{"id":7543,"date":"2017-05-08T22:02:33","date_gmt":"2017-05-09T04:02:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7543"},"modified":"2017-05-09T06:53:37","modified_gmt":"2017-05-09T12:53:37","slug":"what-you-can-do-each-day-to-help-kids-be-safe-smart-and-strong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/05\/08\/what-you-can-do-each-day-to-help-kids-be-safe-smart-and-strong\/","title":{"rendered":"What You Can Do Each Day to Help Kids Be Safe, Smart, and Strong"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
\n\u201cI hope you find the love that's true<\/em>
\n So the morning light can shine on you<\/em>
\n I hope you find what you're looking for\u00a0<\/em>
\n So your heart is warm for ever more.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u2014Benjamin Francis Leftwich, Shine<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

When the kayak guide asked which of us would like to be in front of the boat, my 13-year-old daughter volunteered eagerly. This echoed my current experience \u2013 her stepping forth, taking the lead, looking back at me sometimes, sometimes not.<\/p>\n

But within two minutes of sitting inside that kayak, I knew booking this excursion was one of the best decisions I ever made.<\/p>\n

Sounds dramatic.<\/p>\n

Sounds over-the-top.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s getting harder and harder to find quiet, holy places undisturbed and unmarred by noise, distraction, societal influence and pressure.<\/p>\n

My husband and 10-year-old daughter were in one boat, my older daughter and I in another. As we glided out of the marina, the peace settling onto our faces was unmistakable. Life is heavy anyway, but especially in the midst of loss and grief<\/a>.<\/p>\n

On the water, life felt lighter.<\/p>\n

\u201cMama, look over there,\u201d my brown-eyed teenager pointed excitedly to a flock of herons.<\/p>\n

She called me Mama, I noted. Somewhere along the line, I\u2019d become more maturely addressed as \u2018Mom.\u2019 I cherish the occasional \u201cMama\u201d that slips out.<\/p>\n

My daughter and I worked together to maneuver the kayak. We laughed when we steered incorrectly and began going backwards. Once we got in a rhythm, she described what she\u2019d learned in science about bird migration and coastal ecosystems. I rejoiced in her unusual chatter.<\/p>\n

When she suddenly got quiet, I studied the back of her head. Two almost-even braids she\u2019d done herself rested against her life jacket. Unlike when she curls her hair in waves, the braids revealed my baby was still there \u2013 her youth emphasized by the bright yellow\u00a0vest hugging her petite body.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Oh, how I want to keep her safe<\/em>, I thought.<\/p>\n

My eyes spotted beautiful homes backed up to the marsh. What were their worries? I wondered of the people who lived there. Were they free of Wifi? Did they shop for bathing suits with their daughters and wonder why they had so little fabric? Did they worry of their kids texting explicit pictures and having them Airdropped to the world? Did they struggle with homework that kept young brains up past midnight increasing risk of depression and risky behavior?<\/p>\n

Stop. Just stop<\/em>. I told my brain that never quits.<\/p>\n

Moments like this are rare jewels<\/em>, I reminded myself. I had her full attention, she had mine.<\/p>\n

But if I could live anywhere, it would be he<\/em>re, I thought \u2013 a salt marsh in South Carolina where you can hear the wind blow through the cord grass and the oysters spit.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t want to live here so much for me, but for my daughter … and her little sister \u2026 and their friends and all the kids that have the world at their apt fingertips \u2013 their view of themselves and life skewed by information, images, opinions, and pressures on a glowing screen.<\/p>\n

I want to keep them safe.<\/em><\/p>\n

That was my final wish as I turned my attention to the setting sun, reciting prayers of gratitude for this moment in time and hopes for divine guidance as I steer my children through life.<\/p>\n

Regrettably, we had to return to land. Our legs shaky from boating, we laughed again. We hopped on our bikes to head back to our vacation rental, quickly realizing the bike path was not well lit.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cI have an idea,\u201d my husband said.<\/p>\n

He turned on the flashlight of his phone and put it in the bicycle basket, creating a headlight. He had me do the same with my phone.<\/p>\n

Our family biked back to our rental \u2013 him in the lead, me in the back, our phone lights illuminating the path and our most precious gifts in between.<\/p>\n

I want to keep them safe.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was a common theme that week of spring vacation. I never imagined that what we were doing was <\/em>keeping them safe.<\/p>\n

It was several weeks later that my 10-year-old was writing a persuasive essay about why she needed a phone. I knew it was not time and not necessary for her to have one, but I was interested in hearing her reasoning.<\/p>\n

Reason #5 gave me chills \u2013 \u201cI could use my phone as a light like daddy did if I am ever in trouble, lost, kidnapped, or without power. The phone could light my way home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

