{"id":7953,"date":"2018-01-30T08:14:26","date_gmt":"2018-01-30T14:14:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=7953"},"modified":"2018-01-30T08:14:26","modified_gmt":"2018-01-30T14:14:26","slug":"this-unthinkable-response-to-the-worlds-demands-reminds-you-that-you-are-enough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2018\/01\/30\/this-unthinkable-response-to-the-worlds-demands-reminds-you-that-you-are-enough\/","title":{"rendered":"This Unthinkable Response to the World\u2019s Demands Reminds You that You Are Enough"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u201cStop asking: Am I good enough?
\nAsk only
\nAm I showing up
\nwith love?
\nLife is not a straight line
\nit\u2019s a downpour of gifts, please \u2014
\nhold out your hand.\u201d
\n<\/em>–J<\/a><\/em>ulia Fehrenbache<\/a>r\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cJust because they asked, doesn\u2019t mean you have to do it,\u201d my husband said when I told him a prestigious company wanted to work with me.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d just finished describing the amount of work, time, energy, and effort that would be required for a project with little compensation.<\/p>\n

Just because they asked, doesn\u2019t mean you have to do it. <\/strong><\/p>\n

My husband\u2019s response was so obvious, yet so outside my comfort zone, that I was rendered speechless.<\/p>\n

I immediately jotted down his statement in my writer\u2019s notebook. I suspected someone else might need this critically important, yet nearly unthinkable response to life\u2019s inundation of requests and demands.<\/p>\n

Just because someone wants something from us doesn\u2019t mean we have to provide. \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

That\u2019s a hard one for me.<\/p>\n

I am a provider. I am a responder. I am a helper. I am a fixer. I am a giver.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why my husband\u2019s statement felt so foreign.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s also why it\u2019s difficult for me to breathe somedays.<\/p>\n

It pains me to think that I\u2019m teaching my children to hold their breath too.<\/p>\n

Because this information-overloaded, instant-response-expected culture where you\u2019re only as good as what you accomplish is not exclusive to adults. Our children feel it too.<\/p>\n

My dear friend and brilliant writer\u00a0Alexandra Rosas<\/a> recently confirmed what I hear from students when I speak in schools. From the teens she tutors, Alexandra learned they feel an inescapable pressure leading them to believe they have no right to be happy or take time to simply BE unless or until they\u2019ve accomplished or provided.<\/p>\n

I consistently speak to my teenage daughter about tethering herself<\/a> to real people, real conversation, and real experiences, as it is so easy to get lost in the damaging online drift. I speak to her about worth not being measured by appearance, achievements, and other people\u2019s opinions. I talk to her about finding joy in the journey and during the process, not in the destination or the end result.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m painfully aware that my actions speak louder than my words.<\/p>\n

And honestly, I\u2019m finding it more and more difficult to push back the pressure, demands, and noise of the world.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This feeling came to a head on January 24th<\/sup>, my birthday. For many months, I\u2019d looked forward to this momentous day. I knew I\u2019d be finished with the huge undertaking of creating my first online course; I\u2019d have a major corporate speaking event behind me; I\u2019d have a lengthy proposal submitted for an upcoming project. And with all that behind me, I\u2019d planned to take a long walk in the sunshine and just BE on my birthday.<\/p>\n

What happened was quite different.<\/p>\n

I received a four-paragraph tongue lashing from a reader of my blog who did not receive a personal response to advice she requested.<\/p>\n

I received a request for more information on a strategy I wrote about in one of my books<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I received a request to republish an article, but could I also add an additional resource?<\/p>\n

I was told that my posts were lacking because they did not include my religious beliefs.<\/p>\n

There were at least a dozen more requests that I did not read because I got the message\u2014I got the message loud and clear. The message I received from the world on my 46th<\/sup> birthday was this:<\/p>\n

The posts<\/a> you write from the heart each day are not enough. <\/em><\/p>\n

The books<\/a> you've written are not enough. <\/em><\/p>\n

The course<\/a> you\u2019ve created is not enough. <\/em><\/p>\n

You give it your all, but you are still lacking. <\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s when I heard the still, quiet voice of my Inner Protector:<\/p>\n

Are you getting it now, Rachel? <\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes. Yes, I was.<\/p>\n

On my 46th<\/sup> birthday, I finally got the message:<\/p>\n

I will never be enough for the world. And if I continue to keep trying to satisfy the insatiable, I will wither \u2026 because we cannot live without breathing.
\n<\/strong><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

My head fell forward, the tears began to flow, and I said a prayer of gratitude for the priceless gift of awareness. As I sat there in stillness, a powerful image came to mind. It was from the day before. I\u2019d taken my younger daughter Avery to the doctor for stomach pains. After being examined by the doctor, we were told to head to the hospital for an x-ray.<\/p>\n

As we drove, Avery was asking question after question \u2026<\/p>\n

Will it hurt?
\n<\/em>How long will the scan last?
\n<\/em>Will I have to get undressed?
\n<\/em>Will I be able to breathe in the machine? <\/em><\/p>\n

