{"id":7612,"date":"2017-06-21T06:53:34","date_gmt":"2017-06-21T12:53:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7612"},"modified":"2017-06-21T07:00:24","modified_gmt":"2017-06-21T13:00:24","slug":"the-difficult-teen-what-we-can-do-immediately-to-improve-the-outlook","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/06\/21\/the-difficult-teen-what-we-can-do-immediately-to-improve-the-outlook\/","title":{"rendered":"The \u201cDifficult\u201d Teen & What We Can Do Immediately to Improve the Outlook"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

“‘Cause I got issues
\nBut you got 'em too
\nSo give 'em all to me
\nAnd I'll give mine to you
\nBask in the glory
\nOf all our problems
\n‘Cause we got the kind of love
\nIt takes to solve 'em.”
\n<\/em>\u2013Julia Michaels, Issues<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

Today my older daughter concludes her first full year as a teenager. As we navigated 13 together, it became increasingly apparent that the most common teen labels are negative, inaccurate, and hindering. I was warned of 13 \u2013 and I must admit, these warnings created anxiety and set negative\u00a0expectations. I found myself bracing for the horrendous things I\u2019d read and heard about. Perhaps you\u2019ve heard the negative stereotypes. It\u2019s hard not to. Guess who else hears them? The teens themselves. I didn\u2019t fully comprehend what this awareness meant until my daughter showed me a poem she wrote for creative writing class in May. It was a form poem, and this is what she wrote:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My daughter\u2019s words took me by surprise and brought tears to my eyes. \u201cThis message is so important,\u201d I said to her after collecting myself. \u201cI think this poem could help people. May I have permission to publish it?\u201d<\/p>\n

My daughter said she would think about it.<\/p>\n

Six weeks later, she said yes.<\/p>\n

As I publish this message to the world on Natalie\u2019s 14th<\/sup> birthday, I think of many people I want to send it to \u2026<\/p>\n

I want to send it to the youth minister of a church we attended a few months ago. While addressing the congregation, he made a joke about parents desperately wanting to \u201cship off\u201d their teens. Everyone laughed while my daughter shifted uncomfortably in her seat.<\/p>\n

I want to send it to my former neighbor who looked at my happy child a few years ago and said, \u201cJust you wait. Once she becomes a teenager, all that sweetness disappears.\u201d<\/p>\n

I want to send it to the high school teacher who often stopped by my classroom during my first year of teaching. After learning I was the Junior Class Sponsor, he said he felt \u201csorry\u201d for me to have to spend extra time with those \u201cselfish brats.\u201d<\/p>\n

I want to send it to the man who rudely interrupted his daughter when she spoke to me because \u201cteenagers just like to hear themselves talk,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

I want to send it to parents who focus so intently on their teen\u2019s areas of weakness that they fail to see they are potential strengths in need of nurturing.<\/p>\n

I want to send it to every person who eagerly dismisses the words, ideas, and opinions of teens because they think they are not valid.<\/p>\n

What many don\u2019t realize about these negative teen labels is that they stick; they influence; they harm, and they undermine. They can mean the difference between floundering and flourishing \u2026 grief or grace \u2026 doubt and promise \u2026 holding on or giving up \u2013 and not just for teens, but for parents too.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The impact of labels has taken on greater meaning as I watch homeless animals be adopted or be overlooked at the cat shelter where my daughters and I volunteer. When two of the kittens we fostered<\/a> last summer were returned recently by their owner, my daughters and I were heartsick. Their owner surrendered them saying they were too wild, too energetic, and too destructive to be in his home any longer.<\/p>\n

On the day of their surrender, my ten-year-old daughter and I went to see them. To our relief, they were every bit as loving and affectionate as they were when they lived with us. Although they were much bigger now, we could still see the precious kittens we loved so dearly within them.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cOh no,\u201d I said to Avery as I read the description card attached to their cage. The description that all prospective adopters would read to decide if Madras and Clover would make good pets was quite dismal.<\/p>\n

One sentence was all that was written, and it reported they had been returned by their owner. My daughter and I looked at each other sadly knowing this negative label would drastically reduce their chance of ever finding a forever home.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow old are they now?\u201d Avery asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey are twelve months,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

Her face lit up. \u201cRemember that chart we saw at the vet's\u00a0office? Twelve months means they\u2019re teenagers! This explains why they have extra energy and big feelings. And to think they were returned for that!\u201d she said angrily.<\/p>\n

