{"id":7785,"date":"2017-11-09T08:16:58","date_gmt":"2017-11-09T14:16:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7785"},"modified":"2017-11-09T09:26:54","modified_gmt":"2017-11-09T15:26:54","slug":"use-this-emotional-cue-to-turn-other-peoples-infuriating-opinions-into-your-highest-lessons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/11\/09\/use-this-emotional-cue-to-turn-other-peoples-infuriating-opinions-into-your-highest-lessons\/","title":{"rendered":"Use this Emotional Cue to Turn Other People’s Infuriating Opinions into Your Highest Lessons"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cEverything you thought was true
\nLook at what it's done for you
\nYou scream into the sky
\nHallelujah
\nIn due time, in due time.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u2013Noah Kahan, Hallelujah<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

Over the past year, I\u2019ve struggled with some of the opinions expressed by people I\u2019ve known and cared about for many years. The stances these individuals take on controversial issues plaguing our country continue to surprise and dishearten me. When I hear these differing views and opinions on deeply important issues, I feel anger rise up within me and the urge to cut ties. This reaction is not loving or unifying. It is not healthy or helpful. As much as I remind myself they are entitled to their opinion as much as I am, I still feel ill will. My unloving reaction to a friend or family member's differing opinion is something I\u2019ve wanted to change, but I haven\u2019t known how … until recently.<\/p>\n

It was while I was venting to my teenage daughter about an aggressive viewpoint expressed by a close friend that I received the guidance I\u2019ve been searching for.<\/p>\n

My 14-year-old daughter said, \u201cYour friend doesn\u2019t know what you know. She has not had the same experiences you have.\u201d Then Natalie told me what she did when a classmate made a political statement that hurt and offended a group of students. She reached out to one of the alienated people so she would know my daughter was with her. My daughter could tell by the person\u2019s reaction and the end result that her loving action had been a helpful one.<\/p>\n

My daughter went on to say, \u201cI could argue with someone about their opinion \u2013 which probably won\u2019t change anything \u2013 or I could do something good. And that DOES<\/strong> change things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Basically, one student\u2019s divisive action became my daughter\u2019s cue to do the opposite \u2013 to unify \u2026 to include \u2026 to stand beside.<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I immediately thought of William James, the father of American psychology, who said, \u201cAction seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Natalie and Dr. James helped me realize I was allowing my negative feelings to put me in a place of inaction<\/em>\u2014with the possibility of making the situation even worse. With their help, I am in the process of adopting a healthier and more helpful reaction to opinions and views that upset me. I call it: Cue to Love.<\/strong><\/p>\n

It looks like this:<\/p>\n

Another person\u2019s closemindedness is my cue<\/strong> to be curious instead of defensive.<\/p>\n

Another person\u2019s shaming language is my cue<\/strong> to speak words of acceptance.<\/p>\n

Another person\u2019s hostility is my cue<\/strong> to be a peacemaker.<\/p>\n

Another person\u2019s arrogance is my cue<\/strong> to gain understanding.<\/p>\n

Another person\u2019s quick-to-judge attitude is my cue<\/strong> to remember we\u2019re more alike than different.<\/p>\n

Another person\u2019s vitriol towards a group of people is my cue<\/strong> to love all in abundance.<\/p>\n

It's easy to see how accepting cues to love when we feel most unloving is helpful to the world as a whole, but taking these cues greatly benefit us at a personal level. One of my favorite enlightenment authors, Marianne Williamson writes, \u201cGrowth comes from focusing on our highest lessons, not someone else\u2019s.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Each time I use my Cue to Love<\/strong>, this is what I find:<\/p>\n

The people I most disagree with provide my greatest opportunities for growth.<\/h4>\n

The people I find most difficult to love stretch me to be my most loving self.<\/h4>\n

The people I find most challenging help me face my biggest obstacles to becoming who I most want to be.<\/h4>\n

I could argue with these people about their opinion or cut off communication, but that leaves little chance for progress, growth, and peace. Instead, I will take my daughter\u2019s lead, and use their divisive stance as a cue to love.<\/strong><\/p>\n

