{"id":7802,"date":"2017-11-20T07:15:49","date_gmt":"2017-11-20T13:15:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7802"},"modified":"2017-11-20T07:15:49","modified_gmt":"2017-11-20T13:15:49","slug":"not-another-defeated-depleted-years-end-give-yourself-something-truly-sustaining","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2017\/11\/20\/not-another-defeated-depleted-years-end-give-yourself-something-truly-sustaining\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Another Defeated, Depleted Year’s End: Give Yourself Something Truly Sustaining"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a> A few months ago, I was interviewed by a writer for a mental health magazine about the concept of my latest book, ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>. The article was scheduled to run in their November issue. I have searched and searched and cannot find the magazine anywhere. I find this a little funny because at the time of the interview, that was my hope. I really didn\u2019t want people reading about the unhealthy habit I confessed to the interviewer. But given what\u2019s happened since then, I feel it needs to be shared. So here goes \u2026<\/p>\n I remember this phone interview vividly because the interviewer\u2019s very first question was abrupt and caught me a bit off guard.<\/p>\n \u201cI understand the importance of approaching life with a positive lens of acceptance and kindness, but what about bad habits \u2014 damaging habits that make you unhealthy?\u201d she said skeptically. \u201cDo you just throw up your hands and say, \u2018Well, this is who I am. I am going to love myself as is, and I don\u2019t need to change?\u201d<\/p>\n No!<\/em> I wanted to outwardly object, but then I\u2019d have to explain how I knew this \u2013 and that explanation would go into the magazine. I debated for a moment, then took a deep breath and spoke honestly.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, as a matter of fact, I\u2019m working on a bad habit right now. I\u2019m trying to break the habit of drinking large quantities of diet soda. And approaching it \u2014 or any other damaging habit \u2014 from an accepting, grace-filled way is quite motivating. It means you don\u2019t berate yourself when you slip up, so you keep trying. It means you focus on progress, not perfection. It means you remember you\u2019re human, and each stumble only gives you more experience and greater wisdom to use next time.\u201d<\/p>\n In other words, shame and condemnation are not motivating; acceptance and grace are.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n I witnessed this first hand\u00a0when I taught special education for adolescents with severe behavior issues. They often came to me so defeated because they\u2019d grown up only hearing what they did wrong. They often believed they couldn\u2019t change. One of the first things I did was break down their goal into tiny, achievable steps. By mastering that tiny step, they got their first taste of success. This sparked belief and motivation.<\/p>\n I decided small, achievable goals was exactly what I needed to overcome my unhealthy habit. As I contemplated my goals, a term mentioned by a blog reader came to mind. When I referred to my diet soda consumption an \u201caddiction,\u201d this reader countered that it was not <\/strong>an addiction \u2013 it was a choice. After my initial feeling of defensiveness, I googled the term she suggested would help me: Intuitive Eating<\/em>. These are some descriptors of Intuitive Eating<\/em> that quickly jumped out at me:<\/p>\n In short, it\u2019s about becoming attuned to your heart\u2019s sense of what is right \u2026. good \u2026 and true for your body. And that\u2019s when I realized Intuitive Eating<\/em> could be actually be called Only Love Today Eating. <\/em>I was on board.<\/p>\n I created four tiny goals for each time I ate or drank something and put them on an index card. The card read:<\/p>\n Rachel\u2019s Intuitive Eating\/Drinking Goals: (BBRR)<\/strong><\/p>\n *Be seated On the back of my goal card, I placed two empowering quotes: <\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cI am the only person who has control over my eating habits. I can always resist something if I choose to.\u201d \u2013Louise Hay<\/p>\n \u201cEvery Choice Matters.\u201d \u2013Kerry Foreman<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n I quickly went from five to seven diet sodas a day to one or two and upped my water intake astronomically and have sustained this for several months. This is quite significant \u2013 if not miraculous \u2013 given the results of past attempts where my goal was total abstinence. When I \u201cslipped up\u201d after a few days and had a soda, I felt guilty and ashamed. I\u2019d quickly decide I could not do it, and I\u2019d go back to drinking more soda than ever.<\/p>\n Shame and condemnation are not motivating \u2013 but acceptance and grace are.<\/strong><\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Over the past several months, listening to my intuition and giving myself grace have motivated and encouraged me in ways I\u2019ve never experienced. Not only am I being more mindful about what I\u2019m putting into my body, but I\u2019ve also become more in tune with my deepest needs and best interests. I was able to determine it was not time to write another book, but it was finally time to create my first online course<\/a>. I was able to determine something was wrong with my body and quickly sought medical attention. I was able to sense a damaging habit in a loved one and took steps to rectify it \u2013 with acceptance, grace, and love.