{"id":8207,"date":"2018-09-06T08:51:42","date_gmt":"2018-09-06T14:51:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=8207"},"modified":"2018-09-06T08:51:42","modified_gmt":"2018-09-06T14:51:42","slug":"whats-wonderful-about-a-phone-conquering-heart-led-teen-find-out-for-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2018\/09\/06\/whats-wonderful-about-a-phone-conquering-heart-led-teen-find-out-for-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"What’s Wonderful About a Phone-Conquering, Heart-Led Teen? Find Out For Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/p>\n
I\u2019d pretty much assumed our hand-holding days were over.<\/p>\n
She\u2019s 15, after all.<\/p>\n
But during an African Road Learning Trip<\/a> this summer to Rwanda, my daughter repeatedly reached for my hand.<\/p>\n Yes, hearing personal accounts from survivors and perpetrators of the 1994 Genocide<\/a> was extremely difficult.<\/p>\n Yes, we were thousands of miles away from anyone and anything familiar.<\/p>\n Yes, the learning experiences were intense, and the days were long.<\/p>\n But as I\u2019ve had time to reflect, I believe my daughter reached for my hand because our hands were free\u2026 and our attention was undivided.<\/p>\n The only Internet connection we had came for a short time at night, using a router in the hallway of the cultural center where we stayed.<\/p>\n This meant that for the majority of the day, our minds were free to think, process, reflect, and engage, without interruption and competition. As my daughter and I traveled from destination to destination by bus, we\u2019d take in the beautiful scenery. More often than not, my daughter \u00a0would quietly reach for my hand.<\/p>\n I relished it.<\/p>\n And I was curious about it.<\/p>\n It didn\u2019t take long to make a connection.<\/p>\n On our first visit to the Togetherness Cooperative<\/a>, I was struck by the level of attentiveness shown by the children from the rural community of Gasogi.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n With their hands resting under their chin, children of all ages listened in rapt attention to the leaders of their community speak. They actively listen for extraordinarily long stretches of time, the older children often holding smaller ones on their laps.<\/p>\n When Natalie and I gathered with the children on the hillside to draw, I was amazed by their extraordinarily long attention spans\u2014sometimes drawing and writing for over an hour, only stopping periodically to look into our eyes. The intensity of their gaze transcended the language barrier. Their faces seemed to say:<\/p>\n You are all here. <\/p>\n It was no mystery where the children learned this way of BEING. Every adult we met embraced us, held our hands, or kissed our cheeks. We were consistently met with complete presence and invitations for fellowship.<\/p>\n From the hillside, Natalie and I watched people walk to the water well. After filling their jerry cans, neighbors often lingered to talk. It was plain to see the well met human needs far beyond physical ones.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n In this resilient rural Rwandan community, members have little material wealth, but they are relationally and spiritually rich. Bonds are sacred\u2026 human touch is vital\u2026 face-to-face interaction is part of life.<\/p>\n I had the blessing of speaking at length to the cooperative founder Steven Turikunkiko. Steven began Togetherness Cooperative<\/a> as a gathering place for genocide orphans facing unspeakable loss, pain, and poverty. Following his heart\u2019s calling has resulted in countless lives being saved and changed with the support from friends of African Road<\/a>.<\/p>\n One afternoon, Steven asked me an interesting question: \u201cWhy do you think many people in countries with so many resources and opportunities are depressed and feel lost?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWithout a sense of purpose, there is nothing to fuel intrinsic motivation or give meaning to life,\u201d I explained. \u201cWithout purpose beyond SELF, the human spirit flounders and feels despair.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I recorded notes about this conversation with Steven in my journal, though I knew I\u2019d never forget it. Once I got home, I found myself reading and re-reading the journal I carried with me throughout the learning trip. It held 33 profound stories I felt certain I was supposed to share with my readers over time.<\/p>\n How ironic that as I settled in and attempted to write about my experiences, I found myself fighting distraction at every turn.<\/p>\n Just when I needed it, I came across a grounding quote that had been written on a napkin by Garth Callaghan<\/a> to his teenage daughter:<\/p>\n I read the quote over and over until I realized I was crying\u2014not for myself, but for every young person who will never fulfill his or her purpose\u2026 never know true inner peace\u2026 never have the ability to be fully present because of distraction.