{"id":8785,"date":"2019-05-13T06:59:18","date_gmt":"2019-05-13T12:59:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=8785"},"modified":"2019-05-13T06:59:24","modified_gmt":"2019-05-13T12:59:24","slug":"how-to-feel-less-alone-and-more-at-peace-in-your-current-struggle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2019\/05\/13\/how-to-feel-less-alone-and-more-at-peace-in-your-current-struggle\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Feel Less Alone (and More at Peace) in Your Current Struggle"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Six weeks ago, my daughter said she\u2019d hit a song-writing slump. Avery's guitar instructor had challenged her to writing one new song per month. At the end of the month, they agreed to share the song they\u2019d written with one another.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avery and I had a good laugh when she said, \u201cI\u2019m only 12, and I don\u2019t have as many life experiences as Mr. Corey. I mean\u2026he\u2019s been in love! That\u2019s pretty much what all the good songs are about!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now here we are, six weeks later, and her hands cannot keep up with the lyrics pouring from her heart and mind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pain\u2026 challenge\u2026 struggle\u2026 uncertainty\u2014they will do that, if you allow them to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avery\u2019s been working through severe bone structure issues in her foot and back. There are some efforts that help, some that don\u2019t, and some that just require complete surrender, faith, hope, and trust. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a lot for a young person to handle\u2014especially one who feels deeply and has never been one to power through pain. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As much as it hurts to see my daughter unable to do many things she loves to do and feel such angst about the future, I look in her eyes and I say what most helped me during my own struggles:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis is not fair. This is hard. But you are strong, and I believe you will get through this. And I also believe you will take this hardship and turn it into something beautiful.\u201d <\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Shortly after seeing the troubling x-ray of her spine, I had a chance to circle back to the song-writing conversation that took place six weeks ago.\u00a0

\u201cAvery, these types of experiences are what powerful song lyrics are made of. Pain is universal. Struggle is part of life. Just think; you could help someone through a challenging time by putting words to your experience.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each night, Avery goes into the little blue room at the front of our house to write and sing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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 Once in a while, she\u2019ll get stuck on a lyric and call me in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat 3-syllable word works here?\u201d she asks before singing a beautiful, but slightly awkwardly line. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel overcome with gratitude that I am able to support my child as she strengthens and supports herself through this trial.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all need outlets for our pain and struggle. Avery\u2019s turning to music just as I turned to writing when I was a young girl\u2026 and again, eight years ago, when I\u2019d gotten so far from the person I wanted to be and the life I yearned to live. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am reflecting so much on that painful period of my life as I pour my heart and energy into writing a book that I hope will show adults new ways to walk beside young people as they navigate today's demanding and distracted world.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But unlike the carefree writing days of my childhood, I am now under a tight deadline. Writing a 65,000-word manuscript in just under four months has proven to be a daunting task.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For now, writing is not so much a refuge as it is a demand, so I\u2019m turning to my very first place of peace\u2014the refuge young Rachel would turn to before she could write words: Nature.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I posed a rhetorical question on my Facebook page<\/a> the other day:\u00a0Can a swing save your life?<\/em> I proposed that it could. It had when I was four years old and my beloved white kitten died. I swung on my backyard swing set for hours and hours as I wept. And now, during a time of stress and uncertainty, a swinging bench showed up on a walking path not far from Avery\u2019s guitar school. Each week, I run to that swing where I cry\u2026 I marvel\u2026 I breathe\u2026and I pray. In just 20 minutes on that swing, I gain perspective, peace, and hope.\u00a0
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cWhat places of refuge from your childhood do you turn to today?\u201d<\/em>I\u2019d asked members of the online community with a photo of me on the hope-reviving swing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The comments were breathtaking. Here is a sample: 

