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“I could lift you up When you move to a new city, there are always gaping holes, and these holes take time to fill. My daughter Avery, who was eight at the same, had a major hole in her life for over a year after our move. Every Wednesday afternoon, she\u2019d have a lesson with her new guitar teacher. This instructor was vastly different than her previous one who\u2019d been the gregarious worship leader at our church. While her new instructor\u2019s formal approach may have been suitable for some, it was soul-crushing to Avery. Couple that with severe homesickness, and in a short time the joy diminished from the pluck of her guitar strings, as well as her eyes.<\/p>\n I vowed to be keep looking for the right person to fill the gaping hole in my child\u2019s life.<\/p>\n The right person would stand up in a crowded room to introduce herself shortly after she and I were selected for a live storytelling event in my new city. Kaitlin Curtice<\/a> introduced herself as a wife, mother of two young boys, a Native American author, singer\/songwriter, speaker, and worship leader.<\/p>\n Singer\/songwriter? Worship leader? <\/em><\/p>\n I squealed inside \u2013 or maybe out loud. I don\u2019t know, but I was overjoyed by the prospect.<\/p>\n Kaitlin had barely returned to her seat, when I leaned over and whispered, \u201cDo you give guitar lessons? I would love for you and my daughter to meet.\u201d<\/p>\n Kaitlin smiled and admitted she was self-taught with no formal instruction whatsoever, but was willing to give it a try.<\/p>\n Two weeks later, Kaitlin and Avery strummed together and sang \u201cAmazing Grace\u201d in a little blue room at the front of our home while I sobbed in the kitchen.<\/p>\n When a prayer is being answered, you just know.<\/em><\/p>\n Their voices were beautifully compatible and completely at ease \u2013 it was as if two sisters who\u2019d sung together their whole lives were doing a little after-dinner routine.<\/p>\n But it\u2019s the compatibility of their souls that I give thanks for every Sunday at 4pm when the two sisters huddle close in the little blue room and cultivate music, laughter, and hope for the world.<\/p>\n Yes, I said, \u201cHope for the world.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n What Kaitlin and Avery create with each other<\/em> and because of each other<\/em> is far more than music. They feed off each other to create tangible goodness that goes out into world with them.<\/p>\n Sometimes Kaitlin arrives for lessons in Native American attire, hair in braids, adorned with a necklace from her Potawatomi ancestry. Avery most often arrives in comfy pants, hair disheveled, smile wide. Kaitlin exudes a welcoming presence and one of strength. \u201cBe who you are,\u201d she tells Avery often, along with, \u201cDon\u2019t change to fit in with the rest.\u201d Kaitlin\u2019s eyes notice the marginalized, the oppressed, and the alienated. She gives voice to their injustices and their pain. She\u2019s taught Avery to speak up by teaching her to sing out.<\/p>\n When I peer around the corner during their lessons, this is what I observe:<\/p>\n \u201cCome as you are,\u201d Kaitlin\u2019s voice implies.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cSing with me,\u201d her smile says.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou matter,\u201d her posture suggests<\/em>.<\/p>\n When it\u2019s time to say goodbye, the sisters are stronger, more hopeful, ready to take the goodness they created together out into the world where it is needed most.<\/p>\n A few months ago, Avery brought her guitar to her fourth & fifth grade girls\u2019 Sunday School class for show-and-tell. As she strummed the final chord of her song, her impressed teachers asked if she would lead the class in song every Sunday. Avery eagerly accepted this new role and comes prepared with music Kaitlin teaches her, with the voice Kaitlin develops in her, with the confidence Kaitlin brings out in her.<\/p>\n I got a little emotional when Avery\u2019s Sunday School teacher sent me a blurry video of Avery leading her class in song. To my surprise, she was singing, \u201cCups\u201d (You\u2019re Going to Miss Me When I\u2019m Gone). Let\u2019s just say, a song with the lyrics, \u201cI got my ticket for the long way \u2018round, two bottle \u2018a whiskey for the way\u201d<\/em> was not what I would call a worship song.<\/p>\n But Avery knows far more than I do about people and music. She knew that particular song would bring people together.<\/p>\n In the video, you can see every girl in the room knows the words to this song. But what made me cry was what happened over the course of that two-minute song. One by one, girls of different shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds rose from the carpeted area to come stand beside Avery as she played.