<\/p>\n There is a reason Silicone Valley executives do not give their children iPads<\/a> and set screen-time limits on digital devices. They know the dangers.<\/p>\n But what about the cost?<\/p>\n Is anyone talking about the cost?<\/p>\n I refused to fall victim.<\/p>\n I immediately handwrote my anchor quote on a slip of paper and chose three \u201cwonderful things\u201d I would set out to do that day. My \u201cwonderful things\u201d fell under the categories of making human connection, reaching my dreams, and practicing self-care.<\/p>\n Inside a little clock next to the quote, I colored in block of time I would commit to these things without interruption. I posted in my work space.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Using this awareness and accountability tool each morning for two weeks, I was astounded by what I accomplished. I finished writing the manuscript for a children\u2019s book I\u2019ve been yearning to write for over two years. I came up with a list of over one hundred prospective titles and an intro for my fourth non-fiction book. I\u2019d attended a group exercise class three times that I\u2019d been too scared and too busy to try for months. I delivered ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a> and flowers to an elderly woman that my heart's been urging me to visit for over a year. I cuddled more with my husband, played more tennis with my daughter, and sent seven cards to people who\u2019d been on my heart.<\/p>\n It appeared that I found an antidote for distraction:<\/p>\n I felt it would be tragic not to share my discovery with the one person I knew needed it more than I did: my teenage daughter. The first semester of high school is no joke\u2014then throw in digital distraction and the social pressures that go along with it, and you have a real challenge to overcome.<\/p>\n One Saturday morning I went to Natalie\u2019s room and told her I needed to show her something.<\/p>\n With a collection of my “wonderful slips” in hand I said, \u201cI\u2019ve been able to take some pretty big steps towards some good things in my life that I have not been able to do for a while.\u00a0And it was this quote really helped put things into perspective.\u201d<\/p>\n I showed her the quote written all over my collection of wonderful things.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI realized pretty quickly it was online distraction that was keeping me from doing these wonderful things,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n Wanting her to know this was not just my opinion, I briefly shared a few pieces of research that have been eye-opening to me:<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m very concerned about the latest research on a phone\u2019s impact on people\u2019s relationships and dreams,\u201d I said. \u201cAnd one of my jobs as your parent is to empower you with awareness and tools so you can become all you are meant to be.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWait. You want me to do that?\u201d Natalie asked, pointing to a slip of paper like it was a rotten banana I just asked her to eat.<\/p>\n \u201cI would like you to try it today. I\u2019d like you to charge your phone in another room and dedicate a few hours to three wonderful things of your choosing \u2013 they can relate to school, wellbeing, friendship, cats. It\u2019s so easy to waste a whole Saturday scrolling.\u201d<\/p>\n She released an audible sigh.<\/p>\n \u201cIt would be terrible to get to your senior year and realize the time you spent with your phone cost you a chance to do what you most want to do in life,\u201d I added.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n What came next was a barrage of emotions, some pushback, but also some progress and understanding.<\/p>\n Two of her comments enabled me to dispel several misconceptions tech companies want us to believe. And they are: \u201cbut it\u2019s my downtime from working hard all day,\u201d and \u201cbut technology is here to stay and there\u2019s not much we can do.\u201d<\/p>\n The truth is, scrolling is not relaxing or stress relieving, and we DO have control over how we use it. Technology only controls us if we allow it to.<\/p>\n After a meaningful discussion, my daughter agreed to try it. \u201cBut I\u2019m not using the clock,\u201d she said as she wrote down three wonderful things that really were quite wonderful.