\u201cAt work today we prepared for an event to thank our volunteers. My co-workers snuck down the drive to clip some fresh lilacs for the event. I smelled them later and was transported to my childhood and the comfort of that smell. I can't quite put my finger on the focused memory, and yet I know it was a good one.\u201d -MM<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNature and piano music bring me back to my childhood. Running out back to my favorite old willow tree…wrapping as many hanging branches my small hands could manage and running until I was lifted off the ground, then climbing as high as I could go! Feeling the wind sway me with the tree! I loved closing my eyes and feeling next to God way up there. Still have a scar on my arm from a pretty major fall from that tree, but now it\u2019s kinda special to me and seeing it brings me back. -CG 

<\/em>\u201cBooks have always been my place solace and escape. I can enter new worlds and make new friends to ease me through the struggles. I used to sit and play the piano as well. I need to get back to that. I hear my piano calling me to come sit awhile.\u201d -JM <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI used to stare into the fireplace (a real fire.. not like our gas one today) for hours, lay in the warmth on the floor, take in the smell and colors. They still bring me a sense of comfort today. Also cleaning. I know that\u2019s strange, but ever since I was a little girl, cleaning calms me down and makes me happy.\u201d -AJ <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI still find peace in the woods (truly the best part of nature), a swing (it's so therapeutic), the sound of the coffee-maker percolating (it was the signal that my mom was awake and starting her day, her slippers scuffing on our tile floor), the purr of my cat….I don't think what brings us peace ever truly changes with age.\u201d -DC <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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We all need outlets for our stress\u2026 our struggle\u2026 our pain. We all need a chance to breathe\u2026 reflect\u2026and contemplate. How easy it is to forget in this world that glorifies DOING and shuns BEING. But we must remember; our very existence depends on it. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When Avery asked me if we could test out her feet on the tennis court last week, I had big hopes. We\u2019d been doing everything the podiatrist instructed to heal the plantar fasciitis that developed due to her bone structure issue. I hoped things would go well so Avery could get back to the joy of tennis she\u2019d discovered about a year ago. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

From across the court, I watched her try to maintain her composure as she frustratingly hit the yellow ball and favored her right foot. We both knew it was not yet time to come back to tennis.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we rested in her bed later than night, she said, \u201cWhy does it have to be my feet? I need them for so much.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before I even had time to think, I blurted out, \u201cBut what if it was your hands? How would you play guitar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avery sat up in a panic. \u201cOr my voice? What if I couldn\u2019t sing?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As she settled back down in her bed with a sigh, she said, \u201cI\u2019ve got my music, and as long as I have that, I\u2019ll be ok.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avery\u2019s shift in perspective reminded me of a profound piece of wisdom spoken by my friend\u00a0Steven\u00a0Turikunkiko who founded the Togetherness Youth Cooperative\u00a0to create community for children orphaned in the Rwandan Genocide against the Tutsi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When survivors of trauma and hardship come to Steven wondering how they can feed their families and carry on, he offers this guidance:\u00a0

\u201cDon\u2019t say, \u2018<\/strong>what do I need<\/strong><\/em>?\u2019 Say, \u2018<\/strong>what do I have<\/strong><\/em>?\u2019 And then let's take what we have and come together.\u201d\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven and I had the chance to share his wisdom through an interview during the African Road Gala on May 4th in Portland, Oregon. I\u2019ve heard from the beautiful women of our online community who attended that they will \u201cnever forget\u201d hearing Steven\u2019s story.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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That is how I felt when Steven first relayed those words to me last summer while standing on\u00a0\u00a0the dirt soccer pitch\u2014a field of hope and healing that begun 20 years ago when Steven took banana leaves to form a ball so he could bring joy to children who\u2019d suffered so much.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steven\u2019s words came back to me at the precise moment they were needed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I returned from Portland very late last Sunday night feeling anxious and overwhelmed by several things, one of them being the short time I had left to write the remaining 20,000 words of my book. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That next morning, I did something unexpected with a rough draft of chapter five. I took that literary catastrophe outside and began walking with it, editing pen in hand.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d barely gotten started when a bright red ladybug unexpectedly flew right onto my paper. I stopped and watched in awe as the tiny insect moved to my hand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tears formed in my eyes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you remember, Rachel?\u201d my younger self said to me.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t you remember how you dreamed of becoming an author when you were eight years old? Look! That is what you\u2019re doing now!\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDon\u2019t say, \u2018what do I need?\u2019 Say, \u2018what do I have?\u2019 And then let's take what we have and come together.\u201d <\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Life obstacles are not only painful and tricky to maneuver, but they also block us from seeing what we still have that is good\u2026 holy\u2026 useful\u2026and true. Life\u2019s obstacles prevent us from seeing how far we\u2019ve come and who walks beside us in our pain.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And just when I needed a lifeline to hold on to, I was reminded. And now I can extend that lifeline to you, as well as my beloved child. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today Avery begins a new chapter in her life\u2014a chapter of resilience. We return to the orthotic specialist to pick up the back brace designed especially to stop the curve in her spine from progressing. To give the brace the greatest chance of being successful, Avery is required to wear it every night for nine hours until she stops growing.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The spine specialist warned us that it typically takes about 3-4 weeks to get used to sleeping in it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

