{"id":7917,"date":"2018-01-09T08:13:55","date_gmt":"2018-01-09T14:13:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7917"},"modified":"2018-01-09T08:13:55","modified_gmt":"2018-01-09T14:13:55","slug":"our-stories-of-struggle-and-why-we-must-not-hide-them-from-our-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2018\/01\/09\/our-stories-of-struggle-and-why-we-must-not-hide-them-from-our-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Our Stories of Struggle and Why We Must Not Hide Them from Our Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"
\n\u201cHold<\/em>
\n Hold on<\/em>
\n Hold on to me<\/em>
\n ‘Cause I'm a little unsteady<\/em>
\n A little unsteady.\u201d<\/em>
\n\u2013X Ambassadors, Unsteady<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

A few days before Christmas my phone rang. It was my dear friend calling. I predicted she\u2019d received the gift I\u2019d sent, along with a letter of encouragement. It was the kind of letter I would want to receive in the midst of a steady stream of letdowns, dead ends, and downpours.<\/p>\n

When I said hello, all I could hear was muffled sobs.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d my friend cried. And then months and months of heartache came pouring out.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all a mess,\u201d she cried. \u201cI\u2019ve lost so much \u2026 I feel like I\u2019ve failed my kids.\u201d<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I began speaking softly but firmly, making a prediction about the future that I had no idea how I knew; I just knew.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour kids may not appreciate or understand it now, but mark my words: Someday they will be faced with monumental challenge, and they will remember you in this exact moment. They will remember how you managed to stand when the whole world was pushing you down. And they will say to themselves, \u2018That is what I am made of. My story isn\u2019t over.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

My friend stopped crying.<\/p>\n

The certainty of my voice astounded me too.<\/p>\n

How did I know that my friend\u2019s resilience today would be her children\u2019s future strength? How did I know?<\/p>\n

The question plagued me for several days as I thought about my friend\u2019s situation. It wasn\u2019t until we were with my parents over the holidays that the pieces came together.<\/p>\n

My dad was making his way down a ramp, gripping his cane in one hand and the railing with the other.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Suddenly, I was back in high school. It was the day of my graduation party. Our dining room table was covered in a cheerful yellow table cloth. It was in the process of being filled with trays of fruit, vegetables, and overflowing bowls of pasta salad.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why it was then that my mom said to my dad, \u201cHarry, tell Rachel about the ramp.\u201d<\/p>\n

I knew my dad was stricken with polio at age eleven and that he was hospitalized for many months, unable to see his family. I knew he was told he would most likely never walk again, but I did not know about the ramp.<\/p>\n

My dad set down the plate of crackers he was carrying and began to talk.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne day during my hospital stay, my physical therapists and doctor took me to a room where there was a long ramp with two railings on each side.<\/p>\n

\u2018We want to see if you can walk,\u2019 they said to me.<\/p>\n

Although I was only eleven, I knew that if a polio survivor could not walk on his own, the doctors would put a brace on the leg. They would wrap it, and the knee would never bend. The muscles would get weak and the polio survivor would never walk again. I knew I did not want that to happen to me.<\/p>\n

I said to my doctors, \u2018Don\u2019t wrap my leg. Let me try to walk the ramp.\u2019<\/p>\n

I wanted to try because I knew this would determine my destiny. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

I drug myself all the way down and back, leaning on the bars using the strength of my upper body.<\/p>\n

The hospital staff, looking amazed said, \u201cWell \u2026 maybe you can<\/em> learn to walk.\u2019\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I remember becoming so distraught when I heard my dad\u2019s story that I had to leave the room. I went into the kitchen and sobbed into a dishtowel. I remember hugging my dad before the party guests arrived, a silent acknowledgement that I was in awe of his strength and resiliency.<\/p>\n

Little did I know my dad\u2019s story would come back to me at pivotal times in my life.<\/p>\n

As a special education teacher, I\u2019d accepted a job in the inner city with children who had been kicked out of multiple classrooms. I arrived each day not knowing if I\u2019d be spit on, cussed out, or clung to in desperation. As I sat in the principal\u2019s office one November morning ready to quit, I remembered my father dragging himself. Instead of turning in my resignation, I asked for help and stayed until the year\u2019s end.<\/p>\n

My father\u2019s story helped me rise. <\/em><\/h3>\n

As a young mother, my husband and I had to move several states away from family and friends. I became severely depressed and barely missed getting hit by a truck while driving distracted. I got home from the near-miss and searched online for a local mom\u2019s group. Holding my babies in my arms, I went to a meeting the next day. I would no longer suffer alone.<\/p>\n

My father\u2019s story helped me rise. <\/em><\/h3>\n

When my children were four and seven, I\u2019d turned into someone I barely recognized\u2014critical and joyless. My children feared me and my husband missed me. I fell to my knees on a deserted road while out for a run, vowing to do whatever it took to get my life back.<\/p>\n

My father\u2019s story helped me rise. <\/em><\/h3>\n

Two years ago, I suffered a long bout of mysterious infections that caused pain and fatigue. Doctor after doctor dismissed me, but I continued to search until one discovered a monstrous-sized kidney stone that required two surgeries to be removed. Had I not advocated for myself, the damage could have been severe.<\/p>\n

My father\u2019s story helped me rise. <\/em><\/h3>\n

Last spring, grief, exhaustion, and shame led me to a very dark place. As I considered the unthinkable, the pictures in my phone willed me to stay. I saw my children, my husband, my sister, and my parents. Seeing my dad\u2019s face reminded me of what I was made of and what I had to live for.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