My child was looking to me for answers. <\/strong><\/p>\n

I knew most of them, except the final one: What\u2019s the worst that can happen, Mama? <\/strong><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t know the answer to that one, but it was okay, because I knew LOVE can overpower the unknowns.<\/p>\n

During the hospital check-in process, I loved my child and she thanked me.<\/p>\n

During the stay in the waiting room, I loved my child and she thanked me.<\/p>\n

During the scan, I loved my child and she thanked me.<\/p>\n

When it was over, I loved my child and she thanked me.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

My love was enough.<\/p>\n

My presence was enough.<\/p>\n

Unlike the insatiable world, my daughter\u2019s expectations were easily met.<\/p>\n

You are here. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

That is all I need.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You are enough, Mama. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

With the hospital memory fresh in my mind, I shut my laptop. I turned off my phone. I got in my car and drove to the elementary school. I\u2019d promised Avery I\u2019d pick her up early from school knowing she\u2019d be tired from days of pain and uncertainty.<\/p>\n

Avery and I were just about to pull out of the parking lot when I asked, \u201cWould you like to go to lunch for my birthday?\u201d<\/p>\n

What transpired over the next sixty minutes at a corner table in a quiet restaurant is a memory I will never forget. For sixty minutes, Avery poured out her heart to me, disclosing mature thoughts about friendships, body image, future goals, and current concerns.<\/p>\n

When she was finished releasing a continuous stream of words from the heart, she sighed with relief. \u201cIt felt good to let that out,\u201d she said with grateful a smile.<\/p>\n

And on that first day of my 46th<\/sup> year of life, my eyes were opened even wider. I felt one step closer to the present, loving person I want to be, the example I want to provide, and the legacy I want to leave.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Because the reality is,<\/p>\n

I could give my all to the world, and it would still not be enough. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

And the cost of giving my all to the world would mean losing the chance to be a part of my child's world. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

I can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I won\u2019t.<\/p>\n

My children are looking to me for answers, and my actions speak louder than words.<\/p>\n

How they measure their worth will be influenced by how I measure mine.<\/p>\n

How they practice self-care will be influenced by how I care for myself.<\/p>\n

How they respond to the opinions and pressures of others will be influenced by how I respond to outside opinions and pressures.<\/p>\n

How they choose to relax and replenish their souls will be influenced by the way I choose to replenish.<\/p>\n

And just in case I needed one final confirmation of this life-changing awareness, it came through a Noticer<\/a> of my blog who saw something remarkable in my birthday photo.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you see the hands?\u201d the commenter wrote in response to the photo I posted. \u201cI share hands with my mother too.\u201d<\/p>\n

I share hands with my mother. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes. I see it now. I see it now, more clearly than I ever have before.<\/p>\n

My daughter Natalie and I share the same hands.<\/em><\/p>\n

My daughter Avery is reaching for my hand.<\/em><\/p>\n

My husband Scott is guiding my hand with his solid boundaries of what really matters.<\/em><\/p>\n

And Scott has something I don\u2019t have: the rare “Showing Up\u201d gene that his grandfather gave his mother, and his mother gave him. But now I am beginning to think it\u2019s not a gene, but a decision to use your time, energy, and attention on matters of the heart. In just the past month, I\u2019ve watched my husband take a friend to the hospital and sit with him for hours. I watched him bring a meal to a family in the aftermath of a heart attack. He drove for hours to sit with an employee who lost her child and listened as she recounted story after story of her precious son. To some, my husband\u2019s statement that I don\u2019t have to do everything the world asks me to do might sound selfish and irresponsible. But I see the man behind the statement: the one who shows up when others are too busy, the one who never misses the moments that matter; I see it is a decision, a decision I want to make too.<\/p>\n

Just because the world demands our time and attention doesn\u2019t mean we have to provide at the cost of losing our health, happiness, and moments that matter.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

We can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

We won\u2019t.<\/p>\n

We will make time each day to push back the world\u2019s demands and lean into love, our refuge of enough.<\/h3>\n

As we inhale love and exhale grace, our breath will touch the cheeks of those in our presence. Love will speak clearly, answering the unknowns, and guiding us by the still, small voice inside.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you for showing up,\u201d our hearts will say as we breathe with relief.<\/p>\n

We are enough.
\n\"\"
\n<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n
\n

Dear friends of the Hands Free Revolution<\/a>, I'm quite certain today's revelation resulted from a powerful combination of the book SOULFUL SIMPLICITY<\/a> by Courtney Carver and through participating in the SOUL SHIFT course<\/a>. As I was working with my fellow Soul Shifters in Week One of the course and reading about getting back to myself in Courtney\u2019s book, I felt the release of long-held, damaging beliefs. I have now set forth on an uncharted path towards true fulfillment, self-acceptance, and inner peace. I am applying the gentle guidelines Courtney provides and clinging to the truth-bombs she eloquently delivers. A few of my favorites include:<\/strong><\/p>\n