{"id":8087,"date":"2018-05-08T07:33:39","date_gmt":"2018-05-08T13:33:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=8087"},"modified":"2018-05-08T07:33:39","modified_gmt":"2018-05-08T13:33:39","slug":"finding-harmony-with-loved-ones-whose-temperaments-are-different-from-our-own","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2018\/05\/08\/finding-harmony-with-loved-ones-whose-temperaments-are-different-from-our-own\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Harmony With Loved Ones Whose Temperaments Are Different from Our Own"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"
\n“You think I'd leave your side, baby<\/em>
\nYou know me better than that<\/em>
\nThink I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees,<\/em>
\nI wouldn't do that.”<\/em>
\n-Sade, By Your Side<\/a>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

My cat Banjo and I were reunited on Friday night. I\u2019d just brought him home from a three-day stay at the animal hospital. He was diagnosed with pancreatitis and was gravely ill. He is slowly showing signs of progress but will require great care to fully recover. The doctor stressed this to me many times over the phone. She told me if I was ready to take on his care, I could pick him up. She said there would be several pages of instructions and a demonstration on how to give Banjo an IV of fluid each day and five medications.<\/p>\n

I immediately knew I could not do this alone. I needed someone who would not get emotional over the severity of his condition \u2026 someone who would take in the abundance of information analytically and curiously \u2026 someone who would not cower in the face of two-inch needles and mouth-foaming medications.<\/p>\n

I knew exactly who I needed: my 14-year-old daughter Natalie.<\/p>\n

She is the restraint to my overreaction.<\/p>\n

She is the stoicism to my sensitivity.<\/p>\n

She is the rational thinking to my worst-case scenario.<\/p>\n

She is the navigation to my disorientation.<\/p>\n

She is the chill to my hot mess.<\/p>\n

I have to admit though, it\u2019s only been during the 14th<\/sup>year of her life that I\u2019ve begun to see her reserved emotional temperament in a new light.<\/p>\n

When a loved one\u2019s emotional style is quite different than our own, it can be difficult to communicate and relate. We may think the other person needs to be more like us. We may even see the person as \u201cflawed.\u201d But different is not flawed \u2026 and different doesn\u2019t mean his or her temperament needs changing to be more like our own. Different\u00a0<\/em>means great possibility can be born from each person's unique approach to seeing, processing, and responding to life as it happens.\u00a0In fact, different\u00a0<\/em>can be a lifeline at critical times.<\/p>\n

Over last few trying days, it\u2019s been Natalie\u2019s reserved temperament that has created healing and hope, not just for our pet, but for our family. If you experience conflict with a loved one that results from a temperament mismatch, our story may help you see things in a new light. I call this my Banjo Lesson<\/em>…<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

When Natalie and I got to the vet\u2019s office, we were ushered back to the consultation room. As the technicians went through each medication in great detail, I nervously tapped my foot wondering where Banjo was and what he would look like. I was relieved to see Natalie listening attentively, nodding with understanding.<\/p>\n

When they finally brought Banjo to us, I held him tightly and wanted to get him home as quickly as possible.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are now going to demonstrate how to do the subcutaneous\u00a0fluids\u00a0with an IV,\u201d the vet tech said.<\/p>\n

Between the multitude of steps in the procedure and the length of the needle, I felt lightheaded.<\/p>\n

\u201cGot it?\u201d the tech asked when she completed the instruction.<\/p>\n

I gave an unconvincing, \u201cuh-huh.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can do it,\u201d Natalie said confidently giving me an assuring smile.<\/p>\n

When we got home, Natalie created a medication schedule on the computer. It had the name of the medication with the number of doses a day, the dosage amount, and how to space them properly.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

On Saturday afternoon, it was time to give Banjo fluids. Natalie prepared an area for us in the bathroom.<\/p>\n

For twenty minutes, I struggled with simply removing the old needle in order to replace it with a sterile one. My frustration grew by the second. I ended up pulling so hard that the cap flew off, and I cut myself on the needle.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t do this!\u201d I seethed, blood dripping on to the towel.<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, you can,\u201d Natalie said firmly. \u201cJust take a deep breath and try again.\u201d<\/p>\n

After going through three more needles unsuccessfully, I was completely undone. When Natalie offered a suggestion, I snapped at her. She quietly got up and left the room.<\/p>\n

