{"id":7594,"date":"2017-06-08T07:10:26","date_gmt":"2017-06-08T13:10:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7594"},"modified":"2017-06-08T07:21:29","modified_gmt":"2017-06-08T13:21:29","slug":"how-a-control-freak-learned-to-trust-in-time-let-life-breathe","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/06\/08\/how-a-control-freak-learned-to-trust-in-time-let-life-breathe\/","title":{"rendered":"How a Control Freak Learned to Trust in Time & Let Life Breathe"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

As we flew on an airplane to attend my father-in-law\u2019s funeral<\/a> three months ago, I worked on a special project. The week before, I\u2019d sat by his bedside and recorded a collection of messages and memories he wanted me to relay at his funeral. Some of the more personal messages to his children didn\u2019t seem fitting for public consumption, so I spent the 90-minute flight going through my notebook and handwriting personal notes to four special people: his two sons, his daughter, and his son-in-law. I remember feeling pleased that I\u2019d be able to give them the notes after the funeral. I put them securely in a plastic bag and set them down next to my bag.<\/p>\n

On the morning of the funeral, I went to retrieve the notes. They were not there. I rummaged through my bag only once knowing the search would be futile. In my mind\u2019s eye, I could see the cards in the slick plastic bag drifting further and further away upon our descent.<\/p>\n

The cards were gone.<\/p>\n

Now this is when something odd happened. I did not freak out. I did not start swearing or tearing through my luggage. I did not cry. I did not frantically try to re-create the notes. And most surprisingly, I did not shame myself for being so careless. Instead, I said three words to myself, \u201cIt\u2019s not time<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a Type-A, master planner\/control freak, I was eerily calm. Although I could not explain it, I felt quite certain this was not the day the notes were to be distributed. I decided\u00a0to trust in the fact they\u2019d drifted away for a reason, and I\u2019d know when it was the right time to deliver them.<\/p>\n

Fast-forward to one week ago. I was standing in the card isle picking out Father\u2019s Day cards. As I always do, I reached for the Grandpa cards. We lovingly called my father-in-law \u201cGB\u201d for Grandpa Ben. His granddaughters always sent him a card on every holiday. On his last days on earth, GB revealed that he\u2019d kept them all safely in a box.<\/p>\n

When my brain reminded me that I didn\u2019t need to send GB a card, my eyes filled with tears. I immediately thought of my husband and how he would feel on this first Father\u2019s Day without his dad.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Wait.<\/em><\/p>\n

Wait. <\/em><\/p>\n

My brain said.<\/p>\n

Remember the cards that drifted away? Now it\u2019s time.<\/strong>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve spent the last several days pouring over the pages of notes I took for\u00a0Ben, making sure to pull out the pieces that needed to go to each one of his children. I imagine them reading the sentiments on June 18,\u00a0loving words\u00a0their father wanted to be sure they knew. I'm quite certain these words will bring a little peace on a difficult day. The cards will be delivered \u2013 not on my timetable \u2013 but on a divine timetable, and that is always perfect timing.<\/p>\n

It feels odd to say I\u2019m glad those cards drifted away, but I am. The control freak in me often needs tangible proof that beautiful things happen we release life from our suffocating grip and just let it breathe.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This talk of time reminds me of one of my favorite special education students who used to visit my classroom when he was having a hard time. His first-grade teacher was able to sense when an eruption was coming, and I\u2019d be summoned. Occasionally, the child\u00a0had to be carried by staff members trained in restraint, but most of the time, he walked to my classroom on his own. My student would fill the corridor with all the reasons he hated school, schoolwork, or kids who got him in trouble.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m too old for a time out, Mrs. Stafford,\u201d he said during one of those walks after we\u2019d worked together for three years. \u201cI just need time\u00a0 \u2026 just time. Period.\u201d<\/p>\n

What he said made sense. When he came to my classroom, we didn\u2019t talk at first. He\u2019d sit in a quiet area, and I\u2019d play Enya<\/a>\u2019s relaxing music. After\u00a0fifteen minutes would pass, he\u2019d be ready to talk and listen. Then eventually, he\u2019d go back to his regular classroom ready to work.<\/p>\n

When we met for lunch several years ago, this now grown-up young man chuckled when he told me he feels instantly calm whenever an Enya song comes on.<\/p>\n

\u201cThings don\u2019t always go my way,” he said, suddenly getting serious, “But instead of getting mad or doing something I\u2019ll regret, I just give myself time. Thank you for teaching me that.\u201d<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think it\u2019s any coincidence Enya's music is played at the end of my Pilates class. I began taking Pilates shortly after my father-in-law\u2019s death which coincided with a painfully dark night of depressive thoughts<\/a>. Between my father-in-law\u2019s sudden demise and my own red flag, I knew I needed to do something different. Self-care was not optional \u2026 and two friends just happened to invite me to Pilates.<\/p>\n