29 days. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is when my completed manuscript is due to my publisher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As I dig deep and stretch myself to finish this immense work of heart, Avery will be adjusting to sleeping in a tight, restrictive plastic brace from her arm pit down past one hip. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will be summoned to her room in the middle of the night. This I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unable to sleep, she will begin to worry about end-of-year testing and middle school woes. This I know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My child will not be herself. This I know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

These next four weeks are not going to be easy. This I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I will not let our current obstacle cause us to lose sight of what we have. <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We have each other. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have our hands.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We have our voices. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And we have our stories of struggle that can become something beautiful through song lyrics and book pages if we allow them to.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps through them, people feeling desperately alone will feel seen and held,\u00a0
Transporting them to a place of peace and reminding them they don\u2019t walk alone.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Together is better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This I know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I will remember, even when it\u2019s hard. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
A special night with my mom and daughters at the African Road Fundraising Gala<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

****************************************************<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Friends, I feel compelled to tell you about something that happened at the African Road<\/a> Fundraising Gala in Portland. Several members of our online community went to great lengths, traveling many miles, to support East African Changemakers and the work of African Road. When we all gathered together that night, it was like meeting old friends. There was such a beautiful connection experienced as we shared bits and pieces of our lives with people we knew we could trust and be ourselves. I believe this was just a tiny glimpse of what we will experience when we gather in California for the weekend retreat at 1440 Multiversity<\/a> where I have been invited to teach components of my online course Soul Shift on Oct 18-20. I have received many inquiries from people who wonder if it will be ok to come alone. I say, come. Come as you are. Come with your greatest hopes and biggest fears. You will be met with open arms. This is the beauty of the Hands Free Revolution community<\/a>. We are family. I can hardly wait to see you. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In addition to the California retreat, I will be speaking at a fundraising event near Atlanta, GA in August. All proceeds go to the All About Cats Rescue and Adoption. Joining me on stage will be Avery with her gift of song, wisdom, and connection. Seats are limited for this event, so I am letting you know here before I post the event on social media. Click here<\/a> for tickets. There are only 300 seats available for this event.\u00a0

*If you would like to see a bit of the beautiful songwriting happening in Avery\u2019s life, here is the first verse and chorus of her new song, CATCHING MYSELF for anyone who needs a beautiful anthem of hope today. Click here<\/a> to watch.<\/em><\/strong>

A special thank you to all who emailed and messaged in response to my last blog post. We are deeply touched by the wonderful ideas, offers, and suggestions to address the pain and issues in Avery's feet and back. We will be referring to this wealth of information along this journey. Thank you for loving us so well. I love you dearly.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Six weeks ago, my daughter said she\u2019d hit a song-writing slump. Avery’s guitar instructor had challenged her to writing one new song per month. At the end of the month, they agreed to share the song they\u2019d written with one another.\u00a0 Avery and I had a good laugh when she said, \u201cI\u2019m only 12, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":8788,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":5,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/IMG_1523.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-2hH","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8785"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8785"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8785\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8788"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8785"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8785"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8785"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}