There I sat, all alone, kicking myself, feeling so many feelings\u2014regret, sadness, anger, fear\u2014deeply and painfully.<\/h3>\n

After a few minutes, the bathroom door opened. Natalie sat down in front of me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can do this,\u201d she said with conviction. \u201cThink about how much you love him. You would do anything for Banjo. I know this feels like you\u2019re hurting him, but you are not. You are helping him. You can do this.\u201d<\/p>\n

In one brilliant move, Natalie tapped into my deep-feeling heart and acknowledged why all of this–his illness, his treatment, his fragility–was so hard for me.<\/p>\n

Her loving acknowledgement of who I am, and the way that I am, made all the difference.<\/h3>\n

She then held Banjo still. I took a deep breath, gathered the scruff on the back of his neck, and inserted the needle. Natalie quickly stood up and smoothly released the drip line, watching it carefully.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cSee? He\u2019s just fine,\u201d she said with a smile. \u201cGood job, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d I said, my voice catching. \u201cWe make a great team.\u201d<\/p>\n

There I was, kneeling on the bathroom floor, cradling my beloved cat as my girl stood next to the fluid bag, monitoring the flow like a true professional.<\/p>\n

As my daughter stood over me\u2014strong, capable, calm, cool, and collected\u2014I realized:<\/p>\n

Just because she doesn\u2019t wear her heart on her sleeve doesn\u2019t mean she doesn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n

Just because she doesn\u2019t get emotional doesn't mean she is insensitive.<\/p>\n

Just because she appears aloof doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s not invested or interested.<\/p>\n

And also,<\/p>\n

Just because she is my child doesn\u2019t mean she can\u2019t be her own person with her own temperament and her own emotional style.<\/p>\n

Just because she is my child doesn\u2019t mean she can\u2019t be leaned on and learned from.<\/h3>\n

I am learning,<\/p>\n

And I am leaning,<\/p>\n

And on a perfect-blue-sky Saturday afternoon, I was unexpectedly brought to my knees.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

From the bathroom floor where my child had placed two soft rugs, her anthem of strength filled the room, cutting the tension in half.<\/p>\n

She is a calming presence in chaos.<\/p>\n

She is a problem solver in crisis.<\/p>\n

She is a steady beat when the band falls apart.<\/p>\n

Yes, our emotional styles are very different. They are not always in tune. But in a moment of crisis, they formed beautiful harmony. It was enough to lift me up off the floor, so I could dance with my daughter in celebration of life's preciousness.<\/p>\n

Banjo Lessons<\/em><\/p>\n

I had not asked for them, nor did I want them, but I am eternally grateful for them. Now written forever on my sensitive heart, these lessons shall help me see my emotionally reserved loved ones in a softer light for the rest of our days.<\/p>\n

May there be many.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

****************************************************************<\/p>\n

Thank you, dear ones, for the love and concern you have expressed to our family through the Hands Free Revolution community on Facebook<\/a> and Instagram<\/a>. Thank you for understanding the bonds we share with our pets are sacred. Thank you for continue to walk beside me as we live, love, and grow. Together, there is hope.<\/strong> <\/em><\/p>\n

Rachel\u2019s Books:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

HANDS FREE MAMA<\/a>– In my first book, I address the outer distractions of my life that contributed to my perpetual feeling of overwhelm and criticalness. It is broken into twelve steps you can take each week and is great for small groups or reading with a spouse.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

HANDS FREE LIFE<\/a>– In my second book, I delve deeper into how I overcame internal pressure, forever changing the way I saw and responded to myself, my loved ones, and my life. It is broken into nine habits that can become life-changing rituals for individuals and families.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/u><\/a>– In my latest book, I offer a new format for daily inspiration. Organized by seasons of life, each short entry serves as a reset button directing readers back to peace, connection, authenticity, self-care, self-acceptance, hope, and love. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\"\"<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“You think I’d leave your side, baby You know me better than that Think I’d leave you down when you’re down on your knees, I wouldn’t do that.” -Sade, By Your Side\u00a0 My cat Banjo and I were reunited on Friday night. I\u2019d just brought him home from a three-day stay at the animal hospital. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":8097,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1778,1766,1780,1747,1760,1736,1759,1745],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":4,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC_0660.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-26r","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8087"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8087"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8087\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8097"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8087"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8087"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8087"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}