It was just what my never-stop moving brain and body needed.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I lie down on the reformer and glide away, feeling strength build in my muscles and my core. My mind goes blank as I focus only on the movements. Once in awhile, I get tears in my eyes when poignant song lyrics come on the overhead speaker like, \u201cMaybe there\u2019s a way out of the cage where you live \/ Maybe one of these days you can let the light in \/ Show me how big your brave is<\/a>.\u201d<\/em> In those moments, I feel grateful for the difficult period that brought me to this place where I give myself time.<\/p>\n

Enya typically comes on for the final stretch which makes me smile and marvel at the way life\u2019s most important messages pop up right when you need them instead of when you desperately want them.<\/p>\n

Between the drifting cards, my former student, and my Pilates practice, I am reminded that Time is so much more than minutes on a clock. The answer to the questions that plague us and the pains that ail us is so often Time<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Either:<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not time \u2026 so wait.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Or<\/p>\n

\u201cI need time \u2026 so pause.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

These were the answers this week when my friend asked me advice for his shaky marriage.<\/p>\n

These were the answers this week when my child was not acting like herself.<\/p>\n

These were the answers this week when I was pressed to start writing my next book<\/a>.<\/p>\n

These were the answers this week when my parents wanted to talk through plans for growing old.<\/p>\n

The answer to life\u2019s greatest unknowns is often Time,<\/strong> but it seems too simple or too inactive so we instead we panic, cuss, scream, overreact, worry, or tighten our grip. I've learned it is\u00a0so much better to let Time work for our benefit by saying to ourselves, \u201cIt\u2019s not time … I trust I\u2019ll know when it is.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

I would be remiss if I failed to conclude this post with a powerful message I received this week. With permission, I share one last beautiful thought on the answer of Time \u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cDear Rachel,<\/p>\n

My husband passed away very suddenly six months ago. Like your father-in-law, he was named Ben. He was also Dad to our two gorgeous children, ages thirteen and fifteen. Your posts over the past few months have been extremely poignant for me. But I wanted to thank you for an earlier post where you shared gratitude starters<\/a> to show appreciation and love to another person.<\/p>\n

Before Father\u2019s Day last year, I sat down with the kids and we wrote some of those for their dad. \u201cFive words to describe you are\u2026.\u00a0\u00a0 My favorite thing about you is\u2026.\u00a0\u00a0 Our family wouldn\u2019t be the same without your\u2026\u201d\u00a0 But we never finished the job, so he never received it. But the jar was used in another way. My daughter, then twelve, wanted to honor her Dad at his funeral but struggled to find the words.\u00a0 I remembered the jar of sentences and brought them out. She used those to make the most beautiful PowerPoint presentation about her dad with her words written across special family photos. Those sentence starters were just the prompts she needed.\u00a0 Thank you for the words you have \u2013 words of encouragement and words of love which prompt other words of love.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

My inner control freak wept at the sight of this tangible proof that time works for our benefit if allow it to.<\/p>\n

My friends, miraculous things happen when we answer life\u2019s uncertainties and perplexities with Time.<\/p>\n

Time is a pair of glasses enabling you to see better.<\/p>\n

Time is a warm blanket giving you comfort.<\/p>\n

Time is a permission slip allowing you a reprieve.<\/p>\n

Time is a cushion between life's bumps and\u00a0bruises.<\/p>\n

Time is a connector, an anchor, a lifeboat.<\/p>\n

Time looks like nothing, but it is everything.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Like four cards that left my possession on Flight 546 and will return on June 18 to grateful hands, Time fills life\u2019s emptiest voids with peace.<\/p>\n

But you\u2019ll never know how fulfilling it can be until you trust in Time, and let life breathe.
\n\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

****************************************************<\/p>\n

Dear friends of the Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, I am grateful for the continued support of my latest book, ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>, which\u00a0provides daily guidance and intentions for taming controlling ways, seeing the positives in situations and people, and loving yourself and others “as is.” It has also been a blessing to see people discovering\u00a0my first two books, HANDS FREE MAMA<\/a> and HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a> through my latest labor of love. I am touched that\u00a0my books are being called “meaningful summer reads” to fill our days with connection, compassion, and purpose.\u00a0One final note,\u00a0I've been invited to\u00a0speak this fall at several events. Although more details and ticket links will come in August, my\u00a0friends\u00a0in Cincinnati, Pennsylvania, and Michigan may want to make note of the following dates:\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Cincinnati, OH – October 14, 2017<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Indiana, PA –\u00a0October 19, 2017<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Ann Arbor, MI – November 18, 2017<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you for walking beside me. I am so grateful for your presence and your support.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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