My father\u2019s story helped me rise. <\/em><\/h3>\n

In the book,\u00a0The Secrets of Happy Families<\/em><\/a>, Bruce Feiler writes, \u201cThe single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative<\/strong>. The more children know about their family\u2019s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believe their families function \u2026 Create, refine and retell the story of your family\u2019s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Having personally experienced the power of knowing I belonged to something greater than myself, I asked my almost 80-year-old dad to share his polio story with his granddaughters.\u00a0They sat in the condo on an unseasonably cold afternoon during winter break, unsuspecting of the gift they were about to receive.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cI was the same age as you, Avery, when I got polio,\u201d my father began, looking at his youngest granddaughter.<\/p>\n

As I began to dictate my father\u2019s words, I felt certain his story would live on in my daughters. Although the impact is not yet known, I\u2019m certain it will give them strength in the face of adversity.<\/p>\n

It is the reason I\u2019ve decided not to hide my struggles, failings, or stumbles from my children.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you been crying,\u201d Avery asked me last Thursday when she got home from school.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d had a little breakdown that afternoon. I felt scared and overwhelmed as I poured my heart into the final stages of launching SOUL SHIFT<\/a>, the online course I\u2019ve always dreamed of creating and have worked tirelessly on for many months.<\/p>\n

I thought about telling my child I was fine, but instead, I gave her truth.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d I admitted. \u201cI felt scared about a new endeavor because it means being brave about difficult periods in my life in order to help other people. But I stopped to breathe and let out my tears. I feel better now.\u201d<\/p>\n

My daughter hugged me. \u201cWe\u2019re Noticers, Mom, and we feel things deep in our heart and brain. That makes us special. I know you're going to help a lot of people.”<\/p>\n

As her arms wrapped around me, I felt a sense of relief. Parents are often led to believe we have to be strong \u2013 that we must portray ourselves as invincible. But the truth is, the more human we are, the more it will help our children rise.<\/p>\n

In the face of failure
\nIn the face of loss
\nIn the face of adversity
\nIn the face of shame and embarrassment,
\nThey will remember what they are made of.<\/p>\n

They will recall the moment we were nearly written off and how we bravely said, \u201cLet me try.\u201d<\/h3>\n

And when we did, it wasn\u2019t pretty \u2026 or graceful \u2026 or anywhere near perfect, but we did it. We held on and made it to the other side … together.<\/p>\n

My friends, if 2018 is already off to a challenging start,
\nIf things are far from where you want them to be,
\nIf there is no light in the tunnel,
\nDo not be ashamed.
\nInstead, shift your focus \u2026<\/p>\n

Shift your focus from:
\n\u201cI need to hide how badly I\u2019m failing\u201d<\/em>
\nto:
\n\u201cI\u2019m showing them what we're made of.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Shift your focus from:
\n\u201cThis is not how it's supposed to be\u201d<\/em>
\nto:
\n\u201cWatch us shine in the light of the unexpected.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Shift your focus from:
\n\u201cMy family can\u2019t see me struggle,\u201d<\/em>
\nto:
\n\u201cThese are the silver linings of our resilient soul.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The strength you show in your current challenge will someday be the railing on which your beloveds steady themselves.<\/h3>\n

The strength you demonstrate today could be what saves them on their darkest day.<\/h3>\n

Maybe it will be a glance in the mirror, a photo on the nightstand, a family heirloom on their finger, or the familiar lines in the palms of their hands that will halt the barrage of hopeless thoughts.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s when a voice of certainty will cut through the despair. \u201cI am made of courage, strength, faith, resiliency, and love. My story is far from over.\u201d<\/p>\n

It will be their own voice, and the certainty in it will astound them.<\/p>\n

They will think of you.<\/p>\n

And they will rise.<\/p>\n

Registration is now open for my first-ever online course, <\/i>SOUL SHIFT<\/a>! Let this 8-week journey be a positive turning point in your life story. Grasp this unique opportunity to ditch old, destructive habits so you can begin a new chapter of soul-centered joy that will benefit your family now and for generations to come. I believe it is NEVER TOO LATE to live the life you want to live or be the person or parent you want to be. Your most painful truths can be catalysts for change. The tools, accountability, and support you will receive throughout this 8-week journey will facilitate one of life\u2019s hardest, but greatest opportunities: figuring out how to make positive, lasting change in your life and relationships, for good. Click <\/i>here<\/a> to learn more about <\/i>SOUL SHIFT<\/a> and enroll at the early-bird price available today (1\/9) and tomorrow (1\/10) only. Thank you for inspiring me to put this long-time dream into action. I'd be grateful if you share this message! Remarkable personal discoveries are about to be made that can lead to a more loving world. Together, there is hope. I am so grateful for your presence and your support.\u00a0<\/i><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHold Hold on Hold on to me ‘Cause I’m a little unsteady A little unsteady.\u201d \u2013X Ambassadors, Unsteady A few days before Christmas my phone rang. It was my dear friend calling. I predicted she\u2019d received the gift I\u2019d sent, along with a letter of encouragement. It was the kind of letter I would want […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":7923,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1757,1778,1735,1780,1747,1753,1736,1763],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":18,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/DSC_0241-2-e1515475644797.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-23H","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7917"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7917"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7917\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7923"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7917"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7917"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7917"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}