{"id":8207,"date":"2018-09-06T08:51:42","date_gmt":"2018-09-06T14:51:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=8207"},"modified":"2018-09-06T08:51:42","modified_gmt":"2018-09-06T14:51:42","slug":"whats-wonderful-about-a-phone-conquering-heart-led-teen-find-out-for-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2018\/09\/06\/whats-wonderful-about-a-phone-conquering-heart-led-teen-find-out-for-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"What’s Wonderful About a Phone-Conquering, Heart-Led Teen? Find Out For Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

I\u2019d pretty much assumed our hand-holding days were over.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s 15, after all.<\/p>\n

But during an African Road Learning Trip<\/a> this summer to Rwanda, my daughter repeatedly reached for my hand.<\/p>\n

Yes, hearing personal accounts from survivors and perpetrators of the 1994 Genocide<\/a> was extremely difficult.<\/p>\n

Yes, we were thousands of miles away from anyone and anything familiar.<\/p>\n

Yes, the learning experiences were intense, and the days were long.<\/p>\n

But as I\u2019ve had time to reflect, I believe my daughter reached for my hand because our hands were free\u2026 and our attention was undivided.<\/p>\n

The only Internet connection we had came for a short time at night, using a router in the hallway of the cultural center where we stayed.<\/p>\n

This meant that for the majority of the day, our minds were free to think, process, reflect, and engage, without interruption and competition. As my daughter and I traveled from destination to destination by bus, we\u2019d take in the beautiful scenery. More often than not, my daughter \u00a0would quietly reach for my hand.<\/p>\n

I relished it.<\/p>\n

And I was curious about it.<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t take long to make a connection.<\/p>\n

On our first visit to the Togetherness Cooperative<\/a>, I was struck by the level of attentiveness shown by the children from the rural community of Gasogi.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

With their hands resting under their chin, children of all ages listened in rapt attention to the leaders of their community speak. They actively listen for extraordinarily long stretches of time, the older children often holding smaller ones on their laps.<\/p>\n

When Natalie and I gathered with the children on the hillside to draw, I was amazed by their extraordinarily long attention spans\u2014sometimes drawing and writing for over an hour, only stopping periodically to look into our eyes. The intensity of their gaze transcended the language barrier. Their faces seemed to say:<\/p>\n

You are all here.
\n<\/em>We are all here.
\n<\/em>And there is no place we\u2019d rather be.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

It was no mystery where the children learned this way of BEING. Every adult we met embraced us, held our hands, or kissed our cheeks. We were consistently met with complete presence and invitations for fellowship.<\/p>\n

\u201cWelcome. Welcome. We cannot say welcome enough. You came here because you love us,\u201d we were told repeatedly, and every time, my heart skipped a beat.<\/h3>\n

From the hillside, Natalie and I watched people walk to the water well. After filling their jerry cans, neighbors often lingered to talk. It was plain to see the well met human needs far beyond physical ones.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

In this resilient rural Rwandan community, members have little material wealth, but they are relationally and spiritually rich. Bonds are sacred\u2026 human touch is vital\u2026 face-to-face interaction is part of life.<\/p>\n

I had the blessing of speaking at length to the cooperative founder Steven Turikunkiko. Steven began Togetherness Cooperative<\/a> as a gathering place for genocide orphans facing unspeakable loss, pain, and poverty. Following his heart\u2019s calling has resulted in countless lives being saved and changed with the support from friends of African Road<\/a>.<\/p>\n

One afternoon, Steven asked me an interesting question: \u201cWhy do you think many people in countries with so many resources and opportunities are depressed and feel lost?\u201d<\/p>\n

I immediately blurted out the word purpose<\/em>.<\/h3>\n

\u201cWithout a sense of purpose, there is nothing to fuel intrinsic motivation or give meaning to life,\u201d I explained. \u201cWithout purpose beyond SELF, the human spirit flounders and feels despair.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I recorded notes about this conversation with Steven in my journal, though I knew I\u2019d never forget it. Once I got home, I found myself reading and re-reading the journal I carried with me throughout the learning trip. It held 33 profound stories I felt certain I was supposed to share with my readers over time.<\/p>\n

How ironic that as I settled in and attempted to write about my experiences, I found myself fighting distraction at every turn.<\/p>\n

Just when I needed it, I came across a grounding quote that had been written on a napkin by Garth Callaghan<\/a> to his teenage daughter:<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them.\u201d -Charles D. Gill <\/strong><\/h2>\n

I read the quote over and over until I realized I was crying\u2014not for myself, but for every young person who will never fulfill his or her purpose\u2026 never know true inner peace\u2026 never have the ability to be fully present because of distraction.<\/p>\n

There is a reason Silicone Valley executives do not give their children iPads<\/a> and set screen-time limits on digital devices. They know the dangers.<\/p>\n

But what about the cost?<\/p>\n

Is anyone talking about the cost?<\/p>\n

Not fulfilling our life\u2019s purpose because we\u2019re wasting our precious time and attention snapchatting, texting, posting, tracking likes and shares, and mindlessly scrolling our lives away\u2026<\/h3>\n

This could very well be the greatest cost of technology to human life. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

I refused to fall victim.<\/p>\n

I immediately handwrote my anchor quote on a slip of paper and chose three \u201cwonderful things\u201d I would set out to do that day. My \u201cwonderful things\u201d fell under the categories of making human connection, reaching my dreams, and practicing self-care.<\/p>\n

Inside a little clock next to the quote, I colored in block of time I would commit to these things without interruption. I posted in my work space.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Using this awareness and accountability tool each morning for two weeks, I was astounded by what I accomplished. I finished writing the manuscript for a children\u2019s book I\u2019ve been yearning to write for over two years. I came up with a list of over one hundred prospective titles and an intro for my fourth non-fiction book. I\u2019d attended a group exercise class three times that I\u2019d been too scared and too busy to try for months. I delivered ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a> and flowers to an elderly woman that my heart's been urging me to visit for over a year. I cuddled more with my husband, played more tennis with my daughter, and sent seven cards to people who\u2019d been on my heart.<\/p>\n

It appeared that I found an antidote for distraction:<\/p>\n

Having a purpose
\n<\/em>Backed by a promise
\n<\/em>Is stronger than anything that distracts us from it. <\/em><\/h2>\n

I felt it would be tragic not to share my discovery with the one person I knew needed it more than I did: my teenage daughter. The first semester of high school is no joke\u2014then throw in digital distraction and the social pressures that go along with it, and you have a real challenge to overcome.<\/p>\n

One Saturday morning I went to Natalie\u2019s room and told her I needed to show her something.<\/p>\n

With a collection of my “wonderful slips” in hand I said, \u201cI\u2019ve been able to take some pretty big steps towards some good things in my life that I have not been able to do for a while.\u00a0And it was this quote really helped put things into perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n

I showed her the quote written all over my collection of wonderful things.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cI realized pretty quickly it was online distraction that was keeping me from doing these wonderful things,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

Wanting her to know this was not just my opinion, I briefly shared a few pieces of research that have been eye-opening to me:<\/p>\n