ride along.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man\u2019s words hit me like a slap in the face. I was not expecting to be privy to such a sacred piece of his story. Plus, this particular piece came painfully close to home. Just days before, I was alone in a hotel room in Canada thinking the unthinkable. In a moment of deep despair and irrationality, I wondered if I should hang on or jump off. What feels incredibly heartbreaking to type right now is that for one split second, I thought about leaving \u2026 permanently. I\u2019d just gotten off the phone with my husband; I\u2019d let him down. I wondered if the world might be better off without me.<\/p>\n

Deep despair, combined with utter exhaustion, grief and loneliness in the midnight hour, can lead you to dark places you never thought you could go.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s exactly where I was.<\/p>\n

I had the sense\u00a0to look at the photos in my phone. I saw this …\u00a0
\n<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And this …<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And this …<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Instead of taking the fire escape stairwell to the 50th floor, I ran a scalding hot bath and sat there and sobbed. \u201cIt will be better in the morning,\u201d I repeated to myself.<\/p>\n

In the morning, I reached out to my childhood best friend and steady anchor Kerry<\/a> who shared wise words that helped me see myself and the situation in a whole new way. I also got a text from my husband that said: \u201cI know you will rock these shows and spread the message my dad wore on his wrist since his diagnosis. I am so proud of you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

That same day, I began working on my father-in-law\u2019s obituary and poured over pages and pages of notes from our long talk the day before he died. I promised Ben I\u2019d deliver a beautiful message at his Celebration of Life.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to be sure I got this right,\u201d I said to him as I confirmed certain facts and information.<\/p>\n

Ben smiled and said, \u201cYou\u2019ll get it right, Rach; you always do.\u201d<\/p>\n

As I poured my pain into spreading the ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a> message in Canada and worked on messages for Ben, I conveniently forgot about my darkest hour thoughts.<\/p>\n

That is until this man, Ben\u2019s friend, told me he chose to carry on when his son died.<\/p>\n

I did not know this man. I would probably never see him again. But in that moment, I was thankful our paths crossed in this tragic moment in time.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am glad you chose to stay,\u201d I said of his decision. \u201cBen spoke highly of you and really appreciated your company.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know, that\u2019s the oddest thing,\u201d he said. \u201cBen took care of me, not the other way around. He didn\u2019t say a whole lot, but he was a great listener. We\u2019d sit on his patio, and he\u2019d just listen. He was a kind man. I\u2019m really going to miss him.\u201d<\/p>\n

His eyes welled up with tears.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you going to be okay?\u201d I asked again.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour Only Love Today<\/em> book<\/a> is really helping me,\u201d he said unexpectedly. \u201cI can\u2019t believe your husband gave me a signed copy. I am halfway through, and it\u2019s giving me hope right now. I also feel like it\u2019s a little piece of Ben,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

His comment reminded me of the state of my bed when I returned from my trip to Canada. The bed that had been made before I left was now disturbed. It was obvious my side had been slept in. On my pillow was Dog-Dog \u2013 a thirteen-year-old well-loved stuffed animal. While it was once used every night without fail, now it was only brought out in emergency situations.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cDid you sleep in my bed while I was gone?\u201d I asked my teenage daughter.<\/p>\n

She nodded. \u201cI couldn\u2019t sleep, so I got in your bed. It smelled like you, and I felt close to you there,\u201d she explained.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I don\u2019t think I\u2019m needed.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I underestimate my importance.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I think the world could go on just fine without me.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I make stupid mistakes and poor choices and beat myself up.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, in my darkest hour, I think horrible things I would never speak out loud.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I look at myself and don\u2019t like what I see.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I look at myself and I see a mess.<\/p>\n

But in these painful, heartbreaking, and uncomfortable moments of life, I know with certainty that I am in the process BECOMING \u2013 I am becoming a better version of myself.<\/p>\n

I am Becoming stronger
\nMore compassionate
\nMore enlightened
\nMore considerate
\nMore purposeful
\nMore health conscious
\nMore love filled.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t see it on the outside; but I can feel it deep within. It is important to remember the process of BECOMING often looks UNBECOMING on the outside.<\/p>\n

The irritability, the spontaneous tears, the puffy eyes, and the angry tone make us want to turn away from ourselves and our loved ones, but that is when we most need to turn toward each other and hold on.<\/p>\n

My friend Kerry<\/a>\u2019s advice to me in Canada was to look at my intention \u2013 perhaps the action\u00a0didn\u2019t turn out like I wanted it to, but my intention was \u201cbeautiful,\u201d she said. \u201cDon\u2019t let one piece of the story ruin the whole thing<\/strong>,\u201d she wisely added.<\/p>\n

I share her words with you because they\u2019re too good, too important to be kept to myself.<\/p>\n

With every painful struggle, every heartbreak, and every honest look inward,<\/p>\n

With every difficult conversation, every holy\u00a0interaction, and every gut-wrenching experience,<\/p>\n

We are learning, growing, blossoming.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

By choosing to ride along through the turbulence of life, we are becoming better versions of ourselves.<\/p>\n

Each day our lives are being written. And one letdown, one failure, one flaw, one mistake doesn\u2019t ruin the whole story. (Thank you, God<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

This confirms what I said to a packed funeral home at the end of Ben\u2019s Celebration of Life message. I said,\u00a0\u201cBen admitted he had struggles, but he tried to live a good life. I think we can all agree he nailed the ending. The ending was perfect … it was all about love. And that means he has no end<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dear ones, let\u2019s choose to focus on our contributions \u2013 not our deficiencies.<\/p>\n

Because someone breathes easier when we are near.<\/p>\n

Someone holds onto a piece of us for comfort.<\/p>\n

Someone sees us as a caregiver, a good listener, an everyday friend.<\/p>\n

Someone sees us as a sanctuary.<\/p>\n

Someone can\u2019t imagine life without us.<\/p>\n

Perhaps we will be lucky enough to know it someday.<\/p>\n

But for now, let\u2019s choose to believe it is so.<\/p>\n

Only love today.<\/em><\/p>\n

Love makes good things possible,<\/p>\n

In the beginning,<\/p>\n

In the end,<\/p>\n

And in our darkest hours.<\/p>\n

*Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or click here<\/a> for website. \u00a0You are not alone.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

***********************************<\/p>\n

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