That experience riding home in the dark had been more than just a bike ride; it was a survival tip imprinted on her brain. It made her wiser, more apt to survive when she found herself in darkness. I found it no coincidence that her sister came to me about wanting to watch the controversial show 13 Reasons Why<\/em><\/a>. We had discussed the show a few days prior, and I told her my concerns. I agreed with the concerns\u00a0in this article<\/a>, and we had talked about them. She listened to my reasoning, but didn\u2019t quite seem convinced.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were right,\u201d she said in the follow-up conversation. \u201cI talked to my friend and she said the same things you did. She watched the first episode and turned it off. It messed with her mind. I don\u2019t want to watch it after all.\u201d<\/p>\n

And before she turned to go, she said, \u201cI\u2019d come to you before I\u2019d ever hurt myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

And with those comforting words, came an ah-ha moment. As parents, we desperately want to protect our children\u2019s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing \u2013 but maybe it\u2019s not about keeping<\/em><\/strong> them safe; maybe it\u2019s about loving<\/em><\/strong> them safe.<\/p>\n

Protecting them from the dangers and pressures of the outside world does not come from something you wrap them in or fasten to their shoulders; it comes from experiencing life together \u2026 from being in the boat with them \u2026 available to listen, figure out how to get straight after taking wrong turns, and sharing some laughter and sunsets along the way.<\/p>\n

In other words, our children\u2019s future protection is instilled through the loving actions of today. \u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Confirmation of this belief came in a powerful article<\/a> written by licensed psychotherapist\u00a0Heather DiDomenico. Greeting me in big, bold letters when I clicked on the link was this sentence:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe more you show love to your children, the bigger their brains grow.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Just like in the kayak, I instantly breathed easier; life\u2019s heaviness eased.<\/p>\n

The article<\/a> further explained,\u00a0\u201cThe truth is that the more you show love to your children with a hug, a kiss, a smile, unconditional positive regard, by including them, being interested in them, through family based play, and so much more of the nurturing type of communication, the bigger their\u00a0brains grow<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

Beyond the basic human needs of food, water and housing, love and nurturing not only builds the pathway for our children\u2019s future happiness, but also survival \u2026 the brain\u2019s ability to grow in response to love can be seen as a way to keep humans banded together against danger and intruders.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

I immediately created a mnemonic device to help me remember what specific loving practices\u00a0could protect my children\u2019s overall wellbeing:<\/p>\n

P<\/strong> \u2013 Positive feedback and touch<\/em><\/p>\n

R<\/strong> \u2013 Responsiveness \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

O<\/strong> \u2013 Open-ended questions\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

T<\/strong> \u2013 Time<\/em><\/p>\n

E<\/strong> \u2013 Empathy \u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

C<\/strong> \u2013 Connection<\/em><\/p>\n

T<\/strong> \u2013 Tune in<\/em><\/p>\n

I<\/strong> \u2013 Independence<\/em><\/p>\n

O<\/strong> \u2013 Opportunities<\/em><\/p>\n

N<\/strong> \u2013 Notice and nurture<\/em><\/p>\n

Last night, my 10-year-old practiced the protective components of \u201copportunities\u201d and \u201cindependence\u201d by packing her lunch. She went to the little bag of ONLY LOVE TODAY lunch notes<\/a> and looked through them. Although I designed them thinking someone would choose a card to give someone else, I stayed silent as she selected one for herself. Out of all 25 cards, Avery picked up the card that said: I learn a lot from you<\/em>.
\n\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Interestingly, she was the inspiration behind that phrase when I designed the cards<\/a> many months ago.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan I put this one in my lunch box?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, absolutely,\u201d I said suddenly feeling emotional.<\/p>\n

Her brain knew that message was for her. I\u2019ve said it to her many times. She knew this inherently, and I believe it\u2019s why she reached for that card.<\/p>\n

Avery placed the card inside the lunchbox, put it in the fridge, and set her backpack by the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m ready to face the world tomorrow!\u201d she said confidently.<\/p>\n

And although we were not floating in a secluded marsh tucked safely away from the world, life felt lighter; the future looked less scary.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are<\/em> ready,\u201d I agreed and opened my arms knowing this simple action held great power.<\/p>\n

Love has a way of reminding us what we know deep down, and that is what will help us survive in this tricky world. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am learning.<\/p>\n

She is learning.<\/p>\n

But we are in the boat together.<\/p>\n

And love will grow our brains, along with our hearts, propelling us safely forward towards the light of hope.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

**********************************<\/p>\n

Dear friends of the Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, I recently received these messages from readers of my new book, ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n