<\/p>\n My daughter now has an anchor quote of her own. She wrote it on a sticky note and posted it on the bathroom mirror, along with some other important reminders for each day. Her studying has been more focused; she\u2019s engaging more with her younger sister and staying longer at the dinner table. I received two invitations last week\u2014one to the coffee shop and one to get ice cream. We had really good conversation because she didn\u2019t pull out her phone. On her wrist, Natalie wears the LET YOUR HEART LEAD\u00a0<\/strong>paper bead bracelet. She knows her heart will lead her to many wonderful things, but she must create space and quiet so she can hear it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n After plugging her phone in my bathroom for the night, Natalie asked if she could lay with me. Once settled in, she reached for my hand.<\/p>\n I knew exactly when she'd last held my hand. It was July 15 and our plane had just lifted off the ground in Kigali, Rwanda. My emotional reserved girl who rarely cries put her head on my shoulder. Though her words were barely audible, I will never forget them:<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to leave,\u201d she said squeezing my hand tightly. \u201cPromise you\u2019ll bring me back, Mom. Please. I must come back.\u201d<\/p>\n What would make a fifteen-year-old girl want to stay in a foreign land void of the comforts of home? A place where she must sleep beneath a mosquito net, take malaria medication, carry toilet paper in her backpack for the pit latrine, eat foreign foods with her fingers\u2026 a place cut off from her friends, the internet, and her favorite Starbucks drink?<\/p>\n My child found her purpose on a red dirt hillside in Gasogi, Rwanda.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n How easy it is to forget, these commodities are not so rare. In fact, they are ours for the taking\u2026<\/p>\n Start by leaving the phone in another room<\/p>\n Start by looking out the window when you are traveling<\/p>\n Start by finding an anchor quote to ground you<\/p>\n Start by striking up a conversation and listening, really listening<\/p>\n Start by holding a hand<\/p>\n Let\u2019s decide nothing will distract us from doing the one WONDERFUL THING we are here to do today.<\/p>\n Start with a promise:<\/p>\n If there is a greater purpose of life than to show up fully for it, Let\u2019s keep reaching for it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n **********************************<\/p>\n Dear friends of the Hands Free Revolution, the BE HERE NOW paper bead bracelet<\/a> that I wrote about in April continues to serves as a grounding touchstone in my life. My 12-year-old daughter Avery wears THE WORLD NEEDS THE GIFT OF YOU<\/a> bead bracelet, and Natalie recently began wearing LET YOUR HEART LEAD.<\/a> SHINE YOUR LIGHT<\/a> is also available. This beautiful collection is handmade in Hawaii by my friend Merilee of Meristic Designs so quantities are limited. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/strong>A portion of the proceeds on today\u2019s bead bracelet sales will go toward African Road<\/a> in partnership with the Togetherness Cooperative<\/a>, a resilient community taking critical steps to move from poverty and hunger to meeting their own needs and caring for each other. They are part of my family\u2019s heart now, and I am so grateful for your support of them. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n A huge thank you to my Arizona friends who let me know they be meeting me with arms wide open next Saturday (9\/15) in Scottdale for the GIRLS ON THE RUN Fundraiser<\/a>. Friends in Ohio and Massachusetts can now register for the events happening in October and November (see below).\u00a0 I hope to see you soon! <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
\n<\/em>We are all here.
\n<\/em>And there is no place we\u2019d rather be.<\/em><\/p>\n\u201cWelcome. Welcome. We cannot say welcome enough. You came here because you love us,\u201d we were told repeatedly, and every time, my heart skipped a beat.<\/h3>\n
I immediately blurted out the word purpose<\/em>.<\/h3>\n
\u201cThere are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them.\u201d -Charles D. Gill <\/strong><\/h2>\n
Not fulfilling our life\u2019s purpose because we\u2019re wasting our precious time and attention snapchatting, texting, posting, tracking likes and shares, and mindlessly scrolling our lives away\u2026<\/h3>\n
This could very well be the greatest cost of technology to human life. <\/strong><\/h3>\n
Having a purpose
\n<\/em>Backed by a promise
\n<\/em>Is stronger than anything that distracts us from it. <\/em><\/h2>\n\n
But the best is what has happened since then.<\/h2>\n
There is only one explanation: Purpose <\/strong><\/h3>\n
It was a place abundant in precious commodities that many in the world are starving for: undivided attention and all-encompassing love.<\/h3>\n
But we must reach for them.<\/h3>\n
I am all here;
\n<\/em>And there is no place I\u2019d rather be.
\n<\/em>I am all here because I love you. <\/em><\/h3>\n
\nI do not know what it is.<\/p>\n