{"id":9148,"date":"2020-04-28T18:41:59","date_gmt":"2020-04-29T00:41:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=9148"},"modified":"2020-04-28T18:42:02","modified_gmt":"2020-04-29T00:42:02","slug":"a-small-way-forward-when-it-feels-like-nothing-matters-and-days-have-no-stars","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2020\/04\/28\/a-small-way-forward-when-it-feels-like-nothing-matters-and-days-have-no-stars\/","title":{"rendered":"A Small Way Forward When It Feels Like Nothing Matters and Days Have No Stars"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s April 28. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know\u2026 dates have kind-of lost their significance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I know what day it is today. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been waiting for it for over a year. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nothing looks like I expected it to look today, but I made a point to marvel at it anyway. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I got up very early, before everyone else in the house, and I looked at the paper calendar square that\u2019s been starred for many months.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

April 28th<\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d hoped and prayed I\u2019d lived to see this day. Sounds melodramatic. But it\u2019s not when there\u2019s an urging on your heart that you are certain you must see to completion.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not saying I didn\u2019t have doubts, breakdowns, and blank pages as I answered the call \u2013 I did. But there was one thing I used in those moments to keep going. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I imagined a pair of hands holding my book, turning to a certain page, and breathing a sigh of relief \u2013 the kind of relief that comes when you feel seen and unalone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Real hands holding my book was what I looked forward to.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Never in all the times that I envisioned that moment were those hands ones I knew by heart.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the other night, this is what I saw\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The first person holding my book open to read the words inside was Scott. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hadn\u2019t expected the unexpected to feel so right.\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This was the same man who would rub my back when I awoke from bad dreams as I wrote this book.\u00a0While he comforted, there were no questions, no words… it was as if Scott knew my dreams were not for him to make sense of but to simply trust that they were part of the process.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last night, in anticipation of my book coming into the world, I had two bad dreams. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d Scott said when he found me sitting up in bed shivering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFiguring out the trees,\u201d I responded, studying the outline of the trees outside my window. \u201cI see an angel,\u201d I concluded.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Scott held my hand without question,
Like it was part of the process. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I came downstairs this morning to find a homemade card painted the exact same color of my book.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Inside, Natalie said she\u2019s proud of me, that my book will touch lives, and other unexpected words my heart won\u2019t forget.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Avery\u2019s been doing live interviews with me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t see this coming. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But the songs she writes bring home the concepts I teach and provide a bit of space to process the information I share. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, Avery even answers interview questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow do you keep going when you feel like nothing matters anymore?\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

That was one of the questions submitted by someone who ordered a signed copy<\/a> of LIVE LOVE NOW.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI got this,\u201d<\/em> Avery said quietly.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFind a little thing to look forward to, even if it\u2019s small; it will help you keep going,\u201d she said with certainty. \u201cThink of something you\u2019re going to do in the future that you enjoy.\u201d 

I looked down and saw my painted nails. I never have painted nails, but it was something Avery really wanted to do. She\u2019d looked forward to painting my nails for days. I was never so glad I said yes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Later, Avery said that one of her small things that had gotten her through a tough time was looking forward to getting her braces off.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I swallowed hard knowing that would not be happening anytime soon with the social distancing measures. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat do you do if what you look forward to gets delayed indefinitely?\u201d she asked, but I knew this was not a question for me to answer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou find something else to look forward to — and maybe it turns out even better than you imagined,\u201d Avery replied.\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Like a book being held in someone\u2019s hands\u2014
Hands you didn't know\u00a0you\u2019d know by heart.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is April 28th, dear ones. <\/h4>\n\n\n\n

On this day, I brought a book<\/a> into the world,\u00a0
And I also want to offer you this:\u00a0

As the special dates we marked on the calendar\u00a0
Lose their stars\u00a0
And begin to blur together\u00a0
With no end in sight,\u00a0
Resist the urge to close your eyes\u00a0
Resist the urge to curl up in a ball\u00a0
Resist the urge to quit,
Because you just never know\u00a0
What beauty and goodness\u00a0
The unexpected can hold\u00a0in its hands
When you choose to keep looking forward\u00a0
Together.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My hand in yours,
RMS <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

Thank you for letting my publisher know my work is valued and should continue through a purchase of LIVE LOVE NOW. They have generously extended the preorder bonuses for a few more days so everyone gets the most value possible. Get the book from your favorite retailer (many of them are listed here on my book page<\/a>) and receive my 21-day LIVE LOVE NOW self-care audio series for FREE, along with 4 tools for connection. Thank you for believing in my work and loving me & my family so well.\u00a0There are almost 100 reviews<\/a> of LIVE LOVE NOW on Goodreads already. I sat and cried with joy as I read each one today. I love you. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
click here<\/a> to preorder and get $40 worth of bonus gifts<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s April 28.  I know\u2026 dates have kind-of lost their significance. But I know what day it is today.  I\u2019ve been waiting for it for over a year.  Nothing looks like I expected it to look today, but I made a point to marvel at it anyway.  I got up very early, before everyone else […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9152,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1859,1857,1856,262,1763,1838],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":7,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/IMG_7646-scaled.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-2ny","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9148"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9148"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9148\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9152"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}