In just a matter of days, I've been given great opportunity. With strong opinions flying on mass shootings, election results, aiding natural disasters, and political decisions that impact many, I\u2019ve had many cues to love. Instead of feeling my blood boil by the opinions of some, I have been inspired to act with love.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I sent several care packages to people I\u2019ve never met who needed lifting.<\/p>\n

I offered an overdue apology to my husband.<\/p>\n

I brainstormed fundraising ideas for homeless cats.<\/p>\n

I baked cookies with my daughter and took them to a neighbor.<\/p>\n

I gave some furniture to a family in need.<\/p>\n

I supported a small, local business owner.<\/p>\n

I smiled warmly at every person I passed on the street.<\/p>\n

As I experienced a frustrating political discussion with someone I care deeply about the other night, I kept reminding myself this discussion was my cue to love.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I saw the same maintenance worker I\u2019d seen three hours earlier. I\u2019d noticed how sad and tired he looked as he picked up other people\u2019s empty food containers and mess. It was now almost eleven o\u2019clock, and he was cleaning the long corridor. I walked up with a smile and said, \u201cI really appreciate your hard work and how clean you keep everything around here.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man\u2019s eyebrows raised to the middle of his forehead and the corners of his mouth lifted into a radiant smile. Placing one hand over his heart, the man accepted my small cash tip with his other hand.<\/p>\n

\u201cWow. Thank you,\u201d he said with tears in his eyes. \u201cHave a wonderful night, ma\u2019am.\u201d<\/p>\n

I walked away feeling tears forming in my own eyes. That is when I experienced the most hopeful epiphany of all:<\/p>\n

My job is not to change the opinions of those hurting people with their views. My job is to change the view of the world for one hurting person using love.<\/h2>\n

Think through this scenario with me for a moment:<\/p>\n

A person is alienated by the shaming words of someone while riding on the subway. He proceeds through his day, feeling alone, devalued, and perhaps even scared.<\/p>\n

If kindness, love, or acceptance is the VERY NEXT THING this hurting person encounters, his view of the world instantly changes. The whole world is suddenly not against him. The world is suddenly a bit more hopeful.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I would want that for my unique child.
\nI would want that for my aging parent.
\nI would want that for my grieving brother.
\nI would want that for my exiled sister.
\nI would want that for you.
\nI would want that for me.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m done feeling angry, bitter, and hopeless when someone shares a polarizing viewpoint. That is now my cue to love.<\/strong> Because an act of love at the precise moment it\u2019s needed can literally change the world.<\/h3>\n

If you need proof, simply look for your brother \u2013 the one with sad eyes and hunched shoulders. Watch what happens when you let him know you see him and you celebrate his existence. It\u2019s enough to make HOPE pulse through your veins, and that\u2019s so much better than the alterative.<\/p>\n

*************************************************<\/p>\n

My friends of the Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, last week a dear reader left this comment on one of my Facebook posts<\/a>: \u201cI wish I could just inject your life\/wisdom into myself. Every piece I read of yours I think, THAT, THAT is the person I want to be. And then I'm still negative and grumpy and exasperated all day. I need your essence in something stronger than written words. Maybe pill form?\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

My response to her brought a flood of emails to my inbox. I wrote: \u201cI think I have something that will help! I have been working diligently on something for six months and can\u2019t wait to bring it to our community. It is my first online course where I will be basically coming right into your home (through short videos) and guiding you step-by-step through the process I used to get from where I was (critical, hopeless, unfulfilled, distracted) to being a present and joyful participant of my life. Sometimes the reading of the words are not enough and hand-in-hand guidance is needed!\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I then provided my email address so she could be placed on the waitlist. Well, the response was so profound that I wanted to make sure everyone who wanted to could sign up to be notified when registration for the course opens in January. You can do that below or email me at rachelstafford@handsfreemama.com. Thank you so much for being part of this community. Together there is hope!\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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Fill Out The Form Below To Be Added To The Waitlist<\/h3>\n