{"id":8243,"date":"2018-09-18T08:01:57","date_gmt":"2018-09-18T14:01:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=8243"},"modified":"2018-09-18T08:22:17","modified_gmt":"2018-09-18T14:22:17","slug":"when-the-world-feels-awful-wisdom-from-the-gap-dressing-room","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2018\/09\/18\/when-the-world-feels-awful-wisdom-from-the-gap-dressing-room\/","title":{"rendered":"When the World Feels Awful: Wisdom from the Gap Dressing Room"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"\u00a0<\/strong>\u201cI can feel you with me in the darkness
\n<\/em>Reaching out a hand to pull me through
\n<\/em>Sadness used to think that it owned me
\n<\/em>Now sadness has to share me with you.\u201d
\n<\/em>–Matt Nathanson, Sadness<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been holding onto a piece of paper for several weeks\u2014a poem of sorts that I started in August when I was feeling sad and unsettled.<\/p>\n

For several days, all I had was one line. It wasn\u2019t even a complete sentence\u2014but for some reason, those five words were enough.<\/p>\n

When the world feels awful<\/em><\/h3>\n

I carried those five words around in my tiny notebook that goes everywhere I go.<\/p>\n

One day, I accidentally discovered a small action that made the world feel less awful.\u00a0I added it to my five words.<\/p>\n

The next day, there were two actions.\u00a0I added them.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t long before I had something that looked like a partial poem. It read:<\/p>\n

When the world feels awful, walk across the street.
\n<\/em>Check on somebody you haven\u2019t seen in a while.
\n<\/em>Discover a new song.
\n<\/em>Pick out the funniest greeting card, and mail it to the first person who comes to mind.<\/em><\/p>\n

When the world feels awful, wear your comfiest pants.
\n<\/em>Go get ice cream with someone who is crazy about ice cream.
\n<\/em>Say your hopes and prayers out loud.
\n<\/em>Use a leaf to gently pick up a caterpillar on the sidewalk; place him out of harm\u2019s way. <\/em><\/p>\n

When world feels awful, invite sad feelings for some chai tea.
\n<\/em>Return an abandoned shopping cart to its home.
\n<\/em>Remember the name of your first best friend; find a photo of you together.
\n<\/em>Be surprised by the bravery of your young self. <\/em><\/p>\n

When the world feels awful, collect quotes that feel like anchors to a shaky soul.
\n<\/em>Nuzzle your face into a furry four-legged companion.
\n<\/em>Go to the bookstore with no agenda;
\n<\/em>Peer around the corner as your growing child sits on the floor reading; feel peace. <\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"\"\"\"\"<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"Unlike these tangible acts that were all completed over a few weeks\u2019 time, the poem was only partially complete. Curiously, this partial poem was enough.<\/p>\n

For several days, I\u2019d read my incomplete poem scrawled inside my tiny notebook and I\u2019d wonder\u2014how will the poem evolve and expand today? That speculation created delightful possibility\u2014and that, in itself, made the world feel less awful.<\/p>\n

When the poem had twenty lines, I considered sharing it with others, but my inner recovering perfectionist insisted it needed an ending.<\/p>\n

I would be patient, I decided.<\/p>\n

Last week, the ending came from an unexpected source. It was contained in an extraordinary story from a blog reader of mine. Her story is too good to paraphrase. It is necessary to read it word for word. She has graciously given me permission to share:<\/p>\n

While I was shopping with my almost 9-year-old child for a pair of black pants, panic set in\u2014for her and for me. You see, this child has only worn leggings for the last five years. But the chorus teacher said, \u201cno leggings,\u201d for their chorus uniform. I did a little research beforehand and found that Gap had a pair of \u201cskinny pointe pants\u201dthat looked like they may work for my girl. I knew I had to let her try them on, so we made our way to Gap and found the pants. She immediately said she wanted the smaller size, but I knew it was too small. When she tried them on, her eyes lit up as she said, \u201cOh, I like how these feel on my legs! \u201dBut when she tried to fasten the button, it was too small. (Panic) The next size up would fit her perfectly, but to her, they would feel like they were swimming around her legs. (Panic) She was visibly upset, and I was getting frustrated. I thought about saying, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to get over this. You can\u2019t keep wearing leggings for the rest of your life. If you want to be in chorus, you have to wear these pants.\u201d As if reading my mind, she said, \u201cI\u2019ll just drop out of chorus.\u201d (Pause. Breathe, Mama. Remember: \u201cOnly Love Today<\/a>.\u201d) I looked my daughter in the eyes and said, \u201cI believe we will find the right pants<\/strong>. \u201dI could see the relief in her eyes and the smile returned to her face as she hurriedly took off the \u201ctoo big\u201d pants. Had I gone with my first response, she would have burst into tears and felt ashamed about her aversion to pants. I am grateful for my response because it wasn\u2019t always this way. It is not always this way even now, but in this moment, I chose the response that was needed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I believe we will find the right pants. <\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n