<\/p>\n \u201cCome as you are,\u201d her voice implies.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cSing with me,\u201d her smile says.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou matter,\u201d her posture suggests.<\/em><\/p>\n Avery was recently asked by the Children\u2019s Ministry Director to be the worship leader for the lower grades. Minutes before her first official debut, it was discovered she\u2019d been given the wrong song to practice all week. The children would not be able to sing along. I saw the fear in my child\u2019s face as she looked out into a room full of little people waiting to hear a familiar song. Avery took a deep breath and played the song she\u2019d practiced. The children were mesmerized. Some tapped their feet. Some caught on and sang along. All was okay.<\/p>\n Afterwards, Avery told me she knew she had a decision. \u201cI could either cry and fall apart or I could just sing. So I did my job, and I sang.\u201d<\/p>\n I shudder to think about all the vital life lessons, experiences, and opportunities Avery would have missed if Kaitlin hadn\u2019t come into her life. She has been so much more than a music teacher \u2013 she has been a soul-builder \u2013 positively directing the course of Avery\u2019s life and her view of herself forever.<\/p>\n The reason I share this story today is quite critical. Over the past six months, there have been a disturbing number of people coming to me at speaking events<\/a> with devastating stories of children who have become lost … of children who say they hate themselves \u2026 who are cutting into their precious skin \u2026 who no longer want to exist.<\/p>\n I know full well my child could be in that place of darkness today had it not been for the refuge, the connection, the soul-building time spent with her mentor.<\/p>\n One tearful parent recently described to me how she found her daughter on the bathroom floor repeatedly calling herself fat, ugly, and worthless.<\/p>\n Hugging the woman tightly, I asked the first question that came to my mind. I said, \u201cDoes your daughter have a place away from the pressures, the noise, and the judgement of the world to do something she loves to do? Does she have a refuge?\u201d<\/p>\n The woman shook her head and said, \u201cNot really.\u201d I\u2019ve since learned her child is receiving therapy and finding peace in painting rocks and horseback riding. Her mother reported the joy is slowly coming back to her child\u2019s eyes.<\/p>\n I believe it\u2019s imperative for the mental and emotional health of our children to have places and people of refuge. As I read through Kaitlin\u2019s newly released book, GLORY HAPPENING<\/a>, I was overcome with emotion seeing how all these pieces fit together. In the story, The Cave<\/em>, Kaitlin writes:<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I was in fourth grade, we had a science unit on nature, and we chose to transform our classroom into a cave\u2014making papier-m\u00e2ch\u00e9 stalagmites and stalac\u00adtites, cutting and gluing and painting after school.<\/p>\n Because there was no view from the windows in our small class\u00adroom, someone had painted an outdoor scene on one of the glass windowpanes, so that instead of seeing bricks from the classroom wall beside us, we saw rolling hills and sunbeams. We treasured that scene because it brought us peace in our little fourth grade hearts.<\/p>\n That year my parents divorced, and that little room became a second home, a haven\u2014from the early morning bell well into the afternoon hours. I would have been content to stay in that classroom with my teacher, Ms. DeGruson, instead of playing with the other kids at recess.<\/p>\n She was exactly the person I needed to care for me in one of the most volatile seasons of my life. She created a sanctuary for me in every sense of the word. After school, a small group of us would work on that cave project together, cutting and pasting, brainstorming and dreaming. I lived a few blocks away from the school, so walking home was easy enough, and I stayed as late as I could.<\/p>\n I loved the darkness overtaking our room, the beautiful gloom that only a cave can give. We worked so carefully, making sure every inch was covered with care. Day by day we worked until the cave was complete, until everything was in its proper place and all was black and brown.<\/p>\n And it\u2019s still there, deep in the folds of my memory, the place I rested during that long winter storm, a distant home.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Kaitlin knows first-hand about finding refuge in what excites us \u2026 finding sanctuary in people who love us \u2026 finding hope in mentors that cultivate the gifts within us.