{"id":9158,"date":"2020-05-09T06:58:17","date_gmt":"2020-05-09T12:58:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/?p=9158"},"modified":"2022-05-06T08:25:47","modified_gmt":"2022-05-06T14:25:47","slug":"why-im-asking-are-you-ok-this-mothers-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/2020\/05\/09\/why-im-asking-are-you-ok-this-mothers-day\/","title":{"rendered":"Why I\u2019m Asking, \u2018Are You Ok?\u2019 This Mother\u2019s Day"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Almost five years to this day, two friends drove 300 miles in one day to lay eyes on me. They\u2019d read a troubling post I\u2019d written a few weeks prior. A dark, desolate thought for their beloved friend, no matter how fleeting, sent up red flags two friends could not ignore. 

I was kind-of hoping none of my close friends would read that post, but I was secretly relieved they did. I am most comfortable being the one who helps, not the one who is<\/em><\/strong> helped. But when my friend Carrie texted, \u201cI\u2019m coming,\u201d I cried with relief. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d I typed back. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And she came, driving 300 hundred miles in one day with another one of my dear friends to see me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We ate lunch together for several hours, talking and laughing like old times. When I reluctantly said I needed to get going, my friend Kellie touched my arm. \u201cWait,\u201d she said. \u201cAbout that night in the hotel room in Canada \u2013 are you ok, Rachel?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before I answered, time stood still. I couldn\u2019t help but think about how hard it must have been to ask that question. We\u2019d had such an enjoyable lunch \u2013 my friends could have easily concluded I was in a better place and left it at that. But instead my friend went there \u2013 into the territory of awkward, uncomfortable, and hard-to-talk-about because my wellbeing was more important than her comfort.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For twenty minutes, my friends listened. Being one who prefers to listen, not the one who is listened to, I felt like I was talking too much. But this is why they came<\/em>, I reminded myself. They wanted me to talk to them. Never once did they look away from my tearful face. Never once did they look at their watches or the door. I honestly think I healed more in that twenty minutes of sustained attention and loving presence than I had from a solid month of self-care that I\u2019d been practicing diligently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As I drove home enveloped in a cocoon of love, acceptance, and belonging, I thought of my two daughters. I hoped that one day they would have a Carrie and Kellie \u2026 and that they would BE<\/strong> a Carrie and Kellie \u2013 those who sense something is off and say, \u201cAre you ok? I'm coming.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is not a coincidence I am sharing this story now. May is Mental Health Awareness Month<\/a> and with the growing number of people experiencing mental health symptoms, it is important to fight stigma by talking openly about our struggles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On this Mother\u2019s Day weekend, I speak openly to you because I know I don\u2019t have to be strong with you\u2014and I want you to know you don\u2019t have to be strong with me. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

And I will continue my vow to speak out to my children because I want them to know they can turn to me in their darkest hours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And just in case you wonder what such a vow might look like, let me give you a quick glimpse: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As my daughter, Avery, and I were walking, my phone rang. The caller was a friend who is working to overcome an incredibly difficult obstacle to be healthy and well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I answered, she thanked me for my book<\/a> that I'd sent her, and then she began to cry. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She said, \u201cA few months ago, I was in a dark place, and I thought about who I could turn to\u2026 who would accept me in that state. The first person who came to my mind was you.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Aware that Avery was in earshot, I contemplated what to say. And then I remembered \u2013 this is how we change the narrative\u2026 this is how we lift the shame\u2026 this is how we become a Carrie or a Kellie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cEveryone has things they struggle with \u2013 every single person,\u201d I said to my friend as my child listened. \u201cAnd you can always come to me; I will never judge you. I love you.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And when I got off the phone, I was expecting Avery to ask me what was wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avery did not mention the struggle she overhead or the tears she saw me cry; she only said this: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s the kind friend I want to be.\u201d <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And in a single moment, my vow was confirmed. Whenever a window opens for conversation about difficult topics, I vow to gather my courage and seize the opportunity to talk about this beautiful and often challenging life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you ok<\/em>?\u201d I will ask, willing to accept whatever answer comes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am convinced this is what we must do for each other. We must invite each other into the living, breathing, painfully hard, and shamefully dark moments of our lives. We must not stay closed up, separated, disconnected, hurting, and adrift. We must extend our hands and find each other in the middle of the mess. 

\u201cI am here; take my hand<\/em>,\u201d we will say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then we will walk side by side, through awkward and uncomfortable territories, on our path to wellness and peace. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My hand in yours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love you.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n


*If you are in crisis, you can call the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline at 800-950-NAMI or text “NAMI” to 741741.<\/strong><\/em>

Resource:<\/span><\/em>

\u201cThis book<\/a> is what the world needs right now. We live in the most uncertain times of our lives. We are a few steps away or already neck deep in a generalized state of anxiety. We want to try our best as parents, now more than ever. This book will give you parenting tools on how to be peace in the chaos or how to unveil the disguises of fear. However, more importantly, in my humble opinion, it will make you feel less alone as Rachel\u2019s aura of authenticity and vulnerability will wrap around you like a warm blanket.<\/em> Go ahead, gift yourself this book and learn how to be gentle with yourself and strong for your children at the same time.\u201d <\/em> -Violeta, 4\/28\/2020<\/p>\n\n\n\n

LIVE LOVE NOW<\/a> recently turned two years old. On the day of its release, this 5-star review was posted. It confirmed every hope I had for this book and more. To continue to receive messages indicating it is still bringing direction, hope, and healing in 2022 fuels my writer\u2019s heart. Thank you for all who have reached out to let me know the impact of this book. Happy 2nd birthday, #livelovenow! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My hand in yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Almost five years to this day, two friends drove 300 miles in one day to lay eyes on me. They\u2019d read a troubling post I\u2019d written a few weeks prior. A dark, desolate thought for their beloved friend, no matter how fleeting, sent up red flags two friends could not ignore.  I was kind-of hoping […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9161,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1780,1747,1816,1857,1856,1763,1825,1759,1781],"tags":[],"gutentor_comment":7,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/DSC_0513_2.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1fUJF-2nI","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9158"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9158"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9158\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.handsfreemama.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}