I don\u2019t know what it was about those eight words, but they made me weep with hope and laugh with joy.<\/p>\n

I could actually see that precious mama and her precious girl in the Gap dressing room\u2014the way the pants hung loosely in one area and squeezed tightly the other. I\u2019d been that little girl. How many times did I say, \u201cbut it doesn\u2019t FEEL right,\u201d to my exasperated mother? The number is in the hundreds. The unsettledness of clothing not \u201cfeeling right\u201d was something my young heart knew well. But my grown heart knows that feeling well too\u2014that ill-fitting, too itchy, too tight, something-is-just-not-right sensation that makes you want to retreat or give up all together.<\/p>\n

Hmmm\u2026.<\/p>\n

Kind-of like when the world feels awful. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

\u201cDid you find the right pants?\u201d I typed back to my reader with eager anticipation.<\/p>\n

And just when I didn\u2019t think I could love that mama even more, she replied, \u201cNo, but we will keep searching!\u201d<\/p>\n

And all at once, I had the ending to my poem, that is (thankfully) <\/em>not an ending at all \u2013 it\u2019s a beginning.<\/p>\n

When world feels awful, believe it is not.
\n<\/strong>Search for proof of its goodness,
\n<\/strong>Even if you have to create that proof yourself. <\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n

THIS. This is the process that had pulled me from my despair\u2014
\nbelief that we are not stuck in a hopeless state
\nbelief that WE can make the world more hopeful, one small act at a time.<\/p>\n

Dear ones, when the world feels awful, we must not stop believing, searching, and remembering what is good.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let us not forget
\na compassionate response can instantly ease pain.
\nLet us not forget
\na welcoming smile can be someone\u2019s lifeline.
\nLet us not forget
\none tiny step forward can close a distance that seems unsurmountable.<\/p>\n

When the world feels awful,
\nLet us not forget we can turn the tide\u00a0with
\nA hand in the dark
\nA heartfelt apology
\nAn unrushed moment
\nAn I-BELIEVE-WE-WILL-FIND-THE-RIGHT-PANTS declaration in the cramped quarters of a stuffy dressing room.<\/p>\n

And out we will go, on our search for Goodness in a vibrant shade of red in what seems like row after row of Absurdity and Tragedy in grayish hues.<\/p>\n

May we find that Goodness is not such a rare find,
\nThat it\u2019s closer to home than suspected,
\nAnd the fit is pretty much close to being perfect.<\/p>\n

Then we\u2019ll wear it like it\u2019s our uniform\u2014because love is our job.<\/p>\n

And we have much work to do\u2026 when the world feels awful.<\/p>\n

***********************************************************<\/p>\n

My friends, the world felt anything but awful this past weekend at the GIRLS ON THE RUN<\/a> Fundraising event in Scottsdale, Arizona. Thank you for letting me be funny, emotional, serious, and real. I cannot remember ever feeling quite so at ease during a talk. I will not forget the hopeful faces of the girls in the program, the women who orchestrated the unforgettable event, and those in attendance. What an honor to be part of such a momentous day and a world-changing organization. What an honor to meet so many of you. (A few photos below) <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Please continue registering for my upcoming speaking events<\/a> in Ohio (Mercy Health Women\u2019s Day) and Massachusetts (SPARK Kindness Resilient Parent Series)! It brings me such joy to meet you! <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

If you are in need of \u201cquotes as anchors for your shaky soul\u201d \u2013 I recommend these prints from the HFM Shop<\/a>: \u00a0FACING FEAR manifesto<\/a>, the GET OFF THE SCALE manifesto<\/a>, the PRESENCE PLEDGE<\/a> or the watercolor set of 4 soul-building quotes<\/a>. My third book, ONLY LOVE TODAY<\/a>, is packed full of encouraging daily declarations. Thank you for supporting my work. I am truly grateful. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

If you are reading this post through my newsletter and would like to share the post with someone or on social media, you may do so from my blog<\/a>. A huge thanks for sharing the hope!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\" \"\" \"\"\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u201cI can feel you with me in the darkness Reaching out a hand to pull me through Sadness used to think that it owned me Now sadness has to share me with you.\u201d –Matt Nathanson, Sadness I\u2019ve been holding onto a piece of paper for several weeks\u2014a poem of sorts that I started in August […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":8236,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1780,1747,1760,1753,1763,1782,1759,1781,18],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":19,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/DSC_0234.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-28X","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8243"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8243"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8243\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8243"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8243"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8243"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}