<\/p>\n Kaitlin also knows that what she provides Avery in that little blue room every Sunday afternoon is so much more than instruction \u2013 it is protection from the world\u2019s harshest elements. It is a pair of loving hands around a young girl\u2019s light that could easily be snuffed out. Kaitlin knows that what she pours into Avery will be poured into desolate souls in middle school classrooms, mourning hearts in funeral parlors, and, feeble bodies in nursing homes (see video<\/a>).<\/p>\n Upon learning the tragic meaning behind the lyrics of \u201cOne More Light<\/a>\u201d by Linkin Park, Avery wanted to learn how to play it for the girls in her Sunday school class.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe it will help someone believe she matters,\u201d Avery said. (video<\/a>)<\/p>\n That is my hope too, but we can do more than just hope.<\/p>\n We can ensure the children in our lives have a cave of security, a place where they can breathe freely and be themselves. This will require some effort and some uncomfortable truths.<\/p>\n It means understanding that sometimes we may not be able to give our children everything they need to thrive \u2013 but someone else can. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n It means asking for help and allowing other people to teach, nurture, and empower our children.<\/em><\/p>\n It means being inconvenienced by making these places of refuge possible and understanding their passion might not be what we had planned for their lives.<\/em><\/p>\n It means having faith and trusting that the gaping holes will be filled in time and in unexpected ways if we remain open to possibilities beyond our control. \u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n It means surrounding our children with people who build up; it means listening when they say someone makes them feel uncomfortable or inferior. \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Now more than ever, our children need a cave.<\/p>\n We all need a place and people of refuge. So let\u2019s give it to our children and to each other.<\/p>\n \u201cCome as you are,\u201d our voice can imply.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cSing with me,\u201d our smile can say.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou matter,\u201d our posture can suggest.<\/em><\/p>\n We might just be the answer to someone\u2019s prayer. (see video<\/a>)<\/p>\n **********************************************************<\/p>\n My dear friend Kaitlin has eyes that see beyond the ordinary and prayers that speak our greatest fears and longings. <\/em><\/strong>When Kaitlin takes her observations and experiences to paper, hope is found. Her words change us, lift us, inspire us, transform us, heal us. <\/em><\/strong>You can find out more about her new book GLORY HAPPENING<\/a> by clicking here<\/a>. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Friends in the Bay Area, I am coming to Lafayette, CA on 1\/19 to speak on the topic of YOU ARE ENOUGH. Seating is very limited for this event so register as soon as possible. Cost is $15 and childcare is available. Click here<\/a> to get all the details. I will be coming to Homewood, AL on 2\/2 for a women\u2019s missions fundraiser. Click here<\/a> to register. On March 4, I will be speaking in Chattanooga at the MCR Foundation for the Prevention of Eating Disorders 7th Annual Mom & Me Tea<\/a>. Ticket details coming soon.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n If you have wanted to come to one of my speaking events but have not had the opportunity, I\u2019d love for you to join me for my first-ever online course called SOUL SHIFT kicking off in January. Enter your email address here<\/a> and be among the first to receive information about this new opportunity to work hand-in-hand with me on the most important areas of our lives. I appreciate you all so much.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
\nI could show you what you wanna see
\nAnd take you where you wanna be
\n<\/em>You could be my luck
\nEven if the sky is falling down
\nI know that we'll be safe and sound.”
\n-Capital Cities, Safe & Sound<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/11\/DSC_0877-900x600.jpg\")
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<\/p>\nSome people just know how to make others breathe easier.<\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\nSome people just know how to make others breathe easier.<\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\nSpending time with a soul-building influence can help them stay strong with their voice and certain about their purpose, even when they have the wrong song, the wrong job, the wrong friends, the wrong path.<\/h3>\n
Let\u2019s be the kind of people who make others breathe easier.<\/h3>\n
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