<\/p>\n I am experiencing great clarity by reciting \u201cBBRR<\/strong>\u201d anytime I want to make sound decisions and positive choices in any life situation, not just when it comes to eating and drinking:<\/p>\n When mindfully applied, this formula has the potential to enhance any life experience and guide you towards what is right \u2026 good \u2026 and true for you.<\/p>\n I feel this formula is particularly helpful during the holidays when we are bombarded with opportunities to make damaging choices when it comes to eating, drinking, spending, saying yes to all the requests, and neglecting ourselves to get everything accomplished. By the time Dec 25th <\/sup>rolls around, we are in such a deep place of shame and exhaustion that we cannot enjoy our sacred time with our loved ones or relish our blessings.<\/p>\n I know that depleted and defeated season well, and it is anything but joyful. It\u2019s quite painful to reflect back on all the holiday moments I\u2019ve sabotaged by berating myself over poor choices, not being a certain size, or not having achieved what I wanted to by the year\u2019s end. What a foolish waste of time! What a miserable existence!<\/p>\n I am so excited this will be my first intuitive, grace-focused Thanksgiving. I find it especially timely given that of all the holidays, this is the one I most associate with my father-in-law Ben who unexpectedly passed away in March.<\/p>\n Some of my fondest Thanksgiving memories involve going to Ben\u2019s small residence with my husband Scott and our daughters. Scott would make his father a complete Thanksgiving meal \u2013 turkey, stuffing, rolls, homemade macaroni and cheese, and cherry pie. As Ben neared the end of his life in March, it did not surprise me that his bucket list included a bite of cherry pie made by his son.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n I\u2019ll never forget the look on Ben\u2019s face when he took that bite. His eyes lit up, and the joy of a thousand memories erased the pain from his tired face. In just one bite, Ben was nourished by memories of long tables filled to the brim with comfort food, family, and togetherness.<\/p>\n I want to relish, savor, and consume meaningful moments of goodness rather than be consumed<\/em><\/strong> by guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n Guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy will not sustain us when we lose our appetite and our body grows weary at the end of our days.<\/p>\n Love That is what will sustain us.\u00a0So that is how we must fill our plates today<\/em>.<\/p>\n Unlike shame and condemnation, grace gives us hope.<\/p>\n Grace helps us pick up and try again when we fall.<\/p>\n Grace gives us tools to use.<\/p>\n Grace keeps us moving forward.<\/p>\n Grace says, \u201cOnly love today<\/a>. You got this.\u201d<\/p>\n Grace reminds us life is a journey and we can\u2019t possibly know how to manage every challenge that comes our way, but we do <\/strong>know what will sustain us as we carry on.<\/p>\n Love And if we listen closely, our intuition will tell us that is all we really need.<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n *******************************************************************<\/p>\n My friends of the Hands Free Revolution, what I have shared here, a small-step method of change and enlightenment, is the premise of my very first online course debuting in January called SOUL SHIFT<\/span>. I will be coming into your home through short videos to equip and encourage you. You will receive empowering daily messages and be part of a supportive online community lead by me. My skills as a teacher, writer, encourager, truth teller, and hope bearer are merging to help you live the life you most want to live. Click here<\/a> to enter your email address so you can be notified when the course registration opens on January 8th<\/sup> at a discounted price. There are also share options at the bottom of the page if you would like to invite others to join you. I am so excited to share this transformative journey<\/a> with you! \u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n As a gift of thanks to you for all the love, support, and encouragement you provide me year-round, please accept this gratitude eBook<\/a> I made for you. It\u2019s a\u00a0Guide to Increasing Gratitude this Holiday Season<\/a>.<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n Please check the Hands Free Shop<\/a> on Black Friday and Cyber Monday because my sister-in-law (who manages the shop) is\u00a0running some\u00a0awesome deals. The gorgeous\u00a0cuffs<\/a>, bracelets<\/a>, notecards<\/a>, and prints<\/a> provide helpful visual\u00a0reminders to live better & love more based on my most memorable mantras.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n
\n<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n
\n*Be thankful for what you are about to eat \/ drink
\n*Really taste the flavors
\n*Relish any & all good choices you made<\/p>\nB<\/strong>e present
\nB<\/strong>e thankful
\nR<\/strong>eally taste it
\nR<\/strong>elish your good choices<\/h4>\nThe way Ben relished that single bite brought me to tears, and now I know why: That is how I want to taste life. <\/em><\/h3>\n
\n<\/strong>Faith
\nGratitude
\nRelationships<\/strong>
\n Memories<\/strong><\/p>\nLet us remember these vital ingredients of a meaningful life come more readily and abundantly when served with grace.<\/h3>\n
\n<\/strong>Faith
\nGratitude
\nRelationships<\/strong>
\n Memories<\/strong><\/p>\n