I was struck by this child\u2019s brilliance and compassion! \u201cYou are so right!\u201d I agreed. I immediately reached into the file cabinet, grabbed new cards, and re-wrote their descriptions based on everything we knew about these two beautiful, teenage cats.<\/p>\n

My hope is that people will read the description cards and focus on the goodness within \u2013 because it is there. And once they see the goodness, it will be easier to see possibility and promise.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The experience at the cat shelter reminds me of the birthday cards my daughter Natalie received from her friends at her 14th birthday party held in our basement. She planned the party herself \u2013 \u00a0from nail painting to jewelry making to eating D\u014d (safe raw cookie dough)\u00a0instead of cake. I offered to help with the cleanup and collected all her cards in a stack. I noticed how each young lady spent time writing down all the things they loved about Natalie and the goodness they saw in her. One particular comment struck me profoundly. This friend wrote: \u201cThank you for allowing me to figure out my life plan and showing me\u00a0the importance of being kind to others.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

While some adults overlook the goodness in teens, young people see it in each other. Perhaps that is why they want to spend so much time together and confide in each other. Perhaps that is why they are perceived by adults as sullen, irritable, and withdrawn. If someone constantly misjudged you, labeled you, or dismissed you, you would probably avoid them too.<\/p>\n

If you ask me, negative teen stereotypes are a cop out. Saying teens are \u201cdifficult\u201d is an easy way to rid ourselves of any responsibility. Labels allow us to throw our hands in the air declaring, \u201cTeens will be teens.\u201d Labels allow us to deny the critical stage kids are in \u2013 a stage of growing into themselves, finding their way, cultivating their gifts. But it is a stage of life that they most need us as their ally \u2013 someone who looks sees their goodness and voices it so they always remember their worth.<\/p>\n

If things have been difficult with a teen or tween that you love, consider the negative stereotypes that may have influenced your feelings or made you feel unequipped. Let the labels go. Offer yourselves a blank slate. Look at your beloveds and remember how they smiled at you when they were little. That promise you saw in their bright eyes is still there, and they need you to see it now more than ever.<\/strong> If you see promise and possibility in them now, they are more likely to see it in their future. As my daughter beautifully illustrates in her poem, \u201cOne Window<\/em>,\u201d our teens can better our world if given a chance\u00a0\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cOne window is all I need
\nTo find true friends
\nTo see beauty in everything
\nTo appreciate what I have.<\/p>\n

One window is all I need
\nTo follow my dreams
\nTo help others
\nTo notice good in everyone.<\/p>\n

One window is all I need.\u201d
\n-NRS<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

My friends, we can provide a window where dreams are realized and released \u2026 or we can secure a cage where growth and hope are limited.<\/p>\n

Today I vow to reject the labels and be a window, opening my mind and heart beyond negative stereotypes and misconceptions. I refuse to reduce the options of those enduring the most critical years of life.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I see your goodness, dear teens. It didn\u2019t disappear, but it might have gotten squelched. Count on me to nurture it,\u00a0so it may be set\u00a0free.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

**********************************************<\/p>\n

For a powerful collection of short\u00a0reads & daily intentions that will help you better\u00a0know and understand your child, tween, or teen,\u00a0please consider my latest bestselling book, ONLY LOVE TODAY: Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, & Choose Love<\/a>. It is a flip open, read anytime\/anywhere source of daily encouragement with emphasis on and strategies for loving ourselves and children \u201cas is.\u201d\u00a0Thanks to all who are using the beautiful hardcover version<\/a>\u00a0as a gift for anyone who is in need of hope and positivity.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you for walking beside me, my friends of The Hands Free Revolution. Please join our supportive community on Instagram<\/a> or Facebook<\/a>. The beautiful comment sections never cease to make us feel unalone and give us hope. I appreciate you.\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“‘Cause I got issues But you got ’em too So give ’em all to me And I’ll give mine to you Bask in the glory Of all our problems ‘Cause we got the kind of love It takes to solve ’em.” \u2013Julia Michaels, Issues Today my older daughter concludes her first full year as a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":7606,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,1761,1778,1760],"tags":[1203,1670,1622,1792],"gutentor_comment":27,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/DSC_0728-e1498021466434.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-1YM","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7612"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7612"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7612\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7606"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}